October 30, 2007

How is Crazy Farm Plan Like The Red Queen’s Jam? PART TWO

SO I was writing the end of the trunk or treat story when I noticed a mysterious silence emanating from the rest of the house. Very Silent. Very Mysterious. When a house with a big dog in it goes spooky quiet, it means that SLY EVIL is being perpetrated. I went to investigate.

NOW! BEFORE I let the dog back in after his morning constitutional, I made sure the kids’ bedroom doors were closed. And I babygated OUR bedroom door. SO! EITHER the dog grew a thumb and learned to turn knobs (in which case I am going to have to take him to the vet for a thumb-ectomy because, NO) OR I didn’t check well enough or the dog learned to say Open Sesame…However it happened, I could see from the downstairs hall that the door to my son’s room was hanging WIIIIIIDE open. I began running up the stairs, three at a time, because I KNOW my son, and it was a good bet that he had left his MASSIVE Trunk or Treat Loot Bag of candies in the MIDDLE OF HIS FLOOR.

The merciful part: Not any chocolate. He had like 6 chocolate things and those got et first by Sam and Maisy and MAYBE their mother might have purloined a Reese’s cup or two. So. I am not worried about CHOCO-POISON.

The unmerciful part: My son’s room is AWASH in CHEWED OPEN packs of Starburst and Laffy Taffy and SweetTarts and Twizzlers. I saw Gum and Taffy ground into the carpet. I saw hundreds of teeny wrapper shreds and powdered Smarties sprinkled like snow across the room. Licked Skittles abound. The dog sat smug in the middle of the carnage, working his jaws around something, and when he saw me, his eyes half bugged out of his head, and he tried to do a fast, low-belly slink run past me and out the door.

I basically had to WRASSLE the dog to the ground, PRY open his mouth at the hinges and manually remove the ATOMIC FIREBALL (Yes. Really.) he’d been macerating, and then pick a large sliver of the cellophane WRAPPER out from between his back teeth. I have NO doubt the REST of the wrapper is in his stomach with 50 other wrappers and about a POUND of food coloring and pure cane sugar.

I threw him back in the yard to be sick and closed Sam’s door again. I am pretending it did not happen for ten more minutes while I have a calming mini-Snickers bar and think about what cleaning product can best remove the perfect little circles of red, green and orange DYE that the licked Skittles have released onto the pale carpet…

ANYWAY, to FINISH UP so I can go fix the ROOM *sigh*

I got VERY competitive about the Trunk or Treat, and my first idea was to make the BACK OF THE VAN a Magicians Studio with all sorts of MAGICAL PARAPHENALIA including ALIVE RABBITS and my husband (who knows quite a LOT of close magic) could dress up in a SORCERER outfit and do a BIG SHOW with feathers and pulling lights out of kids ears and he could JUGGLE in between tricks! (He can JUGGLE!) AND WE WOULD WIN!!!

Scott was like, WHOA! Sugar, DIAL IT BACK DOWN. He got a very philosophical sort of WISE face and gave me this PIOUS lecture about the TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS or whatever, which is, apparently, NOT about winning. He made that very clear. I am not sure what it IS about, something about peace or kindness blah blah blah. AND!!! I SUSPECT that whole TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS SPEECH actually translated would read something like “If you think you are going to have me standing in a parking lot in a pointy hat with stars on it for two hours pulling scarves out of my pants, then you need to spend now until Christmas in rehab to GET OFF THE CRACK.”

SO then he came up with the idea that we would cover the trunk in red fabric, hang some cardboard teeth and make it lok like a mouth, and then kids could just REACH into the mouth and get some candy.


SO then *I* got very pious and gave him a lecture about the fleeting nature of Childhood, how this would be the ONLY Halloween when Sam was ten and Maisy was five, that as soon as NEXT YEAR Sam’s interest in these things would oh so sadly wane, and that this was a FAMILY PROJECT and this trunk was a SPECIAL BUCKET of family togetherness time and we should not squander the opportunity to create PRECIOUS MEMORIES to sustain us in our dotage.

Translated, my pious speech would read: Dude, that mouth idea is SO NOT going to WIN.

We finally settled on building an enchanted forrest in the back of the van with TWINKLE LIGHTS and REAL TREES and LEAF AND FEATHER AND FLOWER GARLANDS and SPARKLE BERRIES and GLITTERED PINE CONES and we populated it with pretty Victorian glass Fairies and a dragon and a gargoyle, and then we took this THICK cardboard-y paper stuff and I drew three hobgoblins named Red Tooth (he had red teeth) Boogerhead (his head was shaped like a booger) and Dorcas (because Maisy wanted a girl hobgoblin…). We painted them and cut them out and built stands on the back. We told kids that Hobgoblins invaded the enchanted forest. We got a NERF crossbow and let the kids SHOOT the hobgoblins. They got candy just for trying, but knocking a goblin over meant DOUBLE candy.

IT WAS SO FUN!!!! And it created MEMORIES for US and for our precious loin-spawns. And shooting hobgoblins to save fairies IS, I think, possibly a METAPHOR for the True Meaning of Christmas. SO! ALL GOOD GOALS WERE ACCOMPLISHED. And…NOT that this is AT ALL IMPORTANT IN ANY WAY….we won A PRIZE!!!!! The People’s Choice Award. *prim smile* I mention the WINNING only in passing you understand.

Here is a pic with little CLOSE UP BOXES of the fairies and Red Tooth and Boogerhead, but you can’t really SEE all the twinkle lights or the backdrop with hand drawn stars and how DEEP into the van the forest goes…..It was the best pic we got.


Maisy was one of the fairies and Sam re-invented his DEMENTOR (from Harry Potter) costume and took on the role of Hobgoblin.


Good times!

Posted by joshilyn at October 30, 2007 10:25 AM

I think I need to organize one of those Trunk or Treat things up here next year....

So beautiful! And my three year old just saw Maisy's costume and now she wants it too!

('scuse me whilst I go off and cry.....)

Posted by: daysgoby at October 30, 2007 10:48 AM

My only problem with trunk of treats is that around here they want to do it on Halloween instead of trick or treating. And I don't want to miss trick or treating itself. I love Halloween because it is just for fun and you don't have to try to make it be all serious and have a deeper meaning like other holidays. But some people have to take the fun out of everything.

Posted by: Cathi at October 30, 2007 11:03 AM

By the way, since you have the Bagel candy machine, and I suspect that this won't be the only mess he makes, you should look into getting some "zero odor". It does a great job on odors but it also gets rid of stains. I've used it to get rid of some really big nasty dog and cat stains on my beige carpet. You can order it on line.

Posted by: Cathi at October 30, 2007 11:15 AM

THAT is awesome! Could you come and do my house next halloween?

Posted by: Madame Queen at October 30, 2007 11:17 AM

You are one million percent more creative than I am. I am not showing this picture to my children lest they find out I am merely mortal.

Posted by: Anette at October 30, 2007 11:53 AM

It's really all about the memories. Your kids look awesome.

Posted by: amy at October 30, 2007 11:58 AM

What a cute idea! Our doggie will eat anything he can find. The kids had a huge laugh watching him poop out the saran wrap from some "treat" he ate.

Posted by: Laura L at October 30, 2007 12:21 PM

I want to shoot hobgoblins and win candy!!!!!!

What do you mean that wasn't the point of the story? Hmph.

Posted by: DebR at October 30, 2007 12:29 PM

You got some scary JUNK in your TRUNK!

Sorry, sorry. I couldn't resist the "junk in the trunk" joke.

I'm also jealous of your Target bags. I haven't been to Target in months. I miss Target.

Posted by: aka nik at October 30, 2007 2:09 PM

THAT is a bad-ass trunk. Congrats on your prize! Not that it matters or anything...

Posted by: Aimee at October 30, 2007 2:25 PM

Scott, Scott, Scott,

It is SO about winning!

Posted by: jennielynn at October 30, 2007 2:32 PM

Awesome Trunk or Treat! Congrats on the prize! Hopefully the glow of winning outshines the icky dog-eaten-candy cleanup.

Posted by: JenniferG at October 30, 2007 3:14 PM

Your trunk rocks double. And can you just tell Sam that those are NOT ex-Skittles stains, they are a new rug which has a number of miniature versions of Twister printed on it?

Posted by: Cornelia Read at October 30, 2007 3:51 PM

AAaawwwwww!!I wish I had been there! I would knock those old hobgoblins off their perches! That is a wonderful idea. We have some trunk or treats around here at various churches but I've never been to one. I didn't know everyone's vehicle got decorated like that. I will have to talk to the children's ministry council at my church and see about this. In the meantime, hope everything "came out ok" with the dog.

Posted by: Rhonda at October 30, 2007 7:50 PM

I'm thinking back to when our oldest was Sam's age, and I vaguely remember doggie disaster, and I also remember hauling out to get replacement candy in addition to having to clean up rented carpet, because it was my fault the dog got into the candy, and I was SO not going to have had to clean up nasty carpet and suffer through deeply sighing and miserable child.

That is a GREAT trunk and you should have won ALL the prizes, but I guess they had to be generous, since that's sort of what Halloween is about, especially on the candy front.

Posted by: Fran at October 30, 2007 9:22 PM

Maisy is truly a beautiful and ethereal fairy. And Sam is...very scary indeed.

I can assure you that - after a very unfortunate canine/skittles encounter of my own a few years back - you will be hard pressed to find a way to get that dye out of your carpet. But if you do, can you share, please? It may come in handy again some day. Heaven help me.

Posted by: buffi at October 31, 2007 12:32 AM

Thanks so much for sharing that! What a great idea. You are very clever. It must have the hit of the trunk or treat!

Can I use that idea next year??

Posted by: Keetha at October 31, 2007 9:29 AM

Never heard of trunk or treat till your blog, what a great idea --- and it looks wonderful!

Jeez. God just gave you ALL the creative genes.


Posted by: timmi at October 31, 2007 2:07 PM

I want to trunk or treat! No, I do not want to compete with your trunk, I want to PLAY! In fact, I NEVER want to compete/lose to you and your creative juices. We would all just drown.

(And I hope no YMITDS allowed!)

Posted by: Patti at October 31, 2007 10:05 PM

Oh, I'm so sorry about the Trunk or Treat debacle! It's things like that that have meant that my in-laws basset hounds are forever banished to the land of "downstairs," by the means of a baby gate on the landing. I think the final straw was the time they found one of them ON TOP of the kitchen table.

I love your trunk, by the way! Beautiful decorations!

Posted by: Lindsey at November 1, 2007 12:55 PM

You are the BEST mom. (Not that I'm trying to put you at the lead of another competition, or anything.)

My sister and I hung out at the bookstore and in the car while we let my husband troop the boys all over town. :)

Posted by: Becky Levine at November 1, 2007 2:46 PM

Wow! It looks great! And I love the hobgoblin/fairy contrast.

Posted by: Laura Florand at November 1, 2007 7:12 PM

Oh mi gosh wonderful fun, and great memories.

Posted by: Cele at November 1, 2007 9:36 PM