June 28, 2009

BETTER Shut It (A Better U Rant Against Mean People)

Disclaimer: I am not putting up the Better U logo because I am MAD and about to use bad language that the AHA may not wish to be associated with, i.e. Buttmunch.

Jennifer in Comments said, “I have been officially DEMORALIZED. And, therefore, hiding under the bed. I went to a doctor (NOT about my weight, or eating habits; about a SLEEP issue!!!) and he asked me "are you happy with your current weight?" Naturally, I said no, and began to explain the BetterU program, my goals, what I have been doing, etc, etc, INCLUDING how I have lost 11 pounds and 4.5 inches (overall). He interrupted me to inform that I was NOT in a SUPERVISED program (and therefore a very inferior one), then gave me a quick up-and-down with a jaundiced fisheye, and said, "I recommend that you see a nutritionist, because obviously what you are doing is not working."
• Chicken biscuit? Oh, #%&*@# NO!!!
• Pizza and chicken wings, anyone? Since 11 pounds and 4.5 inches is FAILURE, and I lack the nerve to point at a man with an M.D. behind his name with the BAD finger, I have been taking my anger out on myself in the form of carbs and fried proteins.
There are FIVE things to remember, here, Jennifer, and everyone else who has run into a set back, be it in the form of a mean person derailing you, a unsupportive person trying to tempt you to skip the gym and sit on the sofa and eat bonbons because if YOU change they might have to as well, or someone being HATEFUL and saying you are doing it wrong or not good enough because you are not doing it THEIR way.

The first and most obvious thing is, that doctor is a buttmunch. And people like that doctor belong to the buttmunch tribe. We belong to a different tribe and they do not control us.

The second thing is, no one program works for all people, even though ALL fitness programs are essentially the same thing. ALL fitness programs that WORK are merely different packagings around a couple of core ideas: Commit for a lifetime to better eating habits, learn portion control and find a physical activity that you like enough to make a near daily part of your life.

ALL GOOD PROGRAMS that are good for you and not FADDY crap that hurts you more than it helps are basically THIS. But the packaging MATTERS. For example, I HATE anything supervised and MEETINGY – I am NOT a joiner. I am terminally bored and unhappy at WW meetings, but I LOVE WW online. Some people like Yoga, but the whole being STILL and QUIET part with the chimes makes me want to put a knife in my eye. I am a BOOT CAMP kind of girl. I like yelling and running up and down stairs. Heck, some people like to Deal-A-Meal while sweatin' to the oldies. The package does NOT matter. The CHOICES are what matter---put those choices in ANY package you like, and go for it. BetterU works for me because it is SHORT TERM GOAL ORIENTED and VERY self-directed. I LOVE setting my own goals and rewarding myself. It is ALSO working GORGEOUSLY for Jennifer. If it doesn’t work for you, NO PROBLEM! Find what works, and do it. Your body deserves to be taken care of, because you live in it, and it is you.

The third thing is, the reason week four was all about finding a support system is because of buttmunches. And who is a buttmunch? (Hint: see the first and most obvious thing.) You must not let the Buttmunches GET YOU DOWN. The best revenge is notnotnot EATING FRIED MEAT AND CARBS. That only hurts you and PROVES THE BUTTMUNCH RIGHT. Do not prove the buttmunch right by abandoning a package that was working for you just because he is what he is. And what is he? (Hint: rhymes with Duttmunch.)

The fourth thing is, The best revenge is sticking with what WORKS for you, losing the weight, lowering your cholesterol and triglycerides and blood pressure, getting your waist under 33 inches, getting more stamina, feeling great and lookin’ good, and then calling him up and asking his desk staff to please pass on a message, and the message is, of course, the politest form of
that you can manage.

The Fifth thing to remember is, a feast of angry chicken and biscuits does NOT undo four weeks of work, 11 pounds, and four and a half inches. People who succeed at getting in shape are the NOT the ones who never fall off the wagon and land face down in a quart of Edie’s Grand Fudge Ripple. Everyone does that sometimes. The people who succeed in the long run are those who say, “OH WELL YOU KNOW I ate that fudge ripple *burp* and look, all I feel is bloated and weepy, and now I am going to climb back on the wagon, make myself my FAVORITE most expensive and delightful healthy thing for dinner – CEVICHE anyone? And put it all behind me.”

SO that’s what you need to. You ate the chicken. Oh well. That was THEN. This is NOW. What are you going to do NOW? Eat more fried chicken, or take the dog for a nice walk and have some fruit? CHOOSE B! We are all rooting for you to choose B. Especially the dog, who feels strongly that there are many fascinating messages in urine to decipher, if only you would just take him.

Also, there is a thing six that showed up in comments.
Rachel said: I bet he is a sleazebag who gets some kind of $ kickback from nutritionist referrals.

I bet she is exactly right! He brought the topic up, ignored your success, and tried to refer you to his own guy -- there was somethign in it for him. That doctor is SUCH a buttmunch.

Posted by joshilyn at June 28, 2009 4:01 PM

I tried meetings (the brand shall remain nameless because I really believe it is a good program for some) for an 18-week session when they began offering them at work (talk about buttmunches: a co-worker said to me *looking me up and down* "so, are you going to join?") I knew almost immediately that I had gone down the wrong path when, at the first meeting, the perky, California-bred (here in the upper midwest, Cal-gals sometims don't translate too well) said to us with a gleam in her eye "I'll see LESS of you next week!" I kept going, of course, because I had paid my money and I wasn't about to let that go, no matter how humiliating the whole thing was. At another meeting, when I had actually managed to GAIN weight, she looked at me with a sympathetic eye and said "Are you getting frustrated, hon?" My only frustration at that moment that there were too many witnesses present for me to carry out the murderous thoughts rampaging through my head. I have since become close, personal friends with a woman who happens to be a personal trainer (this is really a good way to go - I highly recommend it!) and have managed to lose some weight and gain some self esteem. The best thing about her is, she gets almost angry when people start talking about losing weight as if it should be the end-all goal for every out-of-shape schlump walking the earth. Eat right - exercise on a regular basis - the rest just comes. She's so totally right! And so totally NOT a buttmunch!

Posted by: Kitty at June 28, 2009 4:46 PM

I think that Dr. ButtMunch might be related to the nurse at that first tongue doctor you went to.

Jealous much?

Posted by: Jen G. at June 28, 2009 4:48 PM

Tell me you're joking!!!! What an utter jacka$$!!!

Jennifer: 11 pounds and 4.5 inches is to be celebrated! I'm so proud of you -- I don't know you from Adam, but I know how hard it is to get healthier and lose weight. You're doing GREAT!

I second Joss's phone message idea and strongly suggest you go find a new doctor ASAP and make certain that the reason you're leaving Dr. Buttmunch is part of your phone message.

Yay for healthy happy people! Boo for buttmunches!

Posted by: Beth R at June 28, 2009 4:49 PM

Wow, that doctor needs a punch in the junk.

Add me to the list of people cheering for finding a new doctor and writing a strongly worded letter explaining why.

11 lbs and 4.5" lost is EXCELLENT, how dare he undermine a patient's confidence like that? I bet he is a sleazebag who gets some kind of $ kickback from nutritionist referrals.

Posted by: Rachel at June 28, 2009 6:17 PM

I am so glad to not be in the tribe of Buttmunches. Because calling that dr a buttmunch is being really too kind. What kind of idiot is he really? Oh, never mind, I know. A proud part of his tribe.

Posted by: edj at June 28, 2009 6:49 PM

Some doctors do believe that their way is the only way. And you're probably absolutely right about the kickbacks and insurance props he gets for things like that.

There are some doctors who really are in it for the money, never doubt it.

Man, 11 pounds and 4.5 inches? You're a star, Jennifer!

And Joss, you're the best cheerleader on the planet. I bet BetterU wouldn't at all mind having their logo up on this post!

Posted by: Fran at June 28, 2009 7:08 PM

Hilarious posts. I feel better for them.I have been ranting about doctors for a couple of years. It feels so good to read it from others!

Posted by: Jenn Jilks at June 28, 2009 7:27 PM

Just wanted to mention that my own personal CV (see below) has been my best cheerleader for losing weight and getting healthy and stuff, in a very supportive/non buttmunchy way. I *hate* that there are docs like that in the world! I hope you went and pounded it out in some form of cardio thinking of his buttmunchy face. Ew. And congrats on your GREAT results so far!

Posted by: Beth at June 28, 2009 7:30 PM

MY doc is a PRINCE too. Been seeing him for years -- really liek the guy, and trust him, and believe he cares about me as a person and wants me to be healthy. Really great fella.

SO NO I do not mean ALL docs are buttmunches.

Just Jennifer's. :D

Posted by: Joshilyn at June 28, 2009 8:01 PM

The one thing I love the most about my own CV's (a WOMAN and her nurse practitioner) is that no matter how much weight I've lost or gained between my yearly visits, they are just always glad to see ME. That being said, I think Jennifer needs to find a different doctor. I've only needed to change doctors twice in my life time--once for me changing from an insensitive jerk CV to the two mentioned above who delivered both of my children, and once when my second child was 6 days old and diagnosed for horrible jaundice. The pediatrician's advice when he wouldn't nurse after three days in the hospital under billi lights was "Give him a bottle and he'll be fine." Seriously? Found a new pediatrician THAT VERY SAME DAY.

Posted by: Roxanne at June 28, 2009 8:37 PM

I'm very sad because my very not-buttmunchy doctor is leaving the practice in July, and she has been so terribly supportive of my weight loss desires. I have some health issues that keep me from losing what I want, but she keeps cheering me on, saying, "You're doing good and aren't gaining, so keep up what you're doing and do more when your body allows you to." THAT is a non-buttmunch doctor response to weight concerns. I don't like Jennifer's doctor. Hmph.

Posted by: jess at June 28, 2009 10:12 PM

THANK YOU!! I SO needed to hear all of that. (weep weep)(seriously- I am moved to tears.) This is the bestest best blog community.

Dr. BM (short for ButtMunch--I think)didn't even give me a chance to say the most important things; that I have increased my servings of healthy fruits and vegetables (apples! bananas! zucchinis! Oh my!) daily, and have been eating lean protein and keeping my daily fat grams down. It has been too darn hot here to walk outdoors, so I had been doing "floor work"; situps/crunches, pushups, leg lifts, and those tricep-thingies (until that whole hiding-under-the-bed episode).

Now it occurs to me that I am 42 #@&* years old, and I get to use whatever health-improvement program I damn well please, whether Dr. BM--or any OTHER BM, for that matter--gives my figure the jaundiced fisheye, or tells me I "must be mistaken about how many calories a day I am REALLY eating." (!!!!!!!!!!) I know ME, and "change everything you are eating/doing forever all at once" doesn't work for me however many letters he has behind his name.

Other than how supportive and wonderful you are, my favorite part of this whole experience is that my body chose not to listen to Dr. BM. Yes, I ate the pizza slices and chicken wings (urp); no, I haven't gained back any weight or inches. I went to the grocery store today and re-stocked my fruit bowl and got some nice whole-wheat bread and a yummy artichoke. AND NOTHING FRIED OR GROSS OR BRIMMING WITH REFINED SUGAR. Take THAT, Dr. Buttmunch!

I can so too be a Better-Me. Fragile psyche notwithstanding. Perhaps I should work on finding someone who has a dog I can walk.

Thank you again!!


Posted by: JMixx at June 28, 2009 11:23 PM

I think that "Dr. Buttmunch" is too long a name to use all the time, and that "B.M." pretty well says it all. What a jerk. Jennifer, I'm so glad to read "my body chose not to listen to Dr. BM." Good for you. Good for your body.

Posted by: Sandra Leigh at June 29, 2009 12:02 AM

Damn the Buttmunches.

Posted by: Nikki at June 29, 2009 4:54 AM

Ooh, I could go into my own stories, but I'll just say YAY Jennifer!

Posted by: Brigitte at June 29, 2009 5:56 AM

Jennifer....You go girl!!

Posted by: Kathy at June 29, 2009 7:57 AM

Could you make these pep talks a regular thing? It is very helpful, especially on a Monday morning. Thanks, I will have a better week!

Posted by: Tracy at June 29, 2009 8:47 AM


I am JEALOUS at your progress! You're doing really, really well.

We should start a letter writing campaign to Dr. BM about how he's a buttmunch. In fact, maybe all letter should be address as:

Dr. SuckIt ButtMunch, MD
1234 Whatever St, Suite 666
Clueless, DR 12345

Posted by: Cathy at June 29, 2009 8:50 AM

I love you all. :) Ditto!!

Posted by: JulieB at June 29, 2009 9:32 AM

What an a$$! I've run into more than one doctor like that myself. Makes me appreciate the doc I finally found who is courteous and kind and actually seems to give a darn about me.

I agree that you should fire Dr. BM immediately, and make sure he knows why! I doubt it will change him, but it will make you feel better.

And please let me add my congratulations - you are doing GREAT! I'm so glad you aren't letting the buttmunches of the world get you down, at least not for long.

And thanks, Joshilyn, for your wonderful response to this. You're the best!

Posted by: Julie G at June 29, 2009 11:28 AM

1) YOU are Fabulous
2) Buttmunch is, actually and in reality, an Asshat
3) Of course he gets kickbacks, and you should send a little love letter to the AMA insinuating as much.
4) YOU ARE FABULOUS and making most excellent progress.

Case closed.

Posted by: CityGirl at June 29, 2009 12:16 PM


You go, girl!

Re: too hot to walk outside, I am not above putting a fan on the floor aimed at me, turning the TV up, and marching in place for half an hour or more! I count steps the first minute, then do the math for 1000 steps to equal 1 mile times x goal miles.. OR just set a goal time. Then I do floor work during the commercials. Not original with me; I stole it from a Zone book. But for guilt-free TV,it is a winner!

Definitely let your MD know why you are leaving. He is probably feeling the primary care $$$ crunch like most of us in health care, and you may actually have more influence than you know!

Best wishes, hang in there! You are doing amazing!


Posted by: elizabeth at June 29, 2009 12:40 PM

Jennifer, I think you're AMAZING! If I lost 11 lbs and 4.5 inches, I'd pay to have it announced on the local news.


Posted by: Lori at June 29, 2009 1:45 PM

LOL!! This blog made me wet myself at work...

I think I officially have a girl crush. Maybe not. I am a happily married woman, struggling to lose the last 10 pounds, and just recently introduced to all things Joshilynn. But you said everything about weight that I have felt for a long time--all in one blog!!

Thank you for summing up what probably all women feel....


Now I can tell my husband something true, funny, and to the point when he nags me about if I feel like working out today. (Most of the time I do, some days I don't especially when he keeps me up all night rustling around like a racoon.)

I am proud to say that a hula hoop helped me. Lost 15 pounds of complete flabby ass and muffin top. I just hoop around the house and yard for 2-3 hours if I can. And voila! Gone! Just need to lose about 10 more and/or tone what is left...

It is hard being from Alabama. I love everything fried. I even fried cucumbers the other night for dinner. Dammit why does Alabama food taste so good? I guess I will never know :(

So, thanks for becoming my new favorite person Joshilynn!


Posted by: Amber at June 29, 2009 2:01 PM

I just wanted to mention, I'm not doing the Better U program, but I've been enjoying hearing about it from those of you who are. Ninja-like, I have been quietly stealing the ideas I think will work for me. My mini soda fridge? Completely filled with fresh fruit and veggies. And not a one has been left to rot.

So yes, if you need another warm fuzzy---though I think 4.5 inches is a warm enough fuzzy for anyone, well done!---please know that your example is helping other people too.

Posted by: Marleigh at June 29, 2009 2:16 PM

Wow, Joshilyn, you are the best cheerleader of all time. And way to go, Jennifer! 11 pounds is a tremendous accomplishment. I'm feeling all inspired and empowered now myself.

Posted by: Holly at June 29, 2009 3:06 PM

By the way - do you mind, Joshilyn, if we print out this post? I'd kind of like to tack it to my wall for reading on days when I run into buttmunches or feel lethargic.

Posted by: Holly at June 29, 2009 3:08 PM

Ooooh...a hula hoop?

I live in a condo with people in a condo below me, and I know from listening to the guy who lives above me stomp around that we are not perfectly soundproofed. Hence, I have been reluctant to do aerobics in my living room, for fear of terrorizing my downstairs neighbors or making them think that an earthquake is occurring. Heh.

But a hula hoop...? One could be ferociously active, indoors if the room were large enough, without jumping about or stomping...

Might take some practice, but this idea I like! Especially for the 90-plus days with the 80% humidity. Thanks, Amber!!!

And thank you, too, all you supportive and wonderful Peeps. Joshilyn, you really are the best cheerleader ever ever.


Posted by: JMixx at June 29, 2009 4:35 PM


Thank you, Joss, for showing me THE LIGHT!!

(I'm only half kidding here. Hey, that weird pastor in Florida is trying to get all the married people in his church to have sex [with their own spouses!!] every day for 30 days. Maybe he's on to something...??)

Posted by: Kate Setzer Kamphausen at June 29, 2009 5:44 PM

p.s. Jennifer, clearly you are GORGEOUS and, as Mir says, your hair is so pretty today! Buttmunches don't know anything.

Posted by: Kate Setzer Kamphausen at June 29, 2009 5:46 PM

I just love you SO MUCH. POWER to the non-buttmunch tribe!

Posted by: Kira at June 29, 2009 8:50 PM

The Buttmunch doctor clearly has his own agenda. I have had different doctors give me contradictory advice before and each has always delivered said advice with the utmost certainty and authority. Who to listen to? Find a tie-breaking doctor?

I agree with Joshilyn's "Fifth Thing". Eating a feast of chicken and biscuits DOES NOT undo your four weeks of hard work -- not even close!

There are Buttmunches in all areas of life and we have to stop letting them get to us.

Posted by: Michelle at June 29, 2009 10:30 PM

Jennifer keep going girl you rock.

Joss, girlfriend you put Tony Robbins to shame. We need to call you Drill Sergeant Jackson, sir yes sir.

Posted by: Cele at June 30, 2009 1:25 AM


I am in the same boat as you, sort of.

We live in the city, so I don't have tons of room outdoors to exercise. And it's hotter than blue blazes outside.

I do take tons of fitness classes (indoors with A/C! woohoo) but at home I just hoop forever and ever.

The studio I work-out (dance) at is:

She sells weighted hoops which give you a good workout because--they are weighted! :)

Read the FAQs section if you decide to buy, so that you get the proper size for your heighth.

And I did forgot to tell you C-O-N-G-R-A-T-S. I am so with you. This last 10-15 pounds is really trying me. But we are not the only women dealing with this crap. And despite all of the buttmunches, there are plenty of nice people in the world saying *WooHoo*!

I'm just LOVING this blog. I don't know why. Maybe because it is awesome! :)

Posted by: Amber at June 30, 2009 11:24 AM

Z48a3o comment5 ,

Posted by: Nuirdlpq at June 30, 2009 12:08 PM

Alas, I am my own buttmunch. I cannot hear, see, or discuss the word "healthy" in ANY form without bursting into tears and curling into a ball in the closet. I had a run-in with a BM(ButtMunch) doctor a year ago that was sooo much worse than that one that she scarred me for good. Broken, I am. Meanwhile, if anybody wants me, I'll be over here on Buttmunch Island, providing fodder for the asshats.

Posted by: wallflower at June 30, 2009 10:24 PM

Dear Wallflower, I am so sorry that you had an appointment with a Dr. Asshat Buttmunch too, and that he/she was even nastier to you. I know that my "dose" was plenty-nuff; I felt like s*** (that's SOUP, for anyone under 13!) all evening after that appointment.

Getting ferociously roaring MAD at Dr. BM helped me a lot (and hearing from Joss and all the wonderful Peeps here that I was RIGHT to be mad, and had a choice about what I did/thought next). It also helped to tell myself, "If an official Postman from the US Postal Service told me I was an envelope, I would not therefore believe that I am an envelope. What Dr. BM tells me is not necessarily The Truth about me." If you have truly become your own buttmunch, maybe some cognitive counseling to help you learn/accept who you really are (and NOT resign yourself to being asshat-fodder)...? (Disclaimer: I am a Nosy Parker, and any advice can be regarded as complete nonsense if it is.) It is difficult to read "Broken, I am," and not try to offer an idea...


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