January 14, 2007

SUPER GOOD and then CRAP!

SUPER GOOD: I just found out that the audio version of Between, Georgia has won a LISTEN-UP AWARD from Publisher’ Weekly in the category “AUTHOR-READ FICTION.” I am revoltingly pleased, especially since Between also made AudioFile's Best Audiobooks of 2006 list.

Remember how nervous I was about reading it? I had been told that the mike is SO SENSITIVE it can pick up your HEARTBEAT, so instead of just being horrified that I might read poorly and ruin my book, I had an STACKING horror that I might pass AUDIBLE PERMANENTLY RECORDED gas in front of MALE PERSONS OF THE BOY PERSUASION.

Good times. Good times. Anyway, it seems neither thing came to pass (so to speak). Publisher’s Weekly and Audiofile don’t seem to think I ruined my book, AND I remained a lady, let us euphemistically say, for all four long days of taping. Although right about noon on day one my producer, Bob, said, “I can tell we need to break for lunch,” because the mike was picking up my stomach rumbles. I immediately died and fell into a hole and have been there, dead of humilialtion, ever since. *waves from bottom of hole.*

ON THE OTHER HAND: My cat is extremely fat. SO fat he cannot clean any part of himself except his front paws. So fat I will no longer take him to the vet. Scott has to take him because I don’t want to get yelled at.

So about 2 months ago, I decided that my cat had to change his life.

“Schubert,” I said to him, “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”

His single eye glared balefully at me and he said, “You have clearly never tried Iam’s.”

Never the less, I set out to DIET him and exercise him. I measure a scant cuplet of cat food out at the beginning of the day. He is a WRECK over this and HAS been a wreck for two months. He wails and follows me around and suffers great palpable sufferings. ALL DAY LONG I dole his ration out to him, a bite at a time, because igf I give it to him in meals he becomes so bothersome and distraught between them that I can’t get anything done.

TWO MONTHS OF THIS, PEOPLE. Two months of Schubert leaping at my legs every morning and tripping me and dragging me by my hair to his food bowl. Two months of him waking me up by poking me OVER AND OVER with his relentless poke-toe all night, and then galloping like a madman downstairs to his food bowl whenever he gets me stirred up enough to raise my head and cuss him.

YESTERDAY he went to the vet and got his shots and a nice flea dip and ….weighed. Since he was last there, in November, the ()&@*^@&($%^_%@(&@ cat has GAINED two pounds. It defies physics and logic and justice and truth and reason. I give. I am going now to dump him out an enormous bowlful. Fat wins.

Posted by joshilyn at January 14, 2007 11:54 AM
Comments

you're pretty. pretty pretty pretty. señor schubert drinks up that prettiness and it turns into fat on his wee bitty body (wee bitty? hahaha! funny. yes?). that's what's going on.

and HOORAY on the mad props for your reading winning an award and making the best audiobooks of 2006 list!! that just shows how much you rock! :)

Posted by: kristen at January 14, 2007 1:06 PM

Kudos (so close to Kudzu, but more desired)

I feel for you. My version of Shubert is an 83 pound Bassett. When I took Arlo to the Vets I told them don't try to pick him up to put him on the weighing table. I took him out to the rock scale at the nursery. You know the booklet on Bassetts said 65 to 70 pounds. Hmmph! what do they know.

Posted by: Cele at January 14, 2007 5:45 PM

I KNOW HOW THAT CAT FEELS!!
Really, I DO. I never eat anything, I swear. I went to the Dr the other day and he had the unmitigated(IknowIspelledthatWrong)GALL, to tell me I gained 3 pounds! On what, I ask you? AIR?
yES, it was air. My thinking is...air takes up space (like in a balloon) and must therefore weigh something and if you inhale enough of it, you Will gain weight. Now, I did not say this to the Dr. Maybe I should have tho. I bet he would have give me some gooood medicine. Maybe something to get rid of this air weight.

Posted by: Desi at January 14, 2007 7:11 PM

Well, I just bought Gods, now I have to get Between! Is it on Audible?

Go Pats!

Posted by: parrotzmom at January 14, 2007 8:26 PM

and Desi, you spelled that right, and Schubert WANTS A CAN OF TUNA! (Only 240 calories)

Posted by: parrotzmom at January 14, 2007 8:27 PM

I believe Desi's air weight theory.

Congrats on the PW award! :-)

Posted by: DebR at January 14, 2007 11:09 PM

Is it possible that Schubert has... I don't know... a thyroid problem? Or is it more of a Maisy-feeds-him-constantly-when-you're-not-looking problem?

Posted by: Mir at January 15, 2007 9:49 AM

I was going to say thyroid too, or maybe he is borderline diabetic. Whatever, he's hungry. Maybe he is eating somewhere else too.

Congrats on the awards. Awesome.

Posted by: jJas at January 15, 2007 2:23 PM

Congratulations on the kudos! You know, I never listen to audiobooks because I tend to curl up under the covers after everyone else is asleep to do my reading, but I bet if I went with audiobooks every now and then I could knit and read at the same time! (Why haven't I thought of this sooner?) I've already read the book, but I think I'm going to have to get a copy of YOU reading the book.

Posted by: amy at January 15, 2007 2:51 PM

I have learned, through much moaning and whining and toe-poking on the part of two otherwise lovely kitties, that cat obesity is genetic and, thus, uncontrollable by mere mortals.

I have two cats, brothers, one of whom is obese. The other is completely normal, thin even. They eat the same food from the same bowl (until recently, when I put the fat guy on lowfat food). Thus, I conclude that I am NOT a bad cat parent. It's genetic, I say!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at January 15, 2007 4:04 PM

HOORAY!!!!! FAT WINS!!!!!!

Fat chick everywhere have been waiting for that proclaimation.

Or at least me!!!

*great rejoicing*

*totally misses point of post*

Posted by: Angela at January 15, 2007 4:22 PM

Congrats on the Listen Up award! I am sorry the cat diet did not work. Your cat apparently has my metabolism. LOL

Posted by: Rissa at January 15, 2007 8:22 PM

Ha! I had something similar happen with our diabet schnauzer. He finally had to go on diabetic low-cal, low-fat, tastes-like-shingles-in-little-kibble-shaped-bites dog food. Four pounds down, but he still trips us and jumps and circles and inhales his food twice daily with alarming speed.

Posted by: Andi at January 15, 2007 9:00 PM

I am currently listening to Between, Georgia and I love it. I love the voices and I think that Henry's voice is perfect...I just paused it right after Lori Ann got caught with the guy's flattening Bernice's tires and Lori Ann's drunken slur was perfect. Congrats!

Posted by: Dawn at January 17, 2007 6:27 PM

livesex feeds

Posted by: livesex feeds at January 22, 2007 7:07 AM

livesex list

Posted by: livesex list at January 23, 2007 4:44 PM

(Ooo--looky--live sex feeds? Is this a new service you are offering? *wink*)

We have a cat very much like your Schubert. Max is a black and white Ragamuffin and when I read how your kitty loves to run between your legs any time you even LOOK in the direction of his food dish, I started to laugh and had to read that part to my DH, who is away from home and kity-feeding duty. Max has practically knocked me off of my feet to try and beat me to the bathroom, which is where his food dish is kept (up on the counter to keep the doggies out of it). He has a self-feeder, so there is always food, yet he still insists on running like a starving child in Etheopia(?) to the Red Cross truck whenever we have to tinkle... Crazy. And yes, he's HUGE!

Sophie, the little darling Princess Puff, is the exact opposite and weighs in at about 3-5 pounds soaking wet. If she thinks we are watching her eat, she will run dash sprint away from the bowl as if she is ashamed that we caught her in a moment of weakness...

Posted by: Sheri at January 24, 2007 1:34 AM