March 20, 2006

Everything I Meant to Tell You But Didn't Tell You

1) I loved The Libertine---was thoroughly entertained and engaged every living second. I know the reviews have been MIXED, but I think this is because you expect one thing and get another. The ads make you think it will be a sort of Dangerous Liasons "Depravity is good nasty naughty fun" type thing, but what you get is actual and accurate depravity, which isn't pretty. If you are expecting depravity as an adorable rabbit, depravity-LITE, it's like you think you are taking a big bite of pudding, and your mouth is braced for sugar, but it turns out to be mashed potatoes.

I went in expecting a spectacular performance from Depp, and got it. In spades. I don't know another living actor who could have pulled this off excepting John Malkovich, and he isn't in the right age range anymore. Samantha Morton is a MARVEL, and I am irked with the reviews that ignore the most important relationship in the film---his relationship with theatre. Theatre is practically a character in this movie, personified by Morton's note-perfect performance. All my thumbs are up.

2) BY THE WAY, Johnny Depp is hot. Just sayin'.

3) I did something in NYC I STILL feel humiliated about---I payed FIFTY AMERICAN DOLLARS for someone to WASH MY HAIR and then blow it dry. CAN YOU BELIEVE? I have a host of excuses as to why I did it lined up. Let me trot them out for you:

a) I am HOPELESS at drying my own hair----It NEVER looks good. NEVER. I have the best hairdresser in the UNIVERSE here at home, and she gives me SPECTACULAR cuts and the world's most subtle and lovely brown on brown on brown high and low lights, and it is ALL wasted because no matter what products I use, no matter the drier or the brushes--I cannot make it DO RIGHT. The NYC stylist even said, as she blew out my hair, "This cut, it's fantastic! When you walked in I had no idea the cut was so good. Did you....sleep on it funny?" I said, "Um, yeah, that must be it."

b) I was doing an INTERVIEW a LONG one, on CAMERA, which always makes me PUKE LEVEL nervous, and I DID NOT want to have BAD HAIR. I always have bad hair, I can live with bad hair for a 3 minute regualar interview, but this was a LONG thing, like 20 minutes, for Bookscan, and I wanted GOOD HAIR for once in my freakin' life.

c) Later that day, I was meeting my new publicist. Meeting new people ALSO makes me puke level nervous. He turned out to be just grand---very understated and comes across as quietly confident. I like him and I quite trust him---I felt like he liked me and my book and will do a great job for it--- but if I had had BAD HAIR who knows how it might have gone??!?!

d) And I spent the rest of the day in the Warner offices where good hair ABOUNDS.

e) AND I knew I would be wearing PANTYHOSE which no one ever does in NYC, they just march around in the SNOW with bare legs or in fishnets, and me, in my role as Great Big Hick Who Gets Cold, couldn't HACK it, so I KNEW i would put the hose on and I thought, "Well, if I have good hair though, for ONCE, maybe I will forget I am not cool enough to go barelegged in March in Manhattan."

Those are all my reasons, and yet, I still feel a little bit dirty for doing it. I might as well have set 50 bucks on FIRE. Shame, shame, shame! I am SO vain it is GROSS. I KNOW it is gross, but still, I sat there and let the woman blow my hair out. It looked, quite frankly, GREAT, but that did not stop me from feeling like a wealthy 80 year old cruise-a-holic, which is the sort of person I imagine getting their hair blown out regularly. I felt like I should head up to deck 7 for some shuffleboard AFTER, or maybe stay a little longer and get a nice blue rinse. OH well. Truthfully? The CAMERA was the capper. That long interview. Had I to do it over again, I would go get it blown out. So. How sincere can my shame possibly be?

4) It was always my plan to buy myself a pair of OBSCENELY fabulous shoes if the film option for gods sold, and it did (HURRAY! And this means nothing, you understand, it;s just the OPTION, so do not get excited or anything). I OWE myself some shoes. I mean, like, Choo level faboo, you know? SO I was told the BEST shoe shopping was on 8th Street. HUZZAH! Me and my American Express headed off to 8th....Avenue. Which, it turns out, is COMPLETELY different from 8th street. Heh.

5) I did find a pair of MODERATELY DELIGHTFUL shoes that I was going to get in LIEU of Choos, because at 200 bucks they cost less than a third of what Choos would cost (these are Adrienne Vittadini) and I LOVED them and I would wear them a LOT because they aren't too fancy for daytime or too expensive to be horrified of harming... I tried them on and LORDY but they were adorable, and then the only pair in my size had CLEARLY been taken out clubbing by someone who works there and then put back with a worn patch on the suede and a stain on the fabric heel. I am trying to decide now if I should order them off the internet. Here they are:


What do you think? Order? OR! hold out for something TRULY repulsive and indulgent that I will never wear out of the house for fear of A SCUFF! PLUS I have no place to wear them, really, unless I suddenly get invited to become French, in which case I could legitimately throw them on with jeans to go for coffee or even with a bathrobe to go out and get the paper.

But I would sleep with them. And pet them. And march around my room in them....I would to love to have, maybe, the pale gold suede 4" inched heeled sandal called BEA I saw at which WILL NOT let me copy or save even the IMAGE, much less dare to dream of the shoe itself...OR the one below, which they have for more than Scott's car is worth at Bergdorf Goodman:


Posted by joshilyn at March 20, 2006 10:24 AM

Well, you'll need some chooooos to wear to the Oscars when gods in Alabama gets nominated for best EVERYTHING, am I right?
I'd say hold out for the obscene more-than-the-Blue-Book-husband's-car-value shoes, but that's just me, yo.
Also, in the Libertine, while Wilmot was preaching to parlaiment or whatever near the end, I kept expecting him, with his too-white face and his silver nose, to moonwalk across the floor, a'la someone else with too-white face and silver appendages. But no. Dint happen.

Posted by: Janet at March 20, 2006 10:35 AM

I LOVED the Libertine as well. Depp was AMAZING. I started telling everyone to go see it. Amazing.

I like the brown suede.

YAY Option!!

Posted by: Autumn at March 20, 2006 11:13 AM

Okay, you know I'm as happy to drool over Choos as the next shoe-fetishist, but that pair there frightens me a little. It looks like some sort of rare deadly turquoise spider over the toes. Just sayin'.

Also I think you totally deserve the wedges, and as you've already pointed out, they are A BARGAIN compared to what you were PREPARED to spend. ;)

Posted by: Mir at March 20, 2006 12:06 PM

Get them both.

Posted by: Martha O'Connor at March 20, 2006 12:29 PM

Okay I'm going to be the voice of reason here.

Run from the Jimmy Choo's as fast as you can. The wedgies were much cuter (and while probably not sensibly priced) and were more sensibly priced and versitile. I know Cele's a kill joy. But I can't justify shoes no matter how pretty they are that cost the price of a car when the materials to make it and labor cost less than $100.

I am old school - dont' go bare legged - nope can't do it. I can note any female and her (imo) harsh, ugly legs. Bare legs look right in shorts and kinis, but not skirts or dresses. Shivers.

As for your hair. It is the second most important first impression item, right after the spinach that you were fortunate to not have in your teeth.

Posted by: Cele at March 20, 2006 12:33 PM

i would totally have done the same thing re the hair- for making a good impression it's worth it! x

Posted by: diane s at March 20, 2006 1:09 PM

Did you get a photo of yourself with the Good Hair?? Cuz I wanna seeeeeee! And IMO Long On-Camera Interview totally justifies professional styling. Plus, if you call it "professional styling", that sounds a lot more $50-worthy than calling it a "shampoo and blow-dry". I'm just sayin'.

I also think that you could wear those wedges with jeans without being French. I live in Middle-of-Nowhere, Kentucky, ferpetessake and *I* would wear those wedges with jeans.

The Choos are beautiful, but I think you should wait on those until (as Janet mentions) "gods" is made into a multi-award-winning movie and then maybe you can get someone to GIVE you a pair of Choos to wear on the Red Carpet at the awards show. (If you're gonna dream, do it right!)

Posted by: DebR at March 20, 2006 1:15 PM

Ah Peach, the professional hairstyling was probably really inexpensive by New York standards, and you certainly deserve it! Think of it as an investment in "gods", although I don't know that you can write it off your taxes...can you?

And the shoes? I loved the tan ones, and I think you'll be able to afford the Choos for the Oscar party, and you won't have to sell off anything in the $100,000 gift bag they'll give you to get them! Dare I ask who optioned it?

Posted by: Fran at March 20, 2006 1:45 PM

The wedges, definitely. At least they are walkable. And cute. The Choos you'd have to frame and hang on the wall or something.

Congrats on the option!

Posted by: Edgy Mama at March 20, 2006 3:25 PM

I would go out right now and pay $50 for 20 minutes of good hair. And I would use those 20 minutes to buy those SWEET little suede wedgies.

Posted by: laura at March 20, 2006 4:38 PM

I'm with Fran -- $50 is NOTHING for professional hairstyling in New York. You won hair! As for the shoes -- buy the wedges, because someone *will* be giving you Choos for the gods premiere, I just know it. An option may be only an option, but gods would make a terrific movie. They'll see that.

Posted by: Aimee at March 20, 2006 4:46 PM

get them both!

Posted by: Nancy at March 20, 2006 5:37 PM

Come on girls! This is New York CITTEEEYY.

I say go for the Choos. Ah the delish-is-ness of that shoe! Im fairly certain that in THAT shoe, you can do anything. Im talking about your future well-being as an ARTIST. Did Hemingway do anything "moderately delightful?"
You feasted on the naughty meats, didn't you? Go chase those windmills, girl. Buy the Choos.

Posted by: Andreia at March 20, 2006 5:58 PM

Oh yes, send us pictures of the $50 hair!

And you can't even put 'options', 'sold', and 'nothing' in the same sentance together, lady.

Posted by: Heather Cook at March 20, 2006 11:28 PM

You have nothing to feel guilty about. Getting good hair and good shoes for interviews and such is an investment. You should be able to write off the hair appointment on your taxes as a legitimate publicity expense. If you can also write off business clothes (including shoes) as a business expense, you should go ahead and get whatever shoes make you happiest. This will come across during interviews and booksignings and transmit to the audience that buying your books will make them happy, too.

I can't wait for the movie! Who do you want to play Arlene?

Posted by: Elizabeth at March 21, 2006 2:17 PM

Screw those practical (and yeah, ok, way cute) brown wedges! Buy those gorgeous blue Choos and...dare I say it? WEAR THEM OUT. Like, to CHURCH. I sooooooo would. Life's short, buy the fun shoes = my personal motto. ;)

And, WAY TO GO on the film option! That's freakin' FANTASTIC! Congratulations!

Posted by: Amy-GO at March 21, 2006 3:11 PM