February 3, 2010

More Bad Ideas

1) A local day spa wanted to name itself “Therapy Salon,” but alas, they found that name was already in use. So. They decided to replace the Y on the end of the first word with an E. Gah. I just saw their bumper sticker and it says... Therape Salon. Really? No one caught this?

2) I have a photo shoot today for a magazine article, and I realized this morning I haven’t cut, colored, or even really LOOKED at my hair since September of 2009. I may have brushed it a couple-three times. But looking at the bushy animal squatting dankly on my head, I kind of doubt even that got done. I think I put it into a ponytail in October and then kinda forgot I was a mammal. Nothing good is happening up there. Nothing.

3) This black-n-white stripey Oreo of a kitty has decided to live on my front porch. He is sleek and collared---clearly a pet---and he goes home to somewhere at night, but most daylight hours are spent basking unconcernedly on my porch. Meanwhile, this side of the door, right outside my office, are the dulcet, feline sounds of a one-eyed pirate and a yellow droplet of serial-killer level evil trying to hammer their way through the walls and rend him in twain. I think black-n-white cookie cat KNOWS this. I think he LIKES the sound of great furry bodies hurling themselves repeatedly into glass while releasing gut-wrenching Dante-esque yowlings of the damned. Makes him feel powerful.

These noises are NOT conducive to reworking the HUGE pile of raw, messy material I generated on this retreat. These noises are not conducive to ANYTHING actually, except generating my OWN fantasies of cat-rending, as I am close to rising up and smiting all three of them. AND YET...

4) ...and here we come to the MOTHER of bad ideas, instead of revising, I am surfing ADOPTABLE ANIMAL pR0n. Yes. While ACTIVELY wanting to murder my current cats and a stranger cat, I am skating around looking for YET ANOTHER BOX-POOPING DEMONSEED who needs a good home. Because my cats are so CLEARLY amenable to making new friends. I can tell by the way the windows by the door are awash in nose prints and enraged spittle.

I am going to SHUT DOWN PETFINDER before I end up bringing this fellow home simply because I am charmed by the idea of naming a cat who looks like this “Mister Boogernose.” I shall head over to THERAPE SALON to see if they can do something that isn’t a violent felony to my hair.

Posted by joshilyn at February 3, 2010 8:50 AM

There are few websites I seek out more often than your blog, but the adoptable pets list on petfinder is one of them. Even though my roommates put it this way: "Three girls, two cats, and two really big goldfish are ENOUGH for one small apartment"... I just can't awwwing over the dogs I definitely NEED.

Posted by: Dani at February 3, 2010 9:31 AM

Therape Salon? *snort* That's too funny. You should go there and drop all these double-entendres. And then blog it so I can laugh along.
And I want a puppy, very badly. Actually I want a kitten but that's right out, but there's a small tribe of feral cats just out back and I content myself with watching them out the window. Puppy though! Never mind that we live upstairs and have a fussy old-woman of a landlord who lives downstairs. The cute puppy would totally win him over! It'd be like living in a disney movie!

Posted by: edj at February 3, 2010 10:38 AM

I can't stop laughing about Therape Salon. I just...can't stop. My husband is going to put me in a straightjacket any second now.

Posted by: Jen A at February 3, 2010 10:49 AM

Haha oh Joss, you are too funny.

Posted by: Heather at February 3, 2010 11:26 AM

Therape Salon is awesome! We have a big white board where we try stuff out, like baby names, product names. We put it up & see what horrible things can be done with it by our immature coworkers.

I almost ended up with initials LSD. I'm really glad somebody figured that out before I born. LDD is MUCH better.

Posted by: GrandeMocha at February 3, 2010 11:31 AM

Oh lordy... they couldn't have put an accent over the E, at least? Wow. It reminds me of when Reebok named their new sneaker Incubus. Niiiiice.

Mister Boogernose is adorable. That face! We adopted our cats from a service, and I'm constantly looking at the new cats on their site. My husband would kill me, probably, but they are so... KITTENY. I'm only human.

Posted by: Aimee at February 3, 2010 12:18 PM

I fell in love with the not so aptly would be named Boogernose. Seriously you and my husband must be related (winks). He's named two cats in my house(which are brothers) Pees A Lot and Poops A Lot. I kid you not.

*Blink* Therape Salon. I'm still wrapping my head around that one. (Hugs)Indigo

Posted by: Indigo at February 3, 2010 12:22 PM

I'm getting my hair done this afternoon at the aptly named, "It's Magic" hair salon. That said, I totally think you need Mister Boogernose!

Posted by: Kin at February 3, 2010 1:58 PM

Based on your description of the responses of the one-eyed pirate and evil yellow-droplet would-be serial killer to Oreo Kitty, my first thought was, "No! Don't feed poor Mister Boogernose to the savage tribe you already cohabit with!" Then I clicked on your link and looked at the pics of sweet, cuddly Mister Boogernose, and thought, of course, "AAAWWWWWWW!!" Then I realized that, in one of those pics, Mister Boogernose is snoozing peacefully next to his most recent victim, which appears to be a fifty-pound Pit Bull Terrier. Noooo! Don't feed poor one-eyed pirate and serial-killer yellow droplet to The Boogie-Man!

And, about the hair salon, Good Lord! Even the expensive shampoo is called "Therappe" (and we all know that an extra "P" makes everything all better!). Good luck getting your hair done. I wouldn't be able to go to "THERAPE SALON." I'd be snorting and choking so much that the suspects--I mean, stylists--would think I had Tourette's disorder.

Posted by: JMixx at February 3, 2010 3:24 PM

Well, be extra-cautious at Therape Salon if you see them bringing out the restraints.

Posted by: Brigitte at February 3, 2010 3:42 PM

Your musings about animals made me think of my past pets and their exploring antics. They keep us lively with belly-laughs which is almost like doing abdominal crunches and sit-ups without the effort.

Posted by: Sunnymay at February 3, 2010 4:53 PM

I did belly laughs reading your cat tails. It's almost as good as doing sit-ups without the sweat or effort.

Posted by: Sunnymay at February 3, 2010 4:56 PM

Your Oreo cat has a distant cousin in Wisconsin, only this one spends NIGHTS lounging outside our patio door. He's been doing it for years. The only thing worse than hearing the yowling of the damned all day long is to be woken up by that sound at 2 am.

Someday I aspire to own a combination laundromat and liquor store, and I will call it Bubbles and Suds.

Posted by: Sandi at February 3, 2010 9:22 PM

Ha - a friend of mine has a shop called "skin therapist". I always think "Skin the Rapist!"

Just for the record, sending us to a petfinder is cruel. There goes the rest of my day.


Posted by: Holly at February 4, 2010 6:16 PM