March 10, 2008

Road = Crazy.

SO crazy. Also, I am GEOGRAPHICALLY INCOMPETENT, which layer that on top of sososo crazy and you get conversations like these:

Karen: Are you going to Milwaukee tomorrow?
Me: No, I think I am going to Wisconsin.
Karen: ….I am going to pause for a moment and let you think that one through.
Me: … HEH! YES! I MEAN YES! Because Milwaukee is IN Wisconsin!
Karen: Dude. You just FAILED fourth grade.

SUNDAY the time changed. Which means my 6 am flight was a 5 am flight which means when I dragged my carcass out of bed, the clock may have SAID it 3:30, but my carcass knew it was 2:30. My carcass was singularly un-amused. LUCKILY all my stuff yesterday was daytime, so I was tucked in my hotel’s bed by 5 pm with a big ceasar salad and a glass of shiraz, ordering Juno on the pay-per-view. Juno ended 97 minutes later, and at 98 minutes, weeping my guts out, I was back on the phone with Karen:

Me: *weeping* KAREN?????
Karen: ZOMGAH wha happen?
Me: KAREN? I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to think REALLY CAREFULLY before you answer because our WHOLE FRIENDSHIP HANGS IN THE BALANCE.
Karen: Are you crying? What happened? What question?
Me: Did you just LOVE Juno?
Karen: … Juno?
Karen: Dude, I am going to kill you. I thought you were like, in a car wreck. I am trying to watch the last ep of the wire at Gilbert’s house and---
Karen: …It was a great movie, bunny. Why don’t you maybe go to sleep now?

At about 101 minutes post-getting-in-the-bed, I realized I needed to confirm times with my Chicago friend Renee who is meeting up with me today. I figured Karen had had JUST about enough of me for one day, so I called Sara:

Me: Hey. So. I need Renee’s CELL number because I forgot to program that number into my new cell and on WHAT PLANET do I not have that number with me and Sara? I don’t know if you KNOW this or anything, like if it is on PURPOSE or anything, but on your answering machine the WOMAN talks, that robot computer person and she says whatever her canned message is and then you have a SPACE to say your name and when you say your name you sound VERY suspicious and tight mouthed, like you are tentative about putting your name in there because you are worried that the someone calling is me and you do not want to talk to me because I am clinically insane and on tour. Did you re-do the recorded name on your message? Specifically to scare me away until I am mentally well? Also, what did you think about JUNO? That move, Juno, did you just LOVE it? Call me back and tell me you loved it SO mu---

Machine: *click*
That sound was the machine hanging up on me.
Yes. I took it personally. Stupid judgmental machine!

At 105 minutes post-getting-in-the-bed, I was mercifully asleep.

THE GOOD NEWS IS I am saving a solid 97% of the crazy for phone calls to friends and over-the-top reactions to warm hearted sleeper hit movies. The BOOK parts of the tour are going super great. People are coming out, even on Snowy Wisconsin Sundays, to talk about reading and writing and TGWSS, and I’m meeting some very cool new booksellers I have not run across before, the book is getting some spectacular reviews and coverage, and so there isn’t much more I could ask for.

Except you all have to love Juno. That’s non-negotiable.

Posted by joshilyn at March 10, 2008 7:12 AM

Yarg. Dude, you eight kinds of crazy. Ellen Page hosted SNL a couple weeks ago and she was like mad crazy too. Therefore you are, maybe, Juno? Like you are her? I will decide this and get back to you.

Posted by: Lydia at March 10, 2008 8:00 AM

Juno is for sure quite possibly the greatest indie-underground movie of all time.

I can't for sure say it is THE greatest REGULAR movie of all time... because Forrest Gump for sure holds that place in my heart. But I would Juno is nestled right there next to it, making it a near-and-dear second.

Posted by: Jess at March 10, 2008 8:25 AM

juno=the prettiest tulip movie that ever was. i still sing the song.

Posted by: christina at March 10, 2008 8:47 AM

I LOVE LOVE LOVED Juno. It was so unexpected.

Glad the tour is going well, notwithstanding the crazy. : )

Posted by: Jill at March 10, 2008 8:53 AM

I almost loved Juno. Almost. And then creepy Jason Bateman kept me from loving it. But I LIKED it, ok? Don't hate me.

Posted by: Amy-Go at March 10, 2008 9:53 AM

re: Juno. Jennifer Garner was ROBBED of an Oscar nod for that performance. I saw Juno months ago and we have that song on iTunes and every time I listen to it I *still* weep.

As for the crazy... well, it's all part of you and the whole book tour process. I think you should tell yourself that WITHOUT the crazy, maybe we wouldn't have giA or Between or TGWSS. And THAT? Is non-negotiable.

Posted by: Aimee at March 10, 2008 9:56 AM

I am so glad you blogged about Juno. I hoped you would! I saw it on Valentines with my husband, who loved it even though he expected to hate it (appearing to be chick flickery with its teenage pregnancy and all). Here is the thing I love about Juno. The words. It is SO all about the words. Without the awesome way that story was told, it could have been another lifetime afternoon tea movie. But instead it rocked.

Also regarding Juno, of all child stars, did you ever pick Jason Bateman to still have a career? I didn't. Loved Little House, loved The Hogans but I would expect him to be shaking paint at the hardware store about now, not co-starring in oscar winning movies. Nothing against him, I just didn't see it coming is all.

Posted by: Em at March 10, 2008 10:00 AM

Done. I heart Juno too.

Posted by: Lisa Milton at March 10, 2008 10:15 AM

I love tour post, they are Joss at her utmost funniest.

Posted by: Cele at March 10, 2008 11:23 AM

I'd love to see Juno. I really, really want to. Somehow, movies...they just don't fit into this child-crazy life. Working on it. But I was all gobsmacked a month or two ago when I heard the Sonic Youth cover of the Carpenters song on the radio, because If I Were a Carpenter came out over ten years ago, and why were they playing that track on the regular radio, not the retro show? Because it's on the Juno soundtrack, that's why. That sort of made me feel old. Because I'm betting the kids buying the Juno soundtrack, or downloading it, or whatever, have no idea the song was already on a CD eons ago.

Posted by: amy at March 10, 2008 12:10 PM

I looooved Juno. However, being 7 months pregnant, I had several minor freak outs while we watched it. I thought I was going to have to turn it off, even though I NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AT THE END.

I got through it, but not without crying and leaving scratch marks on my husband's arm from grabbing him too tightly to screetch "what is going to happen NOW? Why is he doing that??"

It was a great movie.

Posted by: Lindsey at March 10, 2008 1:14 PM

Oh, I sooooo agree with Em - Juno was ALL about the WORDS. Every word that came out of her mouth was just genius. I have a 17 year old son, and this movie rang so totally TRUE and REAL of teenage kids today. I LOVED her parents' reaction, and that they did not go all crazy on her, but just dealt with the situation and loved her through it. And LOVED how she wasn't an outcast, nor a popular girl, but just a regular girl, and they didn't go down the Lifetime movie route of having everyone in school make fun of her and crush her heart, the kids just sort of accepted it. And her BFF was a cheerleader, for gosh sakes. So real and normal.

If you want to see the brilliance of Jason Bateman (who I LOVE and think is SO cute, and hated that he was so creepy in this movie, though he did a great job), rent all three seasons of Arrested Development. Total, utter genius. Funniest show ever, really off the wall. He is the best.straight man. ever. You will be shocked and amazed, and laugh until you pee. You may need to watch more than once, as the shows are so full of great lines that are just spoken, rather than thrown out as a punch line a la traditional comedies, that you will miss some of them on first viewing.

Joss, in your crazy eights state, you would probably love it even more than normal. I promises.

Posted by: Gail at March 10, 2008 2:31 PM

I have no doubt that I would love Juno if I had seen it. Now I have to wait for it to come out on video, because if it ever made it into our theater (which I doubt, because it seems like an intelligent movie) then it is long gone. So sad. So impatient. But waiting nonetheless.

Glad your tour's going well so far!

Posted by: Caryn at March 10, 2008 4:26 PM

I haven't seen Juno yet, but my 3 teenage daughters swear it's one of the the bestest movies EVER!! I'm sooooo bummed that I don't see any Oklahoma visits on your book tour. Not even Texas or Kansas :( Sigh....

Posted by: Berni at March 10, 2008 5:51 PM

Juno is the super adorablest. Much love!

Posted by: JenA at March 10, 2008 6:57 PM

As I will explain in person tomorrow (yay!!!), we don't go to movies in theaters much - by which read only when kids or heat make us - so I can't comment on Juno. But I'm sure I'll love it!

See you SOON!

Posted by: Fran at March 10, 2008 9:24 PM

I love Juno.
Can I be your friend now?:)

Posted by: carrien at March 11, 2008 2:23 AM

I loved Juno and I loved TGWSS, which I just finished reading around 3:30 this morning. Brilliant! Thanks for writing books that I enjoy so much.

Posted by: Jessalyn at March 11, 2008 11:44 AM

Berni, I'm with you. It's time Ms. Jackson came to see us here in Oklahoma.

Posted by: Jan in Norman, OK at March 11, 2008 3:19 PM

I think you're awesome, crazy and all :) And I'll be seeing you tomorrow! Excitement! Hope the tour and the traveling is going well!

Posted by: Jessie at March 11, 2008 4:42 PM

Hooray! My Virtual Signing books just came in! I can't wait to get started on TGWSS tonight!!!

Posted by: Jill at March 11, 2008 7:42 PM

BTW- who wone the prizes for the VS?

Posted by: Jill at March 11, 2008 7:43 PM

My Virtual Signing copy of TGWSS just came today. ~~~Twirl~~~ My birthday is this weekend and my husband will be out of town so what I'm giving myself is a day of wallowing in reading it! Yay!

PS...I never got to see Juno because our little local theater is so lame that they very, VERY seldom get the movies I want to see most, so I end up seeing most movies on DVD. Pppffftt.

Posted by: DebR at March 11, 2008 8:06 PM

Forgive me, dear Joshilyn, but I laughed myself silly about the machine cutting you off. Dude! I can't even dream up comic moments like that. Bless your heart! I'm SO looking forward to reading TGWSS! It's been way too long between, or SINCE BETWEEN even.

Also? You are pretty! Lovely Shoes, btw.

Also the second? Belated Happy Birthday, young'un!

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