April 5, 2007

Best Meme Ever

You google YOUR NAME and the word NEEDS in Quotes. Like mine was “Joshilyn needs” Of course, if you have a name like Joshilyn, you get one result, and it is from your own blog:

Joshilyn needs Scott to come home and stay there for at least a while Right NOW.

Well, Duh that’s always true. And I SAID IT MYSELF so you can’t really call that the mystical wisom of the google. *sigh*

If you have a NORMALER name, you get a bunch of PREDICTIVE THINGS that you can use like a Magic 8Ball to plan your life and set your New Year’s resolutions. It may even be ALMOST as accurate as a magic 8 Ball. It is certainly almost as fun.

Since the single result yielded by my name WAS SO UNSATISFYING, I decided to use my nickname. As my close friends and most of the hardcore regs around here know, the H in my name is purely decorative. Joshilyn is actually pronouced just like the more common name, Jocelyn. Phontetically it is Joss-a-lyn. My husband and my close friends often call me “Joss.” So I tried that.

MUCH MORE SATSFYING!

Joss needs to be canny and prepare for the unexpected (SO TRUE!)
Errm Joss needs to calm down (A little judgemental, but….well. Yeah. TRUE!)
Joss needs to sit her dolphin' lookin' ass down. Don't she look like a dolphin? Am I on the crack? (HEY! I vote CRACK! Step off.)
Joss needs a "World's Best Joss" mug. (I TOTALLY and DESPERATELY need a World’s Best Joss” mug)
Joss needs to shed her bling and take a stand on "dirty gold" mining! (I am not hip enough to know if this is true or not…Help us, Urban Dictionary, You are our only hope!)
Joss needs some color...her flesh is just nasty. (HEY! I resent that! I can’t HELP being Irish and pale as organic milk)
Joss needs to go have lunch with the Blizzard guys. (OMG I DO I DO! They are the game co that designed the game I play online. HA!)
Joss needs to cease and desist all usage of bright red hair dye. (I just YESTERDAY began polling my friends to see if I should go red for summer! WOW! The cosmos says NO. Although being Irish and pale as milk I DO have the skin for it…..but the magic google has spoken.)

I saved my favorite for last:

Joss needs better handlers.

Hehehhehehe. Ones with cattle prods, no doubt!

DO YOURS and put a link in the comments.

Posted by joshilyn at April 5, 2007 4:24 PM
Comments

With a name like Liise? I got google asking if I meant to say "Liisa?"

wait, what?.

And trust me, I am not even going near the phonetic "Lisa needs". Ok i did and the first one? Lisa Needs Braces.

*yawn!*

Posted by: Liise at April 5, 2007 6:15 PM

When I was growing up I used to get really frustrated that I could never find pencils or light switch covers or ANYTHING with my name printed on it (you too, probably, right Joshilyn?). So this was kind of satisfying. I think my favorite is "Leandra needs a good lover, a sweet lover, a lover that is attractive" (my husband would probably say he fits that description--I'd have to agree!). My second favorite is "Leandra needs to pee". Several of them have some x-rated language in them, so I'll leave those out or you can follow the link and see what you get!

http://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&channel=s&hl=en&q=%22Leandra+needs%22&btnG=Google+Search

Posted by: Leandra at April 5, 2007 6:24 PM

wicked funny. I didn't know I needed to buy 12 fish or that
I needed farmers for corn, wheat, oats and barley. Thank goodness google is there to help me out!

Posted by: Allison at April 5, 2007 7:12 PM

Whoa....my favorite two were right in the very first result, which interestingly enough was a link to another Jen's blog DOING THIS VERY SAME MEME! "Jen needs to have a session or two with a therapist." and "Jen needs to be a My Little Pony!" Wha........?

Posted by: JenA at April 5, 2007 7:28 PM

hahahahahahaha. I like this game.

Cheryl needs to write some functions to figure out how that happened.
Cheryl needs to quit sending me dirty emails.
Cheryl's Needs. Mint/vanilla Oreo cookies
Cheryl needs to have an affair.
Cheryl needs a lot of help.
Cheryl needs caffeine NOW!
Cheryl needs support from each cluster.
You do realise, Ms Williams, that by stating that Cheryl needs a good slap you’re absolutely no better than her when it comes to slagging people off?

Posted by: Cheryl at April 5, 2007 7:48 PM

This was pretty entertaining! I think I liked "Rachel needs to go to a mental hospital" the best.

http://indigoluna.typepad.com/indigo_luna/2007/04/rachel_needs.html

Posted by: Rachel at April 5, 2007 7:53 PM

I liked my first one so much I didn't look past the first page:

"Brigitte needs to shoot up in order to keep her wolfishness at bay"

Posted by: Brigitte at April 5, 2007 8:08 PM

Julia needs:

1. An adoptive family who will love her unconditionally.
2. To prove that she is not gay in order to adopt her baby.
3. An ass whoopin'.
4. A bath.
5. New shoes.
6. All kinds of batteries. [My favorite!]

Also? Julia needs to know what character and what realm.

Posted by: Julia at April 5, 2007 8:34 PM

I googled my real name first

Calista Needs Some Work!
Calista Flockhart is looking older than her beau.
Calista Flockhart is looking weird
Calista needs to mix in a McRib sandwich
And Calista needs a Big Mac. wink.
LOL Calista needs to stop pucking up peas. Holy... ) Calista needs to be cursed ...
Calista needs to eat a sandwich
Calista needs to fix her hair for the upfronts.
Calista needs to remind people she's a good actor

I have to say I had an enjoyable laugh over those

Now my online name

Cele needs to work on her english
Cele needs to clean off her desk
Mr. Cele's needs are constantly changing
Cele needs to look into this or he's going to start losing players because there are some players who can only get on at that time, or the loop occurs
Cele needs accurate trophy needs by next meeting.
Cele needs a yellow line too!!!!!!!!!!!!
cele needs to vent by taking your virgin ears.
Cele needs Jail break

Apparently there is a Mr Cele out there with dark issues.

Posted by: Cele at April 5, 2007 8:45 PM

Okay, so I've been lurking for quite some time, but I have to say, this is worth speaking up about! Fun fun fun!
Penny needs to switch meds
Penny needs a new family
Penny needs to stay in Spain with Pedro.
Penny needs to feel safe and secure so it would be best to give her a private area with her creature comforts.

Posted by: Penny at April 5, 2007 8:53 PM

Ha! I'm freaking out a little because mine was: "Abby needs help with her medications" posted by Janice. My mom's name: Janice. (Is she watching me?)

Posted by: Abby at April 5, 2007 9:01 PM

"Karen needs" was way too lame--all I came up with was a zillion other Karens doing this exact same meme--so I did Abbott instead:

Abbott needs to go to confession.

Posted by: Karen Abbott at April 5, 2007 9:57 PM

That was fun...with a name like Dawn I could have gone on forever...go check it out on my blog...
http://mint-juleps-and-sassafras-tea.blogspot.com/

Thanks for the fun.

Posted by: Dawn at April 5, 2007 10:22 PM

So I've never posted a comment but this was too funny not to. Here is what Melissa needs:

Melissa needs some spaghetti sauce and always buys Ragu. (not true)

Melissa needs blood, will you help me? (I work in a blood bank)

Melissa needs someone from near there who will work with her today to get a van and crates and come up with some kind of temporary holding place for this

Melissa needs a ride and smitten conversation leads later ride

And the best yet:
Melissa needs to board the blob ship that is hovering overhead (if only I could figure out what a blob ship is?)

Posted by: Melissa at April 5, 2007 10:32 PM

http://rwl10802.wordpress.com/2007/04/05/roxanne-needs/

Don't know if my link will work. . .that was just WAY TOO FUN!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Roxanne at April 5, 2007 11:12 PM

Fran needs to pose for Playboy or better yet Penthouse.

I think I'll stop right there.

Posted by: Fran at April 5, 2007 11:14 PM

http://www.google.com/search?q=Thumper+needs&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

Was funny until I saw "Thumper needs to be turned into wabbit stew..."

:)

Posted by: Thumper at April 5, 2007 11:23 PM

Joshilyn, yours are WAY more amusing (and I'm in love with your name SO MUCH!), but you're right, it is fun!

Casey needs...

...to realize that there is only one teacher, and that's me. (Rather rude.)
...your votes.
...Fresh Thinking to Salvage Iraq (I have VERY Lofty Goals)
...a Gore-like victory in this market. (What does this MEAN?)
...some fairly close supervision.
...special attention daily and regular grooming. (So true.)

Posted by: Casey at April 5, 2007 11:38 PM

Psycho Amy needs help (yeah, okay, AT TIMES I might agree I'm psycho...)
Amy needs a break (well DUH! I love my boys and all, but a break WOULD be nice...)
Amy needs some help drinking apparently (is this a drinking problem like on Airplane, do you think?)
Amy needs to get out the monkeysicle and do some tests on him and what not (YES! bring on the monkeysicle!!)
Amy needs an article ("the"--or maybe "an")
Amy needs a crash pad (see "Amy needs a break")
Amy needs to either wake up or start getting some extra will-power
Amy needs some sex soon (I think these last two are contradictory, no?)
Amy needs to mend her ways and be more of a team player (I *am* a rugged individualist...)
Amy needs a good topic for her film (perhaps this list will give Amy some ideas?)

Posted by: amy at April 6, 2007 7:32 AM

The very first one made me burst out laughing.
Furthermore, ELENA needs to be operated with extremely high vacuum which today is barely achievable with reasonable reliability. ...
One evening, after Maya sees Abuela Elena dancing alone after dinner, ... masking a deep loneliness - and that Abuela Elena needs to be fixed up on a date. ...
my husband was THRILLED about that one....
Abuela Elena, meanwhile, has decided to return to her previous love of running (NOT)
Elena needs help measuring flow of abrasive solids
everyone needs an elena
Elena needs to start reading linux-kernel
Now, we know that Elena needs reading--was I the only one paralyzed by longing when I read the phrase "advance reader for TOGWISS" on Joss' blog?

Posted by: Elena at April 6, 2007 8:09 AM

My problem is the opposite of yours, Joss. My name is SO common that I get mostly a bunch of really boring and lame stuff. (I tried, Deb, Debbie, and Deborah...they all made me yawn.) So I'm not doing the whole thing on my blog, but here are a few that were kind of funny.

Deb needs...
...help with whole words. (sometimes, sure)
...a new desk. (and a larger room in which to put it!)
...a revelation when a grisly ax murderer kills a man. (duh!)
...how much food to have on hand. (yep, that's helpful)
...a kimono and a black wig. (ha! see note below!)
...someone strong who can put up with her “I Am Woman” demeanor. (ROFL!!!)

Y'know, about that kimono and black wig, I used Photoshop to put myself in a kimono and black wig once for a challenge:
http://debrichardson.com/blog/2006/07/11/self-portrait-challenge-self-portrait-as-a-geisha/
I must've been anticipating my own needs. :-)

Posted by: DebR at April 6, 2007 8:35 AM

Oh, too fun!

Aimee needs a foster home.
Miss Aimee needs some retraining.
Aimee needs a roommate asap!!!!!!!!
Aimee needs a mommy.
Aimee needs your TLC.
Aimee needs a good stranglin'. (!?)

and my favorite...

Princess Aimee needs to go potty.

Posted by: Aimee at April 6, 2007 10:31 AM

The first link came up "Pamela needs an easier life." I thought, "damn straight, she does", and stopped looking.

Thanks, cosmos, for that validation. (and thanks, Joshylin!)

Pamela

p.s. my roommate is finally reading gods and is squealing with delight on a regular basis. Thought you'd like to know.

Posted by: Pamela at April 6, 2007 11:43 AM

"...a pigfoot and a bottle of beer" oh, and to get OVER my crush on Warren already:

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&rls=GGLG%2CGGLG%3A2006-26%2CGGLG%3Aen&q=Diane+needs&btnG=Search&meta=

Posted by: diane at April 6, 2007 12:29 PM

Lee needs more support. (a maid and a cook oughta do it)
Who said Lee needs glasses? (right! I have lazy eye but don't need glasses)

Lee needs some love. (that'd be great, thanks)

Lee needs Fresh challenge (true, true)

Lee (needs more rum) (I heartily agree with this one but it's good Friday)

This was fun!
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Lee+needs%22&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official

Posted by: el-e-e at April 6, 2007 1:17 PM

Jill needs:

Jill needs to earn enough money to buy a new skateboard.

Jill needs to slap Katherine so hard her dentures rattle.

Jill needs to move someplace that doesn't necessitate wearing socks half the year.

And this really sad one: "Jill needs to come home." http://www.indiana.edu/~alumni/iuaa/jillbehrman/apr182001.html

Posted by: Jill at April 6, 2007 1:37 PM

Mir needs urgent resupply mission. (Always.)
Mir needs coffee badly. (Yes.)
Mir needs 2 modules. (Obviously... it's good to have a backup.)
Mir needs cash boost to ensure controlled descent. (I like cash.)
Mir needs a belt. (Why yes, I have been losing weight, thanks for noticing.)
Mir needs to retire? (Only if you're offering those aforementioned cash boosts.)
Mir needs these bibliographies. (Okay.)
Mir needs a big change. (Would a marriage and cross-country move be enough?)

Posted by: Mir at April 6, 2007 1:53 PM

Tragically there are no things MitMoi needs :(

However, Moi, yielded this gem:
Moi needs more friends! wanna be my friend?
Followed by Moi needs attention. (because she has no friends!)

Switching to my real name we glean this information:
If Lxxxxx starts causing problems, Lxxxxx needs to be dealt with." Sgt. John Hutto, who works a walking beat downtown, deals with Lxxxxx on a regular basis! (which is so funny, maybe I'll just stop there!)
Although ... Lxxxxx needs people like you to do some meaningful work ... Lxxxxx needs help. (may not be too far off the mark!)

Posted by: Mit_Moi at April 6, 2007 1:54 PM

Amber needs to go and, as the toilet is locked, she pees a lake on the garage floor ... (this one came up twice!)
Amber needs some ideas. (always useful)
Amber needs an escape plan! (get in the car, start driving, don't look back!)
amber needs prayer! (no doubt this is true)
AT THIS TIME AMBER NEEDS ALMIGHTY GOD'S POWER, IN JESUS NAME! (does this mean I should go to church today?)

Posted by: chanster at April 6, 2007 2:01 PM

I must tick a lot of people off. Here's what it all came down to:

Michelle needs to exercise her right to shut the f*%# up.

Uh . . . not happening.

Here's the rest:
http://michellehulse.blogspot.com/2007/04/easy-peasy-meme.html

Thanks for the laughs everyone!

Posted by: Michelle at April 6, 2007 4:27 PM

I love this game so much ... have played it before. "Trudy" is just at the right level of oddness to get some results but not too many obvious one. My all-time favourite from this particular round was (in all caps)

TRUDY NEEDS HELP. SHE COULD BE A VERY NICE & EXPENSIVE DOLL WITH HELP FROM SOMEONE THAT DOES REPAIR.

Ain't that the truth.

Posted by: TrudyJ at April 6, 2007 4:29 PM

I too have a weird Southern name, but I tried my using the initials of my double first name and got:

AF needs to recapitalize.
AF needs digital video recording.
AF needs calibration.

It's Friday afternoon. I'm off to get calibrated!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at April 6, 2007 4:38 PM

Mine came up kind of boring....
http://crayonvirtuoso.wordpress.com/2007/04/05/i-get-so-sucked-into-these-things/

Posted by: Laura L at April 6, 2007 5:29 PM

Cher needs to accept that no one is self-sufficient all the time

Cher needs ample social stimulation, is somewhat of a flirt

Cher needs to study up on her politics before showing her ignorance of the issues

Cher needs a clue for Christmas

Cher needs to do a little less cutting-and-pasting and a little more fact checking

Cher needs to share this turkey with the buzzards

Cher needs to be matched intellectually where affairs of the heart are concerned, lest she get bored.

Cher needs $30 million for a family crisis

Posted by: Cher at April 6, 2007 5:37 PM

Dang, I got NOTHING! Go figure. It was fun reading everybody else's results though!

Posted by: eleadra at April 6, 2007 6:16 PM

Mine are up..i forgot to leave a link here yesterday.

http://wilsonworld.typepad.com/wilsonworld/2007/04/jumping_on_the_.html

Posted by: kim at April 6, 2007 6:49 PM

http://goodapple.blogspot.com/2007/04/new-way-to-google-yourself.html

Heather needs men... NOW!
Heather needs new boobs.
Heather needs to start wearing a brassiere.
Heather Needs Two Therapists.
Heather Needs Some Body...Guards.
Heather needs a childhood.
Heather needs Gatorade.
Heather needs a family who will commit to her one hundred percent.

Posted by: Heather Cook at April 6, 2007 8:15 PM

"Cornelia needs to join with the rest of the county and either remodel the existing facility or build something the size of the Gainesville Civic Center."

Who knew?

Posted by: Cornelia Read at April 6, 2007 11:03 PM

I'm used to also having a rare name, but apparently there's now a minor celebrity who has the same name.

As a result, it appears that I'm feuding with Paris Hilton (who isn't?) and I need to "whip that long-legged hook-nose ho."

But my favorite is from Kathleen Woodiwiss's web site: "The exquisitely beautiful and independent Shanna needs a temporary husband, and quickly."

Though I'd prefer something less temporary.

However, according to one Amazon reviewer, "Shanna needs a kick in the pants for the way she treats Ruark."

Surprisingly, there is nothing from my own blog or web site, perhaps because I avoid talking about myself in the third person.

Posted by: Shanna Swendson at April 7, 2007 6:40 PM

Took my long enough, but at last mine is finished. A highlight?:

"Femtastic needs suctioning"

Is there such thing as agreeing with something too damned much?

Posted by: Femtastic at April 8, 2007 5:58 AM

Oh yeah, and here's the URL to the danged thing...

http://unlikelyinlove.blogspot.com/2007/04/apparently-i-have-needs.html

Posted by: Femtastic at April 8, 2007 6:00 AM

My favorite:
Jean needs to come back to sprinkle some of her woman power feel-good dust*

And then there was:
Jean needs to stay dead.

You know they could be talking about the same Jean!

Posted by: jean at April 8, 2007 8:16 AM

My favorite was:

"Amy needs to get out the Monkeysicle and do some tests on him and whatnot."

Whatever that means!! ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at April 8, 2007 10:39 AM

Oh wow. Spooky!
Rhonda needs prayer.
Rhonda needs to get laid.
Rhonda needs a new focus (after she gets laid, she'll have one!)
Rhonda needs emergency advice.
With friends like Rhonda, who needs enemies.

All these sentences could the be start and plot of a new book. let's just change the names to protect the innocent.

Posted by: Rhonda at April 8, 2007 8:07 PM

By the way. . .my husband, who is putting away dishes in the kitchen, just said, "Are you reading Joshilyn Jackson?" And I said, "How did you know?" And he said, "'Cause you're laughin'."


Now THAT is some kind of compliment.

Posted by: Roxanne at April 8, 2007 9:19 PM

"Diana needs a wealthy husband who can provide her with the high life she craves"

!!!!!!


Posted by: parrotzmom at April 9, 2007 6:18 AM

Mine was pretty humorous, at least I thought some of them were.

Here is the link...

http://hayesvision.com/allblogs/SimplySara/?p=34

:) Sara

Posted by: Sara at April 9, 2007 6:20 PM

What Bob Needs...

Bob needs a firm, yet compassionate owner who can work with Bob to finish out those rough edges! Bob needs healing! Bob needs a beer, blowjob or anything else. Bob's needs are more complex than some.

Bob needs a bunch of genuine, close friends who also play instruments. Bob needs to bend over, pick it up, and start walking with the rest of us. Bob needs to get off of what he's smoking!

Bob needs more information. Bob needs to check your Winky. Bob needs to keep it in his pants. BOB NEEDS A LAWYER!!!!!!! Bob is all. Worship Bob! Hail the mighty-ness of Bob! Crazy old Bob needs to go.

Posted by: ibobunot at April 10, 2007 12:31 AM

Oh, Lord. According to almighty google,
"Kira needs rats she NEEDS rats now!"
Erm....
But, lest you write off the wisdom of the goog,
"Kira needs a monthly travel allowance of $144000"
Well, yes.
And yet...
"Kira needs training. SHe doesn't do sit, stay,paw-nothing."
It's actually even worse than they know.
Oh, but this one's my favorite:
"Kira needs her babies please; they keep her :)."
Indeed.

Posted by: Kira at April 10, 2007 5:06 PM

Oh this was fun, too much fun. My daughter has one of those names like you do. But I still found Her name needs to get....well I'm not putting that last part she's only 6!

Anyways I played along at www.xanga.com/elizajane202 and ...
Eliza wants to know...(Okay, what is it I want to know? )
Eliza really wants to do a lot of different things. (What mom doesn't right?)
Eliza wants to be independant (Of course I do, I NEED to go to the bathroom alone)
Eliza wants to get lessons from Professor Higgins (Do I know, hmmm)
Eliza wants the show to succeed (Oooh, do I get a show? I bet I just want a show I LOVE to succeed so I can continue to watch them)
Eliza wants to work with Joss again
Eliza wants to be home to greet her (Oh man I have a guest coming...gotta clean the house)
Eliza wants to leave (yes, I have to clean that house)

Course I'm ending it on this note....Everybody wants Eliza to go home. (Okay guess it's time to stop blogging and go read others)

Posted by: Homemom3 at April 12, 2007 7:48 AM

I also tried Eliza needs over at www.homemom3.blogspot.com

- Eliza needs her sleep (well after three days of about only 4 hours yes I did)
- Eliza needs to find freedom and happiness (and here I thought I had it, ooh maybe I'll be rich soon. You know getting out of debt would make me happy)
- Eliza's needs remain unseen (see I'm not the only one that doesn't know what I need)
- Eliza needs the truth under most circumstances (yes, under most...so why not ALL)
- Eliza needs help in finding her career path
- Eliza needs to write more (hey I think I found my career path)
- Eliza needs sponsoring (sure do, so far not making anything off the site itself)
- Eliza needs to see the eyes (my girls could tell ya that, I'm constantly saying, "Eyes" which means get the bangs out of the face)
- Eliza needs to keep rubbing (I'm so not going there...)
- Eliza needs to escape her home (what mom doesn't right?)

To end on a funny note, "a reasonably sized family car with 4 doors is just what Eliza needs." Well kind of, I need something that seats four kids and two adults. Four door though is definitely better than two.

Posted by: Homemom3 at April 12, 2007 7:49 AM

I did mine and it is funny!
http://www.xanga.com/pattierwr/583269675/pattie-needs.html

Posted by: Pattie at April 12, 2007 9:38 AM