February 21, 2008

The Difference Between Boys and Girls...

BUT FIRST – Two announcements.

One, brace yerself Bridget….I AM NO LONGER A CRIMINAL!!!!!

As you may recall, Someone SCREWED UP at the social security office, causing alarms to go off that had been set up by my NEW BEST FRIEND, The Patriot Act, and I ended up being WRONGFULLY ARRESTED. Remember that! Heh. Good times....

Anyway, last night my lawyer told me that a judge had signed off on the papers agreeing the arrest was wrongful, I was a delightful non-criminal sugarpie, and therefore he would TOTALLY expunge the whole mess. YAY!!!! I no longer have an arrest record and if there is a merciful God it ALSO means they have to delete my MUG SHOT, which, let’s just say…not the world’s most flattering picture. I look terrified and hysterical with laughter at the same time, captured mid-rictus-sy looking grin with bugged-out, watery eyes.

I am SO pleased this is OVER and justice prevailed and I don’t have to worry about my ARREST RECORD coming up every time I get pulled over for the sort of LAW BREAKING I am actually guilty of, like the occasional California Stop at deserted stop signs (Every time I say California Stop I hear Alicia Silverstone-as-Cher saying in my head, “I totally PAUSED!!!!) and sometimes forgetting what SPEED TRAP FANATICS they are in downtown Powder Springs--- if you go over 30, they ticket you.

Now all I have to do is PAY MY LAWYER for the MAN HOURS he had to put into fixing the federal government’s mistake. Heh. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, The Social Security Office has not stepped up and offered to pay for their mistake. Shocking, no? < ------ and here, the sarcasm becomes so heavy that it plummets through the floor and through the concrete house foundation and through the earth’s crust and it is currently bouncing around burning in our planet’s chewy magma center.)

Still, it is both a DREAM COME TRUE and a MasterCard commercial waiting to happen…
Bail? 1,124 dollars..
Layer fees? 1,500 Dollars.
Therapy needed after contemplating being forced to use a filthy stainless steel jail toilet? 4,000 Dollars.
Not having an arrest record? PRICELESS.

SECOND ANNOUNCEMENT! TGWSS is already showing up in some stores and now only TWO WEEKS and change left to get in on the VIRTUAL SIGNING! With prize drawings and Independent-Bookstore-Supporting and other delights.

And now, to remember what the TITLE of this entry is is…OH YES! Boys and Girls are DIFFERENT, and here is the proof, in a VISUAL NUTSHELL.

Whenever Scott and I take long trips, we bring home little notions for the kidlets---usually something location appropriate.

On my recent trip to New York, I spent a day in the Met, and I went to the most kid-friendly of the Met’s fine shops to kill two birds with one stone: get EDUCATIONAL souvenirs and support that fine institution.

For Maisy --- Period paper dolls that introduce discussions of gender roles in Victorian times and now, and how the strictures of the clothes match the strictures of female lives…She was RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT to learn that Hattie and Lucinda were not allowed to wear pants…or vote.


For Sam---- An anatomic man puzzle that breaks apart into layers so he can learn hands on how the human body is constructed which will prep him for Harvard medical school and the day he must dissect an actual dead guy.


Meanwhile, Scott just finished his big show down in Orlando. GUESS what he brought the kids back from the Sunshine State?


Yes. That IS packets of Flamingo Poop and Gator Droppings. Which are actually chocolate covered sunflower seeds that let your children call each other POO EATERs all day long, and it NEVER GETS ANY LESS FUNNY. Never.

I rest my case.

Posted by joshilyn at February 21, 2008 9:39 AM

Congrats on the not being a criminal anymore. Although it was a great story.

Does your attorney think you can get re-imbursed for the mistake that cost you your dignity and $$$$?

Posted by: jean at February 21, 2008 10:55 AM

Yay for not being a criminal!

And yay for TGWSS, though I don't know how I'm going to *live* until my extra-special signed copy gets here!

Posted by: Aimee at February 21, 2008 11:01 AM

What Aimee said - both parts!!!

Plus, I really want some of those paper dolls, AND flamingo poop and gator droppings!!! I won't rassle (heh) Sam for the anatomy lesson guy though. Unless he comes with a bustle or bonnet. Then all bets are off. :-)

Posted by: DebR at February 21, 2008 2:33 PM

Woot for no prison time/record!

I think you're toys are neat even though I must admit I would really like to try some Flamingo poop.

Posted by: aka nik at February 21, 2008 2:50 PM

So glad that you got the whole arrest record thing straightend out, but if it were me, I would have to have the mug shot as my picture on the next book-or at least as your photo on the Myspace page.

Posted by: Heather at February 21, 2008 4:34 PM

Your wrongful arrest story is what led me to you--so

So although, I could do another credit card commercial. I'll just say that YOU are priceless.

And evidently flamboyantly colored flamingo and gator feces can be purchased for $3.99 a container.

Posted by: Roxanne at February 21, 2008 4:54 PM

You know, I'm glad you're no longer a criminal, but it was a good story. If only it hadn't happened to YOU, it would have been a truly GREAT story. Just thinking about you, in that cell..(*^^%(&$(&^. <--- shudders!

And the flamingo and gator poo? Now THAT is priceless!

Posted by: dee at February 21, 2008 9:39 PM

Congratulations on no longer being a criminal! But you might want to be sure you know where all the mug shots of you are. Maisy's gonna start school soon, and they'll have show-and-tell...just sayin'!

And yes, yay that TGWSS is going to be out very soon because that means that soon you will be at our shop and we're SO excited, I can't even begin to tell you!

Posted by: Fran at February 21, 2008 11:58 PM

I work at Books-a-Million in Opelika, Alabama, and noticed today that we have a stack of TWGSS in the back and I got really excited. I'm not allowed to touch them but seeing them just sitting there made me tingly!

Posted by: Emily at February 22, 2008 12:10 AM

You talkin' to me? YOU talkin' to ME!?

Heh. It must be an enormous relief to not be a criminal anymore, now (after the bills are paid off) it can be a funny story for every family gathering. Maybe you can try to deduct the costs on your 1040 - Ha!

Posted by: Brigitte at February 22, 2008 7:11 AM

Poo must be a male thing...the last time Kevin went to Florida he too brought home Gator Droppings for the boys. DEEsgusting.

Always knew you were not a criminal! ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at February 22, 2008 2:11 PM

Congrats on being officially expunged!
And, although I'm not a boy (just surrounded by them 24/7), I would totally have gone for the poop, flamingo, gator, or whatever else can be sold in a store. Goes good with coffee.

Posted by: Patti at February 23, 2008 9:53 PM

I not you didn't get Sam an anatomic woman so he can get hands on knowledge of the woman's body.

As for the fewmets delights, it takes males and kids to make the world go round.

TGWSS count down...yeah!!!

Posted by: Cele at February 24, 2008 1:42 PM

"Your wrongful arrest story is what led me to you--so"

Yeah, me too maybe you should have milked this thing a little more;-)

Posted by: ibobunot at February 26, 2008 3:11 AM