July 7, 2006

Tales from the Road

I do NOT have time to proofread this. SO. Try not to be a hater when you see my multiple and enormous typos.

Yesterday, 6:30 PM: I'm off -- On the plane right now, heading for Pawleys Island, The first stop on this book tour. I MEANT to answer some e-mails before I went.....too late now, eh? If one is yours, I will answer it in Agust. I am on the laptop now. BY THE WAY, this would be a great time to punch that yellow button to your left if you want a signed copy of Between (or gods in Alabama --- he has first eds and the paperback in stock, too)----Booksmith Visit is LOOMING UP FAST AND SOON.

SCOTT took Lappy 2000 here by the Geek Squad so they could fix my rebellious V key. Remember last year I blogged in a BROGUE, typing Hae for Have, and etc. Well, the Geek Squad charged me 19 bucks and now I have a working V. YAY THEM. Not to be to technical, but the main problem with the key was that it had a cookie in it. My guess would be white chocolate macadamia nut. Dern cookies.

I ALMOST didn't get on the plane! I have a new publicist (my old one got promoted to Empress of All Publicists, remember?) and it never occurred to me to tell him that, while I WRITE under my maiden name, my Passport and other I.D. and even my credit cards are in my married name...It's little oversights like this that cause Scott to have to walk around charity events with a nametag on it that reads "Hi My Name Is....Scott Jackson," when that is NOT his name. So. There it is. There was no reservation under my married name, and with a growing sense of dread I had the DeltaBot check under Jackson and THERE I WAS.

You know there are the two kinds of behind-the-counter people, right? The kind that are going to MOVE THE EARTH two inches left, if that is what it takes, to get you what you need, and then the other kind, who seem to LIVE to tell you all the reasons why whatever you need is impossible while looking at you so soaked in glee-filled regret that they DRIP IT ON YUR SHOES. WELL! I am sorry for calling her a DeltaBot. BECAUSE I GOT THE FIRST KIND.

I pointed out that my oddly spelled FIRST name was the same on both my ID and the ticket. She processed that, then she wanted to know did I have anything, ANYTHING, with Jackson on it. LIGHTBULB! I had a copy of my BOOK in my laptop case, because I planned to dig through it on the plane and pick out parts to read at the event at Litchfield Books tomorrow, I showed her the book, with my AUTHOR PICTURE in the back.

Now, look, earlier today I had a mental breakdown and went roaring over to my hairdresser's house not THREE hours before I had to get on this plane. AMANDA! I said. I have to go on booktour AND also to my TWENTIETH HIGH SCHOOL REUINION ON SATURDAY. I HATE MY DRAB HAIR! I WANT TO BE FANCY! CAN YOU MAKE ME FANCY??????

Ladies and gentlemen....I am SO fancy now, on my head parts. She put in these very streaky pale blonde highlights, and these very dark chocolate lowlights, and then, in honor of Between's red-headed heroine, added some very cherry red MIDDLE lights in as well. Dude, my head may well be where fancy goes to die.AND I had on my big clunky black framed Kate Spade birth control glasses, which I got because when Scott's old job closed it's Atlanta office and I refused to move to Vegas, the LAST thing I did before that job ended (and it's eyecare insurnce with it) was go blow EVERY BIT of my entire family's Eye Care Allowance for the YEAR on these monstrously expensive frames. I love them, but between the glasses and my striped 'Do, I wasn't sure the author picture LOOKED much like me.

While the helperrific Delta Chick went off to ask her supervsor if a novel was a legit form of ID, I WHIPPED the glasses off, widened my eyes, and tried to make my mouth be the same shape as in the picture---what Scott calls my Deep Thoughts Mouth. I could NOT for the life of me remember how to make that mouth. They were a LONG time coming back, so I pulled out my compact and practiced, and when they arrived, book in hand I gave them my sad version of BLUE STEEL over my shoulder, trying to make my face match the pic without benefit of lights and professional make-up and a monstrously talented photographer, They looked at me like they already regretted it because I was CRAZY, but told me they had ALREADY believed me, even without me replicating Deep Thoughts Mouth, and gone ahead and changed the name. Yeah -- They had taken so long because they were printing out my boarding pass. AND HERE I SIT. Whoops landing must shut down....

BUT FIRST! GUESS WHAT I AM DOING RIGHT NOW! Eating a little pack of Delta Gingersnaps! Directly over my keyboard! Oh Geek Squad, go ahead and sign the lease on that new Porsche----you are all but guaranteed another 19 bucks.

UPDATE THE FIRST: When I landed, I discovered that my luggage had not come with me. Aparently, it FAILED to look like its author photo, and was left on the ground. The bookstore owners took me to Walgreens to buy Crest Toothpaste and Underpants, and then took me to an AMAZING place called ---I will get the name for you - I can say it but can't remember how to spell it. *sigh* Louis? ANYWAY, they fed me on Shrimp and Grits and enormous cocktails until I felt better about the whole thing. Seriously, in the top three Shrimp and Grits EVER, and you KNOW if a place has S-n-G on the menu I don't have to read any farther. ALSO The Vodka Soda Lime was made with a local vodka, called FIREFLY, and it was....awesome. Today is Travel-Crumple-Walgreen-Underpants Day, but derned if I don't feel JUST FINE about the whole thing.

Posted by joshilyn at July 7, 2006 7:02 AM

God bless Shrimp, Grits, and Vodka. Also Geeks.
Have a lovely tour, dear child.

Posted by: David at July 7, 2006 7:31 AM

I have had those wonderful shrimp and grits at Louis's at Pawley's. They are the best! I even had them two weeks ago at dinner with Amy-Go's Mom and Dad! Hope you have a great tour. I am reading your new book now, and it is great!

Posted by: Susan at July 7, 2006 7:56 AM

Well shoot, I emailed you this morning, just missed ya. Didn't realize you would be flying to Pawley's...glad Deltabot was the first and not the second kind. We would hate to have to put her in the JERKS HALL OF FAME from last years tour. We need to find pettable and pretty people this tour. I found a drink recipe that you are going to HAVE to try.....It's a mojito and it's amazing!!!! It has aƱejo rum, and angostura bitters (No I don't know what they are either, but who cares..it's amazing).

Take care on tour sweetie and come back safe. Will but Mr. Husband while you are away...like he doesn't have enough to do.

Posted by: Gabi at July 7, 2006 9:02 AM

YAY for the Delta-Not-A-Bot! I'm so glad you got someone like that instead of someone like the evil vicious DeltaBot you got last year. (Christine, was it? for some reason that name is in my head)

But booo about the luggage. Are they working on reuniting you??

And Yay about shrimp-n-grits and Firefly vodka (love that name).

My theory is that the lost luggage is a matter of getting any bad trip stuff out of the way early so that everything from here on out will be smooooth saling.

Posted by: DebR at July 7, 2006 9:18 AM

Too funny... I remember reading where Bill Bryson tried to use his dust jacket author photo as airplane ID when he lost his wallet... Apparently he had the other kind of counter help. So you have now officially one-upped Bill Bryson in the ability-to-capitalize-on-your-famed-author-status.

have a grand tour.

Posted by: Erica at July 7, 2006 9:40 AM

Walgreens sells underwear? Well, I'll be...

Posted by: Laura L at July 7, 2006 10:08 AM

OMG. I was literally ON THE PHONE with the cruise line holding your cabin when I read NOT to put it under Jackson. (Must remember to clean up the coffee I just spit out). Unfortunately I fear the CruiseLineBots are never of the former group -- most assuredly when leaving the country.
Going on the cruise or want more info? (sorry for the plug but gots to be done): www.mycruiseplanner.info/Joshilyn or www.mycruiseplanner.net (and click the link in the LEFT nav bar).

Posted by: Patricia at July 7, 2006 10:34 AM

Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnndd....SHE'S OFF!
May the travel provide at least a little mercy, m'dear.

Posted by: Kira at July 7, 2006 11:26 AM

hmmmm Joss is traveling....Mir is traveling... everyone is traveling...or just came back from traveling...I am really blue, and obviously not traveling.

Does that Firefly vodka come with a Mal or a Jane?

Posted by: Cele at July 7, 2006 11:30 AM

Well, count me in the Jackson camp. I KNOW it's not the name you use in real life, but when I go to write your name I always forget you married name and just write Jackson. Poor Scott.

Posted by: Heather at July 7, 2006 12:40 PM

I'm very glad your helpful Deltabot was not like the DREADED KIMBERLY from last year. THANK GOODNESS.

Posted by: Aimee at July 7, 2006 12:57 PM

OMG--the Dreaded Kimberley!!! Worse than the Dread Pirate Roberts. Especially because she was NOT Cary Elwes.


And meanwhile, here is my new favorite website:


Posted by: Cornelia Read at July 7, 2006 1:29 PM

LOUIS'S!! You ate at LOUIS'S!! One of my favorite favorites. AND they make one kick-butt mojito. But have you had the pickle chips yet??

Can't believe you're there and I'm not. Harumph.

Make sure they show you the island itself...way too beautiful to miss, even for those who are dead inside! ;)

Posted by: Amy-Go at July 7, 2006 2:55 PM

Thank GOD you did not get KIMBERLY again!!!!! Which,by the way, was the very, very, very first post by you that I read. Long will Kimberly live in fondness in my heart....the bitch.

Posted by: Angela at July 7, 2006 4:09 PM

Don't miss the Grits-a-Ya-Ya at the Fish House when you come to Pensacola! They are my favorite!

Posted by: Barbie at July 7, 2006 5:39 PM

I love Pawley's! Glad you made it there.

I have the two name problem as well, although you would think with the unique first name that folks would figure it out. I regularly have people whom I've known for eons say: "O, you're the same as the Anne Fitten Glenn who writes for the newspaper?"

Posted by: Edgy Mama at July 7, 2006 8:53 PM

I have a professional name, that in corporates part of my real name...okay it is my name before I got married to hubby three. (psst - he's a keeper) So anyway. I get confused. A Lot. about what name I used where. But the worse part is when I walk in so place and some one says...
"Hey, Calista." or something like that
and some idgit (usually, well into her beyond middle age) spins around (which explains the dizzy blonde ineptitude) and yells...

Does this butt look like it needs a plate of sandwiches? really, it's annoying. And it has happened many times more than once. Needless to say it doesn't help my ego a bit either.

I'm a DJ.

Posted by: Cele at July 8, 2006 12:14 AM

Ok, this is totally off topic, but I just had to share it with you...
I went to the movies yesterday (twice, actually). I took the kids to see Pirates (loved it) and then Shane took me to see Lake House (weird, but not bad). This morning, as we were all rehashing the movies and talking about what we wanted to see next, my son says, "Hey mom, there's this movie coming out that I HAVE to see, I saw the poster for it yesterday, and it just looks so cool, Mom, and you HAVE to take me, ok?" "Um, well, we'll see. What's the movie??" are you ready for this??? "It's called...SNAKES ON A PLANE! And it just looks SOOOO cool, and I really want to go!"
Ok, at this point, Shane and I looked at each other and just about died laughing. I think I scared my kids. They couldn't figure out why I had tears rolling down my face. All I could think about was your blog, and how you just gushed about this movie, and now, here, my own darling son can't wait to see it.
Sorry, but just had to share. It made me laugh.

Posted by: dee at July 8, 2006 1:03 PM

Hey Toots! Sorry I missed you before your launch -- I was dragging my carcass to and from Ohio. I saw your book pile at B&N here in Virginia and spread it around the table a bit. The cover looks SPECTACULAR. THe best cover on the new fiction table, literally, without competition. It already looks canonical.


Posted by: Lydia at July 8, 2006 2:02 PM

Poor luggage. Next time, teach it to do the "deep thoughts" mouth.

Posted by: IrishGal at July 8, 2006 4:40 PM

I had an airline (damn you Northwest!) lose my bags for seven days on a ten day vacation. Over Christmas. It sucked! I also had a whole new Walgreen wardrobe since it was the only place open on Christmas Eve to buy underwear... granny-panties if you must know...

Posted by: Heather Cook at July 9, 2006 1:32 AM






Posted by: Johny at July 9, 2006 8:35 AM