January 27, 2010

Winners and No. Just, No.

The Random Number Generator, that capricious sow, has played favorites and chosen comments 55 and 74 to love, breaking hearts coast to coast as is her wont. OH! RNG! I WISH I COULD QUIT YOU!:

*Loved The Historian, I need to read this one too! Posted by Lynn at January 25, 2010 10:25 AM

*Pick me please! Posted by Mary Beth Bishop at January 25, 2010 10:23 PM

You two, please, send me a snail addy, and I will make sure your copy of The Swan Thieves comes your way.

For those who did not win, I offer twofold consolation. First, I have two more VERY AWESOME surprise give-aways in the next three weeks (one from one of my must-read fave authors). If this is cold comfort (foreshadowy rimshot!) I offer a distraction in the form of so-astonishly-creepy-it-cannot-be-true linkage. According to Sky news, Holiday Inns will offer a new SPECTACULARLY BAD IDEA as a service for crazy people who lack personal boundaries.

Says Sky News: “Holiday Inn, operator of over 4,000 hotels worldwide, will begin to offer a free five-minute "human bed warming service" at it's London Kensington hotel throughout next week. If requested, a willing member of hotel staff will jump in your bed, dressed head to foot in an all-in-one sleeper suit, until your nightly chamber warms up.”


I see this, and am afraid of both the people who are willing warming-pans and the people who would call for this service. It is all going to end in cannibalism, see if it does not. I find I am incapable of imagining a non-cannibal who is going to call room service and ask for a slew of warm perverts in terrycloth body condoms to be deployed to frolic around on their personal sheets.

Have these people never heard of electric blankets? I am actively and rigorously horrified.

OH! Just noticed! The terrycloth body condoms are called “Toasting Suits.” *shudder* Sounds like a tool used by a arsonist-slash-serial-killer on CSI.

I have no words.
Except maybe these: No, thank you!

Posted by joshilyn at January 27, 2010 2:52 PM

I'm glad you are feeling well enough to blog! The miracle of modern medicine.

I would think they'd warm up the bed BEFORE you got in it? Right? This is creepy right up there with the Burger King King and his enormous plastic head.

Posted by: JenniferG at January 27, 2010 3:22 PM


You comment about wishing you could quit the RNG (that wanton slattern) reminded me (tangentially) of the book "Can't Quit You Baby" by Ellen Douglas. Did you ever read that? Oh my sweet buttered biscuit, that is a good book. May have to pull it off my shelf and read it again.

Posted by: Jill W. at January 27, 2010 3:23 PM

Thanks, JenniferG! Now I am imagining the Burger King warming up the sheets. *shudder* Now I can never stay at Holiday Inn again...

Posted by: Jill W. at January 27, 2010 3:25 PM

"it is all going to end in cannibalism, see if it does not"


Posted by: Mel at January 27, 2010 4:06 PM

Would I be a dirty old woman if I made some comment about how Dimples on the right there could warm up my bed?

Posted by: Beth R at January 27, 2010 4:13 PM

How would you feel if you worked there and were told your job description now included wearing a body condom and warming strangers' bed?

Posted by: Heather at January 27, 2010 5:04 PM

OK I've just been lurking over here a while but right now I Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Posted by: me at January 27, 2010 5:06 PM

Well, that's just dandy. After I told Miss Random Generator that it looked skinny, it goes and does this.

Posted by: Pam at January 27, 2010 5:32 PM

I already have a weird aversion to sleeping in hotel beds (I can't stop thinking of who, what and in what shape slept there last). Add in the human warmers and I'd never sleep in a hotel again - EVER. Haven't these people heard of hot water bottles or warming pans. Even our forefathers had enough common sense to know what those things were. (Hugs)Indigo

Posted by: Indigo at January 27, 2010 6:24 PM

Oh sweet mother. That photo really ups the creepiness level too!

Posted by: Katie B at January 27, 2010 6:53 PM

SO creepy! My.WORD.

Posted by: Heather at January 28, 2010 1:21 AM

Ooh, Indigo beat me to it! There are other (less germy and creepy) ways, Holiday Inn!

Posted by: Brigitte at January 28, 2010 6:22 AM

Ewwwwww! Don't those people who would request that service know that if you just lie in bed and make snow angels under the covers your bed will be toasty warm in just seconds. The thought of some stranger warming up my bed just gives me a case of the weirds.

Posted by: Leandra at January 28, 2010 8:17 AM

it's all I can do not to bring my own sheets to hotels. this? well, I need to rinse my brain with some clorox...

Posted by: babelbabe at January 28, 2010 8:29 AM

Gives new meaning to "don't let the bed bugs bite." Gross.

Posted by: Kim at January 28, 2010 8:54 AM

What happened to just running over the sheets with a warm iron before you jump in? and why is your room that cold-- doesn't the hotel have heat?

Posted by: chandler at January 28, 2010 9:17 AM

That worked! I am both distracted and wigged out and utterly convinced that you are correct about the cannibalism. WELL DONE.

Posted by: Aimee at January 28, 2010 11:02 AM

SO distracted, in fact, that I said I was "both" and then listed three things. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?

Posted by: Aimee at January 28, 2010 11:02 AM

Have Mercy! Leandra, I was thinking snow angels, too. And Babelbabe, send the Clorox my way when you're finished with it.

Those poor employees at Holiday Inn thought they had a dignified job as hotel clerks, and now they are nothing more than Late-night comedy fodder and tasty morsels for cannibalists. Shudder, indeed!

Posted by: Lori B. at January 28, 2010 11:09 AM

I am going to state an unpopular opinion and say that while I would never call someone to come warm my bed, I think that would be the MOST. AWESOME. JOB. EVER.

I totally want to get paid to wear footie pajamas and lay around in bed. How is that not the best job in the world?

Posted by: megs at January 28, 2010 11:14 AM

I read about this on Reuters and got the heebie-jeebies then and now have them all over again. As the babes say ucky poops!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: pam at January 28, 2010 11:41 AM

They're pulling our (collective) legs, aren't they? Please say they are! Ew ew ew, pass the brain clorox please.

Posted by: Carrie (in MN) at January 28, 2010 11:44 AM

I have seen advertisements for sheet sets that are sewn together like sleeping bags, specifically for use at hotels/motels. Pull back the top sheet and blanket that are already there, slip your sheet sleeping bag in between, and voila! You know what you are sleeping on! (And that it has not been previously occupied by unknown persons stertorously wheezing unknown germs on your sleeping surface!) After reading that hotel maids are often fired for "popping" sheets, and now THIS "service," I want one of these. Boundary problems, indeed.

Posted by: JMixx at January 28, 2010 1:26 PM

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the prevalence of bedbugs in the US is once again on the rise. And we all know about what happens when the CSI people look at hotel rooms with an "alternate light source," right?

Human bedwarmers are actually the least of the hotel heebie-jeebies for me. Although I, too, will take the hot water bottle or bed-snow-angel, thank you.

Posted by: JMixx at January 28, 2010 1:30 PM

Love it! I HAD TO post that one Facebook!!! You just added gross fun to a gloomy day. Thanks. Not quite as good as a new book though.

Posted by: GrandeMocha at January 28, 2010 3:43 PM

Another reason to goRV. ;)

Posted by: PattiH at January 28, 2010 6:12 PM

not only can you buy electric blankets, but also available in stores are electric mattress pads that fit under the sheets. No need for germy humans.

Posted by: Jen Wilcox at January 28, 2010 9:13 PM

Ewww... that's just creepy.

Glad you're feeling better!

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Posted by: WP Themes at January 31, 2010 6:22 PM

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