June 2, 2006

A Conversation with Kevin Guilfoile (sort of)

Kevin Guilfoile: I had a roommate in college named Fetus. He was called that because on the first night of our freshman year he said to us, "My friends in high school used to call me Fetus, but don't you guys call me that."

Me: HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Please excuse me. I cannot continue this conversation because I have to go call everyone I ever met and tell them that line about Fetus.

Kvin Guilfoile: By sophomore year even his girlfriend and his mother called him Fetus. To add a little class he started spelling it FOETUS.


Kevin Guilfoile: Sure. The Fetus would love that. And you might get mail from Notre Dame grads going, "I knew that guy!" Fete (as his close friends called him) had many misadventures. After school he became a Navy SEAL. Then after the Navy he became a fireman in Honolulu. He was like an Aaron Spelling show waiting to happen. He's also a crazy triathlete. He runs Ultramans, which are basically two ironman triathlons back to back. So day one is a 52 mile run. Day two is like a 250 mile bike, and day three is a six mile swim in the ocean. Fetus is awesome.

Me: *scribbles notes*

Kevin Guilfoile: Also, re: those Apple spots. (He is referring to the "I'm a MAC, I'm a PC" commercials that I FREAKIN' LOVE) The guy who plays the PC, which is to say the guy who is not Warren Cheswick, is also a friend (and to make things booklike, a former literary agent). He's now an occasional contributor to the Daily Show and the author of this extremely funny but basically indescribable book.

Me: That book does look CHARMING, but I think people should also go buy YOUR book now. Because it is great. And you are great. And it is SPOOKY, OH my LORD, and SMART, and has such obvious buckets of Panache that EVEN Michiko Kakutani said so in the FREAKIN' NEW YORK TIMES. And now is a good time, because it is now out fresh and hot in SUPAH BARGAIN DELICIOUS PAPERBACK, and you are fantastical and you let me blog Fetus.

Kevin Guilfoile: Yes. I am truly fantastical. I am practically a UNICORN. Hey! WAIT! Did you just quit reporting our actual conversation and begin using me as a sort of egomaniacal puppet to tell people how great I am and to go buy my book?

Me: Yes.

Kevin: Quit it.

Me: But you did say all the stuff about Fetus.

Kevin Guilfoile: Yes. I did. But I never said I was a Unicorn, and I am not saying this.

Me: You deny that you deny you are a unicorn?

Kevin Guilfoile: In real life, I am too smart to be confused by your obfuscatious faux-conversational machinations.

Me: What?

Posted by joshilyn at June 2, 2006 8:06 AM

Someone so, SO needs to write a fabulous adventure novel featuring a kick-ass Navy SEAL named Fetus. And if at all possible, somewhere in the story the book should contain the word obfuscatious, because that's fun to say.

Posted by: DebR at June 2, 2006 8:26 AM

Fetus! GREAT nickname! Much better than say, Bung, which is what we STILL call a good friend of mine from college even though he's now an ER doc and spends his days in trauma rooms saving lives and such. I mean, "paging Dr. Bung!" Can you imagine? I'll bet he'd trade for Fetus in a heartbeat.
And who WOULDN'T want to read a book written by a unicorn? I'm putting it on my list!

Posted by: Amy-GO at June 2, 2006 9:04 AM

Fetus sounds very cool! I have done Olympic distance triathlons, and would love to try for a half ironman, but fetus is just plain amazing! Fetus rocks!

Posted by: tori at June 2, 2006 9:53 AM

Damn, Kevin, I need a copy of your book tomorrow to take to the beach with me. Sounds just like my thang.

I'm so dull. I've never had friends with unusual nicknames.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at June 2, 2006 10:26 AM

I've bought several books on your recommend, but I have to say...I'm totally confused because the message (besides zany) was totally obfuscated. What is the book about? So does he wear the unicorn personna to get virgins? men.

Posted by: Cele at June 2, 2006 12:02 PM

I cannot say obfuscatious, I can only read it...

Posted by: Heather Cook at June 2, 2006 12:13 PM

This is what it's like to watch Clear and Present Danger with Fetus: "We can do that...We can do that...We can TOTALLY do that...Can't do that...We'd never do that...Oh hell, I'VE done THAT. Twice..."

Posted by: Kevin Guilfoile at June 2, 2006 5:26 PM

Ok, maybe it's because my husband's name is also Kevin, but I'm in total like with Mr. Guilfoile.

That. Was. Hilarious.

Posted by: Contrary at June 2, 2006 10:23 PM

Oh, yes! Cast of Shadows is great! I reviewed it at Bellaonline's SF/Fantasy Books and I really liked it. And the only nicknames I have are shiny penguin and guttersnipe. Not as funny as fetus.

Posted by: Laura L at June 5, 2006 11:14 AM

I feel like Neo in the Matrix, being reborn. Yes, I am the one. Thanks Kev. Great book by the way, read it last year when it came out. You're going to have to sign my copy some day...

Posted by: Foetus at June 9, 2006 4:56 AM