July 25, 2008

Paddle Paddle Paddle

YAY! Thanks for being my FACEBOOK friend! People keep sending me PLANTS and facebook assures me that ACCEPTING these plants will save the rainforest. (!). I am FOR saving the rainforest, and I am ACCEPTING PLANTS, but I can’t figure out how to SEND PLANTS BACK. I want to send everyone these limited edition white DAISIES. And, you know, save the planet. But I can’t QUIIIIIITE figure out the application. I can make a montage, but I can’t send a plant. That’s slightly pathetic, and the word slightly there is a kindness. HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

MANY THINGS TO SAY, and then I have to leap in a car and go to Atlanta. I am sleeping over in town tonight as we leave for the writers retreat TOMORROW verra verra early. WHEE!

OH – apropos of nothing: I DID A FUN PODCAST INTERVIEW if you need something to listen to while you do your dishes.

MEANWHILE< speaking of saving rainfoests and other worthy causes. We saw LLAMAS! They have some weird lips. We went to this wildlife preserve which is run by darling hippies and they rescue stuff and heal hurt stuff and they are all dewey and young and vegans. VERY fun.

They have a silver fox with a terrible underbite. HUGE bizarre underbite---like his lower jaw sticks out an inch or more. His wife was classically fox pretty though, with a long slim nose and big ears and bright, sly eyes.

We didn’t know they were foxes – they had no marker. We were standing there going…are these COYOTES? Are these…HYENAS? when this weird super-pachouli-smelly little woman started yelling at me -- like -- unprovoked, I had not even made EYE CONTACT, and she got WAY too close to me and spoke loudly enough for everyone in a twenty foot radius to hear:


Sam is old enough to smell crazy and edge away, but Maisy was looking at her, horrified, her overactive imagination already conjuring up images of Fox Bastilles.

You know, I KNOW the fur industry is full of satanists and monstrous cruelties to minks and suchlike---but really, should you be getting all DETAILY about that with a 6 year old? I wanted to say, Can I have some club soda? You seem to have spilled your activism all down my CHILD, who, by the way can’t even VOTE and is too short to MARCH and saving the EARTH is what COLLEGE is for, not kindergarten and do you SEE her in a FOX FUR STOLE, lady???.... But instead I said, "Well, that one is beautiful' and pointed at the girl, and then I pointed at the boy fox and said, "But THAT ONE needs serious orthodontic work."

The patchouli-lady looked at me all puzzled with her crazy eyes spinning in her sockets and then wandered off… IN HER LEATHER SANDALS.

Right now I have to go get on my elliptical for 6 or 7 hours….My friend Renee wants to go eat HERE and I need to earn 70 extra WW points because I WANT THOSE SCALLOPS. Or the FRUITED PORK! Or the roasted onion salad (VIRTUOUS) wtih the appetizer of PIONONOs, which have the word “nono” at the because I SUSPECT they are evil. Sort of like a meat filled poptart.

Mmmm. Meaty poptarts.

Posted by joshilyn at July 25, 2008 11:11 AM

I was recently attacked by a prehistoric looking emu that was probably channeling the patchouli lady if the crazy spinning eyes are any indication. We were at one of those drive through safari places where you pay roughly the equivalent of a house payment to go through and FEED the animals.. which, hey... when you think about it.. what a great deal for them. They don't have to pay people to care for the animals..they get tourists to pay to do it. Anyway, this emu walks up to my side of the car and my husband, who promised to love and protect me all the days of his life, ROLLED DOWN MY WINDOW. And I was accosted by a crazy spinning eyed emu. Oh, he was apologetic and said he meant to roll down his window to feed the gentle llama on his side of the car, but I'm not sure I believe him.

Anyway, allt that to say, I can relate to unprovoked attacks at animal parks.

And thanks for being my facebook friend. I can't help you with sending plants.. but if you can figure a way to send weight watchers points, I'll be most grateful and send some right back your way.

Posted by: Melanie at July 25, 2008 12:13 PM

There are a million things about Facebook I can't figure out either......but I love wasting time on it! Enjoy the retreat!

Posted by: Julie at July 25, 2008 12:20 PM

I wish you had talked to the crazy patchouli lady about the "Meaty poptarts"! That reminds me of my friend Wayne, who is a big-time hunter and fisherman and likes to say that he's a member of PETA (People for the EATING of Tasty Animals.)

Posted by: jenn at July 25, 2008 1:41 PM

I remembered my Facebook password (or rather, I found it where I wrote it down. Same thing, right?) so I sent you a friend request.

The crazy eyes with the leather sandals made me giggle. Sorry she treated Maisie to the graphic details of fox slaughter. It would be ONE thing -- though IMHO still inappropriate -- if you'd been wearing fur or even murmuring to the fox about how much better its coat would look on YOU, but as it is... just. plain. nuts.

Posted by: Aimee at July 25, 2008 1:57 PM

You should have thanked that nice, smelly lady for giving your child something to dream about tonight. How thoughtful.

I haven't joined facebook because I have searched on there for everyone I ever passed in the halls in high school and I admit hoping they got fatter than I did and being pleased if they did. The last thing I need is the knowlege that someone who did not get as fat as me is out there getting satisfaction over the size of my butt.

Have a great time at your retreat!

Posted by: Em at July 25, 2008 2:53 PM

Damn, I log on just as you leave town - too late to bombard you with plants, or try to turn you into a vampire, or challenge you to a game of Srabulous, or recruit you to my mafia family, (or my pirate ship or medieval castle), or ANY of the FB things I'm am addicted to!!!! Oh well, I sent you an invite anyway. You'll see it when you get back and can accept if you want, assuming I didn't just scare you off. :-)

PS...any other FTK regs who might want to add me, just search for Deb Richardson on the FB friend search and I'll pop up. Send an invite. I'll take it. I am an unabashed FB 'ho. :-D

Posted by: DebR at July 25, 2008 4:40 PM

There is a send plants button. Then you choose which plant you want to send, and then you select who you want to send them too!

I am addicted to the sending plants thing I have to say!

Posted by: Marg at July 25, 2008 7:25 PM

LOL at the "can smell crazy". Yet another JJism that I have to work into my daily conversations.

And the linky love to that restaurant..oh my! I don't know how this one escaped my foodie radar but I will be dragging some friends there immediately upon my return from the beach.

My stomach will thank you I am sure. My hips...not so much!

Posted by: Lisa at July 26, 2008 3:15 PM

Very nice interview. Thanks for sharing that and for talking about your experience and how you've written books. I liked a lot of what you shared, such as the revision process and how not everyone is the 'write on schedule' type, but I especially liked the 'book is a child' vs 'book is an ex-significant other where the relationship ended amicably' point of views. Very nice and helpful, I've had friends who write and or did music/songs and they seem to get hung up on that part and I've actually wondered if I did create something on that level.. how would I overcome that/esp. if these guys couldn't. So thank you for that. :)

Posted by: KlintD at July 27, 2008 9:03 AM

Ohmigosh. I have a sister in law who is a dyedinthewool vegetarian animal activitist. She won't use Iams, she rails against the beef industry, berates one and all for any cruelty to animals (and is openly better than everyone else in her own snobby British way.) But she has leather couches (yes multiple) and wears leather boots and pumps. Hello!

I love llama's...well except when they spit.

Posted by: Cele at July 27, 2008 12:05 PM

Hypocricy is beeeeeautiful. (That's the long lost verse of Everything is Beautiful)

Posted by: Heather COok at July 27, 2008 6:04 PM