February 14, 2007

The Very Good Goodness of Mr. Husband

For Valentines day, my husband got…. A bag of chips. I would like to say they came with a card that said “You’re all that and...(here you open the card) A BAG OF CHIPS” and then inside there would be a clue leading him the basement where his REAL present was, and it was something romantic, like a silk boxers draped over the head of a new putter, or maybe even a POWER TOOL (nothing says romance to my guy like something from CRAFTSMAN) but alas. It was pretty much… a bag of chips. With a card that something like “HI! I AM MOODY AND IMPOSSIBLE! AND YOU MARRIED ME! STUCK FOR LIFE!!! HA HA HA!” It did express those sentiments in pink script and the dots over the I’s were little hearty-hearts, so there was that.

The truth is I am trying to finish this book, and I FORGOT it was Valentine’s day. Somehow. Scott came home yesterday with the kids and all their crap for school, and watching Sam and Maisy tape Superman and Disney Princess Tattoo cards to tiny bags of gummy hearts, I realized what day was looming…

SO TODAY, since I pretty much only left my computer screen long enough get MILK, I did my Valentine’s day shopping on the RAVAGED SHELVES of Kroger. There were a few boxes of chocolates (HALF PRICE! But he doesn’t like them…) and some stuffed animals made by oppressed children in third world countries, (depressing and he doesn’t really LIKE stuffed animals either) and in the floral department I found a BALLOON with a with a TRULY UNATTRACTIVE google eyed dog on it and the dog was saying “I’ve got my eye on YOU, Valentine!” in this VAGUELY THREATENING manner with a big FANG jutting over his lip, and the balloon was tied to some DKNY moisturizer. “FOR MEN,” the moisturizer assured me, trying to look manly in its khaki and brown packaging. But…dude….

Metro, he is not. He is more of a BEAR RASSLIN’ type, really, and I would have been more true to his inner self had I found him a balloon with a NICE dog on it that said “Real men don’t moisterize. Period” and tied it to some GRAVEL.

SO. There I was, in Kroger. The cards were all terrible leftover things with RHYMES in them, (Oh Husband! I’m so glad I married you! Never has there been a love so true!) so I got the blankest one I could and wrote my own note. And then I got him chips. Because he LIKES chips, which was more than I could say for any of the other options.

Bad. Bad. Wife.

PS Did I meantion I got a REALLY pretty bracelet?

PPS and a card said that “Wife, you are a hottie" And then you open it and says “True Dat” and saying TRUE DAT to each other is this LONG STAN|DING joke we do based on TEEN GIRL SQUAD.....(another geek test, oh yea!) and so the jewelry made me misty and then the card made me laugh so hard diet Cherry coke came out my nose.

Yeah. I know. He is the very best one, ever.

I am thinking he has big time cosmic owesies coming his way…next V-day, he better JUMP BACK, because I am going to step up my game and throw in some onion dip and a six pack. Yee Haw.

Posted by joshilyn at February 14, 2007 5:41 PM

And gravel. Don't forget the gravel.

Posted by: Mir at February 14, 2007 6:16 PM

Doesn't he like scotch? A nice single-malt will always save the day, Thanks waht I got my hub.

Posted by: Whoever at February 14, 2007 7:28 PM

Mmmm, yes, my bear-rasslin' husband LOVES him a good Glen Morangie or Glenfiddich. I didn't get him that this year, though - concert tickets, an MST3K set and a graphic novel. Who's family's geeky NOW, huh? :) I got a super-package at a local spa because my back's been hurting and work's been stressing me out lately. He's such a sweetie to notice me bitch about such things and try to fix them...

Posted by: JenA at February 14, 2007 8:22 PM

I got my husband nothin'--but he gets to have me every day. . .and I'm sure that YOU alone are enough for that man of yours. :)

Posted by: Roxanne at February 14, 2007 9:34 PM

I got him a snickers bar. and a little ugly stuffed pug from walmart. WOO BOY.

Teen girl squad! Strongbad!! I passed the geek test beeyotch!

Posted by: Alicat at February 14, 2007 9:46 PM

Heh... I don't like the rhymey cards either. I will buy ANY blank card, even if it has nothing to do with the occasion in question, before I will buy a rhymey card.

Posted by: Aimee at February 15, 2007 10:42 AM

Nothing says I love you with all that I am forever and always but please watch this alone, than a bloody, shootem' up, bang, bang movie.

So he got a balloon with oodles of lovey heart (because he's a sucker for a good balloon) and the latest bloody, shootem' up, bang, bang movie.

The chips and dip sound really, really good though.

Posted by: Cele at February 15, 2007 11:52 AM

The HUSBAND at this household brought home the appropriate flowers the day before. Points ... but that was only after screwing up my birthday BADLY the week before. This is a man who has been with me more years than either one of us need to admit-and it's in the double digits approaching something with a 2 in front!

It's no secret when my birthday is-everybody, including the DMV, knows it and it has an uncanny habit of occuring at the same time EVERY year. So he doesn't make reservations for dinner, no flowers, no cards, and he wonders why at 6:45 on a Saturday night I am so pissed I could steam wallpaper off the walls. STUPID, STUPID man!

Perhaps he thought he would cover his bases and bring home flowers the day BEFORE Valentines Day, just to drag his sorry butt out of the doghouse. He is halfway out ---no card!!!

Posted by: gin at February 15, 2007 1:48 PM

"Stuck for life! HAHAHA!"

If I drank diet cherry coke it would be all over my keyboard now. ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at February 15, 2007 6:05 PM

Dude. That would be one more bag of chips than MY husband got for Valentine's Day, which is sort of sad, because it is our Very First Valentine's Day As A Married Couple and also Four Days Before Our First Anniversary.
It was not actually sad, but a great and wonderful kindness on my part, because he loathes and detests such obligatory gift-giving occasions, but will manfully rise to the challenge if I so much as look wistful. So IN REALITY my gift to him was to look scornful and say, "VALENTINE'S DAY? What are we, the puppets of Hallmark?"
It was better than power tools, I swan.

Posted by: Kira at February 15, 2007 8:41 PM

Here's my take on the whole bag of chips things, from a many-man bear wrasslin point of view:

What I got was the best gift any man could EVERY get! I got a get out of jail free card. I can now mess up an occasion royally any one time in the next year or two and not be held accountable for it. No anniverary present? Invoke the bag of chips and it's all good. Has any man ever received such a fine and thoughtful gift? Has any man ever had such peace of mind knowing he's covered for his next faux pas?

...or possible I'm finally off the hook for the great Valentine debacle of '01. Either way, yay me.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at February 16, 2007 9:11 AM

My hubby works late every night, and last year we tried to go out to eat and ended up at--Baker's Square. Not that there is anything WRONG with Baker's Square. It's just not a romantic type of place for a Valentine's dinner.

So this year I decided to do it up right and my dearest came home to his favorite meal--veal marsala with garlic mashed potatoes and fresh squash, with a nice beer to wash it all down and fresh hot French bread. I don't care for veal (ethically and morally opposed to the whole idea)so I made myself chicken marsala. It was VERY good! He loved it.

He bought me diamonds. Real ones. Wow! I was impressed! First time for everything...

Posted by: Sheri at February 20, 2007 7:07 PM