January 17, 2008

Near Misses

I am back from Florida --- a minor insomnia-induced tragedy occurred. On the way in, Karen and I saw billboards advertising THE CRIME AND PUNISHMENT MUSEUM , and we SWORE we would GO on the way home. I LOVE out of the way museums of narrow focus, and I wanted to have my picture taken in OLD SPARKY. Karen wanted to see their chain gang memorabilia and antique PHOTO collection---she writes narrative non-fiction and that stuff always calls her.

While in Florida, I went to bed after midnight both nights and woke up at 4 am, relentlessly chipper. SO on the way home, I FELL ASLEEP and drooled gently away in the passenger seat. (Karen says she has never seen such a ladylike drooler. Um. Thanks.) Karen did not realize I had not set the GPS for the museum, but was just planning to watch manually for the exit.

When I woke up, we already 30 miles past it, in the little Georgia town that has the giant peach that does NOT look like a butt stuck up on a pole overlooking the highway. This is not to be confused with the small Georgia town that has the giant peach that DOES look like a butt stuck up on a pole and mooning the highway. Which is not to be confused with the simply enormous South Carolina water tower peach that also looks exactly like a butt, but is not in Georgia.

I love the South.

I also love Sara Gruen, but she has some sort of weird power over animals that cannot be understood by mortal man. If you do not believe me, allow me to now present mathematical proof.

Number of dogs she owns: 2
Number of cats she owns: 4
Number of shredded/eaten/disemboweled chairs she owns: 0

At 2 cats and 1 dog, I have exactly HALF her feline/canine population. And still, I have MULTIPLE chairs that look like they have been attacked by Huns.

Well recently we bordello’d up the bedroom, and we went to IKEA to get for CHEAPS some furniture to fill the hole the pets ATE in my living room. Here is the new corner of the den now with IKEA recliner, 10 buck IKEA throw, and particle board cheapy bookshelf board certified to be 100% dog-edible. Sorry the pic stinks, it was taken via crapulent cell-phone camera 13 seconds ago.


OH CRUD – Have to run the kids to school. IT SNOWED here last night you know. YES! Actual SNOW! It touched the EARTH and STUCK here in Georgia within the last 24 hours. School should RIGHTFULLY be closed, and indeed, most schools are, even though the snow is already gone. That’s how we roll, here, except OUR school did nto get the memo. Philistines! I must DASH! DASH! I will tell you about the League of Mighty Chair Protection Products I am assembling tomorrow.

Posted by joshilyn at January 17, 2008 7:25 AM

1) I'm in love with Ikea, even if it is craptacular particle board (we need one in Birmingham... Atlanta is a long way to drive to gawk at Ikea's awesomeness)

2) How can you forget Alabama's giant Chilton County Peach?

3) It snowed in Trussville too! And we are to have more this weekend (James Span says at least 5 inches, and he is a weather god)

Posted by: Amanda at January 17, 2008 10:52 AM

We here in Kansas ARE in fact having a snow day and we are not, I repeat NOT happy about it. Count thy blessings!
Also, ikea stuff looks good! ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at January 17, 2008 12:32 PM

I have now lived in the frosty North for nearly 20 years (yes, snowing now, no, not snow day), but when I was a kid, I lived in the South Bay Area (in Sunnyvale, about 40 miles from SF). And it snowed once. Once. and they made us go into school and by recess it had melted! It was evil.

Speaking of evil (or at least insidious). I woke up this morning with, for no known reason, your "Wishing and Hoping" song going through my head (From "He Who I wear my Hair For"). It's certainly added a bit of perky to my day's internal soundtrack.

Posted by: Diane (TT) at January 17, 2008 2:44 PM

It snowed here in North Atlanta too and the wails that ensued could be heard all the way to the border. For those who don't know, snow to Southerners-particularly Georgians-is like water to witches-remember the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz? Well my local school board ran around screaming, "What a world, what a world" and at aproximately 9:00pm last night canceled school today.

At 11 am this morning the snow had all melted.
Whereupon this morning the princess daughter decided she was duty-bound to go to the mall. If she is awake, not on the phone and/or in the shower/bathtube she IS at the mall.

By the way,my couch in the basement still bears witness to my dog. I think it is an indication of his very large ego that he attempted to eat it. The dog weighs 18 lbs, but he doesn't know that!

Posted by: gin at January 17, 2008 5:28 PM

Our dogs never ate the furniture. The Malamute ate videotapes, though. He loved 'em. The Anatolian never chewed anything, although she's got a current fascination with her hindquarters I find a tad disturbing.

Snow. I'd love snow. All we have is cold, cold to numb my fingertips. Without snow, it's just annoying. With snow, it's really winter fun!

PS: From Tammy and I - THANK YOU! That's all I'm sayin'.

Posted by: Fran at January 17, 2008 5:58 PM

Remind me to take you to the Giant Artichoke, sometime.

Posted by: Cornelia Read at January 17, 2008 6:35 PM

Maybe Sara's cats are declawed. We have the same problem at my house, but our vet doesn't recommend declawing and some are cats are kind of old to put them through the process now. We never had the problem with dogs, though, except for my lhasa apso that chewed the back of the rockers off of our rocking chair. But she never ate upholsetry...

Posted by: Haley at January 17, 2008 6:58 PM

i wonder if the crime museum has that famous mugshot of you snapped by the powder springs cops? you never know. you coulda done a signing while you were there........

Posted by: dramamama at January 17, 2008 7:46 PM

I heard on the radio this morning that there was enough snow in Georgia that bunches of flights in and out of Atlanta had been canceled, which made me Very Nervous since I have a flight connecting through Atlanta on Saturday, and I CHOSE that flight over another one that went through Chicago because, you know...January! Chances of enough snow to delay or cancel flights? I figure WAY higher in Chicago than in Atlanta! Gaaahh! So...YAY that it's gone now! That makes me happy!!!!

Pretty chair!!

Off to vote. :-)

Posted by: DebR at January 17, 2008 9:12 PM

I'm weighing whether I'd preferred peed upon or chewed. I might consider trading you canines.

Posted by: Cele at January 17, 2008 11:21 PM

I would SOOO go with chewed over peed upon! Especially with felines!

I pretty pink heart IKEA. I'm jealous!

Posted by: Beth at January 18, 2008 11:12 AM

It is going to snow here in north Alabama tonight, which is exciting AND a complete waste because tomorrow is Saturday so there will be no school closings.

Even at age 40 I get goosebumps listening to school closings. "Please say our school! Please!"

Posted by: City Girl at January 18, 2008 3:08 PM

I am very excited. I suddenly found myself with 5 minutes at my local library last week to myself. (I usually never leave the children's section I have so many toddlers to supervise and keep track of.)

They have Gods and Between and I signed them both out. Next time I find myself with 5 minutes I'm even going to start reading. I can't wait.

Posted by: carrien at January 18, 2008 5:29 PM

The thought-provoking category brings to mind questions about how the books in the other categories made it onto the list?


Posted by: Lydia at January 18, 2008 5:48 PM