July 9, 2006


YES, Virginia, Wallgreen's sells underpants. Not a huge selection mind you, and not in my size, but any port in a storm, sez me.

Last night was my twentieth High School Reunion. VERY VERY WEIRD. SO Weird. I kept looking around and having deja-ja-vu-vues. Everyone one was telling stories, and I didn't much remember them....perhaps I blocked the four years out? Apparently I had a sass-mouth back in the day.

BAD THING - I forgot my digital. If anyone from the reunion reads this, send me a coupla pics. If don't look like a googly eyed crazy-monster, I'll post 'em.

The Boy I Liked The Very Most ALL through middle school and high school did not SHOW, that potzer, even though he was on the confirmed guest list. The boy I liked the second very most ALSO did not show. ONE boy I crushed on hard showed---he was very much a prototype for what would be my type after I grew up. Tall? Check. Dark Hair? Check. Quiet? Check. ENORMOUS brain? Checkittycheckcheck. He looked exactly the same, only more confident, and apparently he has become some sort of brilliant brain trust person who thinks for a living. VERY cool to see him. I liked him early on in my high school career, before I grew the sass-mouth, and I found out he never even knew I LIKED him. I remember I would get around him and BIG BRIGHT ORANGE LINES of boy-liking would start radiating off my head and I would have to flee before he saw them. *sigh* Really would have liked to catch up with the other two.

20th reunions are nifty. I didn't go to my tenth because I was in Illinois, but I imagine it would have been different. I probably would have had a big chip on and felt like I had to front like a player, like OOOH BUT SEE SEE I am hip and in grad school and I work with an experimental theatre troop and my PLAY just got PRODUCED, yes, in CHICAGO THAT"S RIGHT, NEENER NA---and at the tenth might have gone with some Schadenfreude, you know? That's GONE by the twentieth. We've all grown up --- I liked that about us all, how everyone seemed genuinely interested in each other. The air in the room was heavy with this odd and universal good will.

I was just kinda excited and relaxed (as relaxed as I ever get anyway). I was in jean gauchos and a T shirt until my mother in law told me I could NOT wear that. I called my old best friend at her mom's house and said, "What are you wearing?" After she busted a gut laughing and saying, "If this was twenty years ago, I would say I DO NOT KNOW I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ARE YOOOOOOUUUUU WEARING...." she told me she was wearing nice pants, and her sister said I couldn't slouch in like a scumbag in my jeans either, so I changed not one of my Pretend To Be An Author outfits. I didn't bother to put contacts on though, just peered at everyone through my clunky birth control glasses.

ALTHOUGH, horrid vain thing that I am, I must confess whipped those suckers off like I was Clark Kent any time a Camera pointed at me. AND this guy from drama club accused me of reapplying gloss more than any other woman alive, so, it's not like I am saying I am GHANDI, but...I've grown up a lot in the second ten years. I think we all had.

I might have gotten the teeniest bit tipsy, so when it was winding down and the place we had rented was getting ready to kick us out, one chick came to invite me to go on to a smaller less formal gathering.

Me: No -- I need to go back to the hotel and make out with my husband.
Her: I'll just file that under too much information.
Me: Did I say the quiet part out loud again? OOPS SORRY, it's just, you know, I'm on book tour until the end of the month. He drove down here to meet up with me, and I won't see him until, like, AUGUST. This is my LAST CHANCE to make out. He gets crabby if I make out with anyone else.

I think she needed to keep that TOO MUCH INFO file NICE AND OPEN for me. *sigh* BUT, on the brighter side of celibacy, remember that they had all my flights booked under my maiden name because I forgot to tell my new publicist that my ID is all in my married name? Yeah. Well. So much for not getting any action----Because they had to go in and change my name on every ticket, I have a SECURITY RISK FLAG, and now I am getting felt up in every airport I go through.

OH OH OH! Further humiliations. I stole our old high school literary magazine from 1983! It had a TERRIBLE poem by me in it, I mean BEYOND terrible. I do believe the words "wild white stallion" appear. No, I am not kidding. I'm bringing it to the signing to day in hopes of giving it back. I ran off with it to show Scott and then never could find the people who had it originally and then we left. WILD WHITE STALLION!!!! *dies of mortification* Also, still not kidding, the poemicular stallion is charged with riding me away someplace where "I can be alone!" Exclamation point included in the original. Yeah. Hi. I am a sophomore in high school, but in my off hours, I moonlight as Greta Garbo. Dramatic much?

The state of Georgia really SHOULD fund a grant and give it to me to NOT write poetry.

Posted by joshilyn at July 9, 2006 9:10 AM

Oooh, at the very moment I am reading your blog, you are writing a new blog entry and I get to be the first commenter!
I am So Cool (shudder, flinch).
Also, you are signing at the Alabama Booksmith THIS FRIDAY and I am going to be there and not show up on the Wrong Day like last year when you did not have a Thing but just went to the bookstore (like a regular person who goes to bookstores instead of an internationally reknowned, supermodel gorgeous, incredibly famous and talented author){studies trowel, asks Self, Self, did we lay on it thick enough there? Will Joshilyn remember me when I swoop into the Alabama Booksmith at almost 6 o'clock because I don't get off work until 5:30PM and then I have to change into cooler shoes in the car before I actually enter the bookstore?}
excuse me, I have to go find a paper bag to breathe into now.

Posted by: Elena at July 9, 2006 9:24 AM

When I was about that same age, I wrote a poem that opened with the line: "There he sat, in his Subaru Brat."

So it could be worse. MUCH MUCH WORSE.

Posted by: Badger at July 9, 2006 10:54 AM

I went to two high schools. Twentieth reunions are good, thirty is much better. Have fun

Posted by: Cele at July 9, 2006 12:27 PM

Yes, I think I'll keep the TMI (Too Much Information) file open for you.
Because I REALLY wanted to know about your underpants...
Um, I've realised that you're probably not a YA author, right? Because I got your blog link from a YA site, so I just ASSUMED (bad idea) that you were YA. But I don't think you are. Oh, well, I'll keep on reading the blog!

Posted by: IrishGal at July 9, 2006 1:30 PM

I just missed my 25th high school reunion in May, which was a bummer because I really really wanted to go, but on the other hand it was kind of nice to say "I cannot go, and I am totally crushed, but it is for a good cause because I am going on my BOOK TOUR. Cough. For my BOOK. Because, you know, I have one, so now could you please burn those last two copies of the lit review? But it is okay with me if you keep the archival copies of the newspaper, because I still kind of preen a little about my column in said paper: A VIEW FROM THE HOT TUB."

OMG I am just so strange.

I hope your touring is going so so so so so excellently, dude!

Posted by: Cornelia Read at July 9, 2006 2:30 PM

HAD a sass mouth? Past tense?

Posted by: Heather at July 9, 2006 4:35 PM

What Heather said, absolutely.

I think 'wild white stallion' should be your new nickname for Scott. ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at July 9, 2006 4:53 PM

...and they just keep gettin' funner. My last was my 30th and we had a ball!

Posted by: poopie at July 9, 2006 4:59 PM

Tommy Hayes has this hilarious presentation where he reads portions of stuff he's written throughout his career--starting with his middle school newspaper. It's hilarious, and makes you realize that we all have "wild white stallions" in our past.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at July 9, 2006 7:25 PM

10th reunions suck because everyone is just like you said -- all raw and unhatched and eager to prove they are much better than they were in high school. 20th and 25th reunions are cool. People pretty much are where they're going in life, and those who are OK with that come to the reunion to reminisce and have fun. Those who aren't OK with that, of course, don't show up.

Later reunions, like 40th and 50th, get depressing because so many people are dead. No, I'm not that ancient; I used to work at a private school where Homecoming Weekends were huuuuge events so I observed a lot of them. 20th or 25th is the best.

Oh, and bad high school poetry? I see your "wild white stallion" and raise you a poem that begins, "I feel like the wind is my sister/She's wild, and I feel that way too." It gets worse. Much, much worse.

Maybe you should host a "most over-wraught, melodramatic poem you wrote in high school" contest sometime?

Posted by: TrudyJ at July 9, 2006 9:11 PM

Great to hear about the good time at your reunion. My 20 is this Friday and I'm in between dread and utter euphoria about going. Looking forward to catching up with everyone, just wish I could leave the extra 30#s I've put on in the last 20 years home with a fattysitter that night!

Posted by: KimG at July 9, 2006 11:54 PM


I got 2 years till my 20th. Can't wait!

Posted by: Andreia at July 10, 2006 9:56 AM

I read your book over the holiday. Loved it! My tenth reunion was last weekend, but I didn't go because I was lazy and didn't feel like putting up the social front. My sister-in-law went, though, so I get to experience it vicariously. I figure I'll go to my twentieth when people are less worried about making an impression.

Posted by: Stephanie at July 10, 2006 11:12 AM

I think you should keep the stolen mag and frame it! I also think you should post the poem here. Here's what I'm imagining:

"I want to ride a wild white stallion
as if it were a Spanish galleon,
to somplace I can be alone!
Don't worry, I'll still have my phone."

See, it has to be better than what I'm imagining. :-D

Posted by: DebR at July 10, 2006 1:48 PM

Hell, I sort of want to make out with Scott, after reading that.

(Sorry, Scott. Didn't mean to squick you out.)

Instead, I shall kiss Sylvia, perhaps. You have to tell about Sylvia next!

Posted by: Mir at July 10, 2006 4:12 PM