January 6, 2006

Double Plus Ungood


So you know I have this little page where I say where I am going to be when and suchlike (and it is currently SHAMEFULLY OUTDATED *glances with sad, uncomprehending eyes at Scott*) but I have all my upcoming stuff in a FILE on my computer, right? SO that one day it all WILL be updated, and such, RIGHT?

Well, in THEORY yes. Except that file became so dense with information that it contracted like a neutron star and became a black hole of nothingness.Or, to say again in English: That file, she is no good. That file, she is not openable. That file, in fact, insists it never existed. The only thing that exists is a SHORT CUT to that file, a shortcut that opens to where-the-world-ends, and if you click that you go plummeting off the edge with all the hapless fishes, and if you are quick you can give Atlas a wave as you hurtle past him to your....well, not DOOM, because there's nothing to smack into, so I guess you can can wave at Atlas as you plummet past on your way to do a lot more plummeting.

WELL! LUCKILY! I have all that stuff also copied onto my PAPER CALENDAR, right? Well, In theory, yes. In fact, the PAPER CALENDAR is the sacred thing. If it makes it to the paper calendar, I show up for it. If it is NOT in the paper calendar, I WILL without a doubt flake.

SO today, my mother and I were co-ordinating our January calendars and she said, "And then I will be over to your house on on January 24th so you can go to Augusta.


I was holding the sacred calendar. It was open to January. No Augusta. The date in question was as dewy and virgin-white as any spring-time lambkin. I tried to open my online calendar file thing, and everything I had inputted in 2005 was NOT THERE. I think it has something to do with it being 2006 now, and I have a vague memory of a pop up box with some annoying question about SAVE or something popping up, and me stabbing at the little X to close it. But I am sure that was not IMPORTANT. Perhaps it auto-eradicated the old year when I used it to begin plotting 2006? I didn't panic, because SURELY the Augusta thing would be written in the SPILL OVER JANUARY of my 2005 sacred paper calendar. And you know what? I think it WAS. I also think I had the stupid idea to make CLEAN OUT OFFICE my resolution. So. That old sacred calender, she sleeps among the fishes.

Now I am panicking. DEAPBREATH DEEPBREATH. I say to myself, SELF I say, I can find this out, I bet. There's really only a few things I could be doing in Augusta...Library date, bookstore event, Literary conference or workshop. I went to Google.

Google sent me to the Augusta Friends of the Library website. Their January speaker is Paul Hemphill. (Good choice, but he is NOT me. I can tell by the Y chromosome and the being not named Joshilyn.)

Then I called the Augusta Library directly. I adopted a fake, deep voice and identified myself to the Information Desk Librarian as "The Papparazzi." I asked if I was going to be there. She said, "Hrm well no, Joshilyn Jackson is not mentioned in this month's library news, and even if she was, Mr. The Papparazzi, shouldn't you go stalk someone who is more likely to be topless on a beach in Monoco?" No dice there.

Then I went to the BOOK SENSE website and put in Augusta's zip code. No Augusta indies. I checked the Augusta BAM, the Augusta B&N, Waldenbooks, Borders and out of sheer desperation, somethign called Spotted Cow Textbooks. No, no, no, no, and HUH? WHO IS THIS?

The only writers workshops/conferences Shawguides lists Augusta are Sandhills in March and 21st Century in April, and a google search of ME + Augusta = 500 book review sites that talked about both gods and any of the many fine books by Augusta Trobaugh.

SO. I guess on the appointed date I will drive to Augusta and start rummaging around looking for flyers tellign me where I am appearing...I do not know what else to do. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM DOING THERE, CAN YOU PLEASE MERCIFULLY WRITE AND TELL ME?

Posted by joshilyn at January 6, 2006 4:08 PM

*am currently, utterly and completely sproinked*

I have no idea where you are supposed to be on the appointed date in Augusta, but I think I will drive to the city limits just to watch the show.

Posted by: Angela at January 6, 2006 4:46 PM

Um. Golfing?

Or perhaps it is Augusta, Maine?

Posted by: Cornelia Read at January 6, 2006 5:02 PM

Is it possible you're supposed to be in January on the 24th of August?

Posted by: Andreia at January 6, 2006 6:37 PM

Oh, dear. Who books things for you? Do you book them yourself, or do you have a publicist or some such? If you can't think of someone else who'd know, maybe you can just PING all of Augusta in the hopes it will answer.

Posted by: Aimee at January 6, 2006 6:40 PM

O, bleak. Maybe someone will call you to re-confirm whatever you're doing that you don't know you're doing, and then you can act all blase and say, "Of course I'll be there. I'm soooo looking forward to it. Tra-la." Maybe.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at January 6, 2006 8:07 PM

Could you be visiting a book club?

Posted by: LoryKC at January 6, 2006 9:11 PM

I suppose you've already checked with your mom to see if you mentioned to her what you'd be doing when you asked her to come do grandma duty?

Could it be a radio or TV interview? A book club meeting? A Very Important Shoe-Shopping trip?

Hope you figure it out! :-/

Posted by: DebR at January 6, 2006 11:39 PM

And THAT's why I hate technology.

Posted by: blueprincesa at January 7, 2006 5:03 PM

Oh please please please let it be Augusta, Maine. I'm totally there. Do you want me to call around and try to book something for you? Then all you'll have to do it get there!

Posted by: Deborah at January 7, 2006 5:34 PM

Could it be something to do with Karin Gillespie? She's from Augusta, isn't she?

Posted by: Phyllis at January 8, 2006 12:55 AM

Paper. Calendar. Only. And I save the last two years. Because the computer? Hates me. I will cross my fingers for you...

Posted by: Amy-GO at January 9, 2006 9:41 AM