October 23, 2006

Sick. Sickettysicksicksick. Con’t

I am SO Sick that I went to the doctor on Saturday. Of course my doctor’s office was closed and all the doctors were off doing whatever they do on weekends---and they could be playing naked hooker golf in Vegas or maybe they are in South America hand-spooning nutritious gruel into the mouths of sickly orphans---their lives are mysteries wrapped in enigmas. I miss my doctor I had in Chicago---I actually KNEW the guy. He was very personal and personable, and once when we ran into each other at an opera, HE KNEW WHO I WAS.

I am not sure any of my current troop of doctors and I would recognize each other if we were tied together for a three legged race. On Saturday, I had to go to a doc-in-the-box, but he is now probably as recognizable to me as my own league of physicians, so.

Him: You have a virus, maybe a touch of bronchitis so here is a pack of antibiotics to fix that, but your MAIN problem is a virus so eat Wonton soup and wait to feel better.
Me: HOW LONG THOUGH because I have felt like UTTER POO for 4 days now.
Him: Oh, Sometimes these viruses can go on for ten or twelve days….

Then I grew fangs and leapt across the examining table and ate his face off.

Okay, not really, but if I still feel like this in another 5 days I AM going back, and I WILL grow fangs and I will absolutely eat his face right off. For even SUGGESTING it. I cannot continue to be this sick. I CANNOT. Do you hear me? Because it is BORING.

I wander into my office and peck feebly away at TOGWISS, and then I wander to my sofa and collapse and sweat and watch TV. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. My house is a STY. My hair is lank and sorrowful. My nose runneth over. I am SO SO SO BORED. I want to leave my house. I want the ability to sniff flowers. I want to GO RUNNING IN THE CRISP LOVELY FALL AIR.

Mostly, and this is probably due to extreme viral induced GRUMPINESS, but mostly most of all, I want to track down and spank whatever marketing executive decided to call this crap I am living on WONTON SOUP. It is NOT Wonton soup, it is chicken and noodle soup with the little sanded down chickeny bits put INSIDE noodles which have been formed out of wallpaper paste to look like little envelopes. NO ONE HERE IS FOOLED, CAMPBELL’S. *grumple*

Meanwhile, my novels are once again having more fun than *I* am having. Stupid Between, Georgia. My friend Elizabeth went overseas to a toxic algae conference…. no, really, that’s not code for anything. She studies DINOFLAGELATES which are used to make diatomaceous earth which is a dietary supplement FOR HORSES which I used to EAT, yes EAT, in my actual MOUTH because I had this crazy idea that it would make my pelt glossy and my hide sleek. No, REALLY. Anyway, Elizabeth found B,G slumming in COPENHAGEN, all expenses paid. Or perhaps it can afford to take itself, because LOOK at that price tag!


It costs 99. 95 DANISH MONEYS! (aka Crowns) WHEEEE! Can’t wait to see THAT royalty statement!


Here is B,G taking a quiet moment to….um…appreciate some art.
That is definitely what it is doing.


Soon after, B,G went to Roskilde Cathedral---it must have looked directly up during art appreciation, and then hied to the nearest church to rinse its eyes and try to feel clean again. Or perhaps it just wanted to hobnob with royalty; several Danish monarchs are buried under the floors. Between has been hanging out with Crabtrees too long to be allowed to hobnob with LIVING royalty. It can only hang with kings who are too long dead to get up and move to a better lunch table.

Meanwhile, if I do not get better soon, I am going to end up under a church somewhere myself. Bleh. Sick. Sickettysicksicksick. And did I mention GRUMPY?

Posted by joshilyn at October 23, 2006 9:21 AM

You gotta OWN that illness, girl. OWN IT, I say.

My own cure has NOTHING to do with Wonton soup. It's TWO (2) Nyquil liquicaps (on top of the antibiotic), Premium crackers, Orange juice, SOFT Kleenex, a mindless but happy movie (I like Sandra Bullock movies for this--While You Were Sleeping, Two Weeks Notice), and maybe some Dutch chocolate icecream if it happens to be handy or I can schnooker someone into getting it for me.

It does a body good. . .

Posted by: Roxanne at October 23, 2006 10:05 AM

I'll second the Premium crackers and orange juice. It's a good combination. Feel better!

Posted by: Aimee at October 23, 2006 10:32 AM

you used to eat horses for a lovely pelt? interesting *heh heh*

i'm sorry you're feeling puny - that just ucksays. tomato soup and crackers sometimes help me to feel better.

between does indeed look to be having a very very good time indeed!

feel better soon.

Posted by: kristen at October 23, 2006 10:36 AM

When it's time for Between to come out in paperback, they are totally going to stamp "Take it on your next adventure, because garden gnomes are so passe!" on the front.

Feel better, Tulip.

Posted by: Mir at October 23, 2006 11:58 AM

Well, dayummm girl, how come you always follow up a week of fun in the sun, with a week of mind numbing illness?

Take a nice hot bath, drink two ounces of your favorite potent potable and sleep well. Follow up with the soup, crackers, and OJ. Get better soon.

Posted by: Cele at October 23, 2006 11:59 AM

Remember, princess Joshilyn, your dreams CAN come true, you WILL be well soon.
Sorry, I couldn't resist. I do hope you feel better soon and that is doesn't include plotting my demise for the above.

Posted by: Chris at October 23, 2006 12:42 PM

ALCOHOL KILLS GERMS. And I second the chocolate ice cream motion - it soothes sore throats and nasal passages. That's all I have to say.

Posted by: JenA at October 23, 2006 12:51 PM

I just want Roxanne to come take care of me the next time I am sick.

Posted by: Angela at October 23, 2006 2:26 PM

Get better soon! Glad Between is having a rocking time. Just ate a piece of Russian chocolate filled with cherry-flavored liquor, and, for some weird reason, thought of you!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at October 23, 2006 8:39 PM

Two words: Godiva Liqueur. The dark kind. (okay, that's five words, but still.)

Hugs to you...

Posted by: Cornelia Read at October 23, 2006 9:39 PM

OH BABY. You musta kissed a carousel horse. Hey, I am currently uploading about 15,000 videos of Disney World, some of which feechur you and your small girlchild. I had a lot of fun seeing you and the tiny person, I think instead of moving to the country you should move to my town. You saw how Benny loves Maisy already! Do you want to share grandchildren OR NOT.

Posted by: Lydia at October 23, 2006 11:18 PM

Maybe you should ditch the wonton soup and go back to Cuervo and Twinkies. Or dirt. (Then again, maybe not.) Hope you feel better soooooon!

I loved seeing photos of the adventures of BG.

Posted by: DebR at October 24, 2006 9:53 AM

Eww. Not the fakey Campbell's wonton soup! Try real soup from a real Chinese resaurant!

But for colds, our family prefers the Hot & Sour soup anyway -- the spices ease the congestion. Really.

Good luck. And did you remember to stock up on the kinder, softer nose tissues?

Posted by: Lulu at October 24, 2006 6:58 PM

The second shot? The art appreciation shot? How unlike Between. gods, sure. But B, G? Tsk, tsk. How that European looseness will affect one.

Posted by: Kira at October 24, 2006 11:11 PM

Man, I hope Elizabeth enjoyed toxic algae talks. She is one smart person, and I can't wait to be walking through my local bookstore and see "TOXIC LOVE" (or something with 'toxic' in the title. It'd be even better if it was right next to Togwiss.
Joss, you know you are truly loved by your fans when they take your book to foreign countries and photograph that book in amazing places. I hope that doesn't surprise you.

Posted by: dee at October 26, 2006 11:19 AM