August 26, 2007

Physics

There is a contest/game/thing one entry down – Scroll! Scroll and play!

So with dinner at Sara’s we each injested what I would call a modest amount of Champagne,BUT I have to say we DID get a little giddy from MASSIVE PILE FRIED CARBS WE GOBBLED. OH! OH! Poutine!

Anyway, after dinner, I was still SO excited about the possibilities of riding in the morning that I begged carrots and we all trooped down to the stables so I could make friends with Fancy, the spare mare.

Giddy with carbs, Sara decided it would be a VERY GOOD IDEA to have a little midnight bareback ride on Tia, her horse. Giddy with carbs AND the intoxicating smell of HORSE, I thought so too. Yeah.

Now. Tia is a BUNNY– she’s like 14.3 hands, which for the non-horsey, means she is just a HAIR over pony. She’s spunky, and she’s got such a PRETTY face and is a tidily built and an altogether nifty little horse. LITTLE is the operative word here.

MY horse, the Parker, aka Parker Posey Pony Horse, was a green broke gelding I share-boarded for a goodly span after we moved to Georgia up until I fetched up pregnant with Maisy. At that point, I realized if I did not stop ATTEMPTING to leap tall hedges in single bound (and I say attempting because Parker, Lord love him, did not always make it) Both Maisy-fetus and I were going to end up broken. Parker’s coat was red dun --- very flashy ---a strawberry blond color, and though he had the QH requisite huge round apple of a behiney, his BACK was 50 feet long – very bad. He was a big genial boneheaded dumpling. BIG is the operative word here. He stood 16 hands in his sock-hooves.

For the non horsey, this would mean Parker is to Tia as Michael Jordan is to Billy Barty.

SO. I gave Sara leg up, which means, basically she gathered the reins and crooked her leg and I squatted and made a sling for her leg with my arm and then, straightening from the knee, I threw her onto the horse. Or rather, I threw her onto A horse.

Unfortunately, the horse I threw her on was PARKER.

TIA was CONSIDERABLY under the space that Parker would have occupied, and Sara CLEARED the top of Tia like a HURDLE, at which point gravity intervened, and Sara went splatting down onto the ground on the far side. Tia., THE DARLING, who could have made things bad by stamping on Sara’s face, looked down in faint surprise and then twitched her head in a horse-equivalent of an EYE ROLL and stood waiting for us to be JUUUUUUUST stupid enough to try again.

Which, of course, we were.

IN MY DEFENSE, Sara is a slight little thing, maybe five four, and she weighs about as much a bag of kittens. We DID try again, and this time, I tossed her into the general area of Tia instead of, you know, space, but she was a little borked from the fall and went slithering off again and ended up flat on her back.

At which point, with a mare ROLLING HER EYES AT US for the SECOND time in 40 seconds, even we figured out this was a double plus ungood plan.

You know, I am DEADLY serious when I say we’d had a modest amount of champagne, and we’d eaten ENOUGH CARBS to successfully feed a locust plague of BIBLICAL proportions which you would think might soak it up, and Sara is fit and rides that horse alla stinkin’ time --- and yet truthfully, NEITHER of us had any business operating heavy machinery, even heavy machinery with a heartbeat. And YES, kids, this is me doing another DESIGNATED DRIVER public service announcement, because cars do not roll their eyes and love you and decide not to stamp in your face when you make a bad judgment call. Just saying.

ANYWAY, next morning I DID ride Fancy, and OH LORDY how FUN, but MAN I am SAD AND RUSTY. I barely had enough leg to get Fancy to the rail, and our circles got smaller as she got tireder. I could hear my friend Lydia in my head (she trained Parker) hollering across the ring at me to “GET THOSE STINKING HEELS DOWN” and “DO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO, I DON’T KNOW, CLOSE YOUR FINGERS???”

This morning I have a long, slim stretch of muscle running down my inner thigh that feels as tight and twangy as a guiar string – a muscle NordicTrack and hiking with the dog cannot touch. It’s a purely HORSE muscle, and every time I get up to refill my coffee and feel that pleasant and familiar ache, it reminds me how much I miss the whole-body conversations you can have when you’re sitting on a good, good horse.

Posted by joshilyn at August 26, 2007 7:28 AM
Comments

I don't suppose Karen was down at the barn (or wherever this took place) with a video camera while the Sara Tossing Event was taking place? No? Damn.

So does this mean you're going to get a horse? And if so, do we get to suggest names again??

PS to Sara...Glad you're unbroken and unstomped!!!!

Posted by: DebR at August 26, 2007 8:51 AM

The Sara-tossing event didn't, by chance, result in her sitting so gingerly on a soft cushion last night, did it?

Thanks for coming over! What fun! I'm going to be all over ********'S disrespectful pie-hole on my bloggie.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at August 26, 2007 9:04 AM

There truly is nothing like that intoxicating horse smell to draw you in.

I miss that feeling of horse muscles, too.

Posted by: shannon in oregon at August 26, 2007 10:18 AM

Lately I have missed being a horse person. A lot. I have the horse blues (which is better than the baby blues at 51, or the my daughters won't give me another grandchild blues - I mean crap there are three of them and only one grandchild.) I miss the horse muscles. I miss the strong thighs. I miss the slender butt that hours on a horse can bring you when you walk away from the Oreos. I miss the currying, the horse smell. Shoot I miss mucking.

Posted by: Cele at August 26, 2007 11:36 AM

Horse envy! I smell it! Horses are the best and ultimate therapy. And I needed a laugh this morning. The image of you guys and the horses is awesome.

I once was riding an old mare,April bareback down a gravel road and a car pulled up to talk to me. Well when the car took off the mare was feeling frisky so we chased after it, since not all horses come with a good set of shocks,and I hadn't been riding bareback long, I started to lose my balance and told the mare to "Ho" and well she "Ho"d alright, I went sailing over her head and bit the dirt. Of course she's looking at me with this "Now how did you end up down there?" (With a very distinct look of Horsey suprise and amusement.) HMMM I wonder.

Gravel is very hard and gritty to eat by the way. So I lead her to the side of the ditch, hopped up and we went back on our merry way.

Posted by: Sarah at August 26, 2007 12:10 PM

Yes, I love midnight drunken horse riding! It's been so long since I did that!

I did once have middle of the day drunken bareback riding horse jumping. There was a course outside the public arena where there was a team penning going on and I took my friend's fat team penning horse and made him jump little fences.

All around fun... until someone fell off and his horse headed for the highway and I had to go get him. We thought maybe our frivolity shouldn't include turning horses into road pancakes by large trucks.

I think I'm saving my pennies to put my horse in training because I don't want to get tossed by my new mare, the two year old who is the epitome of stubborn redhead in the horse world.

I realize now that I've lost all horse training ability and I can hardly remember the me that started two year olds by the dozens. :(

Posted by: Heather Cook at August 26, 2007 12:41 PM

This summer we had the Houston mounted patrol come to VBS (we were doing an animal theme). I, of course, could not RIDE the police horse, but that does not mean I did not stand out in the blazing sun and pet, and stroke, and rub all over that sweaty, huge, gorgeous horse. There's no other smell in the universe quite like it.

Posted by: Roxanne at August 26, 2007 6:03 PM

I learned to ride horses at 6, had them until I went off to college, and right now I'm watching LOTR, with Ian McKellan on that beautiful white horse, and Viggo Mortenson being fabulous as usual, and I'm suddenly joining all of you in horse longing and envy, even if I'd have to have liposuction on 90% of my body to be able to get back in a saddle.

Oh well done, Peach! I'm glad you had a lovely time.

Posted by: Fran at August 27, 2007 12:11 AM

I know EXACTLY that muscle you're talking about. The last time I went riding that muscle was so sore FOR DAYS that it made me walk in an extremely unflattering spraddle legged gait. Now I know why cowboys walk like they do.

Posted by: Leandra at August 27, 2007 6:12 AM

Oh I've been feeling muscles for days and days after not even knowing I had muscles. Stupid "fitness" grumble grumble.

Posted by: aka nik at August 27, 2007 8:24 AM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Am I to understand, am I to believe that you never actually got anyone's ass onto a horse? Although you tried multiple times? *cackle*

I'm jealous, but not as jealous as I would have expected myself to be.

Posted by: Lydia at August 28, 2007 9:27 AM

http://564hj.com

Posted by: alex at August 30, 2007 7:26 PM