September 30, 2007

SIBA Redux (and more kitten pics. Because you asked)

SIBA was awesome. I saw a BUNCHA booksellers I LOVE, met new ones, had a martini so dirty it qualified as FILTHY, hung out with some of my favorite people from my publishing house, and GAVE MY SPEECH. As for the speech! Well… I had already decided that if I did not vomit down my front or trip over my own high heels on the way to or from the podium, I would call it an unqualified success.

High standards, that’s what I’VE got!

Actually, considering how nervous I was (and how high my heels were) those WERE pretty high standards. I was so nervous that I should use caps on it, like, say, I was SO NERVOUS!!!!111oneone!! I generally get nervous before standing up in front of a group and talking, but not THIS nervous. See, last time I spoke at SIBA, I got very flustered and forgot everything I planned to say and meandered around several topics and then fled. It was literally the worst speech I ever gave in my life. Including the time I was twelve and spoke to the Rotary Club about my deep deep deep, sincere, dry, and nearly endless passion for RECYCLING.

I was SO nervous that when I picked up my water glass to have a sip right before going up, my hands were shaking so hard I sloshed water all over my fingers and had to set it down. I was SO nervous that at one point, when in the middle of my talk I did a forehead smack and said a Homer Simpson like DOH!, I hit myself SO HARD that the next day I had a BLACK AND BLUE KNOT the size of a quarter under my bangs. I still have it. But up on the stage, when I actually hit myself, I was so filled with equal parts terror and adrenalin that I DID. NOT. FEEL. IT.

You would have been nervous too if you were speaking after Tony Early, Jeff Lindsay and Chistopher Moore. ( All hugely successful, critically acclaimed, and HILARIOUS.) And if you had screwed up so badly the last time you talked to the folks who make up SIBA. And if, right when you arrived, you realized you were wearing the same skirt you wore the LAST time you spoke at SIBA, you know, the time you SUCKED, and then you thought to yourself MY SKIRT IS CURSED! MY SKIRT WILL MAKE ME FORGET MY SPEECH! ALL OF IT! AND THEN I WILL VOMIT! AND WHEN I TRY TO RUN I WILL FALL DOWN THE STEPS AND MY CURSED SKIRT WILL FLIP OVER MY HEAD AND I HOPE TO GOD I HAVE ON REALLY NICE “HOSPITAL” UNDERPANTS LIKE MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME TO WEAR IN CASE I GOT IN A CAR WRECK. Yeah, so.

But none of that happened. I said everything I hoped I would say, and lots of people kindly told me that my outsides did not appear as trembly and terrified as my insides felt. SO! YAY! And then I buried my WHOLE FACE in a vat-sized icy martini and the waitor was kind and so I got MANY spare olives. It was a great day all the way around.

Unless you are my dog. In Which case, the kitten discovered that you sleep in a crate and therefore are helpless to stop long-armed yellow critters who want to get on top and poke you.


Boggart dog-poked and dog-poked until he was so exhausted he could nto jump around anymore. Luckily, he soon realized he could LIE DOWN and dog-poke. He was still at it when I fell asleep.


Posted by joshilyn at September 30, 2007 2:34 PM

I'm so glad you did not vomit on your beautiful shoes or the fabu skirt. I was thinking about you this weekend and sending you good speaking vibes. I still get nervous after 25 years, God, has it been that long, every time I walk on stage and open my mouth. I don't think it will ever get better. I'm glad you had fun though.

I think we should caption the pictures.

Hugs Pluffy, btw, we have "gone back" to UO for a spell. It's boring without you.


Posted by: Gabi at September 30, 2007 4:12 PM

I thought Bagel had been nutered?

Posted by: jean at September 30, 2007 7:16 PM

I think you are a fabulous speaker. You had on high heels at the Biltmore and didn't fall. Now whether or not you vomited, I can't say.

Boggart says, "You are getting sleepy. You are getting VERY sleepy"

Posted by: Rhonda at September 30, 2007 8:45 PM

Jean--I was thinking the same thing. . .

And poor, poor Bagel. Not only did he have to tame the Pirate before Boggart showed up, but now it appears that Cute Kitten and Pirate are in cahoots.

Glad SIBA was great and that you did not vomit or break a heel--or a neck--ALTHOUGH HAD you broken your neck, atleast we could find comfort in the fact that TGWSS is already on its way to us in March.

Posted by: Roxanne at September 30, 2007 9:48 PM

Boggart - very, very cute!! We LIKES kitten pictures!

But if Boggart keeps being that cute, Bagel may need the doggie equivalent of an extra-dirty martini. An extra-milky Milk Bone??

YAY for the SIBA talk going well, with no upping of the chuck!!

Posted by: DebR at September 30, 2007 10:22 PM

I'm glad that SIBA went well and that speech was not interrupted by twisted ankles or the need to vomit.

Regarding the underwear issue- I really did get in a car wreck yesterday (I'm fine, if a little sore) and as I'm sitting in the ER room the only thought that's going through my head is "omigod, what underwear am I wearing?" Not "gee, I could have a concussion" or anything like that. Nope, my Mama trained me to be concerned about all the right things. You never know when the doctor will be young and single.

He wasn't either, unfortunately.

Posted by: Erin at September 30, 2007 11:52 PM

Yay for you! Did Karen get up to any shenanigans?

Oddly, Bagel just looks a little bemused. I would think he would be more distressed about being the Boggart's helpless victim.

Posted by: Brigitte at October 1, 2007 7:12 AM

Tell us more about SIBA pretty please!

I'm so glad your speech went well, although I had no doubt that it would. At the MWG conference, you said you were nervous as all get out, but you certainly couldn't tell - you did a great job!

Posted by: Keetha at October 1, 2007 9:44 AM

You are a fabulous public speaker - much better than I could ever dream of being. Luckily, I never have a reason to speak in public.
But seriously??? You were there with Christopher Moore? Lamb is one of my favorite books ever (along with gods and Between). I might have spontaneously combusted if I had been there with both you AND Christopher Moore.

Posted by: liz at October 1, 2007 9:52 AM

How long till Bagel discovers he can pull on the cute little kitty tail and paws himself? Some day cute little kitty will over the top and Bagel will have a cute kitty nightshade.

Posted by: Cele at October 1, 2007 11:44 AM

Cute kitty pictures. Our cat has tken over the dog kennel. And our 75 pound keeshond whines and whimpers until he decides to leave :) Ours sit on high up things and grab a pawfull of fluffy tail as they dogs walk by.

I can't attest to your public speaking skills, but they have to be far superior to mine :)

Posted by: Laura L at October 1, 2007 1:17 PM

Jeff Lindsey? Of "Dexter" fame? Oh, to be at a conference with the two of you! Wow!

Congratulations on the speech, Peach! Did you know that more people fear speaking in public than they do dying? So good on you!

And what you don't see happening - but it really is - is the making of a great cat-and-dog team, and that can be incredibly entertaining and hazardous. I know whereof I speak.

Posted by: Fran at October 1, 2007 2:42 PM

OMG if you don't lolcat that, it will be a crime against felinity.

Here's an unrelated question: How does Heather Locklear look exactly the same as she did 15 years ago? Is it that pig enzyme they inject? Are they rubbing the pig enzyme on the outside too?


Posted by: Lydia at October 1, 2007 9:42 PM