June 24, 2008

Things That are True at the Beach part 1

I am on my annual vacation with my family and my parents and brother and his fam. The first TRUE thing is, I do not want to do ANYTHING, really, but eat naughty foods in bulk and then lie like a bloated tick in the good, hot sun, digesting. SO. Sorry I did nto blog yet this week – I’ve been VERY busy gaining back all the fat I lost doing weight watchers. I have not counted a POINT since I arrived here at Chez Butter, and I am willing to bet that IF I continued down this path, I could gain back all 5+ pounds in the first 5 days.

NOW it ceases, and from this instant and henceforth I will TRACK my food and play tennis and add SNORKELING to my usual twice daily beach walks. I intend to catch crabs today. (I was doing my usual ulta fast scan for my grosser errors and typos and realized the sentence immediately previous sounds AWFUL. Let me hasten to assure you that I didn’t mean that in a Spring Break kind of way. I am thinking of big blues, which I will eat, and hermits, for whom my children will build elaborate sand castles. WITH MOATS! Yesterday’s castle was sadly crab-deprived, and we bascally dug the moat to fit my neice instead. My back will not take the digging of another niece-sized moat with a thimble sized purple plastic shovel.

We also like our castle to have a butt-ugly troll princess. TO make your own, you find a shell with a HOLE in it and then capture a scraggly chunk of seaweed and stuff the stem through the hole. The shell is her HEAD with a top-knotted scraggle of weedy hair. Along with a long shell for the body, you lay her head down to sleep in the tallest tower of your castle, and hope some very NEAR sighted shell prince might see her from a great – a very very great --- distance and feel the stirrings of true love and brave the moat and the niece and the possible crabs to awaken her with love;s true kiss, which he will out of necessity close his eyes to administer.

Yes, here on the Jackson beach week, even the sand castles are obliged to have PLOT.

Posted by joshilyn at June 24, 2008 7:02 AM

"a bloated tick in the good, hot sun..." You are a goddess of imagery, Joshilyn. A GODDESS.

Posted by: Kalynne Pudner at June 24, 2008 8:24 AM

I can only imagine that all the children in attendance come back baked and full of memories. . .who could not with an aunt who digs a niece-sized moat.

One of my favorite posts of yours if from when Sam and your nephew and your Dad all sand bombed the same poor beetle.

Posted by: Roxanne at June 24, 2008 8:33 AM

You know, I didn't count a single point for two weeks during which time I ate whatever the hell I wanted and drank several beers as we too were on vacation. I went back to weight watchers yesterday and I had only gained half a pound. SO! It might not be as bad as you think.

Posted by: Leandra at June 24, 2008 8:38 AM

Isn't it true that anything you eat out in the sun has no calories? And anything with sand in it has negative calories? I'm sure I saw a study on that somewhere.

Posted by: Deborah P at June 24, 2008 9:23 AM

For a long time, I have been in denial that I was getting old. I would console myself that you and Mir and a few other people are older than I am. But after reading this post it is CLEAR that I am ANCIENT well beyond my actual years because I immediately thought of the right-kind of crabs AND it took me a second-thought to figure out what the HECK spring-break crabs were. So either I am OLD or I am PURE and frankly (deleted by old sensible me, but it explained why I was NOT pure).

Posted by: Linda Sherwood at June 24, 2008 10:52 AM

Oh, now I am homesick for vacation.

Posted by: Cele at June 24, 2008 12:31 PM

I gobbled down gods in Alabama (they have them in SC & NC where I did a lot of my growing up, too)and The girl who stopped swimming in one great gluttonous, orgiastic reading rampage yesterday and found your blog today...much to my great pleasure. What a wonderful experience and siacover all around. Thank you

Posted by: Louise Leahy at June 24, 2008 12:44 PM

You just made me get up (out of my comfy chair) and go count the days on my calendar ... 45 whole entire days and nights until my own beach vacation. The countdown begins ...

And don't all castles plot? Ours usually involve some epic battle over world domination (complete with a giant sea monster in the moat).

Posted by: Patti at June 24, 2008 2:07 PM

I love it...spring break type of crabs! We were twittering tee-hee-hee when I just took out-of-town guests to a restaurant called Crabby Dick's. Our 8 yr old sons just did NOT see what was so funny about it! :)

Posted by: Andrea at June 24, 2008 4:01 PM

Recently moved to GA. Recently Read Gods & Between. Getting ready to read Girl..Swimming.
Recent addict to your blog. Loving it all!! Getting ready to start Weight Watchers again *big sigh*. stupid points :(
It's like we were separated at birth!! ;)
Have a great vacation!!

Posted by: Traci in GA at June 24, 2008 9:52 PM

It's more like the sand castles have character(s)! :-)

Posted by: DebR at June 25, 2008 5:44 AM

I hope that you have a good time at the beach!

Posted by: nik at June 25, 2008 1:14 PM


Posted by: nydia at June 29, 2008 8:36 PM