July 2, 2009

Away We Go (not the movie)

With the back of the Good Cat packed near to bursting and my metaphorical loins girded (I say metaphorical because in reality I don’t think I have the girdable kind, and yet I think I am psychologically ready to vacation without eating, say, Florida...) I am heading to visit my mother-in-law for a couple of days, and then on to the beach.

I got an email from Anonymous Friend (she of Goosey Goosey Gander Euphemistic fame) on the subject of Cheetos, which, in her lexicon of treats, are better than homemade rum cake. She believes the gods on Mount Olympus had powdery fingers stained the color of sunrise when they finished supping on their “Ambrosia.” She didn’t want to enter the contest because, you know, she is my FRIEND and if the gods of Random picked her it would be awkward---but she did want to pass along HER tip for heart healthy living:

Three days ago I took a snack pack of Cheetos in the back room, sucked every last atom of orangey goodness off each one, and then fed them to the dog.

HEE! Thanks! That’s a great tip, but I doubt the AHA would recommend it. It’s like...eating Morton’s. I wonder what the fat/calorie count on a Cheeto is when you don’t eat the ACTUAL Cheeto. Also, I suspect that leads to a Very. Gassy. Dog. My favorite part of the story is the CLANDESTINE nature of the Dog/Cheeto/Girl rendezvous. It’s a back room deal for sure, destined to remain secret because (sadly) Cheetos did not return from this assignation. And you KNOW the dog is not telling.

In further Questionable Nutrition News, Orla sent this link to a Florida news story about a woman who tried to SUE Cap’n Crunch (Yes! She sued the good Cap’n!) for duping her when she learned that his CRUNCH BERRIES are not an actual fruit. For FOUR YEARS she scarfedthe “berries” down, thinking she was getting one of her five-a-days. Poor lady. Truly, I blame Pepsi, the parent company, because they are tricksy hobbitses at Pepsi, and not to be trusted. I say this because I ate the blue pill, Nemo, and am thoroughly enslaved to Coco-Cola via a combination of well-targeted marketing, geography and the superior flavors of diet Cherry Coke.

My favorite part of the story? Down at the bottom it says, “The judge also noted that the lawyer in the case had previously been denied an attempt to sue Froot Loops.” Because, you know, CLEARLY FROOT refers to a real fruit, or a bunch of them, perhaps a pear-banana-crunchberry hybrid. *sigh* I wish to bring a class action lawsuit against that lawyer, actually, for wasting taxpayer money and being a weasel.

Don’t forget you have until MIDNIGHT EST to enter the contest to win a Better U, Better Me Kit. As per YOUR advice I am taking my FANCY red yoga mat with me to the beach and shall run my OWN boot camps, alone if I must, instead of just cardio-swim-walking-snorkeling.

Posted by joshilyn at July 2, 2009 6:53 AM

Sate travels! Have fun. Happy Independence Day, too.

Posted by: elizabeth at July 2, 2009 9:23 AM

I heard about that lawsuit. Clearly that lawyer's next suit will be suing Willy Wonka because there's no such thing as a snozzberry.

Have fun!

Posted by: Aimee at July 2, 2009 10:31 AM

Maybe you can wrassle a shark for Mr. Nguyen, for your boot camp on the beach.

Posted by: Brigitte at July 2, 2009 12:11 PM

I'm going to go sue Toys R Us because it's not actual Transformers or Bakugon DOING THE SELLING.

Happy travels!

Posted by: Heather Cook at July 2, 2009 10:15 PM

Wanted to offer a tip but already have a yoga mat so didn't want to enter the contest (would rather the gifts go to someone who wants/needs them). I've been trying to eat healthy and my new go-to cooking method is cooking in parchment, or "en papillote." Basically, you put what you are cooking in the middle of a sheet of parchment paper, then fold it up and crimp the edges. Then put it in the oven. It is basically steaming but better because it has the flavor of roasting. It is healthy because you don't have to use much oil/etc. Kids like it because they get to open their own personal packet at dinner. Some recipes:



Just search "in parchment" or "en papillote" on any recipe search engine. Julia Child has a good salmon en papillote recipe if you have any of her books around. Hope this helps make some recipes more exciting!

Posted by: Haley at July 3, 2009 11:32 PM

GO YOU!! You have lost weight, lowered your BMI, and BOOT CAMPED your way to better health!

Remember that whole wonderful supportive motivational entry you wrote where you said, "People who succeed at getting in shape are NOT the ones who never fall off the wagon and land face down in a quart of Edie’s Grand Fudge Ripple. Everyone does that sometimes." Remember that? It applies to Cheetos too. Every day is a new day!

That story about the Crunch Berries is too funny! They might have to invent a whole new kind of Darwin Award for some folks...

Hope you are having a wonderful vacation!!! I, myself, am going to Cape May in August--there will be swimming involved!!


Posted by: JMixx at July 5, 2009 10:06 PM