January 20, 2006

3 and 8

I am lying in the bed, and Maisy creeps in beside me and says, "Are you awake, maaMAA?" She has taken to calling em that. I have no idea where she got it. The emphasis is on the second syllable, and the "a" sound is the same as in ran, NOT the sound in car. It sounds very French Boarding School, and it goes with her haircut.

Maisy: MaaMAA, pick one fing for my song about pertecking you.
Me: Okay. What are my choices.
Maisy: Acrobats.
Me: Is that it? Can't have more choices?
Maisy: Yes, okay. You can pick, Acrobats, or normal bats, or....Skwulls. (Authors note: I think this is Squirrels.)
Me: Hmm. I pick acrobats.
Maisy: (Singing) I'm pertecking you from acrobats, because we are good friends. OH! Amigo means friend, and you are my friend and that's because amigo means friend.
Me: (singing) But not SKWUUUUULLLLLLLS!
Maisy: MaaMAA! Stop ruining up my song!
Me: Oh, Sorry.
Maisy: (singing) But not SKWUUUUUUUUULLLLLS!
Me: That was a great song.
Maisy: I know. It was amazing. Now you can rub my back, please.

That's what 3 is like.

Sam is 8. He plays serious sports like basketball and does math now that I have to make his father help him with because it bores me so (I have to actually THINK ABOUT NUMBERS to see if his answer is right. UGH!) and calls me Mom when I please him and Mah-HOM when I embarrass him. Which I do often. He's smart....talks like a 40 year old accountant, you would not BELIEVE this kid's vocab. It comes from reading Roald Dahl and J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis and Lemony Snicket. Also, he is on the principal's honor roll (Highest one) so he is also a good student as well as just havign the brain power to be one. He follows through.


Last week, I had a thing I had to do, so I missed taking him to school early on his Wee Deliver Day (Sam is a POSTMAN at his school---quite an honor.) which means he missed his weekly breakfast at Waffle House (a practice instituted by his father, by the way, which I am expected to continue in his father's absence, even though I am off simple carbs and have to get Maisy up at 5:30 too, and she weeps softly all the way there. Maisy likes to sleep until at LEAST seven) ANYWAY. I missed it. SO THIS week, I am on the phoe, the day before WEE DELIVER, and he comes in and hands me a note. I transcribe it for you here:

Dear Mom,
Please remembr that tomorow is Wee Deliver. Last week you caused me to be late. You have to take me to Waffle House. I do not want a repeat of last week.

Then I skinned him, ate his organ meats, and spanked what was left.

TO CONCLUDE: 8 is very different from 3.

And to my conclusion I add this pearl of wisdom-filled advice: Anyone whose age is not AT LEAST in double digits better NOT say to me, "I DO NOT WANT A REPEAT OF LAST WEEK" and still expect to live.

Posted by joshilyn at January 20, 2006 8:50 AM

Bless his heart. I am laughing so hard it hurts. And for what it's worth, I was SURE Maisy's time with you would end with a repeat of "we are the most beautiful guh-wuls!"

Posted by: Mir at January 20, 2006 9:03 AM

He not talking like a 40 year old accountant, he's talking like a parent and that IS scary. And hilarious:)

Posted by: Chris at January 20, 2006 9:06 AM

Sweet merciful Zeus. My mother, who was a sweet and wonderful woman - really! - would have immediately incinerated me with her death-ray-vision if I'd said that to her even AFTER I was in double-digits. Sam is very brave. Or at least he was before you skinned him and so on. Heh.

Maisy is a song-writing genius, althouh my favorite is still the chocolate song.

Posted by: DebR at January 20, 2006 9:32 AM

For what it's worth, I think you handled the note perfectly.
Really, you should write a parenting book.

Posted by: Kira at January 20, 2006 9:59 AM

I love reading about your kids, because it gives me a tiny preview of what I've got to look forward to. But here's hoping I never have to get Zoe up at 5:30 - for anything. I can already tell that she WILL NOT have it. Even for waffles.

And to think I read to Zoe from YOUR book (I read to her from everything.) What have I done to her future vocabulary? Her next word better not be "kudzu."

Posted by: Laura at January 20, 2006 10:21 AM

LOL I laughed loudly throughout the post. At the sweetness of Maisy, the maturity of Sam--including his conflict management skills and ability to articulate his needs. :-)

AND at your parenting skills.

Excellent, all. :-)

Love it, love it, love it!

Thanks for sharing with us!

Posted by: Alicia at January 20, 2006 10:44 AM

I was like your son at 8...I wuld have done the exact same thing! My mum was always late for stuff, and it stressed me out (sorry!)

Actually, maybe I just had the writer's gene: write notes to everyone, about everything...And stories, especially ones about unicorns....xx

Posted by: diane s at January 20, 2006 10:56 AM

I should learn to spell WOULD though! ;)

Posted by: diane s at January 20, 2006 10:56 AM

Dear Sam,
Give me a break, waffle boy.
Love, Mom

Just in case the skinning/eating/spanking thing doesn't take. ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at January 20, 2006 11:30 AM

I know in just a few VERY.SHORT.YEARS you will regret having ever thought, said, or written down in full words the following...

"Anyone whose age is not AT LEAST in double digits better NOT say to me, "I DO NOT WANT A REPEAT OF LAST WEEK" and still expect to live."

Because those words coming from the id of a hormonal overdriven pre and teen - Although it was cute - will be enough to tip your MI# into doing a double double. Your kids are adorable and I agree with Deb the Chocolate Hymn was the best. Of course it was Maisy's sweet voice that made it all the better.

Aimee is on the right track - send him a note - cover it in syrup.

Posted by: Cele at January 20, 2006 11:49 AM

Teehee! I am surprised I have never recieved such a note from my 8 yr old. Although he's too busy drawing Obi-wan and Anakin...

Posted by: Laura at January 20, 2006 11:50 AM

I used to write notes to my mother when I believed she had wronged me in some way.
I have no doubt she would have skinned me if I had included "I do not want a repeat of..."

As I did not include that phrase however, she would just nod when reading my very serious letters and tell me, "you're going grow up to be a writer."

Posted by: LoryKC at January 20, 2006 12:05 PM

Did he put a copy of the reprimand in your personnel file, too? He needs to make sure these things are documented correctly.

Posted by: laura at January 20, 2006 12:25 PM

You just hang in there. By the time he's twelve, if Scott is out of town and the workmen cause everything to go wonky, that boy will be the one who goes outside, identifies the unplugged and plugs it in. You watch. The occasional reprimand is a small price to pay.

Posted by: rams at January 20, 2006 12:31 PM

If I had been handed that note, I'm not sure I would have known whether to be angry or to be amused. And Maisy sounds adorable.

Posted by: Jessie at January 20, 2006 12:31 PM

oh, lord, that's it. i'm not teaching jackson how to write. i don't know what i would have done.

Posted by: liz at January 20, 2006 1:41 PM

I'd like to keep my life, so I will go hide in my closet to snicker at you.

Posted by: Heather at January 20, 2006 4:56 PM

I don't want to travel. Orlando stinks. ...happiest place on earth my foot. I miss my family.

That's what 38 is like, in case you were wondering.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at January 20, 2006 5:41 PM

So Mr. Husband, get on back and get your precocious boy to the Waffle House. And save your wife's precious sanity.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at January 20, 2006 7:21 PM

Or clone yourself, Mr. Husband. That's a commercially viable option, too.

Posted by: rams at January 20, 2006 7:39 PM

Oh gawd, Bless your heart.

Posted by: Deb at January 21, 2006 7:59 AM


Sorry, but I've been THERE. Six and four, and the eldest does that. He usually gets skinned alive too. We're currently going through a phase of 'mamma knows best till Mamma actually doesn't and then I scream' with him, and 'mamma, wassat' with the youngest, something I'm about to blog about, but I just want to say yeah, been there.

Posted by: Kai at January 24, 2006 9:32 AM