HAPPY FOURTH! I have a summer cold AND tons of friends in town --- Amy-Go, Mir, and Kira --- SO I am NEGLECTING you horridly. BUT! I offer delicious alcohol, because I believe there is an old saying that goes something like, "Starve a fever, get a summer cold tiddly."
WINNER, best drink of summer (so far): Golf Club to the Head
Invented by Amy-Go, true friend and cocktail genius, and her husband Kevin.
1 part Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka
2 Parts fresh squeezed Lemonade
Serve over ice in a tall glass with lemon garni. It tastes as innocent and refreshing as an Arnold Palmer Then you will discover you are dancing in the compost pile and cackling about how funny the word MOON becomes if you say it 900 times really fast. Especially if someone mentions that MOON can also mean BUTT.
If you have more than one, TRUST ME! The next morning, you will know why this is called a golf club to the head. It can also be called an “Evil Arnold Palmer” or just an “Evil Arnold.”
We drank this and played three games of OUTBURST. The team made up of sober husbands WON all three. I am convinced they cheated. By being sober. THEN we found a pristine gamebox in the basement. I think we got it for Christmas in 1992 and it had NEVER BEEN PLAYED – It was called MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS and it was the most DROOPY, TOUCHY, FEELY, SENSITIVE, THERAPEUTIC MUSHPOT game ever invented. The women would read a question to the men, like,
A REAL MAN HAS
1) A healthy dose of ambition
2) Control over the TV remote
3) The ability to express his feelings
Then the men would put their answer in on the SECRET MAN CLICKER and then the women would vote what they THOUGHT the secret man clicker would say. Or you could vote something called CAVE which we never quite understood. Our little curvy-figured fertility-green game piece got to move one space for every vote we got right.
THEN the men would read us an EQUALLY insipid question (A woman’s most important territory is 1) her kitchen 2) her bedroom 3) her mind!) and we would put out answer in the SECRET WOMAN CLICKER and then they would guess what we thought, and for every correct vote they got to move their NON CURVEY game piece forward, and HAND TO THE LORD their non-curvey game piece looked like a teeny orange wang.
Two questions in we decided to call it EMOgame. I felt like we all needed to have LONG LONG bangs to peer through disconsolately in order to play PROPERLY, and we would need to take FREQUENT BREAKS to read each other our homemade poetry that would feature lines like
My heart! Is a black sad hole
of pain!
For you have stomped upon it!
Yes, again!!!!!111one!one!!1111eleventy
The not-exactly-sober wives team won EMOgame, and there was MUCH rejoicing.
Then we ceremoniously marched outside and put EMOgame in the trash.
That night I had the most BIZARRE dream in which I called my editor but I got EMILY, who was her assistant like 4 or 5 years ago and who is now an editor at GCP. Emily said, "Caryn is secretly in but I am supposed to tell everyone she is not, because she has a terrible headache FROM DRINKING AT LUNCH, and why is this MY JOB?" And I could hear my editor in background saying, "EMILY! THAT IS NOT SUBTLE!"
I think I MAY have been projecting.
If you can’t get the FIREFLY (or if for some CRAZY reason you don’t want to feel like you just took a golf club to the head) you can try last years winning summer cocktail, the more innocuous Pimm’s Cup, invented by UNKNOWN, discovered by Karen:
1 part Pimm's No. 1 Cup
3 parts Lemonade
splash of Sprite OR Ginger Ale (I prefer the ginger version)
2 crushed mint leaves
Garnish: Cucumber wedge
Again, I'm jealous! I want to come play silly games with you -- definitely the cool kids :-)
Wow. Just wow. I really wish we could get that Sweet Tea Vodka out here in California... are flavored vodkas a Southern thing? I only ask 'cuz when I was in Athens for a writing conference a few years back we had a field trip to the biggest liquor store I'd ever seen, which stocked at least 40 different flavors of vodka. It was a wonder and a glory.
Hope your head feels better.
Posted by: inkgrrl at July 4, 2008 3:03 PMHappy 4th to you and yours.
Posted by: Travis Erwin at July 4, 2008 4:13 PMI am SO on my way east on I-85. Save one of those golf clubs for me.
Posted by: Kalynne Pudner at July 4, 2008 7:59 PMThe Evil Arnold sounds like the PanGalactic Gargle Blaster.
Thanks for the recipe and get better soon!
Posted by: Elizabeth at July 4, 2008 9:22 PMI have given up golf clubs to the head, since the warm summer night I stuffed said liquicated head numberous times into a freezer between laughing bouts. But darn that sounds so good and inviting... until you ad the golf club. And by no mistake should you partake of a chocolate milk shake the next morning to setle your stomach (especially on the advice of a man who will soon divorce you.)
Posted by: Cele at July 5, 2008 1:37 PMOoh, I bet that drink is GOOD. Deadly, but good.
And Cele, I think those are words to live by.
Posted by: Aimee at July 6, 2008 4:09 PMThat drink sounds goooooooood.
Posted by: nik at July 6, 2008 4:31 PMThat drink sounds goooooooood.
Posted by: nik at July 6, 2008 4:32 PMI wish I was still there drinking Evil Arnolds with you...although they do make Kansas seem more attractive...go figure. Thanks for the Good Times, Tulip! Miss you already.
Posted by: Amy-Go at July 7, 2008 10:25 AMsince you like the lemonade drinks, I highly recommend Port & lemonade - as seen here http://pinkasparag.us/2008/07/05/nectar-of-the-gods/
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