June 8, 2008

WIN PRETTY BEACH FEET (and pretty beach reads)

Okay – this contest, she is weird. And silly. And nonsensical and it has too many rules. I hope you can follow it and actually enter. HEE! And… Pretty beach feet? Yes. That’s what you can win. But I am actually working on the novel and don’t really have the writing energy to do the FAQ yet SO. You get this weird thing with dog toots and vegan soap. Because you asked for more contests. And I live to serve.

Best Beloveds, you KNOW I am a shoe girl, and I have become addicted to this FOOT product made by a vegan soap company called The Purple Monkey. What happened was, I went to an Atlanta Writer’s Club dinner, and there was this one multitalented woman there who writes and does graphic arts of all sorts. I was pleased to see her again, but what I didn’t know was, she also makes all natural vegan bath and body lotions and potions. She was bringing some products to someone at the dinner. One jar fell off the table and the lid cracked and this BEAUTIFUL SMELL came out and FOUND me, and I found myself wanting track the place where the smell was STRONGEST and sit down and BASK in it like an OLFACTORY LIZARD.

“The lid is cracked,” the woman said. “You can just have this one. Try it out…”

That’s how they get you. The first hit is free.

NOW! Usually as early as MARCH I start with the sanding and buffing and polishing because I KNOW sandal weather is a blink away, but THIS year, spring was all about the ballet flats and so SUDDENLY it was almost JUNE and I still had wintery troll toes, knobby objects meant to live in boots and march across tundra. NOT sandal-ready. Anyway, I took the fantastic SMELL jar home and used it in conjunction with my pumice and lotion, and VOILA --- Summer feet. I haz dem.

funny pictures
(more lolcat here)

As I said, she is also an ARTIST, and a regularly commenting BB here to KUDZU. The other day, she drew a little cartoon after I posted about the BAGEL-NATORS DOOM TOOTS. I asked permission to use her cartoon and got it, and then I all SLY LIKE purchased some of her soapy-goodness products for use in this contest.

SO! At the bottom of this post, I will put up her cartoon. I have already listed and saved five REASONS this cartoon DIFFERS from my actual life. Regs will be able to spot the ways in which this representation differs from the reality described here on FTK. Write down a way this cartoon is NOT like my life, and email it to me. I tried to list the reasons in order of MOST OBSCURE to MOST OBVIOUS, so the more familiar you are with KUDZU-LORE, the more likely it is that you will be able to spot the OBSCURE reasons…

There are THREE ways to win.

1) The higher your reason hits on my premade, secret list, the better. If more than one person guesses the reason I have listed as NUMBER 1, they will go in a drawing for first prize. If no one guesses the NUMBER ONE reason, then the people who guess NUMBER TWO will go in a drawing for the first prize. And ECT on down the list. If no one gets ANY, then ALL entries will go in the drawing for FIRST PRIZE.

2) Assuming one or more people get the TOP reason, there will be a second drawing for folks who guess one of the other REASONS. ANYONE who gets ANY of the reasons correctly will go in a drawing for SECOND PRIZE. If no one gets ANY correct, than ALL entries will go in the drawing for FIRST PRIZE.

3) New to FTK? Don’t know an actual reason? Anyone who sends in an entry, even one like “You do not have a dog.” Or “You do not exist” or “You live in a jungle cave, not a room,” WHATEVER, anything at all, will be entered into a drawing for the two CONSOLATION prizes.
4) Contest ENDS on Friday, June 13th, 2008, at MIDNIGHT. Oooh. Friday the 13th. Eeps.

--You can only write down ONE reason per e-mail.
--You can enter as many times as you like with separate emails.
--You can only WIN one prize. (Winning first place bumps you from the drawing for second.)
--ANYONE who is not a blood relative of mine is eligible to enter, but if you have ever been to my actual house, you cannot win first prize or second prize. This contest IS meant to be weighted in favor of the BB’s, not people who regularly borrow my lipstick and who will therefore spot the reasons superfast.
--Folks who have been to my actual house CAN enter and will go in the random drawing for consolation prizes and also get MAD PROPZ if they get the reasons right.

Mail your way this picture DIFFERS from my actual life to my email address. Here is a handy link because I can’t possibly get MORE Penis Enlargement Spam *sigh*


FIRST PRIZE: Signed first edition of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING and a container of Purple Monkey Cranberry-Fig Sugar Scrub. (If you hate the smell of cranberries, OR if you are a MAN and ACTIVELY DESIRE to maintain yer manly troll feet, you can alternately choose a HAND CRAFTED BEAD BOOKMARK also made by R. Jill Fink that I picked up at BOUND TO BE READ BOOKS.)

SECOND PRIZE: Signed Trade Paperback in your choice of EITHER Between, Georgia or gods in Alabama And whatever is LEFT OVER after first place picks…in other words, if first place takes the bookmark, you get the scrub. If first place takes the scrub, you get the bookmark. Like that!

CONSOLATION PRIZES: Signed mass market paperbacks of gods in Alabama and a tube of beach-friendly Purple Monkey Rosemary Lemongrass Lip Balm.

AND here is the cartoon. READY SET GO!


Posted by joshilyn at June 8, 2008 9:09 AM

I could so have fun with this...I'm going to point it out to my SO.

Posted by: Lia at June 8, 2008 10:15 AM

Hmmm...New to FTK, only been lurking for a couple weeks. My guess is *REDACTED*

Joss here -- WHOOPS do not put guesses in comment s-- send an email :)

Posted by: Traci in GA at June 8, 2008 12:53 PM

Oh my... What Lydia said!

Posted by: Sara at June 8, 2008 2:55 PM

I sent 10 entries. Please do not bar me from your website. . .or take out a restraining order. I just want pretty feet (for free). Is that a crime?

Posted by: Roxanne at June 8, 2008 5:02 PM

ooh oooh oooooh I know I know it. not for nothing have I spent my copious spare time reading the archives! "Testing. Mr. Husband." My feet, they will be PRETTY!!!!!!!

Posted by: Elena at June 9, 2008 9:10 PM