April 28, 2006

A Nose Poodle Deferred

I have a sacred paper calendar. If it doesn't make it from my computer, phone messages, or brain to the sacred paper calendar, I flake. Period. The paper calendar is the final authority that determines where I will be when to do what. It is the ultimate of ultimates. I say all this to say:

This morning, strictly of its own volition, my paper calendar leapt to its death. It hurled off its oppressive THUMBTACK and plummeted off my bulletin board to disappear behind a HUGE IMMOVABLE printer table. Ding Dong, the schedule is dead, and it took my date by date to do list with it. The part of me that is experiencing all the gorgeous lovely renewal of faith that spring and Easter brings began babbling that THIS was clearly a message from God, something about, "FORGET YOUR DEADLINES AND GO OUT AND ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF THE EARTH TODAY!"

I called Karen and entreated her via her answering machine to join me in hurling off the keyboardian shackles and taking a lovely drive north on scenic highway 400.

Don't worry, I haven't grown a soul. You can keep yer mountain vistas---I personally feel that a great deal of earthly beauty can be found at the outlet malls of north Georgia. I am not really an AH! SUNSET! kind of girl, but I dearly love a sling back. ALSO, I SO need a purse. My poor abused everyday darling fell into CHUNKS yesterday, in retrospect a CLEAR sign that I need to go shopping!

I was feeling very PLEASED with the Lord after the great CALENDAR sign, so I was very suggestible and willing to seek further signs while ON the shopping trip. Signs that weren't even about purses, or even SHOES. Hopefully there would be a sign or three about buying pants. (I take it as a given that if a pair of pants make a person's butt look good, that is a MESSAGE.) Then I thought, if the calendar's demise WAS a sign, surely the Almighty is sending equally loud and portentous messages to my editor right now, telling HER my deadlines for these interviews, bios, updates and articles etc. I am 'sposed to be writing to help get the word out about my most beloved Between, Georgia should be PUSHED BACK, and so I sat, breathless, cloaked in faith, EXPECTING the telephone to ring.


After a time, I heard a much quieter voice, one that might even be described as both still and small, mentioning that a trip to North Georgia to acquire COACH purses at the thrilling discounts, delightful as it might be, cannot really be counted as a spiritual journey . And then the phone rang and it was Karen, saying, NO, she can't go to the outlets with me, am I on CRACK, she has a DEADLINE, remember DEADLINES?

Oh. Right. Now I do.

Now I have to go crawl UNDER that behemoth of a table and fish out my calendar. I will no doubt get dust up my nose and maybe even swallow a bug. Bleh!

I SORROWFULLY TELL YOU: I still like dogs. I will tell you about the nose poodle NEXT time. I have too many deadlines this weekend, and clearly I am being cosmically FORCED to try to meet them.

I EVEN MORE SORROWFULLY TELL YOU: I cannot get my haiku judge on the phone. She is hiding. RESULTS as soon as I track her down. If only I had thought to dart her and tag her ear like they used to do on Wild Kingdom! Then I could turn on my little tracking device and IF, by CHANCE she was at the ANN TAYLOR LOFT OUTLET up on highway 400, THAT would be SO OBVIOUSLY a sign!!!! I bet she is there right this VERY second! Gahhh.

Posted by joshilyn at April 28, 2006 12:00 PM

Alas! Nose poodles tomorrow, and nose poodles yesterday, but never nose poodles today.

Posted by: Aimee at April 28, 2006 12:27 PM

Fran warned me not to read this blog whilst drinking coffee but did I listen? Nooooooooo. Excuse me while I dry things off a bit....

Posted by: Janine at April 28, 2006 12:37 PM

I wanna go to the outlets with you. Come get me.

Posted by: Heather at April 28, 2006 6:06 PM

o, lovely highway 400 outlets; your ralph, your nike, your ann. how i gaze in rapture as I motor by. the mountains of NC behind me. the smog of hot lanta ahead. o, for just $200 and no kids in the van.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at April 28, 2006 8:25 PM

O, Edgy, O, Joshilyn, how I wish I were even that close to your splendiferous outlets there! Went to the mall in Walnut Creek yesterday with my mom and sister to buy tour clothes. Today, the fabulous Goodwill in San Francisco... SCORE!!! But still no shoes. Why do they not have shoes here? Everything is like, burlap, and grossly wedgie crepe-soled.


Posted by: Cornelia Read at April 30, 2006 10:15 PM

Joss maybe you should invest at one of those kewl wooden - decorative (if you like that type of thing) - calendar holders. I hear you can buy them at Currents in the factory outlet (but that could have been wishful thinking.)

Posted by: Cele at May 1, 2006 11:46 AM