March 13, 2010

Pillow Talk

It is the family retreat! My family is supposed to be camping with a buncha families from my church in a gorgeous state park in Tennessee. And indeed, this is happening; my FAMILY is doing exactly that. My husband is there. My kids are there. My friends are there. I am HERE, chewing a large wad of self pity as if it were a cud and I had four stomachs. When that is not occupying my time, I spend it eating snacks, saying disparaging things to the Feline Foot-Menace, and otherwise trying to make up for missing it by at least feeling that I have been productive. Or as productive as a person can reasonably be without getting out from underneath an enormous pile of blankets. YAY Lap desks! Yay wireless! And BOO on still feeling like hammered crap every minute.

What I have done so far just TODAY!

--Drafted more than 2,500 words of the new novel.

--Blogged about my plans to SPRING! CLEAN! over on Five Full Plates. No, I am not exactly sure how I will clean out my children’s closets from under this enormous pile of blankets, actually. But I have options. For example, I could take apart this old laptop and use the parts to build a fleet of teeny robot dogs to do my bidding. Of course, based on how well my OWN flea-brained fleshly dog does my bidding, I do not think I can reasonably expect my robot dogs to do much more than poop gears onto the carpet and grind up my shoes in their teeny, mechanical jaws.

--Caught up on e-mail. This included FINALLY allowing myself to delete my VERY favorite penis improvement drug spam, which has been in my inbox since 10/21/09. It was titled, “Become her Drillosaur!” This made me laugh every time, but it was clotting up valuable in-box real estate.

--Did some manuscript evaluations for an upcoming workshop I am teaching...It is strange how reading rough drafts with a critical eye and with my brain set on FIND CRAFT ISSUES! Can make me suddenly recognize spots in my own work where I am being lazy or self-referential or assuming that an image or idea has made it fully onto the page just because I see it so strongly in my HEAD.

--Petted the Brown Cat until his petting cup was full and he began chewing me.

I a little while, I am going to adventurously STAND UP and begin an intrepid event where I DO NOT LIE DOWN. I plan for this adventure to end with clean dishes. If that works out for me, then next, I may become truly bold GO GET THE MAIL. Yes, all the way outside!!!

My life is JUST LIKE a freakin’ choose your own adventure book...if no one ever picked the "Get out of bed" option..

Posted by joshilyn at March 13, 2010 3:55 PM

So sorry you do not feel well. I hope you feel at least better enough to just enjoy staying in bed.

That doesn't really sound like it expresses my idea well. Let's try again: I hope you will become comfortable enough to perhaps consider this weekend a decadent time to self-indulge in rest.

Posted by: JulieB at March 13, 2010 4:13 PM

As a kid, I always felt (deeply, keenly) that it was a Cosmic Unfairness that you only got to stay home from school on days when you felt too sick to enjoy staying home from school. Same theory applies here. I fervently hope that you soon feel enough better (at the very least) to enjoy a DVD marathon of your favorite video-drug-of-choice (Glee, Project Runway, Firefly, etc.), keeping in mind that can instantly (for free!) fill many voids if you're tired of your own DVD collection. Slurp fluids, sleep deep, and feel better soon!

Posted by: JMyersbook at March 13, 2010 5:31 PM

I have never posted a comment on a blog, not even to family. This may seem strange and you may never read this, but thank you. I just finished devouring gods in Alabama. It was amazing. I read at least twenty novels in a month, losing more sleep to books than I would ever admit to anyone ( one time anonymous blog not withstanding). You have an amazing gift. I was so pulled into the story but had to reread sentences often just because the words were so perfect. I'll be hunting up your other books as quick as I can! I'm sure they'll be worth the sleep deprivation.

Posted by: amanda at March 14, 2010 1:44 AM

Also don't forget to stand up to make those all-important trips to the bathroom, and maybe even a shower (though you can lean against the wall, there).

Now I'm thinking confused, rambling thoughts of "The Road to Wellville", where there was an old-timey sanatorium/spa. People who were on their deathbeds, and those who just thought they were, went to be all pampered and taken care of. I think we need a modern version for ill mommies and mommies who just need a mental health break.

Because I also don't believe those robot dogs will take care of you very well. ;-)

Posted by: Brigitte at March 14, 2010 7:50 AM's raining and gloommy and chilly outside this weekend in GA. Certainly it's not that much better in Tennessee. And you did get serveral thousand words you can now revise, revise, revise on. And the kids do need time with their father to remember later on when they are busy, busy, busy with their own lives. Not so bad Joshilyn...

Posted by: Bridget at March 14, 2010 12:56 PM

I can't even imagine your inbox. I'm pretty sure only my mom and my school and new letters from my Bible study email me and I wake up to 26 emails every morning. I bet you wake up to 26 gallion.

Well done, Drillosaur.

Posted by: Nikki at March 15, 2010 4:19 AM

Should we be concerned about the fact that you are still sick, oh, tulip most fair?

Posted by: Jill W. at March 15, 2010 11:58 AM

Wish you were feeling better. Have you ever considered creating cards for Hallmark? Honestly. You could create a whole line of "still feeling like hammered crap" cards.

Posted by: Laura at March 15, 2010 12:51 PM

My favorite "penis improvement" spam had the subject "A Hard Man is Good to Find."

I hope you feel better very very soon.

Posted by: emily jane at March 15, 2010 1:24 PM

@amanda I read all my comments. Liek most bloggers, I check for em 9 times a day. hee. Thank you so much for your kind words abotu my work!!!

@jill w. Nah I'm fine. Just boringly ill in wa way that requires minor, outpatient, boring surgery to fix. Will be fixed in April. And since boring seems to = non-life-threatening, I will take the boredom BELIEVE ME.

@Laura-- YOU make the cards for Hallmark. I will buy a CRAP TON to send to everyone I ever met!

Posted by: Joshilyn at March 15, 2010 8:21 PM

I had a whole raft of them with the subject "Is it noontime in your pants?" And then there are the ones that could give you an actual virus, not just a computer virus. You might want to swab out your in-box.

Posted by: murr brewster at March 17, 2010 2:09 AM