August 31, 2009

Better (Stick A Fork in) U

Because I am done.

I fly back to Dallas this evening, and I will spend all day tomorrow eating fruit and clambering about on the torturous treadmills of the Cooper Institute for Being Super Healthy.

The American Heart Association wants to weigh us and measure us and look at our blood (mine and the blood of my fellow BetterU Bloggers over at Mama Law) and see if we are Better. I feel better, Lord knows. BUT! Tomorrow we will see what my blood has to say. Blood is known for its honesty. Blood does not tell lies. If Blood chopped down the cherry tree, Blood would go to its father and say so directly, with no shilly-shallying or buck passing.

Meanwhile, since I KNEW I was in the HOME STRETCH and was about to be held accountable and be weighed and measured and de-blooded by strangers in another city, I decided to try and undermine 11 weeks of virtue in six days. I was ambushed by mallowcreme Halloween candy, which is COMPLETELY UNFAIR because this is AUGUST. WHY is it even in stores to tempt me? I had my internal resist-mallowcreme clock set to go off in SEPTEMBER, and considering Halloween is the LAST day of October, seemed overly cautious and excessive even to ME. But no. There it was, WHOLE ROWS OF IT in Kroger...

I’ve been doing all this crap with the good eating and the fruit and the careful choices for MORE THEN ELEVEN WEEKS NOW, yes? My HABITS are better. In general. And I’ve been working not to soothe the savage CRAZY via food. Why, not two hours before the Mallowcreme incident, I QUASI-passed a VERY difficult restaurant challenge.

I went out to eat post-church with a bunch of friends, and I KNEW THE RIGHT THING TO DO WAS TO was to not focus on the food but enjoy the company and have this spangled with virtue salad with low-fat dressing that sat ALMOST ALONE on the teeny sidebar heart healthy part of the menu... That would have been WIN. But I WANTED a bacon cheeseburger. At last, my vitals all aflutter in a pathetic internal MENU DITHER, I compromised by having this California shrimp salad. Here in Georgia, "California" means a salad has bacon and avocado...SO I got that, but I ordered it with NO bacon and I had the full fat delicious dressing on the side and ate less than a tablespoon of it. I felt pretty good, even though I blatantly stole three French fried from Maisy. So, maybe not WIN, but certainly a decent push.

Then at Kroger, I ran smack into a cruel Halloween display and my hand reached out like I had lost my OWN good hand in a terrible buzz saw incident and at the hospital, UNBEKNOWNST to me, I was given a transplant hand that had come off a murderer.
A murderer who really liked candy.

That evil hand grabbed a bag of mallowcremey, plastic-y, glossy looking haystacks and pumpkins and cat faces and witch hats and put it in my cart, and deliberately moved the bag from my cart to the check out, and then moved the bag from the check out counter to my home, and then the Bad Hand popped that sucker open and a host of Mallowcremes fell out. I ate of them and ate of them and ate-ate-ate of them until my tongue had sugar burn and I felt violently ill in the very pit of my stomach.

It was awesome.
In fact, I’d do it again. RIGHT NOW.
For BREAKFAST I would do it. Were there any left. *burp*

In other I SUCK news, I have not made it to a BOOT CAMP in a week now due to various schedule conflicts and a little 24 hour Clamminess virus that came home with Maisy and worked its way through the entire family, day by day. It was not very interesting, as Viruses go. (This is a good thing, considering that the INTERESTING viruses make you bleed out through your eyes and die. This was just a little blip.)

One by one, we got weak and headache-y and whiny for 24 – 36 hours, and we would have alternation bouts of having a low grade fever and being unpleasantly clammy. I could nto go to Boot Camp as I was home with Clammy kids or very busy being clammy myself. I did paddle my elliptical, but home work outs are just not as good. I don’t PUSH.

Blah blah, whine wine, excuses, excuses. I had a bad week.

Here’s the thing. I am not sure it matters. Really. So I attacked a bag of Mallowcreme. Eh. No one DIED. No one lost an EYE. And this morning I am up and back on the path of virtue, having a banana and a skinny latte and heading off for an early morning boot camp RIGHT NOW. Even my WAGON-FALLINGS are less bacchanalian and less gluttonous than my old REGULAR FRIDAY NIGHTS. I think that my actual HABITS may have changed over the course of this twelve weeks. I even think it’s possible that some boot camps and a bag of mallowcreme can’t derail me.

I think? I may actually be a little, a little, a little...better.

Posted by joshilyn at August 31, 2009 5:20 AM

Wow, this sounds creepy in my head even before i type it, but hopefully--contextually--the spirit in which it is meant will be plain: I can't wait to hear about your blood tests!

Bravo and congrats on hanging in there throughout setbacks and derailments and always climbing back on the BetterU horse! Or maybe it is a mechanical bull. Whatever, yay better you!

Posted by: Rachel at August 31, 2009 6:35 AM

Have a great trip, and I hope your blood tells lots of good thing about you! Like how funny you are and what a pretty face you have, even if it has to fess up about the Halloween candy.

Can't wait to hear the results.

Posted by: Jen at August 31, 2009 6:53 AM

I just keep thinking about the old saying (often from nasty old snobs, but sometimes from people seeing someone of good family surmount bad circumstances) "blood will tell". I'm sure that (since you have an excellent family) your blood will tell good things about you. Your heart, anyway. Your pancreas may be a little cross about the mallowcremes, but I'm sure that it will forgive you and no long-term damage will be done.

Congrats! I didn't have any blood work done, and I only lost a few pounds over the 12 weeks, but I have been exercising and they do say that's a good thing which will have long term results. And maybe the jeans fit a little more comfortably, too.

Posted by: Diane (TT) at August 31, 2009 8:49 AM

that is funny that in Georgia "california" means guac and bacon. In California if you order a "california" burrito it means it is chock full of french fries. I didn't think you could add more fat to a huge burrito. It is pretty good!1

Posted by: Allison at August 31, 2009 11:11 AM

I must say that while it certainly isn't Boot Camp, the Wii Fit we got yesterday puts me through a workout.

And considering I haven't had an actual, honest, do-more-than-walk-from-here-do-the-fridge-and-back since, oh, 1987 or so, I'm tickled pink with it. At least I'm doing SOMETHING instead of NOTHING.

The sticktoitiveness of it is yet to be determined, but dang! It's FUN!

Posted by: Chris of the Woodwork at August 31, 2009 12:32 PM

Baby steps, Peach, baby steps.

And sometimes Good Ideals have to fall by the wayside.

Last night our youngest (who's a stunning, tall 19) was jumped on his way home from work at about midnight by five to seven thugs. He's fine, he did everything just right and got away with minor bruises and a clock to the head but no theft and no real damage.

Still. Shake-making, and I'm sitting here nibbling on a gignormous piece of German chocolate cake that I will have to lie about having.

But I don't feel too bad about doing it, and since the world is misty and fine today, I'm not going to let the guilt overwhelm me.

You shouldn't either. Blood work is honest, and it may show that you had a slip, but it will positively GLEAM with your goodness beforehand. Blood is good about telling the truth that way, I've found.

Safe journey!

Posted by: Fran at August 31, 2009 5:45 PM

Moderation in all things. Especially moderation!

This line: "I am not sure it matters. Really. So I attacked a bag of Mallowcreme. Eh. No one DIED" That line right there tells me that there has been some good change in the brain/habits/attitudes. That's the hard part!

We're all proud of you!

Posted by: Beth R at August 31, 2009 10:03 PM

You are the bestest BetterU I know of! Not only have you made some wonderful changes in your own life, you have inspired other women to improve their health too!

I was on a "plateau" (read: eating a healthy, moderate, whole-grainy, fruity, low-fat diet, and losing NOTHING) for the past two or three weeks. Discouraged? No! I was reading your blog and seeing that you were having good weeks and "eh" weeks too, so I plugged along, confident that if my waistline didn't change, I would nonetheless FEEL better and BE healthier. And yesterday, wonder of wonders, I stood on the scale and had lost ONE POUND! Yee-ha!

Anyway, I wish you a safe and pleasant journey and good news from the testing!


P.S. You wrote "clammy" so many times that now I am craving seafood. Hee.

Posted by: JMixx at August 31, 2009 10:27 PM

It sounds like you had a really good 12 weeks, despite the mallowcremes. AND you were on vacation. I'm very impressed! 12 weeks did a lot for me, too. I'm going to try my best to keep it up, and even keep blogging about it.

Thanks for promoting this program! It has been a fun ride.

Posted by: Cathy at September 1, 2009 10:32 AM

Good on you, Miss Joshilyn, for instigating some Betterness in the world! I appreciate your example and especially your humor in these things!

After these 12 BetterU weeks, I am, if not Better, at least a few pounds lighter. However, I am a bit more consistent at logging everything I eat and better at moderation of indulgences and portion sizes (fewer healthy eating FAIL episodes). And I actually need to cull clothes that are now too big around the waist for me! Yay.
I will now try to nobly follow your empathic example further and not cut off my own evil hand which grabbed the giant bag of M&Ms at Costco yesterday and packed a baggie of them into my briefcase this morning. Eating one M at a time as I work is better than eating one handful at a time!! Babysteps, babysteps....

Posted by: Lulu at September 1, 2009 12:59 PM

Ah, Joshilyn, I was halfway through writing my BetterU Tuesday post when it suddenly occurred to me that the programme might be over. I guess I was right. Okay. I'm going to keep going with the healthy eating/exercise regimen, because good things are happening (like having to buy new clothes). Thank you so much for your inspiration and encouragement.

By the way, I found "Gods in Alabama" on CD at our library, and I've just started listening to it, loving the story all over again.

Posted by: Sandra Leigh at September 1, 2009 10:29 PM

You ROCKED TODAY! It was great seeing you again! Looking forward to reading the next book! Hope to see you again, maybe in Atlanta?!


Posted by: Justice Jonesie at September 1, 2009 11:38 PM