April 1, 2008
The Bicycle Has Landed
Frank Turner Hollon has spoken! I sent him the entries, and he sent back the winners in the TODD-Contest.
For latecomers, the BICYCLE/TODD STORY was told on The LIPSTICK CHRONICLES. And then FTK readers were invited to EXPLAIN the truth behind the mysterious affair in a contest detailed here.
Drumroll for the winners?
Honorable mentions to Caty and Mir, who are both completely twisted…
The first runner up -- who will receive a signed UK Edition of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING, which launches across the pond on the 17th of this month – is…
Leanne! Here is her entry:
My theory is that the person who took the message was somewhat hearing impaired. The actual message was from a shy fellow named Todd who worked in one of the bookstores that you've read in recently. He is a rabid recycler, and when he saw that you threw some paper into his garbage can, he wanted to let you know that you should be recycling that paper. But, shy guy that he is, he couldn't bring himself to approach your glamorous self to tell you face-to-face. So, he called ahead to one of the next stops on your tour, to leave a message that you've left your "recycle" in his "garbage". He asked that the message be passed along tactfully, because although he is a rabid recycler, he has compassion for those who haven't attained that level of social conscience as of yet.
FIRST PLACE – who wins an Audio of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING goes to…
Jo! Here is her entry:
It is painfully obvious that Frank Turner Hollon is Todd, but it goes deeper
than a simple prank.
Back in the eighties, Frank was a little blonde boy who loved cupcakes. His
parents had named him Todd. When little Joshilyn Jackson kissed her lovable
little cupcakes and offered them to him, his heart nearly burst with
happiness. He had to think of a way to get her to love him. So, he stole her
bicycle. And put it in his garage.
The trauma of the lovely pink bike's disappearance was blocked from young
Joshilyn's mind. So Todd waited, hoping she would miss the bike, but was too
shy to tell her of his love and treachery.
As they both grew and she drifted away, he heard she'd been accepted to
college up north of all places. After undergoing extensive plastic surgery to
make him impossibly gorgeous, he started seeking her out at parties. But,
when she smiled, he blurted out that he was gay and lost her again.
Finally, he went off to law school, still obsessed with the beautiful girl.
So, he went under the knife again, this time unsuccessfully, and changed his
name to Frank Turner Hollon.
He heard that Joshilyn had become a writer, started following her successes,
first with plays, then essays and finally a novel. He started writing novels
of his own so he could once again be in her circle. When she ventured out on
tour, and decided to reach out in one last, desperate attempt.
He called, his voice raspy from crying.
"Todd for Joshilyn Jackson: Bicycle of hers was left in his garage. Please
tactfully pass this message on to the author.”
He knew that she would recognize him. He waited in the garage, sitting next
to the pink bike that he had dusted faithfully every day. And he is still
waiting…
Winners – e-mail me a snail addy…and thank you ALL so much for playing. I had a GRAND time reading the entries!
March 26, 2008
HOLY TODD ON A BICYCLE, BATMAN, It’s a Contest!
(A quick note—I have been remiss, just linking all books to the easiest thing to link to. From now on I resolve to share the love by linking to some fantastic indies and the fabulous smaller chains like Books-A-Million and David Kidd, as well as to B and N and to Amazon. I’ll do it haphazrdly, like I do everything, in a sort of ragged and random round robin. )
NOW THE CONTEST! To enter, you go read my guest-blog-entry called THE MYSTERIOUS AFFAIR OF THE BICYCLE over on The LIPSTICK CHRONICLES.
You write down your THEORY of what the MYSTERIOUS message MEANT.
You EMAIL your theory to the following cleverly disguised address:
My first name at symbol gmail period com
Don’t put it in the comments. Email entries only please.
First Prize: Audio of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING
Runner Up: Signed UK Edition of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING.
You can see pictures of the prizes in the entry below this one—Scroll down.
Contest ends Monday Morning, 8 AM EST.
I will forward the entries to SPECIAL GUEST JUDGE and complete genius novelist Frank Turner Hollon.
DIGRESSION: Everyone should immediately go read either THE GOD FILE
Or A THIN DIFFERENCE which jockey about with each other for position as my favorite Hollon-novel.
Or if you like VERY black humor involving testicles, I also QUITE loved Life is a Strange Place.
Or choose any other, you can’t really FIND a bad Hollon Novel.
Frank will guest judge because I suspect him of being Todd. He does not exactly DENY being Todd. We had an email conversation about it that went like this:
Me: AFTER I wrote the TODD blog entry, I went to TWO MORE BOOKSTORES in TWO DIFFERENT CITIES where booksellers told me I had phone messages.
1) "You left your hat at The Book Nut"
NO book nut on the tour. WAIT -- let me rephrase. No STORE called that. PLENTY of nuts. Most notable nut now = ME, as I got INSANE from lack of sleep.
2) (This one purporting to be from my doctor) "Tell Joshilyn the tests were positive: she must avoid shellfish at ALL costs, she is violently allergic"
This one came while I was at a LUNCH with Susan the Awesome Bookseller and I
ALMOST ordered crab cakes but swapped to a beefy and boursin sammich and when we got back the PHONE message was at the store so if I HAD eaten the crab cakes I bet Susan would have JUMPED ME and poured ipecac down my throat to try and SAVE MY LIFE ---- all based on your terrible lies!
Because, yes, I suspect YOU of being TODD. IN FACT I told everyone on my blog that YOU ARE TODD.
FTH: I don't know that I've ever used the term shellfish. In the south, we refer to the critters by their given names, crawfish, shrimp,etc. Furthermore, I've never seen you wear a hat. I will judge if you promise me a delicious cupcake.
Me: I note for the record that saying you do not use the term shellfish is not a denial.
FTH: For the sake of the mystery, I have remained coy and mysterious, however, I do not have a garage, and I am not called Todd by anyone. If anymore clues are revealed in the coming days, let me know before the judging begins. And from this point forward I will be known as Judge Frank.
Me:
Dear Cagey Lawyer Hollon,
“I am not named Todd” smacks of “I did not have sex with that woman.” It is fancy lawyer talk, and it is STILL not a denial. Say to me:
"I absolutely did not leave those cryptic messages. I swear it upon the honor of Glittergirl."
Then I will believe you. Maybe.
Yours,
Joshilyn
FTH: I did not have sex with that woman, but I did accept her cupcake.
Me: That is STILL not an denial.
*crickets*
SO you see. TODD! TODD is judging.
But let’s put truth aside and THEORIZE. Shall we! Entries in by Monday!
August 28, 2007
Resulticles
CONGRATS to PATTY H. and LIZ A. You each got ALL TEN RIGHT.
Because I refuse to put two names in a hat, send your mailing addresses to joshilyn at joshilynjackson dot com and both of you will get Sin in the Second City and signed paperbacks of gods in Alabama and Between, Georgia. If you want them INSCRIBED to a particular person say so in your email!
Desi A. got NINE correct, so you too should send me your addy and pick a title, and I will mail you your choice of gods or Between as a runner up prize.
Honorable mentions to those who got 8:
Deb R
Casey
Melisa (yes, with one s)
Tina W.
Dawn T.
Em
Cheryl U.
Jessalyn
Haley
Marla
Amanda M.
Chris Tequila Cookies
Caren G.
ANSWERS:
1) KAREN had the Woobie watch. It was this HUGE leather MANACLE, so unwieldy that when she walked in it, passersby instinctively put up hands to keep her from tipping over. Because of this contest, she is threatening to have it repaired and WEAR it. In PUBLIC. This, by the way, was the MOST frequently missed one – I think maybe 4 people got this right? Up until about a month ago when my friend Anna MADE me a watch out of beads, I don’t think I had OWNED a watch in ten years. Even then, it was a finger ring watch and I took it in the shower the day after I bought it and ruined it and just wore it anyway.
Even now, on days when the one Anna made is looped around my wrist, I ask people what time it is because I forget it’s a watch and that I am wearing it. It seems so unlikely. I also never know what date it is, even up unto the month. And more than once, writing a check, I have had to stop and make sure I had the year right. I am not what you would call Grounded. Karen is, mostly because her OLD WATCH is so huge it could ground a DIRIGIBLE. *rimshot!*
2) Karen can dance. This was a Gimme. I cannot dance. I am so unco-ordinated that I can trip over dust.
3) I own a pair of gauchos. I wear them. Shut. Up.
4) Karen used to be blonde.
5) I do not like the sports.
6) I am the one who says, “This sentence is not right with the Lord.” It isn’t just for sentences. It’s the phrase I use for anything that is borked ALMOST but not quite beyond redemption.
7) I can make a monster-good cocktail from everyday household items. Or so Karen says. I think everything is good if you add enough chocolate, and I am right, so that may be why Karen believes this.
8) KAREN racked up the 650 dollar cell phone bill. My first tour, I did a similar thing, going over 400 bucks. YARG! But with her tour being more recent, I thought most of ya’ll would get this. And you did.
9) Karen is the kamekazi driver.
10) I toodle along all pokey and RRR-brake and never actually MET “my left” to speak to. In fact, I CHEATED on the left right test in first grade. <--- TRUE!
I was a spacey little kid who always sneaked a book under the desk and read during the boring parts, and one day I looked up from Ramona the Pest and noticed that kids were going up ONE BY ONE to the VERY FRONT of the classroom and being tested on WHICH hand was left and which was right. PUBLICLY!!!!
I simultaneously realized that 1) I had no idea which way was left, and 2) we were about three kid away from my turn. My blood stopped, insta-congealing in my veins, because I was about to publicly fail something SO BABY EASY, and everyone would laugh at me and point and I would DIE. In a blind panic, I began to recite the Pledge of Allegiance under my breath, and was delighted to find a hand I ASSUMED must therefore be my RIGHT put itself up obligingly over my heart. Before I could forget which it was, I grabbed my pencil and drew a dot on my right shoe. I stared shyly at my toes during testing, and passed with flying colors.
August 25, 2007
CONTESTIMENT!
I will be doing book things later today, but for NOW….I AM SO HAPPY TO BE SNIFFING HORSES. I think I am going to ride today, and I am SO excited. I have not thrown leg over leather since I fetched up pregnant with Miss Maisy. Also, there is an ENORMOUS silver Main Coon living here. He has two eyes (but his ears are totally BORKED, and somehow this makes him more Schubertlike in my head ). I may have to pack him and bring him home. TOTAL love match, me and this cat. His name is FRITZ, he slept on my butt last night, and I am going out as soon as I post this to carve his name in a tree and moon.
For the release of my friend Karen’s first book, I promised her I would do her a 100 things like have done in the past for various folks I really like. I even had a title. It was going to be called, “99 Non Scatalogical Things About my Friend Karen Abbott.” I sat down to write it twice the week of her release. I crapped out. Both times.
I couldn’t think of 99 non-scatological things. She’s a scatological kinda girl.
SO we spent yesterday in the Van-tastic Mom-mobile, road-tripping toward arterial strangulation via Poutine (OOOOOOOOOOOH! POUTINE! I think I ate 4,000 calories worth last night, and I if we hadn’t LICKED the platter like wolverines until it we could SEE ourselves in its shiny surface, I would be eating 4,000 calories worth MORE for breakfast…) and so we decided to do a 100 things list together, alternating back an forth, half things she knows about me, half thing I know about her.
THEN I realized it has been a LONG time since I had a CONTEST. SO here are ten random things, culled from that list.
Some are about Karen.
Some are about me.
You have to guess which is which.
Who ever gets the most right, wins.
EASY!
Email your entry to joshilyn AT joshilynjackson dot com
Note: ENTRIES IN THE COMMENTS DO NOT COUNT!!!!
PEOPLE WHO ARE MARRIED TO US OR WHO OTHERWISE KNOW THE ANSWERS SHOULD NOT HINT AT THEM IN THE COMMENTS!
If multiple folks get the same high score, we’ll put the names in a hat, pluck one, and the winner gets a signed HB copy of Sin in the Second City and signed paperbacks of gods in Alabama and Between, Georgia.
You cannot play if you are married to, related to, or RL BFF with either of us. Because you have pre-cheated by knowing us. This is for the internets: my best beloveds, Karen’s pretty friends inside the computer.
Let’s say this runs through MONDAY, so the folks who don’t read blogs on the weekend have a chance, too…
TEN THINGS
1) SHE used to have the ugliest watch on the planet. She loved it so much she called it her “woobie,” but it looked like what would happen if some bondage equipment got over on a Timex and they reproduced. It was so unwieldy that it didn’t look like she could lift her hand up. The band tore (or a merciful God tore it or caused it to be torn) or she’d be wearing it to this day.
2) SHE can dance. I mean, full-on 80s, bust-a-movin’. She can out-hammer MC and she’s so shameless about it that she somehow manages to pull off even the running man without looking ridiculous. For Christmas, she is probably going to get some of those long-crotch parachute pants. Can’t touch dis.
3) SHE owns a pair of gauchos. She knows VERY well that The Gaucho CANNOT come back and more-over, it SHOULD not. But she has them. And she WEARS them. And then she calls me on the phone and says, “I’m wearing gauchos. Are you judging me?”
4) She used to be blonde. No, REALLY. Platinum blonde with a big teased up hump of bang-splosion coming out the top. Viva la 1991!
5) SHE doesn’t give a rotten fig about any sort of activity involving a ball. All sports are simply, “a sport,” as in, “Hey guys, what are you doing? Oh YAWN, are you watching a sport?” We once went to grab a quick salad in a sports bar. She glanced up at the TV, which was showing the World Cup, and said, “Ugh! Do they seriously have golf on?” She was completely unfazed when the entire bar turned to glare at her. When a friend became excited about an upcoming sporting event in Atlanta, she asked, earnestly, “Oh, are the Braves playing the Eagles again?”
6) When someone in our writing group perpetrates a sentence that has huge structural problems, SHE will write, “This sentence is not right with the Lord,” and you KNOW that this is a sentence which must be rewritten from the ground up, if not removed entirely.
7) SHE can make a monster-good cocktail from everyday household items. She’s so talented at mixology, in fact, that she could make a Comet Windex Bleachtini and it would probably taste so great you would still be sipping it on the way to the emergency room.
8) On book tour, SHE racked up a 650 dollar cell phone bill. Her husband had a coronary, and we will all miss him. Now, if I call her cell phone at a time when happens to be at home, she will pick up the phone, and instead of saying “Hello” she will scream, “DUDE! MY MINUTES!” and hang up on me.
9) When SHE drives, she takes to the road like Mario Andretti on crack. It’s a battle to the death: she will win, she will win, she will win. All lanes are her lane. You need to move. The earth trembles, the sun turns away its face, and the little deer run deep into the forest to hide. I close my eyes and think of England.
10) When SHE drives, she doesn’t know the difference between right and left, or red and green, or gas and brake. She will put her foot on the gas and go RRRRRR forward a little fast, then put her cautious foot on the brake and TAP it back down. RRRRR, tap. RRRRR tap. If you want her to turn, you cannot say GO LEFT --- if you tell her to go left she will turn in a random direction that could be left. Or right. Or north. Or UP. You have to say “Go YOUR way.” To get her to go right, the person in the passenger seat must say, “Go MY way.” I close my eyes and think of England.
GOOD LUCK!
May 28, 2007
Contest Closes Today!
When I get up in the mroning, I'll upload any last entries and then it goes to the judge, AKA My Friend Lydia (Anna is traveling!)
I offer a respectful thank you to all our men and women serving now and to our veterans, especially my father and my brother. Hoo-ah.
Entry #29
"Between Georges"
"Trust me on this, son. Family feuds are the worst thing to try to get in the middle of."
May 27, 2007
Entry #25
"Between, Azeroth"
If you do not play World of Warcraft this one is lost for you, OH! BUT IF YOU DO! HA! You probably just spat coffee into your keyboard.
The entrant had this to say: "I WILL tell you right up front that the geek factor score of [this entry] is through the roof. You may want to tape your glasses before you even look... I'm tempted to submit [it] under the name Nerd Dorkleson."
HEE HEE HEE.
May 26, 2007
Entry #20
"Virgin, my...err, eye."
OR
"Sir Richard's Favorite Codpiece -- Stylish AND Functional!"
OR
"Technically, it's not nudity"
Lats day for the contest is MONDAY, so get snapping!
May 25, 2007
Entry #17
Small World Story -- This is my friend and fellow Quilt Mav Laume, who went to London, and needed a book, and ended up BY CHANCE in the same bookstore where I had been a week earlier signing gods in Alabama. She is holding an autographed copy. HA!
Entry #13
Doggone Good Book
Subtitle: Get Your Paws off My Copy
Hehe. AW. I like her. I kinda want to caption this,
"Between, Georgia: Dogs don't know it's not bacon!"
May 24, 2007
Entry #12
“Today’s episode of Conversations with Caroline: Elmo’s Book Club Pick”
It's a good thing thing Elmo didn't pick gods in Alabama --- I shudder to think what the Word of the Day would have been! *grin*
Entry #7
"Any Prize for Worst Paint Project?" (Note from the artist: This just made me laugh. I could use a photoshopping program on my MAC. Love the others.)
Okay -- she was not trying to officially enter this. BUT! I love how Between is bursting out of Clive's chest like the alien. Also, I have a very mighty rack in this pic. So. I put it up.
May 23, 2007
Entry #5
"Thinking that this is one freakin' good book..."
Entry #4
"The David's Cover"
(or, as I like to call it, a male fan goes nuts...)
Contest Rules Update
As per suggestions in the comments, there will be two prizes for PHOTO SHOPPED pictures and two for SNAPPED pictures.
Also, I have a couple more entries but have to figure out how to resize them before I can post 'em. You can help by resizing them yourself to fit on the blog if you know how. If you do not know how, send em anyway and I will post them as soon as I can get them to fit, OR worst case, still forward them to the judge without posting em!
May 22, 2007
Entry # 1
"Between a Hunk and a Hard Place"
As a BONUS! This entry also answers the sad, sad little pack of you who emailed to ask "Who is Clive Owen?"
When not reading my novels and mooning over my picture, Clive spends his time smoking up great films like
Children of Men
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
The Bourne Identity
etc etc
May 21, 2007
Oh Shoot! A Contest!
Because quite a bit of SHOOTING happens in Between, and feeling inspired by ZOMBRARIAN…
I cordially invite you to SHOOT Between.
HOW TO ENTER: Take a picture with a digi-cam or your phone that has a copy of BETWEEN, GEORGIA in it. Be cute, be funny, be creative, be poignant...whatever.
E-mail it to me: joshilyn at joshilynjackson dot com.
Rules: No rules, but I do not want to see you naked. Unless you are Clive Owen, in which case, I do want to see you naked, actually, and should you make such an entry, I hasten to assure you that you win, instantly, even if there is not a copy of BETWEEN anywhere in the shot.
The picture can be captioned or not captioned. Photoshopped or au natural. Go nuts.
PS By the way, in the sentence above, au natural means NOT PHOTOSHOPPED. It does not mean NAKED. Also? When I say go nuts? I invite all my male readers to take that ABSOLUTELY figuratively. Just so we are clear.
Since I have FRIENDS who read this blog, the judge will be MY FRIEND ANNA, and all entries will be sent to her ANONYMOUSLY.
You have all week.
I reserve the right to post entries, whether or not Anna picks them to get a prize.
At least three winners will receive signed books and one of my brothers little foxes that I have cleverly hidden and held back for the paperback release. (!!! FOXES !!!)
Also, PS it is still Monday. I have HOURS of Monday left.