January 3, 2006

The V Key et al

Ah I am back home, HOME, homehomehome, here in beautiful Georgia, that magical land, where the tufts of cotton sing in the bolls all day long, romancing the weevils, and where, when you try to clean out your office, you will find a 20 pound cat has secreted himself in whatever pile you are currently trying to reduce, and he will take a swipe at you with crabby nonchalance, so that today you have the equivilent of 4 teeny papercuts on your knuckles. I am not saying any NAMES, but SOMEONE doesn't like it when I go out of town... and as much as I enjoyed seeing my family, I prefer to be here at home myself, where thecrushing weight of my deadline is already beginning to smother me in its familiar, presserous embrace. It's my goal to have a DRAFT done by the end of June, so I can monkey around deep in the bowels of the book for months and months and months. Because that's what I like, is why.

Observant Reader, you lovely thing, you will have surmised from the above that I APPARENTLY TOOK A GOOD STAB at cleaning out my office (while my cat took several good stabs at me...) and so I did. It is about HALF cleaned out which puts me 25% of the way to putting a checkmark by ALL my resolutions. Allow me to say, HURRAY for low standards. I feel I have learned something here. Next year, I will try to be more like Scott, whose only resolution was to "eat more nachos" in 2006, and since he had nachos exactly TWICE in 2005, that one is going to be a cakewalk.

Seriously, my office was abhorrent above all your imaginings. It took me 90 minutes to deal with the BOOKS alone, which had piled themselves up together in absolute ORGIES and indescriminately spawned MORE books, apparently, and the fresh baby books were intermingling with trash and the business cards of people I want to remember and a small fleet of WARNER tote bags (how and when did I score those??) along with totes from 1,000 libraries and bookstores and conferences I have gone to and OTHER totes with COMMERCIALS on them for drugs (and how and when did I score THOSE...?) and OTHER totes with the company logo of Scott's clients on them --- and MANY of the totes were full of crap I had put in them to TOTE somewhere and then hurled them still full into my office upon my return -- I found my GOLD AND BROWN BATHING SUIT, for example, and that thing has been MIA since summer. I found, I am NOT KIDDING, like 23 totes and 8 or 9 of them were FULL OF TOTED CRAP, all of which had to go be PUT AWAY somewhere that was NOT MY OFFICE FLOOR. In the books I found a GRAND TOTAL of 23 that I had bought and NEVER YET READ, and if you DO NOT think this made Scott glower and intimate that I need to curtail my bookbuying until further notice then, well, you DO know Scott who didn't say a word as I filled a shelf with TO BE READS just under TO BE REREADS and then went directly to BAM to order A Thread of Grace which I need to read NOW, thanks. The man knows he married a junky.

AS FOR MY STICKY V KEY --- it is NOT a matter of getting a new keyboard. I get a new keyboard every 15 minutes because I pour exciting things down into mine almost constantly, usually liquid, including but certainly not limited to (and here I list in order of likeliness) Water, Coffee, Sparkling Orangle Seltzer, Diet Cherry Coke, Shiraz, Starbucks fatfree foamfree sugarfree vanilla latte which costs four bucks in spite of being three kinds of free, and once half a pouch of CapriSun Surfer Cooler, which TOOK SOME DOING let me tell you. And yet, I managed. The sticky V key currently in question is not ON any sort fo 15 dollar replaceable keyboard. It is on my two THOUSAND dollar laptop, which I need because HELLO I am a professional WRITER and as such I TRAVEL a lot and without a good laptop, I can't play online games. I mean, I can't do my important work. Did I say the quiet part out loud again?

Anyway, I have ever poured ANY sort of beverage onto my laptop keyboard, and yet the V key shuns me. I need to take it in and let the GEEK SQUAD monkey about with it.

Posted by joshilyn at January 3, 2006 9:15 AM

Mine's the six key. It comes off routinely, and when I put it back on, I end up typing twenty or thirty sixes. It started doing this about two weeks after I bought the laptop, and right BEFORE I dumped my first Diet Coke into the keyboard.

Someday, when I can live without it for a week or two, I really have to take it in. Before the warranty runs out.

Posted by: Katrina Stonoff at January 3, 2006 10:53 AM

I 'umbly hapologize for thinking the problem lay with a mere keyboard. I can only defend myself by whining that being laptopless (oooo!) myself, I prefer to deny that others may possess them.

Quick, read Thread of Grace and then hold forth at great length on your views -- I'm teaching that in the same semester as Something Rising, Light and Swift (and Gilead and The Left Hand of Darkness, just to get these all out of the way at once.) You're next fall, since you don't come out in paperback until June -- want to suggest what titles you'd like to hobnob with? (Jamesland is an early probability, maybe Drinking Coffee Elsewhere...)

Posted by: rams at January 3, 2006 12:04 PM

I knew immediately that Scott did not glower. Just couldn't even picture it.

Posted by: Amy-GO at January 3, 2006 12:57 PM

Maybe the laptop keyboard has a crush on the desktop keyboard and the V key is sticking as a way to make the destktop keyboard think they have something in common. Laptops are flirty that way.

I think you are incredibly brave to actually COUNT your TBR pile. Good grief. Mine is mutliple piles and I haven't counted and I ain't gonna. (shudder)

J never tells me to curtail my book-buying either, but he has been known to ask now and then if I need him to build an extra room on the house to hold said books. I always answer yes, but for some reason he never actually does it, which I think is very mean of him.

Posted by: DebR at January 3, 2006 1:08 PM

I was so beyond thrilled when I realized my 'E' key had rubbed off. That of course means one is a REAL writer. Or so I was told.

I'm so very happy that I'm not the only book addict in the world. My husband looks at me with his eyes fully rolled back in his head when I suggest that I might need to go to the bookstore.

Posted by: Heather Cook at January 3, 2006 2:09 PM

I'm a book addict too. For christmas and my birthday I received nine new books! Of course I had to add them to the pile of at least 100 I still have to read ;)

If the rubbing off of the E key means you're a real writer, what does it mean when the A,S,D & N keys are gone?

Posted by: Linda D. at January 4, 2006 7:55 AM

I like books just fine. I'm just afraid that if our insurance company finds out how many literary combustibles we have in our home our rates will go up.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at January 4, 2006 12:04 PM

I drop ice cream (habitually) on my keyboard. I think it likes BJ's Rocky Road best, now that they've changed their Kalhua Krunch recipe.

I have nails, therefore my E, D,T, V, G, O, C, and R are all missing at least part if not all of their paint. I try not to eat ice cream near my new laptop...so all those letters are in tact. But my work computer, well it needs one of those plastic covers...for that matter so does my printer, zip drive, wall, and file cabinet....Flying Mocha should be the drink of the month.

combustibles...too funny...but really Mr. Husband only nachos twice last year? That is definately the difference between the south and the west.

Posted by: Cele at January 4, 2006 12:30 PM

May I offer you my almost 2 year old to solve your V key problems? You might call her a Keyboard Technician Trainer. Within 7 minutes of opening my new laptop courtesy of Mr. Claus, she tore the enter key (dont use that one much) and three others completely off. I now am an expert at repairing buttons after an hour long crying-cursing spree where I disowned her and then reclaimed her immediately after she climbed in my chair and said, I SAWW-REE MOMMY!

Posted by: Andreia at January 6, 2006 11:04 AM