March 26, 2008


(A quick note—I have been remiss, just linking all books to the easiest thing to link to. From now on I resolve to share the love by linking to some fantastic indies and the fabulous smaller chains like Books-A-Million and David Kidd, as well as to B and N and to Amazon. I’ll do it haphazrdly, like I do everything, in a sort of ragged and random round robin. )

NOW THE CONTEST! To enter, you go read my guest-blog-entry called THE MYSTERIOUS AFFAIR OF THE BICYCLE over on The LIPSTICK CHRONICLES.

You write down your THEORY of what the MYSTERIOUS message MEANT.

You EMAIL your theory to the following cleverly disguised address:

My first name at symbol gmail period com

Don’t put it in the comments. Email entries only please.

Runner Up: Signed UK Edition of THE GIRL WHO STOPPED SWIMMING.
You can see pictures of the prizes in the entry below this one—Scroll down.

Contest ends Monday Morning, 8 AM EST.

I will forward the entries to SPECIAL GUEST JUDGE and complete genius novelist Frank Turner Hollon.

DIGRESSION: Everyone should immediately go read either THE GOD FILE
Or A THIN DIFFERENCE which jockey about with each other for position as my favorite Hollon-novel.
Or if you like VERY black humor involving testicles, I also QUITE loved Life is a Strange Place.
Or choose any other, you can’t really FIND a bad Hollon Novel.

Frank will guest judge because I suspect him of being Todd. He does not exactly DENY being Todd. We had an email conversation about it that went like this:

Me: AFTER I wrote the TODD blog entry, I went to TWO MORE BOOKSTORES in TWO DIFFERENT CITIES where booksellers told me I had phone messages.
1) "You left your hat at The Book Nut"
NO book nut on the tour. WAIT -- let me rephrase. No STORE called that. PLENTY of nuts. Most notable nut now = ME, as I got INSANE from lack of sleep.
2) (This one purporting to be from my doctor) "Tell Joshilyn the tests were positive: she must avoid shellfish at ALL costs, she is violently allergic"

This one came while I was at a LUNCH with Susan the Awesome Bookseller and I
ALMOST ordered crab cakes but swapped to a beefy and boursin sammich and when we got back the PHONE message was at the store so if I HAD eaten the crab cakes I bet Susan would have JUMPED ME and poured ipecac down my throat to try and SAVE MY LIFE ---- all based on your terrible lies!

Because, yes, I suspect YOU of being TODD. IN FACT I told everyone on my blog that YOU ARE TODD.

FTH: I don't know that I've ever used the term shellfish. In the south, we refer to the critters by their given names, crawfish, shrimp,etc. Furthermore, I've never seen you wear a hat. I will judge if you promise me a delicious cupcake.

Me: I note for the record that saying you do not use the term shellfish is not a denial.

FTH: For the sake of the mystery, I have remained coy and mysterious, however, I do not have a garage, and I am not called Todd by anyone. If anymore clues are revealed in the coming days, let me know before the judging begins. And from this point forward I will be known as Judge Frank.

Dear Cagey Lawyer Hollon,

“I am not named Todd” smacks of “I did not have sex with that woman.” It is fancy lawyer talk, and it is STILL not a denial. Say to me:

"I absolutely did not leave those cryptic messages. I swear it upon the honor of Glittergirl."

Then I will believe you. Maybe.


FTH: I did not have sex with that woman, but I did accept her cupcake.

Me: That is STILL not an denial.


SO you see. TODD! TODD is judging.

But let’s put truth aside and THEORIZE. Shall we! Entries in by Monday!

Posted by joshilyn at March 26, 2008 2:15 PM

I am so banter drunk from reading your. . .banter. . .that I may not be able to come up with any of my own.

Posted by: Roxanne at March 26, 2008 2:57 PM

Powell's- that's another good bookstore to link to.

This is a great story, but I have no expectation of creative sagas from myself...

Posted by: Diane (TT) at March 26, 2008 5:27 PM

Joss, tag, you're it! I tagged you for a fun little meme on my blog. I know you do them sometimes, so I hope you'll do this one. It's just listing some random facts about yourself. We have not met, but I read FTK every day and I won a signed copy of your book in the contest recently.

Posted by: Gail at March 27, 2008 12:23 AM

I've had some pretty unusual conversations, but mine are never near as interesting as your are. Darn my life is boring.

BTW did I tell you I adored TGWSS? I did, chocolate covered with crunchie little sprinkles for breakfast in bed adored.

Posted by: Cele at March 27, 2008 12:29 AM

Ooh... FUN!

The wheels (of the bicycle) are turning.

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*eyes last few comments above mine* least the spam is G-rated this time?

Anyway. I am trying and trying and trying to come up with a tale worthy of Todd and his (/your) bicycle. Think, brain, think!

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