August 15, 2008

The Last Word on Dahlonega

But before the last word on Dahlonega…This week, Elise sent the HYPOTHETICAL MAILING LIST an email that said, “Please place me on the non-existent mailing list for Joshilyn's website. Or maybe send me a prize!” That amused me. And AIMEE said, as she signed up, “I am quite sure that Hallmark is -- even now, now, this very now -- designing a line of cards for Sign Up For The Mailing List Again Month, which I feel will become a national holiday ere long.”

ANYWAY, You too can get on my possibly soon to exist (or not) mailing list and be entered for prize drawings simply by clicking this link and which allows you to send an EMAIL to “Mailing List at Joshilyn Jackson dot com” I’m revealing the secret prizes slowly, one by one, as if this were a naughty prize fan dance…

How does a signed trade paperback copy of a #1 New York Times bestselling, Book Sense Book of the Year award winning, circus-lore having, elephant understanding, wildly awesome love story containing, meticulous sense of a lost place and time depicting, national phenomenon of a novel sound? Hint: DARN GOOD! I of course mean WATER FOR ELEPHANTS by Sara Gruen. If your name comes out of the hat SECOND in the September drawing, it shall be yours.


But back to Dahlonega…In the immortal words of Lorelie Gilmore (here paraphrased because I forgot how she put it – she TALKS SO FAST), there are BED AND BREAKAFAST PEOPLE and NOT Bed and Breakfast people. Karen and I, especially when together as a unit, are NOT Bed and Breakfast people. The feeling is mutual, because I think that Bed and Breakfast owners would agree, if you polled them, that the people they wish would stay ELSWHERE are best described as, “loud insomniacs.”

Now I like staying in Bed and Breakfasts with Scott, quite a bit. Without Scott, I only like them in THEORY. I love family style dining and the rooms are always so PRETTY and the owners are generally sociable, lovely people and so it seems like they would be great places to stay. But unless I am with my husband, once there I always feel awkward and like I am bothering everyone else by existing.

The place we stayed over the weekend – I would be more than happy to stay there again. With Scott. It was close to town, and gorgeous, and had WI FI and was SUPER romantic---and I had the best breakfast I have ever eaten in my life. Karen and I literally teared up when we tasted the herbed eggs, they were THAT good. And they came with “Tipsy French Toast” which has triple sec in it and was served with fresh oranges. Yummmmmm.

ANYWAY, when I travel for work, I like hotels with televisions and thick walls and many many many rooms with some of the many rooms lying fallow and empty between me and EVERYONE ELSE so if I have to watch Scrubs reruns at 2 am because my melatonin has failed me and I CAN NOT SLEEP, I do not feel like I am ruining the sleep-lives of luckier and less-neurotically non-sleeping others.

ALSO, I think B and B’s are …ROMANTICAL places more geared toward making out. Everyone who wasn’t with the fest (me and Karen and Patti) was a couple…One pair had come on a rekindling-style anniversary trip. They were all about BLUSHFUL HAND HOLDING and meanwhile the writers just wanted to sit out on the deck and drink local wine and play a viciously competitive game of screamin’ Yahtzee. Not a good match.

IN RETROSPECT, on the phone, later, Karen and I decided this was MOSTLY the fault of Patti Callahan Henry. As we recall it NOW, Partti was the one who brought the karaoke machine, the one who wore tap shoes and ran back and forth across the room screaming RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT!, the one who instgated the midnight Yodeling contest and tried, at about 2 am, to teach me and Karen to do the lindy hop. If Patti should by some random chance read this blog and call me a liar, I am willing to concede Karen did these things. *I* meanwhile, oh my Best Beloveds, as I am sure you can well imagine, sat primly on a sofa in a navy dress with a white peter pan collar TRYING to get my knit on and making librarian style shush noises.

OH! We did try to help the air of romance though! In the game room when we put back Yahtzee, we found a game called THE ENCHANTED EVENING. HEE! This is, if you follow me, a game for COUPLES. *cough* The game has dice and suggestive suggestion cards and comes with votive candles. Now, GRANTED, SOME of cards were written by …I do not know. A horrid tribe of flower-dy haired, pachuoli smelling, barefoot running, rainbow wielding, unicorn slinging, PURPLE PROSED women with sap instead of blood. We REALLY for TRULY found a card that said, “Make your fingers move as gently as a whisper to caress your partner’s ear.”

And also, yick.
If Scott was infested by BRAIN ALIENS and became an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT yicky-sticky person and if New-Scott said, “I know, let’s play a lovey dovey board game,” and if he THEN handed me that GOOEY card, I would feel he had just sent me an ENGRAVED INVITATION to attack him with a Wet Willy. And then leave him for a Hell’s Angel.

ANYWAY, the little REKINDLING couple had the room BY the game room, and so we paused long enough to dig through Enchanted Evening for the cards with GOOD IDEAS. You know, the kind of ideas that emphatically did not involve anyone’s finger being as GENTLE AS A WHISPER on anyone else’s STUPID EAR. We left the game and suggestion cards on the table outside their room. Even though we took different TASTES into account and CHANGED the suggestion several times, they never pulled the game into their room or even took the card inside. If their marriage fails now after two decades, KAREN AND I CANNOT BE BLAMED. We tried.

Note: The best card ever said, You and your partner BOTH have “outstanding” qualities. Caress a piece of your partner that does (or CAN) cast a shadow.
(Yes. I am twelve.)

Posted by joshilyn at August 15, 2008 7:39 AM

So . . is Mr. Husband getting you "The Enchanted Evening" for Christmas this year? Snicker, snicker!

Posted by: Brigitte at August 15, 2008 10:13 AM

*Snort.* Does or can cast a shadow. I'm twelve too.

I feel so special being quoted by you. And I hope Sara won't take it personally, but I'm sort of hoping I get a prize other than Water For Elephants. Only because I already read it, and loved it, and WEPT.

Posted by: Aimee at August 15, 2008 10:35 AM

Poor, poor Patti Callahan Henry, she looks so sweet and wholesome on her web page. She just had to go to Dahlonega and get corrupted by you and Sara. She'll never be the same...thanks for the laughs!

Posted by: LaurieB at August 15, 2008 10:46 AM

Funny, funny stuff. Thanks-- I needed the laugh today. I dropped off my (tiny little baby) 3 year old for her first day of real live school and I am unexpectedly bereft. It's not like I dropped her off at college across the country. I'll see here again in a couple of hours, but I was weepy, nonetheless.

Anyway, it was good to read your blog and get a good belly laugh out of it. Sounds like y'all had a blast.

Posted by: Jill W. at August 15, 2008 10:52 AM

The thing about signed books -- esp if it is one that made you weep and you loved -- is they make AWESOME Christmas presents or birthday. And all these BOOK prizes are PLAIN signed, not TO anyone, so if it is a book you already read, you can use it as a BFF/Parent/Cousin/Sibling or even TEACHER gift.

I know it is AUGUST, But I like to have all My Christmas shoppign done by October. HEE!

Posted by: joshilyn at August 15, 2008 11:44 AM

Ha! Outstanding qualities. Tee hee.

Bed and breakfasts always make me feel awkward, like I'm supposed to whisper the whole time. Those board game suggestions made me guffaw, though - definitely not conducive to a proper whispering atmosphere.

Posted by: holly at August 15, 2008 11:55 AM

Oh, somehow I missed that it's a SIGNED copy. That's completely different. Now I want it for myself. :)

Posted by: Aimee at August 15, 2008 12:37 PM

I agree with Aimee, it was fantabulous to be quoted on your blog! I thought I was dreaming to see my name on the first line of today's post. And to have that day be the day of "casting a shadow." Excellent. (I think I am only 11 1/2) I'm happy to win either prize...but really happy to meet you , Joshilyn, when you come to Greenville in a few weeks! I'm not sure where you are staying, otherwise I'd go and de-Enchanted Evening-game-ize the place...and make sure there are no shadows...HA!

Elise of Greenville, SC

Posted by: Elise at August 15, 2008 3:25 PM

hmmmmmm yes teachers (like me) LOVE signed books - even ones they have read! I DID love Water for Elephants and could not put it down for a second! Y'all sound like my teacher friends and myself - we have too much fun in the hallways and are constantly being admonished by the students. But that's what makes it all the more fun: shakin' things up a bit. Especially at a pretty, quiet, all too SEDATE bed and breakfast!

Posted by: Rikki at August 15, 2008 3:37 PM

Ohhhhh, I haven't read that one yet. darn.

I love evenings and get to gethers like that, but figure they are best held in high school gyms or at home. Oh wait that means my sister will be there and she starts farting after two bottles of wine.

Posted by: Cele at August 16, 2008 1:11 PM

Just be glad you were there for the lit fest and NOT the Big Foot drama going on there now. :) At least you didn't run into HIM on your Deathmarch. would have made a great blog entry. :)

Posted by: Molly at August 16, 2008 3:04 PM


Posted by: Alex at August 25, 2008 5:08 AM