October 12, 2009

Doing and Undone

HI! I am being undone by hideous fate! Today was the day of the great reclamation of fitness, yes? Yes. Remember YESTERDAY, less than 24 hours ago? I sure do. Nature and technology, who used to be such archenemies, such deadly foes, such despising opposites, have decided to make their new motto, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.”
I am apparently the enemy they chose to bond over.

NATURE, that vicious harpy, rained out my boot camp. POURED out my boot camp, actually. She cut loose every raindrop in her arsenal upon The Few, The Proud, The Dumb Enough To Show Up to Boot Camp in The Middle of a Raging Rainstorm. We took shelter in a party pavilion, where we put our yoga mats on top of wooden picnic tables and did an hour of lifting interspersed with moist sit-ups, plank, and mountain climbers. Upside? I burned an extra 15 calories flapping my lips in an endless stream of curse-filled invective against Nature. That shrew.

I slogged home feeling thwarted...calisthenics are nice and all, but boot camp is circuit style training where cardio meets resistance and then they team up to leave you a quivering pile of deliciously sore muscles. I felt cheated. And damp.

I came into my house and hied IMMEDIATELY to my million dollar computer chip run, so-sophisticated-it-is-practically-sentient elliptical. I got on it, chose a long routine, put on a movie about fish-belly white blind cannibal humanoids who eat up pretty, British cave explorers. (Name that film!) The film made me nervous enough to paddle REALLY fast, and I was just starting to lather up into a pounding gallopy sweat when --- a terrible CLUNK noise emanated from the bowels of my wildly expensive and therefore not currently replaceable machine. Some sort of hinge thing cracked and fell out of the leg part, and now it won’t go.

I weigh less than HALF of the maximum weight this machine can support, so let’s not blame my butt for this, mmkay? Perhaps the manufacturers assumed that like my long forgotten and free cycled boring treadmill, this elliptical would swiftly become a very expensive sweater hanger? Well, I made the mistake of actually USING exercise equipment this time. But I cannot have worn it OUT already? It is not a new machine, but neither is it old and creakful. It is, in fact, exactly middle-aged enough to have JUST passed out of the stage where everything is covered under warranty.

Well played, Technology, you jerk. Well played.

On the upside, my emotional response to this was not food. It was napping.
Though UNDONE , I am still DOING. Alas, I am irresponsible and I do not update my appearances page as I should. But I have much ado this week.

If you live in the Atlanta area, come and see me! And after, we can do JUMPING JACKS in the freakin’ parking lot since my next scheduled boot camp is WEDNESDAY which – NOT coincidentally—is when Nature has planned her next RAINSTORM. (Not kidding. The radio said so as I drove home.)

Tomorrow, Tuesday October 13th at 7 PM, I am going to be talking about my books and the writing life and maybe some Q and A in the Cisco Auditorium at Georgia Gwinnett College. If that is your neck of the woods, please come on out. Look, The info is up on the college’s home page in the revolving banner at the top: Make clicketty here.

On Thursday, October 15th at 6 PM at the Commerce Club I am on a panel talking about my sudden-co-arch-nemesis, Technology. Also on the panel, the raucous and ‘scrutiating talented Hollis Gillespie, Pulitzer Prize Winner and total mensch Hank Klibanoff and New York Times Bestselling memoirist Janine Latus.
The topic is Topic: Using Social Media to Connect with Your Audience and Sell Your Book and you can find more info here.

Posted by joshilyn at October 12, 2009 4:06 PM

Are there tickets required for the GGC reading? Their website is annoyingly vague. If I can make it, I will so do jumping jacks with you. I need to get my butt in shape.

Oh, and that sounds like The Descent, which I thought was an awesome and very appropriate for elliptical horror flick.

Posted by: Jessica at October 12, 2009 4:49 PM

Nope, no tickets needed.

AND YES! It is indeed the descent.

Posted by: Joshilyn at October 12, 2009 5:08 PM

Rain + machines that go bump in the middle of a workout = Thwarters of good health.

"Make clicketty here." (I am going to steal that line, at least once, in an email. I will try to remember to give you proper credit for this creative bit of word-smithing but I shall probably forget. So forgive me, O dearest, most pretty, most compassionate, Joshilyn, for I shall surely sin against thee in the not-so-distance future.)

Posted by: Vicki at October 12, 2009 5:24 PM

Ooh, I must watch that movie. I've had nightmares about fish-belly white underground dwellers since I saw "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" as a kid (what does this say about me, that I'd seek out MORE).

Posted by: Brigitte at October 13, 2009 6:13 AM

You AND Janine Latus? I want to go!

Alas, children. Am I the only one who has no life after 2:30 pm?

Posted by: Jen at October 13, 2009 8:37 AM

Hey, thanks to whomever mentioned the Spark site in the comments yesterday. I went to check it out and somehow that was enough to get me back on track again. Nature (snow! so let that put your measly rain back into perspective) and children (yes, Jen) tried to foil me, but I got in some exercise. Part of that exercise was on the Wii fit (meh), which also insisted on weighing me. Holy cow, was that a kick in the pants! I...I've never seen that number before.

Posted by: Carrie (in MN) at October 13, 2009 9:12 AM

OK, so last night I did not do my wimpy little weights routine (BTW, your training regimen sounds so much more strenuous than mine that it makes me feel GRATEFUL that I am content to be only a LITTLE smaller than I am, because There Is No Way). Instead, I came home and ate cinnamon raisin bread pudding with amaretto sauce (it was yummy, thanks!).

In my defense, I walked around (in a wander-pause sort of way, not aerobic, but on my feet) for 3+ hours in the afternoon, ate dinner at my desk and got home at 9 p.m., so I don't feel bad about that.

But this morning, I got up and did one of the aerobics videos, so that's a personal triumph!

There cannot be too much preparation or equipment required for my exercise, because every step increases the likelihood of non-occurrence by about a factor of 10 (1 = get out of bed; 2 = put on exercise clothes; this second is especially bad on chilly mornings; if I had to get out of the door - it'd never happen).

Good luck retrieving your devastatingly vigorous activity levels!

Posted by: Diane (TT) at October 13, 2009 9:48 AM

Hi, Joshilyn...

I met you at the Gwinnett Reading Festival last October. Looking forward to seeing you tonight at GGC. Love this blog!

Posted by: Beth McIntyre at October 13, 2009 10:44 AM

I just finished Between, Georgia, and it was FABULOUS. FABULOUS. I loved it! I am going to go buy the rest of your books RIGHT NOW. LOVED it.

Posted by: Katie at October 13, 2009 11:49 AM

oh Joshilyn, entertainer of my days.... I found the Zicam nose swab thingies here in a store. Want me to pick you up a few?

you may email me either at the home email address or at work peggy.spence@level3.com. I will be happy to cruise various grocery stores & such to send you some of them, since you gave them such a glowing review. Alas for me, it is tooo late in the killer cold cycle from heck to benefit from it's preventative goodiness.

Peggy in Tulsa

Posted by: Peggy in Tulsa at October 13, 2009 12:11 PM

Alas, I live much too far from the great state of Georgia to attend. Someday....someday, you will appear at a place located in the poor middle states to your west and I shall get to come see you. (I can dream anyway...)

Posted by: Kathy at October 13, 2009 12:28 PM

Katie --- THANKS!!!

Peggy -- no no, I do not want to lose all sense of smell and taste. And sadly, that can HAPPEN. SO no more nose sniffy, no matter how great nose sniffy is... It seems like it would be VERY bad to never smell and taste again. Esp. since I SO love chocolate.

Posted by: Joshilyn at October 13, 2009 1:08 PM