August 4, 2009

BETTER TUESDAY: What Time Is It? (Hint: Not Hammertime)

Now that I am getting my fitness and nutrition under control, I need the AHA to come out with a system to make my disorganized BRAIN better....I am trying to organize my calendar for the next six months. I started this process at six am. It is now almost eleven am. I am NOT EVEN a third of the way done. I need a breakfast martini. It should be made with icy, icy Grey Goose and, in lieu of olives, it should come with little pimento stuffed Prozacs on a green plastic sword.

Or maybe I just need a secretary? YES? I want her to be named Beatrice and I want her to have a neck-bendingly massive, forehead-skin-stretchingly tight, rigorously stern, iron gray bun. She should wear black Birth Control eyeglasses. She can make the martinis. I believe she would vigorously pound the Vodka and the IDEA of vermouth (no need to mess up perfectly good Grey Goose with actual vermouth...) around in the shaker with hard, cruel ice until the vodka is SO SO SO COLD AND SORRY for all its wrongs that it becomes extra delicious.

Also she should have a savage wooden ruler that she uses to spank my palm whenever my brain begins to steam from the horrors of organizing my calendar and I try to sneak away to soothe it by looking at Lolcats. She can administer spanks and martinis in turn, until I am either fully organized or too drunk and palm-sore to care.

I am to the point where I am about to start turning down invitations just to NOT HAVE TO GET THEM ON MY CALENDAR. That means it is time to STOP trying to understand what 7 mountain time transfers to in REAL time, and close my day timer and WALK AWAY.

ASIDE: Some people call REAL time a weird acronym....something like “EST,” but that is insane. Honestly, if the rest of the world would just agree that 9 am in Powder Springs Georgia is 9 am EVERYWHERE, including Greenland, then updating my calendar would not be such an issue. IN FACT, I am deploying Beatrice to beat the crap out of everyone in Greenland until they agree to go to the Real Time system.

Okay! Calendar closed, and it is time to look at what I am going to do this week, this now, this today, to become Better.

Heh. I seriously just looked, and GUESS what WEEK NINE is about! ORGANIZING YOUR TIME so you have time to work out and cook healthy meals. Not kidding! I had no idea when I started whining as I had not looked at the week 9 program.

But now, my tool is (rather pointedly) telling me, “This week, think about why you don’t use your time as wisely as you would like. For example, are you unorganized? (yes) Do you let others control your time? (yes) Do you have too many responsibilities? (I dunno?) Do you procrastinate?" (I will procrastinate tomorrow, I am too busy to procrastinate today.)

They suggest this goal: "I will identify my priorities this week and develop a chart of: “Must Do” (high priority), “Hope to Do” and “Will Do if I have Time” (low priority) activities, making healthy eating and physical activities Must Do’s."

I think this could be LOOSELY interpreted to mean that I should abandon my calendar and go paddle about on my elliptical while watching game-show network. Then I should eat fruit.
So it is written, so shall it be.

I do like the MUST.HOPE.MIGHT. list. Unfortunately, the way this week's calendar looks, "Make a MUST HOPE MIGHT list" will have to go on the MIGHT part of the theoretical list. HEH! I will, however, keep my old goals. Track food. Boot camp 5 times. Elliptical 90 minutes.

GOOD LUCK, fellow Better-ers.

And, beloveds, may I just say THANK YOU so much for the NICE THINGS you said to me about the “Before and Midpoint” photos I posted on the Southern Authors Blog.

I’m a little frustrated as I have lost over ten pounds--- gone down an entire dress size--and no one from my regular, everyday life has noticed. A whopping TWO people who have not seen me in ages made comments. But no one from, say Church, and none of my playdate mom-friends.

I guess because these people see me too often and the changes have been too gradual? I keep dressing trampier and trampier, wearing tighter and tighter sweaters and sucking in and striking poses with objects, gesturing to things like I am Vanna White and hollering, “ Hey! Everyone! Look at this um...hydrangea bush! It is full of beautyness LOOK! OVER HERE! LOOK, LOOK AT ME WHERE I AMA STANDING! LOOK AT ME LOOK!” And they look at the bush and say, “Uh yeah, that’s a nice bush, you whack job.” And then on they go, and they completely fail to notice that I am Becoming Better.

It’s disheartening.

When I get my new cholesterol number which I truly believe will be LOWER and SUPER GREAT, I am considering having it tattooed on my forehead. People will notice THAT.

Posted by joshilyn at August 4, 2009 12:18 PM

Well, I've been reading your Better U blogs, and trying to get up the gumption to start being a better me, but did nothing UNTIL I saw the difference in your pics. This week has been better!


Posted by: GLory Words at August 4, 2009 12:34 PM

You should have your before and mid-bettering pics tattooed on your forehead - that might attract some attention now :)

Seriously, you look great. And I have also lost 10 lbs, though I have not changed a clothing size, but I can feel my pants getting looser, and I looked in the mirror this morning and noticed that my lunch lady arms are going back from whence they came. WHEE!!!!!

Posted by: Jen A at August 4, 2009 12:58 PM

I secretary mighty well, can don a bun that would induce a Joan Rivers level face lift, make a damn fine martini, have charcoal gray birth control glasses and am very willing to "convince" Greenland to run on real time.

...but alas, wrong name. I am deeply saddened.

Posted by: Dani at August 4, 2009 1:08 PM

I was just having the "why haven't people commented that I've lost weight" conversation with my mom just the other day and I have a theory. My theory is that people are afraid if they say "Have you lost weight?" that will imply that you NEEDED to lose weight and they don't want you (and I mean the general you here) to think that they thought you were fat. They don't realize that you(me!) are dying over here wishing someone would notice.

Posted by: Leandra at August 4, 2009 1:33 PM

I lost 9 pounds in July and not one person said a thing about it. I KNOW I look different because I can see it, my clothes fit differently and I'm standing taller & sucking my stomach in CONSTANTLY. That alone should make me look pounds and pounds lighter.

I think Leandra has it right. People are just afraid that you (we) will take it wrong and not as a compliment. A well deserved, hard earned compliment.

:: sigh ::

Pity the poor person who finally does notice and make a nice comment. I'll probably hug them and kiss them and make a Sally Field style acceptance speech.

Posted by: wickedmess at August 4, 2009 2:48 PM

OR, you could just dispatch Beatrice to beat the crap out of them and save yourself the tatoo.

Posted by: Roxanne at August 4, 2009 3:12 PM

A gal in my lunchtime total body conditioning class today mentioned that I was looking really good (we've been in this class together off and on for about 9 months). I almost hauled off and kissed her :-)

Especially since she's at least 10 years older than me and has a butt you could balance a martini glass on! You? Think I look good? YAY!

Yay for all of us!

Posted by: Beth R at August 4, 2009 3:30 PM

Are you freaking kidding me? Now the AHA is reading my mind? How did they ever manage to wade through the football schedule and the recipe for pretzel buttons? (m&ms...yummy!)

Just when I was about to skip my better tUesday post for the week because I was too disorganized. Sigh...

BTW, just be thankful for that lost 10lbs and dress size. I haven't lost a thing, unless you count my mind. But that wasn't a sure thing before.

You look fabulous, dahling. Have you lost weight? Stop. You're almost too thin. Really.

Posted by: Jen at August 4, 2009 3:34 PM

The last time I lost a bunch of weight, no one said anything until I had lost about 40 lbs. - even though the clothes were looser, and looser. I know they noticed, because when they decided to say something - they mentioned that they had noticed for awhile. So, please don't be frustrated - you look fabulous whether your regular peeps say anything or not. =)

Posted by: gin at August 4, 2009 4:44 PM

Yay all of you who stuck with this! I went on vacation for 2 weeks in June and never got back on. My plan is to start anew once school starts up again. Compared to all the new and challenging things I'm trying, working out will be so old hat I'll become a gym bunny again. (snort)

So YAY everyone who has stuck with this and met at least one goal each week whether you've lost weight or not.

Posted by: Jenn at August 4, 2009 6:06 PM

Some researcher people found that of all the compliments in the world, "Have you lost weight?" is the one that is most appreciated. Seriously.

Posted by: Ã…sa at August 4, 2009 6:12 PM

Oh, Wow - Joshilyn, I just saw your before/mid photos. Nobody has noticed? Seriously? You look fabulous!

I am so grateful to you for dragging me into this program (though I confess that I found the AHA site too annoying to navigate, so I've simply been doing my best and entering weekly progress reports at The Turtle). I am feeling much, much better, I've lost weight, and I'm looking better, too - whether anybody else notices or not.

We have - what? Four more weeks to go? I'm ready.

Posted by: Sandra Leigh at August 4, 2009 7:13 PM

You do look great! and it is VERY noticeable in the side by side pics. When I lost weight a few years ago, no one said anything until I was down nearly 25 lbs. I really think people don't want to say stuff for fear of hurting your feelings or whatever until it's SO blatantly obvious. To your face, that is....I live in the same part of GA and you can bet they're saying stuff when you leave. :)

Posted by: Beth at August 4, 2009 8:06 PM

As long as you notice, it does not matter about the others.

Posted by: jean at August 4, 2009 9:04 PM

Good heavens, woman! I looked at those pictures and you're, what, half your "before" size? You CAN'T lose any more weight -- you'll disappear and then who will write all the wonderful books we have yet to read?

Posted by: Fran at August 4, 2009 10:17 PM

Your calendar struggles sound amazingly like my own (and I have WAY LESS to put on mine in the first place!)

And note for all who are afraid to say the "have you lost weight?" ... my best friend has it down perfectly: "Do you need a new belt? You are looking sooooo SLIM" I never get tired of hearing it! (And she's got me beat by at least 5 lbs, but I've still got her beat in the BP and cholesterol numbers)

And Jos, You are looking FIT and FABULOUS!

Posted by: PattiH at August 5, 2009 12:12 AM

Yes, I think people are afraid that you'll think they're implying that you needed to lose weight and be insulted. Plus, I do believe there's something to the fact that the people who don't see you all the time were the ones to comment. It is more noticeable when you don't see someone every day.

Posted by: Aimee at August 5, 2009 11:06 AM

Phew. That ain't no mere ten pounds, and those silent people could certainly say "You look MARvellous -- what's your secret?" I do not, do not believe in endorphins, but I fervently believe that your inner you is certainly better, since your outer you, secondary though we agree she must be, is FABulous. (So I took a two mile walk this morning. All for you.)

Posted by: rams at August 5, 2009 12:31 PM

My usual response to people asking if I've lost weight is "I dunno, when did you see me last?". And sometimes the answer is "no", at which point I DO start thinking "They have a FAT picture of me in their mind!"

I weigh less than I did at the beginning of June (although not much), but I think it's about the same as August of last year, so....

And it's more than mid 2000, less than mid 2002, LOTS more than the mid-'90s.

Can you say "yo-yo"? Not much of one for fad diets, but I do tend to gain and lose weight, depending on my level of busy-ness and the degree to which I have the emotional energy to exercise and restrict eating.

Posted by: Diane (TT) at August 5, 2009 1:35 PM

all these posts are on weight loss! I'm still on "I need a breakfast martini... it should come with little pimento stuffed Prozacs on a green plastic sword." I have tears rolling down my face!

Posted by: Mary at August 5, 2009 2:50 PM

I lost 40 pounds last year -- four full jean sizes. When my sister (who hasn't seen me in two years) looked through my giveaway clothes, she pulled out a really cute Coldwater Creek duster and said, "Why are you giving this away?" I said, "It doesn't fit."

Her response? "Is it too small or too big?"

Seriously?! How can you not notice 40 pounds and four jean sizes?!!!

I can relate.

Posted by: Katrina Stonoff at August 5, 2009 3:16 PM

I also tend not to notice even massive weight-loss on other folks. I _do_ notice that they look different, but can't recognize that it's due to weight loss.

I think a safe way to inquire is similar to PattiH's belt suggestion. "Is that a new outfit? You look really good!"

"Have you lost weight" is fraught, for me -- kinda like asking someone if they're pregnant.

Posted by: Lulu at August 5, 2009 5:43 PM

I can relate, too. I've lost about 10 pounds and no one has said a thing.

Well, not no one. My beloved husband tells me all the time lately that it feels like he's holding less of me. :)

Posted by: Nikki at August 6, 2009 12:25 AM

Joss - You look fabulous. Your peeps will catch on soon. It's summer and their brains are a little sluggish due to the heat and the martinis around the pool. As soon as school starts they'll perk back up and the scales will fall from their eyes and then won't they be surprised?

Katrina - You didn't say whether or not you smacked your sister after her comment. I think I might have had to smack any family member who said that to me ;)

Posted by: Lori B. at August 6, 2009 12:44 AM

I'm a few days late, but wow! There's a big difference in the two photos. You look great! I was on vacation and well...kind of fell off the BetterU bandwagon, but your cute picture has inspired me to rejoin the posse for the last 4 weeks. That and a picture my son took supposedly of the lake, but all I could see was my great big butt getting into a kayak.

Posted by: Marjorie at August 8, 2009 6:20 PM