September 18, 2009

Three Things, Utterly Unrelated

THING ONE: Can you not comment? I got two emails yesterday saying comments were causing error messages and not posting. If you are having this trouble can you drop me an email at Joshilyn at the Joshilyn Jackson, dot to the com, dag yo. Please tell me what error you are getting?

THING TWO: Apparently, for MONTHS AND MONTHS, my favorite product in the universe, called “Nose Sniffy” by everyone at my house and “Zycam Gel Swabs” by the rest of the universe, has been in the news and sued and pulled from the market. I did not know until I went to CVS to buy another case and was told that APPARENTLY Nose Sniffy had caused a few million people to lose all sense of smell and/or taste. Permanently.

I am BEREFT. I KNOW in my heart that my beloved Nose Sniffy would never treat me so. Nose Sniffy makes the cold not happen, and as much as I travel, stewing in the foul human-dander-germ soup that is airplane air, I have come to depend on it.

Yes, yes, I know Nose Sniffy comes in melts and mouth mists and chewables, but, excuse me, they all taste like troll buttock. Worse, they coat your mouth with STEALTH troll buttock. The coating lasts for hours, and so, you gag your way through the chewable, and then two hours later, when you go to each lunch, you put a bite of ham in your mouth and the food REACTIVATES the troll buttock taste. No matter what you put in your mouth---food water toothpaste---- FOR DAYS, it all tastes like that foul foul foul hairy chewable. Zinc is SO repulsive that honestly, I think I’d rather have the freakin’ cold.

My friend Lydia, who is also tragically woeful over the disappearance of Nose Sniffy, put it best. She said, “"Who needs to smell things? I mean really. If I never smelled another thing I'd be just as happy as I am now. Which is freakin' ecstatic, every living second."

Amen. Call me when you discover Nose Sniffy causes irreversible brain damage. Until then, GIVE IT BACK.

THING THREE: I got a crackberry. I love it. I love it so much, so wrongfully. Yesterday I realized I could customize ringtones. So now, for example, when Scott calls me, it plays the theme music from UNDERDOG. Or when Karen and Sara call me, Beyonce starts wailing that if you had liked it, then you should have put a ring on it. I want everyone I have ever met to have a custom ringtone, until I have SO many it becomes meaningless because I forget who is The Fratellis and who is Tenth Avenue North. I think I am going to change my "you have a text" noise to Napoleon Dynamite yelling, "TINA! COME GET SOME HAM!"

It was a lot less expensive than I thought it would be. I asked the guy at my service provider’s phone store if I qualified for the SUPER HUGE CRACKBERRY discount and he looked and saw I got my last phone from them in...1997. SO. That would be a yes.

Now that I have this thing it is my plan to FINALLY learn to twitter. I signed up for twitter MONTHS ago and then promptly forgot it existed. I follow no one. I do not know how to follow. I do not remember my password. Or my username, which is probably Joshilyn or Joshilyn_Jackson or Joshilynjackson or somesuch. I forget the whole system exists until I get an e-mail that someone else is now following me on twitter. Then I have a brief moment of realizing I have no idea how to tweet or twit or whatever foul British-Cuss-sounding word The Young Kids call it these days, and then I forget it exists.

BUT NOW with the help of my new PHONE TOY, I shall learn. Next week. Apparently I need a platform, or so says my tech-savvy friend, Mir?

I hope that means new shoes.

Posted by joshilyn at September 18, 2009 9:09 AM

I think you mean zinc in the buttock section?

Posted by: elizabeth at September 18, 2009 10:02 AM

I said you need a CLIENT. Not a platform. But I think the argument can be made that a new client = new shoes, just so you can look spiffy for it or whatever. ;)

Posted by: Mir at September 18, 2009 10:26 AM

I had no sense of smell for about 3 years. It was no biggie, but I couldn't cook worth a damn because I couldn't properly taste things. I have my sense of smell back now, but I still can't cook. Hmmm. Maybe those two facts are unrelated.

Posted by: Anna Marie at September 18, 2009 10:32 AM

Can I just say that *I* want Napoleon Dynamite yelling "TINA! COME GET SOME HAM!" when *I* get a text message?

I lurve me some Napoleon Dynamite. (Because me and Uncle Rico? Back in '82, we could've thrown a football over those mountains. Or at least a quarter mile.)

I'm on my way to twitter to follow you.

Posted by: Tuli at September 18, 2009 10:46 AM

Consider the lilies of the field-- they neither twitter nor do they tweet. I have avoided Twitter like the plague. I just think it is too much, but now you and a few of my other favorite bloggers (The Bloggess, in particular) are on there and I am starting to feel the pull. Is Mir twittering, too? Damnit...

I can totally relate to the new phone love. I am an iPhone junkie, myself. Aside from the fact taht it is endlessly useful to me for any number of reasons, it is well worth the price of admission for the level of entertainment it provides my kids via the apps. It captivates my 4 year old so thoroughly that it even keeps her from wanting to glom all over the surely swine- flu-bubonic-plague-brain-worm infested toys and aquarium at the pediatrician's office. Also, it has taken my know-it-allness to a whole new level. I am a research freak, and now I can look up anything anywhere. Ne'er again will I be kept awake wondering who that guy was in that one movie with that girl, you know- the one where they were fighting that thing. No, nor any of my folk...

Posted by: Jill at September 18, 2009 10:47 AM

Don't hate me, but when I heard the first whisper of zycam swab outlawing, I went and grabbed up as many boxes as I could find. I have not had a cold since. That alone was worth the investment. I'd tried the zycam squirt gun but it gave me a bloody nose and really felt like an overdose, to boot. The swabs were perfect.

It gives me great comfort just opening the meds cabinet and seeing the tidy ranks of swab boxes lined up ready for the next snot war.

I wonder what the black market price is for them these days???

Posted by: Lulu at September 18, 2009 11:49 AM

LOL I am diggin' you on the whole Blackberry thing. LOVE MINE.

Follow me on Twitter

;-) Heh. I have no problem commenting on your site.

Posted by: c.a. Marks at September 18, 2009 11:58 AM

Lulu- it sounds like the "spongeworthy" episode of Seinfeld. LOL

Posted by: Jill W. at September 18, 2009 12:12 PM

and another good crackberry thing is the BB messenger - like IM/texting but on BB only, so you have to find your BB friends and share pins.

uber twitter or I just got twiXtreme, both free client/platforms/applications for twitter, easy peasy.

and welcome to the BB addiction.

Posted by: elizabeth at September 18, 2009 12:21 PM

Um. . .Peach? How, exactly, do you know what troll buttock tastes like? And that it's hairy?


Twitter can be great fun, highly addicting, and it makes you think carefully about word usage, which is not at all a bad thing. You are JoshilynJackson, just so's ya know, and I'm following you now!

But not in that stalker-scary sort of way.

Posted by: Fran at September 18, 2009 1:12 PM

I've thought about Twitter but came to the realization that I'm not interesting enough to come up with pithy things to say all the time.

Posted by: Heather at September 18, 2009 3:56 PM

no problem posting at all.

Sorry about the sniffy things. I think a sense of smell might be underrated. You'd miss it more than you think.

Heading over to follow you on twitter so...could you please come up with something interesting? (We could be foursquare friends!)

Posted by: Jen at September 18, 2009 4:07 PM

yay! if you actually start tweeting, then I will have been EASON. Whoop de doo. Also, do you know if I could find some black market nose sniffy anywhere? Cause I think losing my sense of smell and taste would make me ALOT thinner. why eat the cookie if you can't TASTE the cookie?

Posted by: lonek8 at September 18, 2009 5:12 PM

um, that first sentence was supposed to say "then I will have BEEN FOLLOWING YOU ALL THESE MONTHS FOR A REASON." I had a weird typey problem there.

Posted by: lonek8 at September 18, 2009 5:13 PM

awesome :) am following you now. (wow that sounds so stalkerish.)

Posted by: Heather at September 18, 2009 6:21 PM

I really hate to be impolite, but... how do you know what troll buttock taste like? Have you licked one? Maybe bitten one? Heaven forbid, kissed one?

Posted by: Debra at September 18, 2009 6:47 PM

DOOD! I *so* told you about Zycam and the losing of smell! I DID! I DID I DID I DID!

Posted by: Sara at September 18, 2009 8:16 PM

Following you on Twitter! I feel like a stalker but I do not care; it will be worth it to read your tweets.

Posted by: Alison at September 18, 2009 8:54 PM

I am resisting the whole blackberry (but they are cute) twitter (isn't it bad enough that I'm addicted to farkle) and the texting thingie. I hadn't tried the swabs, the spray gave me a migraine. But hopefullly for you their is a warehouse filled with swabs that have your name on it. Write the company.

Posted by: Cele at September 19, 2009 11:28 AM

You can CALL them ringtones, but we all know what they really are. They are SONGS. Songs that play on your crackberry. Oh yes, they are. And you LIKE them. I'm just sayin'.

Posted by: Badger at September 19, 2009 11:35 AM

heheheheh I think it's hilarious how important it is to people who like songs to PROVE that secretly I DO like songs. Okay Badge, my old friend, do not let my soul-less-ness disturb your wah. You can pretend I secretly am moved to constant tears by the beauty of the note parts or whatever parts it is that people seem to like so much.

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 19, 2009 12:24 PM

PS I feel the same way abotu people who CLAIM not to love/adore/worship chocolate. They are lying for secret reasons. Probably to get my chocolate stash when I am not looking.

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 19, 2009 12:25 PM

PS I feel the same way about people who CLAIM not to love/adore/worship chocolate. They are lying for secret reasons. Probably to get my chocolate stash when I am not looking.

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 19, 2009 12:25 PM

As someone who has almost-no sense of smell, it is my opinion that, just like HAVING a sense of smell, there are advantages and drawbacks. Not smelling the smoke as your malfunctioning appliance lights the drapes in another room is a pretty significant drawback. So is not smelling the dog poop before you step in it. On the other hand, not being bothered by roadkilled skunks (other than that I really like them and hope that they haven't suffered), the diaper-changing station in the public restroom, or the coworker who forgot to brush his teeth (again!) can be a benefit. The part that affects me the most is that, at work, I have trouble telling whether a person has been drinking alcohol or hasn't bathed in a while (as a therapist working with substance abusers and depressed people, this information is incredibly valuable).

I will let you know about the potential posting problem when I see whether this post makes it.


Posted by: JMixx at September 19, 2009 3:34 PM

Hee! I am totally okay with you not liking songs, really I am. With a teenage boy singing heavy metal at me and an almost-teenage girl singing Disney Channel at me all day long, I am *thisclose* to not liking songs any more my own darn self.

Posted by: Badger at September 20, 2009 9:46 AM

Ringtones - make my own at Mobile 17 dot com
free and easy. I love waking up to "always look on the bright side of life" from Life of Brian. It's hard to wake up grumpy with a cheerful Brit whistling at me.

My sooper catholic friend is Ave Maria, and my hoarder mother is the theme from Sanford and Son. Golden Girls theme is another fave.

I'm always interested in what other people program their phones to wail.

Posted by: Dianna at September 20, 2009 11:37 AM

This is a test. My comment (of yesterday? the day before? I forget) hasn't shown up. Now I've forgotten what incredibly witty thing I said - but I know I empathized with your reaction to zinc. I tried to get ColdFX in the U.S. last month, to no avail. I settled for something called Cold-Eze, which turned out to be zinc-flavoured salt water taffy. It was truly repulsive, but on the other hand, my cold didn't develop beyond a brief sniffle.

Posted by: Sandra Leigh at September 21, 2009 12:45 AM

Sandra Leigh -- zinc-flavoured taffy?? Urk! >>shivers<<
Nasty, but still can't be worse than slippery elm lozenges for coughs. That is the stuff of barfy nightmares.

Posted by: lulu at September 21, 2009 11:33 AM

I set my husband and dad's ringtone to be "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic. Because, well, because they are. And it makes me laugh.

Posted by: Erin at September 21, 2009 1:25 PM

I could never get into the whole swabby thing. I thought the goo was worse than snot, and I also felt like if I'm gonna be throwing that thing away after using it once, I shouldn't be throwing away so MUCH snot-like substance. I take the el cheapo supplements when I am at risk for a cold... the pill form of zinc from the vitamin section at CrackMart. No chewing, no taste, no AFTERtaste, and no colds. I kinda o.d. on it and take twice the dosage, and it seems to do the trick.

I'm all about the cheap and easy. I am ESPECIALLY about the avoiding of the troll butt. Cuz, EWWW.

Posted by: tuney at September 23, 2009 2:28 AM

My husband was one of the bunches of people who lost his sense of smell AND TASTE because of the Dreaded Zycam. And trust me, it was not a fun thing.

Posted by: Diane at September 23, 2009 11:34 AM

Did it come back?

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 23, 2009 3:31 PM

WHOOPS hit send before I finished.... I heard this loss of taste/smell has happened to people and been permanent, but you said it as if it had resolved? Did his taste and smell come back?

Posted by: Joshilyn at September 23, 2009 3:32 PM