November 9, 2007

Cat Blather from the Wrong Side of Tired

I am GIDDY with tired, but the audiobook is done, a day ahead of schedule. I REALLY like reading them. I wish I could read MORE of them, it is so fun…I guess I need to WRITE faster.

You know I like to keep this blog PG-13, so I should perhaps warn you that this particular entry contains mild adult humor….well, the humor of a VERY tired and admittedly immature adult, but still. Is that too vague? Maybe I should simply title the entry "WARNING: CONTAINS TESTICLES!"

I am SO tired that over the last week, reading this audiobook, I have gotten into the habit of calling the cats by ADJECTIVES that indicate the ways in which they are different instead of by name. So Boggart is called “Little” and “Yellow” and “Skinny” while Schubert is called “Big” and “Brown” and “Round.”


Sample: “Little is sitting on the gerbil house again---can you grab that water bottle and give him a spray?”
or “YELLOW! Stop attacking my feet!”
Or, my favorite, yesterday the dog was pestering Schubert, asking over and over if he wanted to play. Schubert emphatically does not ever wish to play, thanks Dog, and it was clear that Bagel was about to be Taught a Valuable Lesson. Scott, watching this play out, turned to the dog and intoned in the rich voice of the guy who does the voice-overs for the UPS commercials, “What can Brown do TO YOU?”

Yes, Scott has picked up on the adjectival nicknames, and then, even though HE IS USING THEM TOO, began MOCKING the identity crisis I am causing in the feline population of Chez Jackson by making up his OWN sets of names. For example, he calles Boggart “Two,” and Schubert either “One” or “None.” Two and One could refer to either the order in which we AQUIRED the cats, but I rather suspect it is referring to the number of eyes owned by each. Which means Two and None probably refers to OTHER things that one cat has two of, and that the cat lacks entirely. *cough*

Are you with me? Yes, I think he DOES mean the most obvious bits that male cats use to make more cats. This was confirmed when he stopped calling them TWO and NONE, replacing that set of adjectives with “Sack o’ nuts” and “Sack o’ Nuttin'.”

(OH SHUT UP, BOB BARKER!!!!! The kitten is not 6 months old yet, and OF COURSE, OF COURSE, come January we will do the responsible thing and take the kitten to the vet and when he comes home they will be called, ummmm, None and ... Still None?)

Posted by joshilyn at November 9, 2007 7:13 AM

Dude, if I did not have my own extremely excellent husband, I would SO be coveting yours. (Sack o' nuts and sack o' nuttin? AM DYING.)

Posted by: Mir at November 9, 2007 8:26 AM

You always make me smile.

Posted by: Lisa Milton at November 9, 2007 9:54 AM

Bwaahaahahah! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who regularly calls their cats something other than their names.

And Sack o'nuts and Sack o'nuttin'? Brilliant!

Posted by: Beth at November 9, 2007 10:30 AM

Okay, after all that, all I can focus on is the fact that you have a kraut crock WITH A LID. Possibly not the original lid, but a lid nonetheless.

I am sooooo jealous.

Posted by: City Girl at November 9, 2007 10:57 AM

ROFLMAO! Kevin will not thank you for the spittle in his keyboard...

Posted by: Amy-Go at November 9, 2007 11:11 AM

ha hahahahahhahahahahaha

Posted by: Cele at November 9, 2007 12:35 PM

Whatcha keep in the churn? I have a crock like that but mine doesn't have handles. It does have a dasher, though. I love nicknames for the animals. Our little dog is a bobbed tail and when she gets excited her tail "tries" to wag. We call her Twinkle Tail when that happens. But the Scott names for the cats are great!

Posted by: Rhonda at November 9, 2007 12:43 PM

FUNNY AND A LESSON PEOPLE UNDER 13 NEED TO LEARN! Sorry for the all caps. That was me laughing while typing a moralish lesson.

hehe sack o' nuts *snort*

Posted by: aka nik at November 9, 2007 1:18 PM

How about None and Didn't Even Know He Had Some.

Posted by: Heather at November 9, 2007 1:43 PM

How about None and Never NEEDED Em useless sack o' nuttin

Posted by: Patti at November 10, 2007 12:09 AM

Heh, I like "What can Brown do TO YOU?"

We've always called our cats lots of nicknames. When our cat Diesel gets that special gleam in his eye, I warn my young daughter that she better not get too near him, for he has become . . "Danger Kitty!"

Posted by: Brigitte at November 10, 2007 7:14 AM

None and Newly None? :-)

Posted by: DebR at November 10, 2007 11:43 AM

None and Just Done or None and No Fun or None and Sorry Hun or None and None and Can't Run or None and now None doesn't look like a word anymore.

Posted by: Laume at November 10, 2007 5:48 PM

Nadless and Nutless...not that I would ever refer to my cats that way ;)

Posted by: Thumper at November 11, 2007 10:00 PM

My honey calls our male cat Sans Testicleez. :) I'm thinking our husbands would get along fabulously.

Posted by: Debra at November 12, 2007 6:50 AM

I call one of my cats "Little". Because she used to be. Now she is actually Big. But I still call her Little.

Posted by: maryanne stahl at November 16, 2007 8:57 PM