The worst shopping is no DOUBT bathing suit shopping, but jeans have to be a close second. I LIVE in jeans, so eventually, I have to do it. I have gone down a dress size, so I threw all my current jeans away lest I be tempted to eat my way back into them. Then I tried on my OLD smaller jeans and discovered that in the way of such things, they had become too unendurably MOMTASTIC to be worn in human public.
For the last fifteen years I have worn only GAP Men’s jeans, which is tragic, but hey, they kinda fit. Sort of. I bought myself some really cute (for me) ones last year. I must have been feeling HOPEFUL that day, because I bought an extra pair a size too small in the hopes that I would get into them.
Beloveds, I am into them.
I went back last week to get a few more pairs, and of course in the way of such things, this cut no longer exists. If it fits me, it is sure to be discontinued the day after I discover it. I tried on other cuts, but for the first time, Gap Men’s jeans FAILED me. They have gone all ACTUALLY manly looking. What’s THAT about?
I tried on Gap WOMEN’s jeans but they made me look like my entire lower body was made of koala bears. It was like I had stuffed three koalas in a stack in each leg, and some of the bears were doing yoga and poking their feet out at the sides. Over spandexed? Maybe?
I called Karen to pule, and she told me to WOMAN UP, that it was high time I quit using Gap For Men as my personal Jeans Grranimals and ventured out to find ACTUAL WOMEN’S JEANS that were cut for my figure. She said some BRANDS to me that I had never heard of, as I have the fashion savvy of a mother-naked trout.
-Seven looks FANTASTIC on Karen, but they make me look like I used to be a seventeen year old supermodel-slash-hooker and no one ever had the heart to tell me I turned 40.
Calvin Klein (okay I had heard of this...Thanks Ms. Shields) is cut for People Not Like Me.
(This is a nice way of saying, “People who like to overshare their butt cleavage.”)
DKNY jeans are SO cute. On the hanger. Not on me. I looked malformed. Weird. Like I was possibly a satyr with the backward-sy knee parts.
I tried on a pair of soemthign called J BRAND and...wow! I LOOK REALLY GREAT (for me) IN J BRAND JEANS! Then I noticed they cost 210 dollars a pair and they got considerably less cute. In fact, they got downright loathsome.
But after tears and endless mall crawling and creeping into dressing rooms with ten more pairs and poking at my phone to have financial consultations with Mir and fashion consultations with Karen and a BUCK UP LITTLE CAMPER AND GO BUY JEANS chat with Sara...At last! Sweet Victory.
Dear Ladies Who Are Little-in-the-middle-but-the-butt-is-round,
I have three words for you. Lucky Brand Jeans.
You may remit tearstained thank you notes and FTD Thank You bouquets at your leisure.
Love,
Joshilyn
Yes Joshilyn there is a jeans fairie - but honestly these days you have to be willing to pay for jeans that fit. And then you have to not forget and throw them in the dryer with all your other clothes because the dryer will change them forever!
Posted by: Catherine at September 28, 2009 5:50 PMLOL! My own Lucky Brand is called French Dressing, but I have gone through the same process. It is such a joy to find jeans that actually fit.
I mentioned my love affair with FD Jeans to a local shopkeeper. He nodded sagely and said "Yes, a lot of older women feel that way about French Dressing. For the younger women, it's Seven."
Thanks a hell of a lot, Mr.Shopkeeper.
Posted by: Sandra Leigh at September 28, 2009 8:11 PMYeah, I'm wearing jeans that are super comfy but tend to fall down a bit if I'm actually, yknow, walking. I have no butt to hold them up. It is unfortunate to the extreme.
Posted by: Heather at September 28, 2009 8:17 PMI'm wearing one of my (four) pairs of Luckys right now. Ahhhhhhhh. ;)
Posted by: Mir at September 28, 2009 8:48 PMOk, you're going to think I have LOST IT, but I am wearing Coldwater Creek KNIT jeans. THey streach, which means they forgive-like after Thanksgiving when you KNOW you aren't going anywhere NEAR the scales for at least a month and possible two!
THese babies come in colors, they feel like ten MILLION bucks, and they are made for real women, not teenaged TOOTHPICKS! I LOVE THEM. I have four pairs and they are my go to jeans, you know the ones you put on when you are spending the day at home and it is raining!
Swear! Try them!
Posted by: Gin at September 28, 2009 10:19 PMPaige are fab for curvy girls. The pockets do this lifty thing that's amazing. And, if you're patient, you can get J Brand and paige and all the other designers at 60% to 80% off on the designer sample sale sites, like redtagcrazy, hautelook, gilt, glamlist, ruelala, and rownine. Plus Costco.
Posted by: Poppy at September 28, 2009 10:42 PMNot Your Daughter's Jeans. My personal favorites.
Posted by: Katrina Stonoff at September 29, 2009 12:18 AMI hate shopping for jeans too as I am vertically challenged. If they fit everywhere they're supposed to fit, the pant legs turn out to be 5 miles too long. I have to take them back to my mom to have her hem them.
Posted by: Avallia at September 29, 2009 12:20 AMI hate shopping for jeans too as I am vertically challenged. If they fit everywhere they're supposed to fit, the pant legs turn out to be 5 miles too long. I have to take them back to my mom to have her hem them.
Posted by: Avallia at September 29, 2009 12:20 AMWhat cut did you buy?
Posted by: Jill James at September 29, 2009 2:48 AMA hundred bucks for jeans? Granted, only half a crazy as two hundred -- but a hundred bucks?
Posted by: rams at September 29, 2009 4:54 AMMy tummy defeats even the "tummy control" varieties. Makes me kinda wish the heinous 80s high-waisted things would come back, at least that held the gut instead of letting it slop over. TMI?
Posted by: Brigitte at September 29, 2009 5:42 AMYes. The ones I got were 80, though. 80 bucks for jeans. *Vigorous nodding* EVEN MIR SAID I COULD. I got one pair. To test drive---to wear and wash and wear more. And then, once I am SURE, I can start haunting discount places and ebay and get more pairs of what I KNOW I like for a lot less.
Anna says she finds lucky at Marshall's for 20 - 30 bucks!But the selection is not good and you have to haunt and KNWO what you want and snag it.
I am now sure. I am haunting!
Posted by: Joshilyn at September 29, 2009 9:51 AMDid you know that Macy's carries a brand called "not your daughters jeans" (coyly NYDJ)? The name alone made me shudder, and even though the sales gal pointed out the control panel in the front and a bit of give in the seat I flat refused to even consider them. The name is literally "Mom Jeans". I gag a little every time I think about it.
I LOVE my Lucky jeans. Sadly they are at the back of my closet waiting patiently for me to burn off a year's worth of self pity. But when I do fit back into them, I'm Unstoppable.
Currently I've settled for some Tommy Hilfiger jeans that don't make me look like I'm pushing 40.
Oh H.E.double hockey sticks... I should have read all the posts before I ran my mouth off. I'm sure Katrina S looks AB FAB in her jeans.
Posted by: eden at September 29, 2009 1:01 PMI am an hourglass shaped girl, but of the voluptuous variety. The ONLY jeans I will buy now is Lane Bryant's Right Fit jeans. This brilliant concept means that have three (THREE) different cuts to fit three body types - little in the middle but round butt, like Joss, hourglass (slighly curvy) like me, and shaped like a guy, pretty much straight up and down. The are the most perfect fitting jean I've ever owned. NO butt gap. Just the right length (and they do come in lengths too - I wear a regular). Boot cut is my fave, the straight ones just don't work with my thighs and larger calves, and flare just emphasized said thighs a bit too much. But boot cut, in the Red Fit, JUUUUUST RIGHT. I have sadly worn out my lighter wash pair and need to replace them. I think they fit so great because the waistband is cut on the bias, so it FITS where it's supposed to. And these are not fat girl mom jeans either, they are just below the waist, trendy shaped and fit jeans. I think this fall they also have some trouser jeans, but I have not tried those yet. So if you are one of us fluffy girls, try them. You'lllove them. And they are $50, and sometimes $40 on sale. Just sayin.
Posted by: Gail at September 29, 2009 2:29 PMDear Sandra Leigh,
You have the self-control of a Zen master. I would not have been able to stop the "Bite me!" before it got past my lips. But then, when someone rushes past me, whacking me with both shoulder and suitcase-masquerading-as-purse, murmuring, "'Scuse..." I often say, "Or you COULD just knock me over!" I know. Passive-aggressive, right?
Sincerely,
Jennifer
P.S. Thoughtless shopkeeper!
P.P.S. I WILL NOT pay more than $50 for a pair of jeans--until they are a size 10 (really, not just vanity-sizing) and they fit me.
Posted by: JMixx at September 29, 2009 4:04 PMI'm glad I checked in today, as I must drag my ample butt to the store for some jeans shopping (it's getting to be too chilly for the shorts soon!). So thanks for all the suggestions!
Posted by: PattiH at September 29, 2009 6:55 PMYou always make me laugh out loud!
Posted by: Jill Cooper at September 29, 2009 7:08 PMI love love love my Lucky jeans as a skinny girl with a bootay. My favorite place to find them? Ebay. Best score? 3 pairs for $25. NICE.
Posted by: Joy at October 1, 2009 9:09 PMI like some of the Lee jeans with stretch. I have to get them in the petite version though.
Check Costco for Lucky jeans as well. My friend got some there at a great price!
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