April 6, 2010

Insert Title Here

Hello, I have decided to live! I actually bloomed back to life late on Sunday, and I considered writing a mildly blasphemous but sincerely-intentioned Easter post about He is Risen, Hallelujah, and so have I, but freakin’ Mir beat me to it, and what else have I got, really?

I can tell you the obvious: I feel much better and Scott is a treasure. In fact he is THE VERY BEST ONE. And also, you, Oh My Best Beloveds...You are the very best one, too. Thank you all SO MUCH for the emails and comments and kind enquiries. Scott read all your notes and comments aloud to me in the hospital. You guys are so nice. The shriveled black prune-claw I keep in my chest cavity to push the blood around may have pittered in what could have been an emotional response. I can neither confirm nor deny.

To answer you here, but not to be too gory or detail-y, the anemia was masking a host of underlying problems. Medical professionals will blanch to hear my hemo dipped to 5.7 at one point. All very life-threatening and exciting. One quick collapse and an emergency hysterectomy later, I am declared to be on the road to complete recovery. I appreciate that you care enough to worry, but I have no cancer, I had no cancer, just a buncha benign crap and it is all gone now and here, a week after surgery, I feel BETTER than I did in the entire month of March. Seriously. Scott is having to make stern eyebrows at me and say SIT DOWN AND RECOVER, WOMAN.

I went to my doctor for a post surgery exam yesterday and my FIRST question was, WHEN CAN I START WORKING OUT, so, that tells you where my stupid head is. Of course, my second question was, WHEN CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF WINE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY?? She said “As soon as you are off all pain meds, even Motrin.” No one here will so much as blink in surprise to hear that I haven’t had a pain med since. Unless you count a really nice Old Vine Zin.

Sorry for the long silence, but, gah I had nothing to tell you. Sample blog titles from entries I could have posted last week:

Solid food: Friend or Demon?

In Which I Go Down the Stairs! And Sit Up! IN A CHAIR!

The Great Feather v/s Foam Debate

WHY DID NONE OF YOU VOTE FOR SHANNON DOHERTY! GAH! AND KATE IS STILL IN??? (Yes, long title, but good LORD, does no one else who is bedridden and desperately watching Dancing With The Stars own a pair of EYES? Or a PHONE? Or a SOUL?)

Narcotics Are Delicious!

Fun with Soups

New Nicknames We Have Given the Dog

Digression: Although, to immediately re-digress how one can even call this a digression is beyond me. This is hardly a POST, how can I DIGRESS from the topic of having no topic? Oh, well, apparently I can. ANYWAY, last night when I was ready to make the exciting move from sitting up watching TV to lying down sleeping, Bagel had melted into the place on the bed where my feet wanted to go.

Me: Aw look, I hate to move him. He is at that gelid puddle stage of asleep, where except for the faint rise and fall of his chest he might was well be an inanimate object. I wonder what he is dreaming?

Scott: That dog is not dreaming. That dog is not anything-ing.

Me: Not true. He is changing oxygen to carbon dioxide. I can see him doing it.

Scott: You are correct. But he isn’t doing anything else. That dog is currently The Anti-Plant.

I laughed so hard I almost popped a stitch. THE ANTI-PLANT. It is my new favorite name for Dogly. /digression.

I have also abdicated all responsibilities over on Five Full Plates for the duration of the ORGANIZATION challenge; one cannot spring clean from one’s bed. My closets are as clotted and ruined as ever, and I hardly think a post about how I cleaned out and tidied my abdominal cavity is appropriate, considering that REALLY all I did was sleep and let my excellent surgeon clean out and tidy my abdominal cavity.

If only I had a CLOSET surgeon to do THOSE while I sleep. Oh well, I don’t, so I will just say, Lemon Out, the world is tidy enough, Amen. We begin a NEW challenge next week---one that makes my heart excited in a way that Lemon Pledge and clean shelves cannot----next week. I will tell you about it over on the Plates this Friday. Whee. See you then, if not sooner.

OH okay....I did have a HUGELY inappropriate conversation that ABSOLUTELY goes beyond the purview of Things I Feel Comfortable Discussing in Public, so I absolutely should not repeat it. BUT. I am going to----as long as we can ALL immediately pretend I did not, and we all agree to never reference it again. Agreed? Agreed!

I was bewailing LENT to my friend Jill. I’m a liturgical sort, and these things matter to me. Lent, especially, is often a good time for me, focus-wise. Last year it was this really rewarding experience. My church did a thing called The Lenten Challenge where I committed 12 hours a week to community service, fellowship, study, and growing as a person. Being me, I threw myself wholly into the community service, fellowship, and intellectually-based study while completely neglecting to do even a molecule of introspection. Whee!

Me: Oh JILLY, I missed the whole Lent. Not only did I not do the Lenten challenge, but I didn’t do a thing. I mean, at the very least I could have given up dessert to try to focus myself on what matters, but I gave up NOTHING.

Jill: Not true! You gave up your UTERUS! And you liked it a lot more than you like chocolate.

HA! I love her. I am going with it. I gave up my uterus for Lent. Glorious Easter is come, pass the post-holiday discount Cadbury eggs.

Posted by joshilyn at April 6, 2010 12:10 PM

Welcome Back! So glad all went well and you will be well. And huzzah for a nice zin. Next up, you can celebrate walking to the end of the driveway and being able to carry a milk jug:)

Posted by: Tequila Cookie Chris at April 6, 2010 12:22 PM

YAY! You are risen, indeed. I'm so glad to see you back here and downright elated to hear that you're feeling better. I missed you!

Anti-Plant is just about the awesomest nickname for a lazy so-and-so (human OR animal) that I have ever heard.

I am AFIRE with curiosity over the new challenge at 5FP, but I guess I'll wait NOT patiently until Friday.

Oh, and I wanted to mention that you look parTICularly pretty without your uterus. ;)

Posted by: Aimee at April 6, 2010 12:54 PM

glad you are well-ish! Get even better-ish!

(I am so glad it's April because that means I can subtract a month from my BACKSEAT SAINTS countdown! Yay!!!)

Posted by: Jess at April 6, 2010 12:57 PM

Heavens, what will you give up for Lent next year???

And did the hospital diet/stay result in you conquering the 10-in-10 challenge? Even if it would be more like the 10-in-12-plus challenge by now.(I mean, if something which we are not mentioning or referencing was removed, it still had to have weighed something...)

So glad to hear you are feeling better!!

Posted by: Lulu at April 6, 2010 2:02 PM

Mizz Jackson, it's good to see you're among us again! Giving up your uterus for Lent is absolutely appropriate. What? I didn't hear a word you said. And lastly, Yay for Wine!

Posted by: Chrissie at April 6, 2010 2:06 PM

NO I DID NOT! I managed to lose an internal organ and gain weight. Nice trick! THANKS, METABOLISM.

I am still really swollen up though--I look like a tick. So. And I was on those meds that make a girl gain for a MONTH leading up to surgery AND I can't work out at all, so I am going to mush. I am all in all disgruntled and feel enormous.

Ah well. I will get back on the horse (and the nautilus machines) in May.

Posted by: Joshilyn at April 6, 2010 2:08 PM

Hooray!!! I'm so glad you're back and well and happy and feeling better. -happy dance!-

Make sure you give yourself time to heal properly! And for the record, Anti-Plant is the best dog name ever.

Posted by: Holly at April 6, 2010 2:25 PM

So glad the surgery went well, and you're feeling better! I am delurking to say 'I missed you and your blog!' and well done to Mr Husband for keeping us up to date and for his general wonderfulness.

Posted by: Francesca at April 6, 2010 2:46 PM

Yay for living! Glad you're back.

Posted by: Avallia at April 6, 2010 2:46 PM

Thanks for being alive!

I'm so glad you are back and on your way to being well. Keep up the good work.

Posted by: Nikki at April 6, 2010 2:49 PM

Welcome back! Glad it was not the big C. But, holy cow, 5.7? YAY for being on the road to recovery!

Posted by: JenniferG at April 6, 2010 3:01 PM

Sweet Jeebus, woman! You know how to commit to the Lord, don't you?! I have never given up an organ for God. A little blood maybe, but never an entire piece of myself. You are a shining pretty example of all that is holy, clearly.

Posted by: Jen A at April 6, 2010 3:30 PM

So wonderful to see you back! I'm so very glad you are much more okay :) Now you and Mir can commiserate about hysterectomy induced menopause :P

Posted by: Heather at April 6, 2010 3:39 PM

SO glad you're back and healing up!

Posted by: inkgrrl at April 6, 2010 3:57 PM

So glad you are alive and typing!

I managed to gain weight when my gall bladder was removed, so I feel your pain on that score. The good news is that now you have an excuse not to exercise for six weeks.

Plus, I believe chocolate is medicinal in this particular case. Wishing you strength and patience.

Posted by: Jen at April 6, 2010 4:03 PM

EeeK! THe computer stole my comment!

Well, the important part was I'm glad you're back, and you sound much, much better!

Posted by: JulieB at April 6, 2010 4:34 PM

HOORAY!! Welcome to the club! No more "Aunt Gladys" every month, no more birth control, no more cramps, no more ruined sheets/pants/furniture!!

You will SO enjoy the loss of your uterus as time goes by. Take it from one who knows first hand.

Take it easy the first few weeks and you'll feel much better later. So glad to have you back!

Posted by: Chris of the Woodwork at April 6, 2010 4:37 PM

Do not rush me Heather! I only gave up the ONE thing for Lent and so no menapause for me just yet. I am still producing plenty of crazy-making girl hormones. Yay.

Posted by: Joshilyn at April 6, 2010 4:56 PM

"Quick collapse" - you must have scared the hell out of Scott. So glad you are on this side of recovery and appear to have not had your sense of the funny removed.

Posted by: Carrie (in MN) at April 6, 2010 5:07 PM

Can't believe you gave up your uterus for Lent! That sure has me beat! I gave up apologizing to other drivers.
And it's WONDERFUL to have you back and chirpy at us again! YAAY! Bon retablissement, as they say round here, and what? What did you give up? Dang, I've forgotten already. Maybe it will come back to me as I yell at those who don't understand that the road is meant to be shared...

Posted by: edj at April 6, 2010 5:14 PM

so glad you're still with us. Now I know I can at least count on one more book from you.:)
A uterus is a pretty big thing to give up, even if you're not using it & stuff. Maybe it could count for this year's and next year's Lent. Is that allowed? Makes me glad I'm Baptist.

Posted by: desi at April 6, 2010 5:23 PM

Miz Jackson-
Welcome back to the land of the living even if you are still semi-horizontal. Enjoy watching the tv, reading some of that pile of ARCs and occasionally working on the book-to-be as you recup. And thank you Scott for filling in (so to speak).

Posted by: Bridget at April 6, 2010 6:00 PM

Welcome back!! You were missed. I'm so glad you are feeling better and on the upwards track.

Keep healthy!!

Posted by: Pamela L at April 6, 2010 6:03 PM

I so so so missed you - I have been checking back here several times a day since you left us.

I am so glad you are well - as as a woman who recently gave birth - I can say what good is it when your done? Bah - who needs it. Good riddance!

Missed you - glad your back.
PS you do have a good husband :)Pat yourself on the back for that one.

Posted by: Les in AZ at April 6, 2010 6:50 PM

Oh lord have mercy! How you (anyone) can make me giggle out loud at emergency hysterectomies and dangerous hemo numbers is completely beyond me, but you did it. Joss is risen, halleluya, and I raise a Cadbury egg in your honor.

Posted by: RuthWells at April 6, 2010 6:57 PM

I concur with Aimee, you do look ravishing sans uterus, so slender and vivacious and glossy-haired and twinkly-eyed.

And seriously, thank god you are on the mend.

Posted by: Rachel at April 6, 2010 7:08 PM

In honor of your being down for the count, I have brought three more readers into the read-Joss's-books group. I was feeling so bad for you that I started telling everyone I know how great your books are (it does help that I just finished reading the last one I hadn't read yet as well), and they are agreeing with me. Yay for books! (I've even convinced my husband that checking them out from the library isn't good enough, even though it was good enough to read them the first time. We simply must own them and have them on our newly-matching bookshelves. Yes, I need to buy new books to commemorate having all the bookshelves in our living matching finally. :) )


Posted by: jess at April 6, 2010 7:10 PM

Well, you may have given up that thing we agreed to never mention again. . .but you did NOT give up your sense of humor nor your lovely voice. . .nor you beautiful skin or glorious hair either I assume.

So--so--so very glad you are back and better. I missed you. :)

Posted by: Roxanne at April 6, 2010 7:11 PM

So glad to have you back, in good health, and in good humor as ever. The internet is a barren wasteland of boring blogs when there is no Joshilyn for a week! (Oh, except for FFP, of course.)

Posted by: Kitty at April 6, 2010 7:47 PM

I'm so glad you're feeling better! Just this morning I was worrying because you hadn't posted yet.

Posted by: Sandi at April 6, 2010 8:20 PM

You're back!!! Pay no heed to the scales right now; IV fluids are apt to produce swelling/water retention.

Have a dear friend who, before her hysterectomy, was advised by a girlfriend who had already had one, that had she known how great she would feel afterwards, she would have had it done at 13.

Wishing you a speedy recovery!

Posted by: Kim at April 6, 2010 9:43 PM

So glad you're better AND with humor in full swing. "I hardly think a post about how I cleaned out and tidied my abdominal cavity is appropriate." Hahahahaha. <3

Posted by: Jujube at April 6, 2010 11:25 PM

So glad you're back online. Missed you.
Here's to a quick recovery and the return of your energy. Cheers!

Posted by: Theresa at April 7, 2010 12:12 AM

Am so glad you are back and risen and healing. Have missed you. Get well. Rest.


Posted by: Steve at April 7, 2010 2:13 AM

Ha, I knew Mr. Husband would have to tie you down to keep you away from boot camp! So glad your sense of humor and mental ramblings (that amuse me so) are back. Don't fret, the muscles will be back one day too (except that one muscle that shall not be named).

Posted by: Brigitte at April 7, 2010 6:57 AM

I am SO glad you're going to be okay! I couldn't have borne any more bad news about beloved writers this week. Yay, Joshilyn! Yay, God!

Posted by: Meg Moseley at April 7, 2010 7:08 AM

YAY! Mornings haven't been the same without your posts -- so glad you are feeling better. Hope you indulge in a Cadbury egg, Firefly DVD fest.

Posted by: liz at April 7, 2010 7:46 AM

So happy that you're back! Take it easy with the recovery, boot camp will wait for you.

Posted by: Michelle at April 7, 2010 8:18 AM

So happy you're back! I'm glad you're doing well and that it was nothing more serious.
And really? I can't think of anything better to give up for Lent than a body part. It's really the ultimate sacrifice.

Posted by: liz at April 7, 2010 8:43 AM

Welcome back! Even with all the things you are currently struggling with, your delightful and quirky sense of humor sparkles through! You made me smile today for two reasons; one, I'm so glad you are OK! Two; the Anti-Plant! Love it!

Rock on Joshilyn! Dial back the stress-o-meter and give yourself time to heal! =)

Posted by: Julie in Austin at April 7, 2010 8:47 AM

Aaaaahhh ... you are better than morning coffee! So glad you are on the mend, and I'm so glad you didn't give up your brain or any of those typing fingers for Lent!

May I suggest, for your viewing pleasure while you mend your middle, Southland. It's raw, it's realistic, and the season finale last night was oh so satisfying! (tnt.tv) It's way better for you than that dancing with the has-beens stuff. ;)

Posted by: PattiH at April 7, 2010 8:59 AM

I have heard that about Southland, I will have to try it! It has two actors I really like: Guy Who Looks Like Tom Hanks and Guy From The OC.

But I can't watch it with Maisy. She LOVES DWTS, and I have to admit, I enjoy it too. I wish I could learn to ballroom dance...

Posted by: joshilyn at April 7, 2010 10:42 AM

Welcome back! I missed you. Scott was wonderful to keep us updated, but I kept checking back every day, hoping to hear from YOU. I'm so glad to hear you're doing better. (And for what it's worth, I am greatly enjoying my own post-hysterectomy-ness. Wish I'd had it done years ago!)

Posted by: Julie G at April 7, 2010 11:51 AM

Lovely to have you back, although Jen A may have a point that you have set quite a bar for Lent now.

Posted by: RandomRanter at April 7, 2010 12:51 PM

Oh my! It was good to see this post. So very glad all is well and healing fine. Blessing on you and your family.

Posted by: Kathy at April 7, 2010 1:21 PM

I was sad about Shannen Doherty, too.

Posted by: ted at April 7, 2010 4:06 PM

I am very glad you are okay! As always, I enjoy your great sense of humor, even in the face of such medical crisis.

Posted by: Shannon at April 7, 2010 4:12 PM

Yay, you are back and well! I missed you so!

Posted by: alala at April 7, 2010 4:20 PM

And to think all I gave up for Lent was Coke and mostly because I'd already given it up for the FFP challenge. So glad you are back and it was JUST an emergency hysterectomy that kept you from us. (And so glad you got to keep your parts that make the crazy hormones -- not that we're talking about that, because we are not.) Blessings to you this Easter season, Lazarus. (That's a bit less blasphemous, right?)

Posted by: Lori B at April 7, 2010 4:41 PM

I would say that you succeeded for Lent. After giving up your uterus has a lot more implications than just having your surgeon do your cleaning for you!

I was thinking of saying that you gave me up since I haven't heard hide nor hair from you in a dog's age, but I didn't before Lent either and don't want to undo my Lenten goodness.

Glad you are well on the road to recovery!

Posted by: JayeL at April 7, 2010 6:29 PM

Seriously? I'd give up my uterus in a NY minute to get out of cleaning closets. No challenge there. Ready for the next challenge (three pages a day? five pounds in five weeks? No internet ... No. I didn't say that.)

But I should steel myself for no Joshilyn at Calvin, right? (snarf. Brave, almost silent snarf.)

Posted by: rams at April 7, 2010 8:10 PM

Just got the Okay to fly Monday/

I WILL be at Calvin :)

Posted by: Joshilyn at April 7, 2010 8:51 PM

Hey, Joss,

Glad to hear you're doing well. I was thinking about you. Would a nice, furry, floppy-eared rabbit help speed your recovery? One that you could keep...forever? Because I have a rabbit named Rabbit, and I'm not positive, but I think she thumps, in Morse code, the letters in your name from time to time.

I have a puppy now and Rabbit does not approve. In fact, she seems to feint around him. Doesn't want to leave the crate. And since I live in Manhattan, I'm not sure I'm providing a great quality of life anymore. I wouldn't give Rabbit to just anyone, but I would ship her to you. She had "female surgery" fairly recently, so maybe you two would have something to thump about.

Think it over. No pressure. If you can't take her, I'll just send you some nice key chains.


Posted by: Gilbert at April 7, 2010 11:34 PM

Boy, no one will ever accuse you of doing things halfway. Had me scared there. So happy to hear you are in good spirits and safe at home.
Though I have no idea how you will top this Lenten gift next year...

Posted by: Linda Sands at April 8, 2010 8:09 AM

I’ve recently started a blog, the information you provide on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.

Posted by: dental hygienist at April 19, 2010 9:31 PM