February 7, 2007

TMI. (Trust me. Leave While You Still Can.)

Did I tell you that Scott is out of town? For another ten day jaunt? He will return on MONDAY. Forecast: Cloudy with a high of Mental Illness Number.

It’s all a matter of balance, though, you know. Good and bad.

For example – BAD:
My smallest child threw up all over the foyer last night. I mean ALL over. I scooped her up as soon as wave one ended and rushed her to the bathroom. SO that’s bad. And she always seems to WAIT until Scott gets out of town before puking. It’s like she SAVES it for me as PUNISHMENT for letting Scott and Sam do the lion’s share of litter box cleaning…

But then, also, there is GOOD:
We now have a dog.

That IS good, as long as you do not think about it too hard. <----Note how I switch to second person here. It’s a distancing trick, saying YOU instead of I, and it helps me not think about how these two GOOD and BAD statements are inherently connected.

By the way, let me also report to you that FAIRIES! Yes, you heard me, FAIRIES! drifted in on gossamer wings and CLEANED UP THE FOYER while I was upstairs helping Maisy be sick in the proper receptacle. Why that floor positively SPARKLED with a damp sheen of um….fairy slobber.

Also, completely not connected, did you know you can brush a dog’s teeth if you suddenly feel moved to do so? It’s true! I read how on the internet when I had an absolutely inexplicable desire to try it out. Immediately. Bagel rather enjoyed it and I suspect had experienced it before in his former life, as the toothbrush did not alarm him.

While I have you, allow me to tell you something else I INSIST is completely not connected to any of my previous revelations: my dog was allowed to OD on Dental Bones treats last night.

Other things I am NOT thinking about: The behavior I just positively reinforced.

Maisy fell asleep around nine, and Bagel and I lolled in bed together, watching House. (Bagel thinks that Lindsey is SO Spunky!) I kept breaking off little pieces of Dental Boney goodness, one after another, and poking them into his willing maw as we cuddled up, both of us with our freshly brushed teeth, both of us waiting for Maisy to call us in for wave two with HIGHLY VARYING DEGREES OF ENTHUSIASM.

Maisy STOPPED however. SO it was likely NOT a virus, just something she ate disagreed with her. Whatever it was, and here we pause and thank a Just and Merciful God, it went on to live in perfect harmony with the dog.

Posted by joshilyn at February 7, 2007 11:42 AM

Oh from paragraph two I knew where this was going *read Cele owns a dog* and now my breakfast cookie wants to revolt. Sometimes you are far too good at imagry.

Posted by: Cele at February 7, 2007 12:08 PM

Never a dull moment with you. . .


BUT, it's nice to know that fairies DO exist.

Posted by: Roxanne at February 7, 2007 12:20 PM

Aren't dogs wonderful! I'ld never have to do dishes at all, if I would just allow my house fairly to handle it.

Posted by: Cathi at February 7, 2007 12:26 PM

There is a reason why people with small children should have dogs. It's kind of a matched set and God compensates one with the other. It's one of those laws of nature type things.

Kind of the same laws of nature that says, as soon as your husband's plane is wheels up and he is enjoying a particularly pleasant adult-type beverage, you are on the phone with the Center for Disease Control asking them what in the name of all that's holy is wrong with your eight-year old.

But the Great Master evens it out. Ever seen a kid look into the camera at a National Football event and say, "Hey Dad... love ya!"? They'd say hey to the dawg before they'd say hey to Dad.

Posted by: gin at February 7, 2007 12:32 PM

We were recently flying back from a trip to the east coast when my daughter threw up on the plane, and then again (rather spectacularly) in the car on the ride home from the airport. My husband had to shove our dog out of the way when we came through the door because I knew from past experience that he would want to... help. With the clean up. He's cool like that.

Posted by: Laura at February 7, 2007 12:37 PM

Oh, wow...I'm really, really TORN here! Between feeling "ooh, ooh, NO, that's horrible!" and reminding myself that that's just one more reason why I'm a Cat Person....and...

...remembering that I have a 5 year old person who barfs at the onset of any illness, from a hangnail to the plague. And cleaning up after him is the thing I dread more than almost anything in this life... And he WANTS a dog, bless him...

Our pastor just used the Bible verse about a dog "returning to his vomit" as part of a sermon illustration Sunday night. I'd forgotten they "return" to everyone else's too!

Posted by: Elizabeth at February 7, 2007 12:45 PM

Umm... have to ask... which tooth brush did Bagel use?

Posted by: Mr. Husband at February 7, 2007 1:44 PM

I love Mr. Husband's comment. ;)

There does seem to be a connection between traveling husbands and puking kids. I could've used Bagel when I was scrubbing kid puke out of the carseat belts --yes, with a toothbrush, because the belts didn't fully disengage so I couldn't wash them properly. You don't even want to know about the buckle situation.

My husband is traveling next week for the second time in 3 weeks. With his boss, over Valentine's Day. I'm wondering, will THEY get to go out for a nice romantic dinner together?

Posted by: amy at February 7, 2007 3:23 PM

Note to self: Do not allow Bagel to lick my face.

Posted by: Mir at February 7, 2007 3:33 PM

Let's keep thinking of the positive--you may also never have to change the cat litter again. Because they like that almost as much as vomit.

Hope Maisy feels better soon.

Posted by: Laura Florand at February 7, 2007 3:35 PM

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh haw haw haw. I had to read this one aloud to Dan.

Posted by: Lydia at February 7, 2007 4:55 PM

Oh, ewwwww! Being the owner of multiple animals and children - well, the slave of multiple....I knew from almost the beginning where you were headed with this post. And being somewhat under the weather myself, that's all I have to say about it.

But by the way, give bagel a nice kiss for me. My chihuahua just wouldn't be up for a job that big.

Posted by: Laume at February 7, 2007 5:07 PM

It is as much a comment on my ignorance of dogs as it is on my lack of fastidiousnessssssss -- but I am singly and solely dazzled. Dogs DO that? I'd have got one in a NY nanosecond if I'd known.

Posted by: rams at February 7, 2007 9:07 PM

Laura said what I was thinking about the cat box. :-)

Posted by: DebR at February 7, 2007 11:37 PM

Yummy. Poor Maisy, hope she's feeling better now.

I had a friend whose dog brushed HIS OWN teeth! Yep, put his little paw on top of the handle as it lay/lie (whatever)on the floor and moved his little mouth back and forth across it.

Posted by: Michelle at February 8, 2007 10:15 AM

I'm with Cele on this one. It just had that undeniable vibe, you know? Too, too funny. Hey, any animal that will eat rocks? And puppy poo? Well, there's not much that they won't eat, or try to. And yeah, I'd skip any offers of a loving face bath if I were you.

Posted by: David at February 8, 2007 10:26 AM

Ew. Ewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewew.

Oh, and did I mention, EW?

Posted by: Aimee at February 8, 2007 10:55 AM

I have to keep yelling "NO" while I run to the kitchen for cleaning supplies after the cat barfs... an outsider might think I was strange

Posted by: Liise at February 8, 2007 1:36 PM

I recently wrote an article about a Gourmet Dog Bakery that opened in my town. My editor's comment: "These are animals who like to eat other animals' poop and vomit, and some guy's making a mint selling their owners $2 organic puparoons?"


Glad Maisy was done in one!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at February 8, 2007 3:25 PM

on the topic of doggie dental hygene, did you know they make those mouthwash strips for dogs? those are a wonderful minty fresh creation.

our blessed Riley, during his first week home from the shelter decided the cat food was a wonderful bonus to his diet. He liked to consume that and then go climb in the lower bunk with our darling young son and proceed to gift him with the previously consumed cat food. Our young son migrated to the top bunk after the second gifting day.

We went through a lot of doggie toothpaste and mouthwash strips that week....

Posted by: cheryl at February 9, 2007 10:48 AM

OK, I'd just like to remind one and all that we are talking about an animal (one of the many) who regularly cleans it's butt (and whatever poop may be found upon same butt) with it's tongue. So where did we think it draws the line anyway?

I've never owned a dog (but I play one on TV) but with my cats it's slightly different. Less vomit-eating, more squirrel dissecting. Still gross, just a different flavor of gross.

Posted by: Femtastic at February 9, 2007 3:11 PM

So, we appear to be on the same vomitose child wavelength. Had one with the WORST diarrhea I have ever witnessed last night, and had to pick up the other one after midnight at local airport from school trip to DC. Husband away... first child finally takes a break from the bathroom, but then throws up in the car all over herself, me AND the car on the way home. Could've been worse, could have been on the way TO the airport. Then the diarrhea came back until three a.m.

Talk about the glamourous life...

Oh, and our freezer is broken. Can't wait for Intrepid Spouse to come home tonight.

Maybe we need a dog?

Posted by: Cornelia Read at February 9, 2007 6:41 PM

What's with the puking kids this week? Everywhere I turn someone's kid is tossing their cookies. Mine apparently got sick around 3am last night. Thank gawd my husband can deal with it, because puke is just not something I can handle. I think I missed the mommy course on that. No way. Ut-uh. Not gonna happen.

Posted by: Candy at February 9, 2007 10:32 PM

As I'm just getting over the stomach flu, I think I should have heeded the warning in the title.

EEEk. Horrifying. *shudder*

Posted by: Amy-Go at February 10, 2007 2:41 PM

Ew! Also, do not sweat the positive reinforcement, okay? All polysyllabic parenting jargon goes out the window the moment a child barfs, and you swing into full-on survival mode. We've got this one down to a rock-solid routine by now.

Posted by: alala at February 12, 2007 8:06 AM

I spent 3 hours at the doctor's office late this afternoon, 2 hours of that just waiting for my teen to get in to see the doctor. We got home after my little ones' bedtime, everyone hungry, tired and cranky, to find a husband in a lousy mood. My van also did its best to get high-centered on the snow the horrible, evil snowplow left at the entrance of our driveway, and the husband-in-a-bad-mood had to go drive it out of the street and into driveway safety, which made him feel even worse. And the electricity isn't working in half of our house, significantly, the half where the master bedroom is, which meant various contrivances had to be arranged so that the grumpy husband would be woken by his alarm in the morning.

But! The computer has electricity and I thought I'd catch up on my blog-reading and I just read this and laughed for the first time in, I think, several snowbound, kids out of school, days.

Feeling better now and loving Joshilyn 4 ever ...

Posted by: jensgalore at February 16, 2007 12:21 AM