August 28, 2007



Because I refuse to put two names in a hat, send your mailing addresses to joshilyn at joshilynjackson dot com and both of you will get Sin in the Second City and signed paperbacks of gods in Alabama and Between, Georgia. If you want them INSCRIBED to a particular person say so in your email!

Desi A. got NINE correct, so you too should send me your addy and pick a title, and I will mail you your choice of gods or Between as a runner up prize.

Honorable mentions to those who got 8:
Deb R
Melisa (yes, with one s)
Tina W.
Dawn T.
Cheryl U.
Amanda M.
Chris Tequila Cookies
Caren G.


1) KAREN had the Woobie watch. It was this HUGE leather MANACLE, so unwieldy that when she walked in it, passersby instinctively put up hands to keep her from tipping over. Because of this contest, she is threatening to have it repaired and WEAR it. In PUBLIC. This, by the way, was the MOST frequently missed one – I think maybe 4 people got this right? Up until about a month ago when my friend Anna MADE me a watch out of beads, I don’t think I had OWNED a watch in ten years. Even then, it was a finger ring watch and I took it in the shower the day after I bought it and ruined it and just wore it anyway.

Even now, on days when the one Anna made is looped around my wrist, I ask people what time it is because I forget it’s a watch and that I am wearing it. It seems so unlikely. I also never know what date it is, even up unto the month. And more than once, writing a check, I have had to stop and make sure I had the year right. I am not what you would call Grounded. Karen is, mostly because her OLD WATCH is so huge it could ground a DIRIGIBLE. *rimshot!*

2) Karen can dance. This was a Gimme. I cannot dance. I am so unco-ordinated that I can trip over dust.

3) I own a pair of gauchos. I wear them. Shut. Up.

4) Karen used to be blonde.

5) I do not like the sports.

6) I am the one who says, “This sentence is not right with the Lord.” It isn’t just for sentences. It’s the phrase I use for anything that is borked ALMOST but not quite beyond redemption.

7) I can make a monster-good cocktail from everyday household items. Or so Karen says. I think everything is good if you add enough chocolate, and I am right, so that may be why Karen believes this.

8) KAREN racked up the 650 dollar cell phone bill. My first tour, I did a similar thing, going over 400 bucks. YARG! But with her tour being more recent, I thought most of ya’ll would get this. And you did.

9) Karen is the kamekazi driver.

10) I toodle along all pokey and RRR-brake and never actually MET “my left” to speak to. In fact, I CHEATED on the left right test in first grade. <--- TRUE!

I was a spacey little kid who always sneaked a book under the desk and read during the boring parts, and one day I looked up from Ramona the Pest and noticed that kids were going up ONE BY ONE to the VERY FRONT of the classroom and being tested on WHICH hand was left and which was right. PUBLICLY!!!!

I simultaneously realized that 1) I had no idea which way was left, and 2) we were about three kid away from my turn. My blood stopped, insta-congealing in my veins, because I was about to publicly fail something SO BABY EASY, and everyone would laugh at me and point and I would DIE. In a blind panic, I began to recite the Pledge of Allegiance under my breath, and was delighted to find a hand I ASSUMED must therefore be my RIGHT put itself up obligingly over my heart. Before I could forget which it was, I grabbed my pencil and drew a dot on my right shoe. I stared shyly at my toes during testing, and passed with flying colors.

Posted by joshilyn at August 28, 2007 10:10 AM

A) Squeeeeee! I'm mentioned honorably!

B) I'm left handed and, for some reason, ASSUME this makes me better at the whole left/right thing. It does not. I have to make right angles with my thumb and pointer finger and ONLY THEN, when I SEE that my left hand makes a correct-facing letter L, do I realize it is my left hand. Not even the wedding ring tips me off.

(I also have to do this with where the bread plate and glasses go at a table setting. I have to make the stupid little cirlces with my pointer fingers and thumbs and make the rest of my fingers stand WAY at attention. The one that looks like "b" is bread and "d" is drink and otherwise, I am HOPELESSLY un-etiquette-full.)

Posted by: Casey at August 28, 2007 10:26 AM

I am obviously ignorant since I think I got ...oh... maybe 2 or 3 right. But on the other hand (the LEFT one?), I wore a ring on my right hand from the time I was 9. And that's how I could remember which was which. Imagine my horror when I got married and all of a sudden I was wearing a ring on the OTHER hand. Yeeesh.

Posted by: janet at August 28, 2007 10:43 AM

Thanks for the table setting tip Casey!

And congrats to all the winners.

Posted by: Patti D. at August 28, 2007 10:44 AM

Dang! I wanted to win. And I was pretty close. I only got a few wrong.

That story about cheating on the left/right test is hilarious. Quick thinking, though! Good problem solving skills!

Posted by: Leandra at August 28, 2007 10:50 AM

Best cheating story, ever.

Posted by: Daily Tragedies at August 28, 2007 12:46 PM

To this very day I find my right hand going into "pledge position" when I need to figure out which right and which the other. I cannot do it quickly and PANIC if asked an urgent question based on right/left. I have always maintained that I can't dance because of this affliction. I may have just de-lurked to join you in your confusion over hands. On the other hand (don't ask me which one) I may have commented once long ago and far away.

Posted by: Sara at August 28, 2007 1:03 PM

Yay! Honorable mention!

I have left/right issues, also, and constantly check to see which hand makes the L. But the bread/drink trick? PRICELESS.

Posted by: Marlaroo at August 28, 2007 1:05 PM

Congrats to the winners!

I'm pleased with myself only missing two. I missed the phone bill one and that was one of the ones where I totally thought it could go either way and pretty much just mentally flipped a coin, so I don't even feel bad about missing that one.

I really thought the watch thing would be Joss though, mostly because of it being called a "woobie." That just sounded so Joshilynlike to me. Plus I thought maybe it was huge to remind you to look at it and notice the time. :-)

I think it's funny that so many of us have the left/right problem because I'm another one who gets them mixed up all the time. I tell people when I'm giving them directions that if I'm pointing left and saying "right" or vice versa, for the love of all that's holy, go the way I POINT, not the way I SAY!!! Despite that though, I'm also a kamikaze driver and a pretty good dancer! ;-)

Posted by: DebR at August 28, 2007 1:28 PM

In third grade I had to wear very sensible tie-up shoes (NOT slip-ons like all the other girls, to my eternal shame) and I couldn't tell the left one from right so my mother--who picked the shoes out to begin with, of course--put a big "L" and "R" with a big fat indelible black marker on the sole. Of course one day in school I was kneeling down and the soles were visible. Oh, woe.

I have trouble with east and west. I know where they are on the map, I just can't always tell you which direction I want to get on the highway to go where I'm going. I have to stop and think about it, and sometimes there's just no time to think between where I am and the on-ramp. But my worst thing? My stove has a picture next to the knob to show what burner it turns on, and I have the worst time relating the picture to the burner I want. I've turned the wrong burner more times than I can count. Now I draw a cross in the air before I turn the knob, so I can locate the colored dot spatially and connect it to the burner. It looks for all the world like I'm blessing my stove. And yes, that's somehow related to the left-right thing, I'm sure.

Posted by: amy at August 28, 2007 3:16 PM

Congrats to the winners.... It was fun... I am amazed I got 8...
My daughter had trouble learning the left/right.. She came up with holding her hands up and the thumb and pointer finger form an L. She is 20 and I occasionally see her doing this still...
Oh I didn't want to admit it but I really miss my gaucho's... I haven't owned any in years but may have to start a new revisited trend.

Posted by: Tina W at August 28, 2007 4:10 PM

I just remembered that the one I wrote or colored or whatever with was my right, but lawdy did it take me YEARS to learn N S E W directions...FOREVER it took.

Posted by: ScottsdaleGirl at August 28, 2007 4:43 PM

I have left and right issues, too. But I can find a NSEW direction with no trouble. ??? As little girls, my sister Libby and I were very close in size physically but 2 1/2 years apart in age. Mother dressed us alike, does anybody still do that?, and to keep our shoes separate she would paint, with nail polish, an "R" and "L" in our shoes. But look! Both my shoes said "R" and both Libby's said "L". If we ever pulled our shoes off, people looked at us real funny. "You've got on two right shoes!" No, that's my initial.

Posted by: Rhonda at August 28, 2007 5:40 PM

Congrats, winners! That was a fun contest!

Posted by: Jessalyn at August 28, 2007 10:16 PM

Let me add my voice to the right/left issue, along with Lillian. We neither of us are good at it - and she's a surveyor!

I do the "L" thing with my left hand too. Or I'll go to grab something, since I'm rabidly right handed, although I am trying to use my left more.

I love the "go the way I point, not the way I say" thing. That is SO me!

Lillian, sadly, has a much better way of remembering which is which. She has a huge burn scar on the back of her left hand that goes along the outside of her wrist. That's how she remembers. But she's great at the NSEW thing, and I swear she has a GPS unit in her head. I think that's more mathematical than right/left, but that's just my theory.

Posted by: Fran at August 28, 2007 11:02 PM

First, congrats to the winners and honorable mentions. There but for one too many wrong guesses go I. Actually, I was surprised at how many I got right. So, go you!

I'm pretty okay with Left and Right, myself, but find that many of my friends are direction-challenged. Driving along...
me: Go right at the corner.
driver: (moves left)
me: No, go right!
driver: (moves another lane to the left)
me: (screaming now) NO! Your OTHER right!
driver: (veers across three lanes of traffic in about 50 feet to make a right turn)
me: (covering my eyes and praying)

However, N-S-E-W. Well, since I was a tiny tot, I have fully expected North to be in front of me, South behind, etc., just like on a map. You cannot imagine my outrage the first time my poor father tried to explain that that was only on paper, it changes in the real world, depending on which way you were facing. Now what kind of a crazy thing is that??? I ask you.

Posted by: ZaZa at August 29, 2007 4:10 AM

I figured out left/right because i started wearing a ring on my right hand when i was 9. Imagine my confusion when i got married!

Posted by: janet at August 29, 2007 8:52 AM

Congratulations y'all!

Posted by: Dawn at August 29, 2007 9:51 AM

Darn! So close!

And bonus points to you for noticing the one s thing.

Posted by: Melisa at August 29, 2007 11:08 AM

Wahoo - I've never been mentioned honorably before!

That "L" thing never worked for me, they both kind of looked like L's and then I would just get confused on the proper way to write an L. What eventually worked for me was getting my mom to tell me that I sucked my right thumb. Easy peasy after that. Even now, that thumb feels.. different so I can locate my right easily unless I'm driving. Thank God I don't preform surgery because I get all messed up if you are referring in left and right terms to something you are facing. Makes my head hurt.

I'm lucky with the NSEW thing. I have an ocean right there on the East (therefore, there isn't much to drive to in that direction) and a city right there south of me so if it involves driving through or around Boston, its south. Otherwise its north. If I'm wet, its east. And I really never go west ;-)

Posted by: Em at August 29, 2007 1:30 PM

Ok, I totally missed that you own gauchos. Other than that I was right on...

Gauchos? Seriously? ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at August 29, 2007 3:36 PM

You were blonde too? I thought? Was everyone blonde?

Posted by: Lydia at August 29, 2007 6:04 PM

I have a misshapen fingernail on my left hand. I swear if it were not for that fingernail, I still would not know my right from my left.

Posted by: Stephanie at August 29, 2007 7:09 PM

My husband is an Eagle Scout. It is his eternal shame that I "orient" a map by turning it whichever direction I'm heading.

Posted by: Roxanne at August 29, 2007 9:49 PM