November 9, 2009


I just Tweeted. ALL BY MYSELF! *preen* I realized I was never going to call Mir and have her teach me how so I went with my tried and true method of farting around with a thing until I accidentally break it, except here I think that instead of breaking it I may have accidentally used it correctly. UNPRECEDENTED.

If you are following me on Twitter and I have indeed successfully Tweeted and you have witnessed this, leave me a comment now and say so as I do not trust the whole shady business.

Mir says I can Tweet from Facebook or at least WHILE updating my Facebook. She says I can Tweet from my cellular phone. I can even Tweet via my Facebook using my phone, so now I am going to go fart around with all that stuff. I think the most likely object I can accidentally break as I fart around is the phone, since I can’t drop Facebook into a toilet.

Or perhaps I should just say I have not YET discovered how to drop Facebook into a toilet. I am sure if it can be done, I am the girl to do it. I have destroyed one off-brand Blue Tooth and severely injured my old flip phone via dropping them into a toilet and a cat’s water bowl, respectively. Also, I ran over another generic Blue Tooth with my car, so do not underestimate my ability to destroy. I could have all of Facebook unutterably perma-borked by tea time, if I REALLY try to learn how to use it all unsupervised-like.

I found the whole 140 characters thing to be sweat-soakingly exhausting, because I want my tweets to be good. I have heard my Twit-addicted friends dissing on those who tweet boring things (“I am eating a muffin. It is a good muffin!”) and dissing even harder on the poor souls who really, really, no REALLY overshare (“Good news, friends! I pooped!”). So I have to find my TWEET voice and the size restrictions are hard for a person so prone to hyperbole that I can use 140 characters to get across the concept of “and.”

If I was not afraid of overtweeting, and if my publicist was not following me on twitter meaning my publishing house might hear about things I tweet, I would tweet this: If I do not get a break from all this CRAP PILED UP ON MY STOOOOPIT TO DO LIST I will never finish this book. NEVER. Ever. Much less on TIME.

Even Twitter is writing out a TO DO list for me, it looks like this:

What to do now:
1. Tell us what you’re doing in the box above
2. Find some friends and follow what they’re doing

3. Turn on your mobile phone to update your friends on the go

Notice Twitter includes the compellingly sexy crossed out parts that make me feel like I have accomplished things when really I am sitting in here sweat pants and as of yet I have not even accomplished LUNCH.

Also, in the next two weeks, I plan to start group tweeting (sounds dirty) with 4 of my friends because we have a new SECRET PROJECT involving my favorite hobby, which you probably think is playing Pathwords on Facebook, but math proves that my actual favorite---- based on time spent doing it---- is unquestionably “having body dysmorphia.” So. I will be tweeting about THAT, too, as if there is one thing I have learned from my recent forays into mad fitness...Better is never quite good enough. JACKSON, OUT!

(That sounded cooler in my head. More like Tina Fey hollering, “Lemon, out” on 30 Rock and less like a failed Tito project.)

Posted by joshilyn at November 9, 2009 1:51 PM

I saw your tweets! Both of them!

Posted by: Dani at November 9, 2009 2:36 PM

It worked! Congratulations ;o)

Posted by: Emily at November 9, 2009 2:49 PM

Wait, wait. Body dysmorphia is my favorite hobby, too, 'cept you actually DO STUFF about it whereas I prefer to sit on the couch and cry about being fat.

And then demand that my husband go make me some popcorn.

With real butter.

I... may be in trouble, here.

Posted by: Mir at November 9, 2009 3:05 PM

I saw! I saw! And hereby commend.

Posted by: Mit at November 9, 2009 3:08 PM

You did it! Yay!

Posted by: Michelle at November 9, 2009 3:10 PM

I saw your Tweets - Congratulations!! You are ahead of me so far -

Posted by: Pamela L at November 9, 2009 3:17 PM

I saw you! And I replied :) Didja get it? huh? huh? :P

Posted by: Heather at November 9, 2009 3:24 PM

I thought you meant Tito the Communist dictator. I think I just dated myself. Which would at least be preferable to dating Tito. Either of them, I think...

Posted by: rams at November 9, 2009 4:33 PM

Tweet Tweet! Yay!!!

Posted by: Kim at November 9, 2009 4:37 PM

Saw both your tweets and replied to the first one! Yay you!

Posted by: Fran at November 9, 2009 5:13 PM

Oh, good, you are tweeting!

Posted by: Stephanie at November 9, 2009 9:19 PM

Congratulations! I am sure you will have hundreds of tweeps before you know it!

Posted by: Carmen at November 9, 2009 9:19 PM

Woo-hoo! Who's a brand-new Twit, then? I re-tweeted your second tweet, because your first tweet, being exactly 140 characters long, was too long to be re-tweeted without suffering some editing, and I couldn't bear to edit it.

Posted by: Sandra Leigh at November 9, 2009 9:51 PM

I saw, I saw! It was in my feed reader, and I couldn't figure out who it was at first, since I had followed you so long ago and you never were a twit before. Uh, I never tweeted before. Yeah. ;~)


Posted by: jess at November 9, 2009 10:08 PM

I am your follower! You are a successful tweeter and I can't wait to see your tweets.

Posted by: Nikki at November 10, 2009 4:56 AM

Well, silly, with all the tweeting going on it looks like you are PURPOSELY adding things to your to-do list in order to avoid working on your book. Nobody MADE you learn to tweet, did they? Such a naughty, naughty girl! ;-)

Posted by: Brigitte at November 10, 2009 7:06 AM

You've got nothing on my step-mom. She dropped her phone in a 5 gallon bucket of paint.

Posted by: Avallia at November 10, 2009 5:12 PM