December 23, 2005

B4B Winners and Holiday Hijinks Etc.

OH FRABJOUS DAY! We have heard back from Lara Zeises, and we have B4B winners:

"1st. place - Travels in Booland (and not just because someone named Skaterboy figures prominently in the story). I like the writing style - very Francesca Lia Block/Rachel Cohn - but also love the selflessness Skaterboy has shown this couple.

2nd place - Perfection on a Curve - everyone needs at least one girlfriend like that.

3rd place - You're My Favorite - because I'm a "big sister" to my parents' two fur children and I just became the mama of a fur child of my own."

CONGRATS winners -- as always, I thought it would be hard to pick from the seven finalists, we have some DERN FINE writers regging it up here -- but I admit, this time I did think Booland was the horse to beat. Awesome entry, above and beyond the call of duty and all that.

The winner shall receive a signed first edition of Lara's new YA novel, Anyone But You which was a Teen People Top Ten Pick.

As for me, I am AFK -- blogging live to you from my fathers house and completely unable to answer any email til after Christmas. SO.
Ahhhhhhhhhh Christmas at the Jackson homestead, which of course, as always, includes a poitive SLEW of rousing Holiday Wimbletonian AIM BALL tourney madness.

If you do not remember AIM BALL it is the version of Tennis that Scott and I play because while I LIKE tennis, I lack some of the things Scott has, like hand eye co-ordination and athletic ability, so that if we play by the standard rules, it is a simply a slaughter. We play AIM BALL instead. We trotted a half mail down the road to the tennis courts to warm up, and I mean that literally. It's like 30 degrees out there. When we got to the courts, we refreshed our memories about AIM BALL, and I shall now refresh yours...

Me: The second rule of aim ball is...
Him: I must hit the ball directly to you.
Me The third rule of aim ball is...
Him: You do not have to hit the ball directly to me, in bounds is nice, but I must return it if I can even if it will be out.
Me: The fifth rule of Aim Ball is...
Me; Yes, there is. And it is this. *adopts a hideously sugar syrup squishy sweet voice* No matter what the FINAL SCORE is, with us, it always LOVE! LOVE!
Him: *puking noises* The sixth rule of Aim Ball is SHUT. UP.
Me: CORRECT! And we are ready to play!

Svetlinka Muppineska (that would be my Aim Ball name, by the way) won the first Set handily, 4 - 3. At one point, during the HOTLY CONTESTED last game of that set, The score was 30 / 15 (advantage ME), and then I scored again but I objected to 45. I realized Ididn't want to be 45 -- in fact I am not even ready to be 40. I felt like a better score would be 15 / 35, but then he said that 35 / 15 would still lead to jail time in most states, and I should just suck it up and be 45. So I was getting crabby about then and KICKED HIS BUTTOCKS. BUT! I the second match, I ran into some trouble with the YETI factor.

THE YETI FACTOR is very hard to explain, but I am going to TRY. See, I recently noticed that there are these cars that have REALLY stupid names. They are named after LANDSCAPE, of all things, and And here I point you to the GMC YUKON or, worse, the Toyota TUNDRA which is named after a frozen wasteland. The only name ever stupider the TUNDRA for a car is the NOVA, which was released in Mexico under that name, and which in Spanish literally translates to "Will not go." In the same way, A TUNDRA is an icy, inhospitable wasteland, and the frozen Tundras are practically FAMOUS for not going anywhere at all. Ever. If you LEAVE the frozen tundra, when you come back, it is very likely to be right in the same place, unless you want to count continental drift. I do not know about you, but I do not want to drive to Kroger at the "speed of continental drift."

SO this has been really bugging me. I have decided that Toyota should change the name of their great big truck to "THE TOYATO YETI" which still implies huge size AND ruggedness, but also, you know, MOVES. Moves SO quickly, in fact, that you only ever see very blurry photos of them. Scott, however, contends that this would lead inevitably to slogans like "THE TOYOTA YETI... Just LIKE a Yeti, except it won't eat your head!" He felt this was poor marketing. I responded that Yeti have never been actually PROVEN to eat people, and are probably actually vegetarians. SO then he got affronted and said, NO REAL MAN WANTS A VEGETARIAN TRUCK, and he was very unreasonable about the whole thing, I feel.

SO anyway, we are playing AIM BALL, and I keep doing my YETI STANCE as a psychological intimidation effect. If you and I were playing, you would be SO intimidated you would probably just put down your racket and concede and maybe even cry, it's THAT spooky, but Scott is of hearty peasant stock and somehow managed to withstand it. Although no description can do the fearsomeness of YETI STANCE justice, it's a little like this: I stand feet apart, racket cocked and loaded, and bounce back from one foot to the other very fast and say, "YOU ARE DOOMED! I AM QUICK, LIKE A YETI!" He says it IS disconcerting, and I admit it gives me a certain psychological advantage.

So anyway, after I handed him his BUTT for the first set, and I was COMPLETELY already winning the first game of the NEXT set, (The score, was, I believe, 15/30 again) and I felt kinda bad for him, so right before he served, I said, "Go like a yeti," meaning, he could do the STANCE if he wanted to. But instead of doing the Yeti Stance he tipped his HEAD back and kind of...ululated. It was this huge bellowing, haunting cry that was VERY high pitched and shrieky and sounded a little like YIKI YIKI YIKI YIKI but also very GARGLE-Y sounding and way down deep in the throat, and RIGHT AFTER he....ululated, he SERVED, like, in the next instant. And of course I failed to return because I was laughing so hard I had LITERALLY fallen to the ground and was trying desperately not to wet myself.

The ball sailed away over me and Scott bellowed, "ADVANTAGE! A YETI!" And I just lost it. It took me like three minutes before I could stand up and not pee, and then I had to hobble quick to the clubhouse and avail myself of the ladies room. It broke my concentration and he won the next set 4 - 0. Pathetic. I should have invoked the sixth rule of aim ball. Sigh.

AH WELL, We will play the Match Set tomorrow. Because Christmas without the Aim Ball tourney isn't Christmas at all.
And this, my best beloveds, will be my last post until after the holiday. May you have a lovely Christmas, if that's what you celebrate, and if you are celebrating Chanukah or Kwanzaa or some other celebratory something I do not know the name of, may you have a pitch perfect and delightful that, and if you are NOT celebrating, then have yourself a gosh-dern NICE DAY.

Posted by joshilyn at December 23, 2005 1:22 PM

I would pay good money to see Scott ululate, and I think I can say that without ruining our friendship, even though it does sound a little dirty.

Mr. Husband, I lurve you, and if you were not married to one of my very most especial favoritist people I would have to hate your wife for taking you off the market. As it is, I shall just have to adore you both and hope that someday we can again compare laundry tips.

Posted by: Mir at December 23, 2005 2:18 PM

OMG! I LOOOOOOVE Mr. Husband!!! While nowhere near as athletic, my DH did something very similar to that to me this morning, and I had to kick him out of the bathroom so I wouldn't pee myself.

I think Aim Ball sounds like way too much fun... and when you throw a Yeti in? How does it get any better than that??

Merry Christmas to you, Pretty Tulip

Posted by: Beth at December 23, 2005 2:52 PM

That's absolutely hilarious!

And I'm so happy. I won. How cool.

Posted by: Autumn at December 23, 2005 3:22 PM

Merry Christmas to you and yours, Tulip! And tell Scott I may use his Yeti bellow to control the boys on Christmas morning....;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at December 23, 2005 3:45 PM

Omigosh! I went onto my mother-in-law's computer under cover of looking up latke recipes and snuck over here and I won! This is so cool! And Lara you should know that I'm a school librarian so I know the highness of praise that is (are?) comparisons to the great F. L. Block and Rachel Cohn. I blush.

Now I have to decide whether I can keep it to myself or if I should go out to where they're decorating the tree and tell them I have a blog.

There's no use even trying to explain the snurfles emanating from the computer room as a result of reading the Rules of Aim Ball. Or the yeti. No. They'll just have to think I'm nuts.

Posted by: elswhere at December 23, 2005 5:52 PM

ROFL!!! I hope you have a Merry Christmas :)

Posted by: Angel at December 23, 2005 6:33 PM

I think we need a recording of the YetiYell posted to FTK, like you did Maisy's song!

Posted by: DebR at December 23, 2005 11:55 PM

Oh, I'm so delighted to be in the top three! What great company!

Posted by: Allison at December 24, 2005 1:03 AM

I am in hysterics, thank heavens I went to the bathroom midway through my read. Joss and Mr. Hubby you two rock and are an inspiration to all on how to be joyous. I had this image of Yeti Joss vs Chubacka Hubby in my head until you did the Yiki Yiki Yiki - then I lost it all. If Ducky wasn't sick I'd make him jog (serious as can be) the half mile over the sand dune to the tennis court to try this new holiday ritual. I have printed off the rules so we get it right. It beats sandball fights by grains.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good Saturday.

Posted by: Cele at December 24, 2005 10:31 AM

Merry Christmas to you and your family. I hope this year brings you all everything you need AND everything you want. Thanks for all the many chuckles and smiles you've dished out over the year. My best to Scott and the kids, and may you all be blessed abundantly.

Posted by: hiai at December 24, 2005 3:01 PM

Joshilyn, thanks for making me laugh until the tears came into my eyes. I'm so sorry I missed you at the Alabama Booksmith! I showed up SUNDAY :( so let the blogworld know when you come again, please! That way I can be nervous and change my shoes 3 times again.
Also, PLEASE post Scott's ululation as a special Christmas present for all of us!

Posted by: Elena at December 25, 2005 1:53 AM

Merry Christmas, Joshilyn! We gave my sister-in-law a copy of "gods" this year. I think that's the fifth copy we've given as gifts. Can't wait to give "Between" away next year!

Posted by: matt elliott at December 26, 2005 9:31 PM

Ohgodohgodohgod...I forgot about AIM ball. Geez, I have not laughed this much on a Tuesday morning since...well....probably since the last time I read your post on a Tuesday morning.

Mr. Husband as a Yeti is something we would all like a photo of.

Merry Chrismanukahwanzadan!!

Posted by: Angela at December 27, 2005 9:34 AM

Oh, man. I just almost sproinked myself from having to hold back my laughter so my boss wouldn't hear. Thanks for the laugh, and I hope your holiday Aim Ball tournament was as much fun as this one was.

Posted by: Aimee at December 27, 2005 10:09 AM