May 29, 2006

And the 13th is LACE!

There's this thing I have learned to do, a thing that does NOT come naturally to me, and yet it is a necessary thing to learn when one has a husband. One MUST telegraph the import of dates, if they are, indeed, important to one. Especially if. like me, you are a ridiculous creature who won't even realize Valentine's day has passed until your friend says, "TODAY IS THE IDES OF MARCH" in a spooky manner and then makes the Psycho-shower-scene WREE! WREE! WREE! noise, and you think, in rapid succession "Why am I getting fake stabbed? Does this dress make me look like Caesar? Wait, crap, did she say MARCH?"

That really happened I think two years ago. And then, having come to understand that it was indeed March, I noticed I had somehow skipped Valentines Day altogether without clocking that it existed much less that we were hurtling past it along the space time continuum. Scott would argue that this set a precedent. But that's SILLY!

MEN! MEN! Hear me on this! You cannot assume a girl will forget what month it is for THREE solid months every February.

And of course, the very next year, some helpful doink with a calendar mentioned that January was over, and I thought to myself, OH! VALENTINE'S APPROACHETH! and I foolishly assumed SCOTT would also notice it was February, and with NO HINTING or REMINDERS on my part, I FURTHER assumed fabulous pink-themed heart-encrusted Godiva infused surprises with all manner of being whisked off to Venice and ravaged on a gondola etc etc were being planned. On the big day, then, I whipped out the carefully planned surprises I had set up in the dead of night when he lay sleeping like the dead, unaware it was January and then unaware it was February and THEN STILL unaware that it was February 13th....

I will never forget his stricken face as he said, "I forgot it was Valentine's at all, or, not forgot so much as didn't think you cared because last year you didn't even notice we had missed it until March so...."

I checked my girl handbook and it assured me that if I wanted to retain possession of both X chromosomes I was contractually obligated to burst into tears and do the whole YOU DO NOT LOVE ME, HALLMARK SAYS thing, which, really, who needs it.

(And here Mr. Husband chimes in to say, "Not me.")

SO! I have learned to be a hinter. And as you know, my anniversary happened yesterday. I think I get NICE WIFE points because I reminded him in little subtle ways, like saying, FOUR MORE DAYS TIL OUR ANNIVERSARY! I SURE HOPE FABULOUS SURPRISES ARE IN STORE, AND BY "IN STORE" I MEAN SPECIFICALLY "BLOOMINGDALE'S."

Did you know the twelfth anniversary is the SILK anniversary? ME NEITHER! But Scott looked it up on the internet and I now have CHARMING and ELEGANT silk pajamas to take on tour. I am not generally a a PAJAMA sort of girl, but I LOVE to have decent ones on book tour, because I have been known to have to stomp down to the lobby and defeat eyeore while wearing them, and REALLY it's more dignified to stomp down to the lobby AND Eyeore is much easily defeated if one is wearing Katherine Hepburn style black silk PJs with understated silver piping rather than a 400 year old XXL hole-riddled and coffee-stained Road Ponies T shirt and some underpants.

I'm just saying.

Posted by joshilyn at May 29, 2006 1:29 PM

Your husband looked up what the 13th Anniversary was? He TOTALLY loves you and your triangle head. Hallmark says so.

Posted by: Heather Cook at May 29, 2006 2:51 PM

I've totally given over to the "must give hints" thing too. It's better than having hurt feelings and stupid arguments! The PJs sound lovely. (I almost typed lively. I guess they could be that too.)

So did you go see XM3? And if so, how was it?

Posted by: DebR at May 29, 2006 2:53 PM

awwww. Our 12th was on the 27th, I didn't get silk, I got a camper for us to go to the lake with on the weekends. Maybe I can get silk sheets for it ;)

Posted by: tina at May 29, 2006 3:40 PM

I think I may be the man in my relationship! I ALWAYS forget valentine's day, etc. My husband always has the exact right gift for our anniversary, while I am sitting looking at the calendar saying "really, today is our anniversary? Oh, sorry!" And when people ask how many years we have been married, I have to stop and count, while he knows off the top of his head. Maybe someone should tell him about the hinting thing....that would be helpful!

Posted by: tori at May 29, 2006 4:01 PM

I really love your blog! However, I'm very anal AND I'm a very big Winnie the Pooh fan so I gotta tell ya...If you are referring to the sad, yet charming donkey in the Winnie books, its Eeyore, not Eyeore.

Seriously, I know I'm a bitch for pointing that out, but I just had to! The OCD won't let me go!

Posted by: jerajenn at May 29, 2006 4:53 PM

Happy anniversary, you two crazy lovebirds. Kevin gave me my anniversary present on Saturday - our 12th is on June 11th, so he was a little early. Brownie points, you say! Only he did not give me anything silk. Kevin thought "12 years! I know! Appliances for the home!" So I got a vaccuum. Which I really needed! But still. Points to Scott for going the romantic route. ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at May 29, 2006 5:22 PM

Hmmm, it's our 12th this year too. We've said, hey lets get a hot tub for our anniversary this year. We say this a lot. For out 10th. For our 11th. They say three times the charm and he is a keeper.

Luckily all of our dates fall on or around notable occasions. :)

Posted by: Cele at May 30, 2006 12:02 AM

Happy Anniversary to you!
Happy Anniversary to you!

And I won't go any farther with that in case I get crosswise with the birthday people who have copyrighted the song and will come after me for money I'll never have. But the sentiments are absolutely, completely and totally honest and heartfelt!

Posted by: Fran at May 30, 2006 12:22 AM

I'm not sure what the gift is *supposed* to be but I am a cautious girl so last year when we had our 7th anniversary I got my husband a tube of anti-itch cream. Y'know, just to be safe.

Posted by: Laura at May 30, 2006 1:12 AM

I worked in a shop where it was primarily guys. One Valentines Day at about 4:45, one guy said "Oh, I gotta go get a card for my wife!" All the rest of the guys said "Here's 3 bucks - get me one too!" And he did.

Posted by: Suebob at May 30, 2006 12:57 PM

Happy Anniversary. :)

When you hit the paper one, remind him that airline tickets to Venice are made of paper. It'll make up for the Valentine fiasco.

Posted by: dragonfly at May 30, 2006 1:53 PM

Ok, oops. Paper is the 1st one. Shows you how much I know -- this because I'm stuck in Anniversary No Man's Land (16th where Nothing is listed!).

Posted by: dragonfly at May 30, 2006 2:00 PM

Yes, I'd say the PJs are a better choice. ;) I am a hinter now too. Corey forgot my FIRST Mother's Day.

Posted by: Heather at May 30, 2006 10:30 PM