December 31, 2005


Well,come on, Obviously I have to do it, right?

1) Clean out my office. This may not seem like it deserves to be my very first IMMEDIATE resolution for the New Year, but you only think this because you "hae" not seen my office. Right now it has so many piles and stacks of books, papers, trash, and cereal bowls (I set them down so the cat could lick out the milk dregs) that you canot see the repulsive old ratty carpet, which is in some ways a definite mercy but in other ways, namely "my mom got me 'fix your office by buying you paint and new carpeting' for Christmas" it is NOT a perma-mercy because unless they can SEE the old repulsive carpet, the carpet-ripper-uppers can not ripper it upper.

Well, you can see a little STRIP of it in a slim track that leads from the door to my chair. Once it is cleaned out, we are going to paint it a nice shade of green that some guy who got fired from naming lipsticks has chosen to call CROCODILE TEARS. I think tht's such a cool name that I would "hae" bought the lipstick, too...and then the old carpet, newly splotched with CROCODILE TEARS paint, will be taken away and used to pad a landfill somewhere.

2) Fix the stinking V key on my laptop. SEE the word "hae" ABOE FOR WHY. Actually, just see the word ABOE for why. Grrrrr. Right now you hae to POUND it a few times to get a V to appear. And I am so mad at the V key, pounding it feels rather nice, but I can't help but suspect being pounded in the V is not nutritious for the computer as a whole.

Really, I think that's about enough, don't you? I mean, I ALREADY have to become a better person and ALSO not eat my children even when they fight about whether or not it is morally reprehensible to sing WHO LET THE CATS OUT WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF instead of who let the dogs out. Sam is firmly on the side of NOT CATS because you DO NOT let cats out, at least at our house, where our obscenely fat one-eyed hairball factory has delicate toes that have not touched grass in YEARS. Then Maisy hears all his explanations and sings it anyway, just to make him foam with rage which he obligingly does. COME ON - you would "hae" eaten them by now. I think I deserVe a PONY or a MEDAL for not, especially since I haVe not eVen had CUP ONE of the black nectar of life.

OH WAIT --- I do"hae" one more: Be a more faithful blogger...The holidays ate my head. I will be back TUESDAY to begin B4B a day late and possibly a dollar short, and to also tell you what we did for New Years Ee. By Tuesday i will be back in my own home on my own computer where the V key will be works and I can tell you what I did for New Years eVVVVVVVe.

Posted by joshilyn at December 31, 2005 7:25 AM

"I think I desere a PONY or a MEDAL"

After reading this one line I will now be thinking all day of a skit from the Carol Burnett show where she (as Queen of England) was trying to award Tim Conway (as a hero of some sort) a medal and he told her he'd rather have a pony.

Carol (in a fake British accent):"He told me to stick it in my ear"
Harvey (as her consort):"Don't do it"
Carol:"I shan't"

Also, I would TOTALLY buy a paint named Crocodlie Tears. I bought one shade that's in my house because it was called Blue Thunder.

I agree with Sam. Sorry, Maisy. Maybe they could agree it should be "Who Let the FROGS out". Out is good for frogs.

Posted by: DebR at December 31, 2005 9:20 AM

Cleaning out my office is on my resolution list as well.

My kids had a knockdown this morning over whether the white Power Ranger morphs into a wolf or an eagle. Mean mama refused to let them turn the DVD on to resolve the argument because their hour of screen time was eaten up while Mama was sleeping in.

Who knew "v" is such a necessary letter?

Posted by: Edgy Mama at December 31, 2005 10:26 AM

ROFL! Too bad I will be out of town for B4B and youa re not at home while I will be drivinbg through Atl.

Posted by: Heather at December 31, 2005 1:23 PM

Happy happy New Year to you, Mrs. Mr. Husband/Nic, and thank you for being one of the most supremely bestest things to grace my '05, and my "ever." You are lapidary and sublime and groovy, through and through.

Posted by: Cornelia Read at December 31, 2005 6:11 PM

The only objection to "you 'hae' not" is that you didn't write it as "ye hae na." You'd be perfectly justified -- all the Scots who managed to scarper away from the battle of Culloden landed in the Carolinas and Georgia (check out how many Confederate generals have Scottish names.) You're asserting your heritage.

On the other hand, a new keyboard must cost, what, fifteen dollars? And you're a PUBLISHED AUTHOR foreff'ssake -- it would be deductible. "On the seventh day of Christmas, my own Scott gave to me ...ONE NEW KEYBOAAAAAAAAARD!!!!"

Posted by: rams at December 31, 2005 6:48 PM

Perhaps, "Who let the Newts out?"

Posted by: Angela at December 31, 2005 9:40 PM

Good luck with said office and carpet. Maybe you should keep a strip for a momento or something -- you could tack it on the wall and throw darts at it or something.

Happy New Year!

Posted by: Michele at January 1, 2006 8:11 AM

It'd have to be the first day or she'd have seven new keyboards. er, It'd hae be the first day or she'd hae seen new keyboards, which I guess works too. But really who needs a partridge in a pear tree? Do partridges go into pear trees? We've taken this on faith our whole lives. That'd be like seeing a quail, emu, or ostridge in a pear tree.

I vote for who let the snakes out, but frogs and newts are cute. Newts have more relevancy to this whole thing. And what happened to a parrot? They tend to be smaller, cheaper, and easier to keep than ponies. (I've only had dogs, horses, a monkey, and sybilings so I am speaking out of turn.)

Happy New Year.

My resolutions are admit when I am overwhelmed (which is on a daily basis)
To tell everyone I appreciate - that I do truly appreciate them...
And one new to this year - Uh oh, I forgot. Oh year, ask for help, sheesh that one will be hard.

Joss, Mr. Husband, and everyone who stops in at FTK, I appreciate you all.

Posted by: Cele at January 1, 2006 12:06 PM

Who let the newts out?
*squish* *squish* *squishsquish*
Who let the newts out?
*squish* *squish* *squishsquish*

I like it.

Posted by: Mir at January 2, 2006 12:12 PM

I think it is very smart of you to have such achieveable resolutions! And to choose things that are so naturally motivating...I mean, who wouldn't want a beautiful new office? Or a V key in perfect working order? Wonderful! I myself chose to resolve to lose twenty pounds by May 6th. I started out the morning by having a bowl of cornflakes so loaded with sugar that now my teeth itch. So the resolution is not going well...hmmm. Shrug. Happy New Year! ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at January 2, 2006 12:13 PM

More blogging would be much welcomed!!!

Happy New Year from London. xx

Posted by: Bookseller to the Stars at January 3, 2006 5:03 AM