December 5, 2005

Meme-y Meme-y

GOING ON TEN DAYS. NO SCOTT. NOT GOOD. Soon I will begin drifting about the house in filthy pajamas and eating ice cream for breakfast and writing bad haiku about absence.

(Pull on my same jeans
Why launder, why smell good, why
even sniff-check them?)

It is all downhill from there.

In brighter news, author Nichelle Tramble Tagged me with a MEME! I NEVER get tagged with a meme. I feel all MUTUAL OF OMAHA'S WILD KINGDOM. My ear is a little sore, but I am game! <---GET IT!!! I am GAME??? Get it? HA! Where is a rimshot audiofile when you need one?

10 Reading Secrets, because I do not have 15. My life is AN OPEN BOOK. (Where is that RIMSHOT? OMG the PUNS -- see what happens when you take SCOTT away for too long. PUNS! And BAD HAIKU!)

1) I had a BIG crush on Henry in THE SECRET HISTORY. Yeah, he is kinda big and ugly and a complete geek and he, you know, KILLS people, but something about the smarty-pants classical Greek training, the Apollonian mind yearning for Dionysian release...Oh. Yeah. Kiss me, ya big murdering dork.

2) Which is the micro-cosm of the macro-secret which is, I DO get crushes on characters in books I read, which is SO dorky that if only I would start killing people I would probably be an e-harmony dot com perfect match-up for Henry.

3) When I was growing up, I wanted to be Trixie Belden. I thought Nancy Drew was a snot.

4) When I was about 10, I STOLE my parents copy of Alex Haley's ROOTS which I was expressly forbidden to read until I was older because they thought the themes in that book were much too adult for me to process, and um, YEAH. They SURE were. I read it at night, buried under my blankets, fascinated and horrified, weeping until the snot ran out of my nose that people could be so mean to other people. I had until then not known.

5) I also stole and read JAWS. Which I just thought was cool, AND from which I learned SEVERAL cursewords I had not yet heard spoken aloud.

6) My brother made me read all the Conan books AND H.P Lovecraft AND all the Gray Mouser books. I am convinced that this is why I am a geek.

7) The only reason I do not write space opera, I am convinced, is that I ALSO read Peter Pan, Charlotte's Web, both Bronte sisters, A.A. Milne, all of Jane Austen, Little Women, all of Roald Dahl, all of Tove Janssen, and A Little Princess to ABSOLUTE tatters. And secretly, I STILL enjoy the STINK out of all those books. Yes, even A Little Princess. WHEN SHE GIVES AWAY FIVE OF THE SIX HOT BUNS! OH! OH!

8) You know that I am not allowed to read on stairs, but I ALSO used to walk down the streets of Chicago reading, and I had to stop that because I kept getting almost mowed down by busses when I forgot where I was and gamboled cheerfully out into traffic.

9) I am such a fangrrrrl of certain authors that I physically FEAR meeting them because I am sure I will open my mouth to say HELLOILOVEYOUYOUARETHEBESTGREATESTONEEVER and instead I will vomit down my front. I had a CHANCE to meet one of my favorite authors of all time, and I PHYSICALLY could not make myself go. I was SO sure I would puke.

10) I once read 10 or 12 of the MOST LURID romance bodice rippers I could FIND in a SINGLE weekend because I had decided to write a LURID BODICE RIPPER with my friend Lydia, and I firmly believed and believe you can NOT write anything decent in a genre you have not read extensively. SO after my crash course, Lyd and I went out to a Martini Bar and PLOTTED the whole thing out with kidnappings and dashing rescues and many, many, torn petticoats and bosoms of the heaving variety, and THEN we named all the characters. Unfortunately, we also taste tested Green Apple-tinis and Crantinis and Godiva-tinis and I remember NOTHING of the entire outline, except the villian was going to be named HORACE MONTMORECY, THE EARL OF EMMESWORTH. And the lead character was named Veronica or January, we got in a fight about that. And then ordered Citrus-Blast-Tinis and forgave each other and decided to call her soemthign completely different. I think at one point, one of us may have even said, " I LOVE YOU, MAN." Sad. Sad. Sad.

I think I am supposed to TAG people here? See, no one ever MEMES me so I do not know how to behave? Okay well, LET US DO THIS, let's tag via COMMENTS -- first three commenters can TAG a blogger, and I will then come back and list them here, and shoot them YOU HAVE BEEN TAGGED e-mails. GO!

Posted by joshilyn at December 5, 2005 10:44 AM

I think Nichelle got tagged by Nancy from The Lipstick Chronicles ("Top Ten Signs I Read Blogs Too Much"?)

I am so sorry you are still Scott-free. I am still sick. Or sick again. Can't remember. So tired. I would vomit down my front if I met any writer at all. Or none. Or a CPA.

I don't know who to tag, even if this is still among the first three by the time I finish typing it.

Posted by: Cornelia Read at December 5, 2005 11:19 AM

I know for an absolute fact I would faint dead away (and probably crack my head open and bleed all over her favorite shoes) if I ever met Barbara Kingsolver. I've been debating since I read your post whether or not famous authors have preferences about fans and the ways we humiliate ourselves in front of you. It was fun to read that even a famous author like yourself could worry about being a foolish fan too. Thanks!

Posted by: Lilymane at December 5, 2005 11:37 AM

I don't have to worry, my favorite author is dead. Oh sheesh, that means if I do get to meet him, well you can follow the rest.

Deborah LeBlanc, one of five great authors, over at Murder She Writes handed one of her most favorite authors, Peter Straub, after a conference lecture a copy of her book and told him "My female character pees' in it." She blamed it on cold meds.

Posted by: Cele at December 5, 2005 12:19 PM

Trixie Belden! OMG, I was SO obsessed with Trixie Belden when I was a kid. I not only read every one of those books ove and over, I used to draw pictures of all the characters as I pictured them in the stories, and I'd draw pictures of what I thought they'd look like as adults, and I'd draw pictures of their HOUSES. I drew Trixie and Honey and Vi paper dolls, will full wardrobes.

I still have those books on my shelf. I may have to re-read them someday soon and laugh at myself for how Trixie-obsessed I was. Or else draw them again.

PS...I'd like to see you tag Mir.

Posted by: DebR at December 5, 2005 12:44 PM

PPS.."Di", not "Vi". I really should proofread these things before I hit "post". :-P

Posted by: DebR at December 5, 2005 12:53 PM

I think you should tag Cornelia and Edgy Mama since we see them all the time here (and pop over to lurk at their Blogs every so often!). I second the Mir vote as well!

Posted by: Chris at December 5, 2005 12:56 PM


Thanks a million for playing along. It was the first time I'd been tagged/meme'd as well.



Posted by: Nichelle Tramble at December 5, 2005 1:37 PM

I loved Trixie Belden TOO! And I also stole my mother's copy of Jaws and read it in the garage over the course of two steamy hot summer days and then had to make up excuses about why I didn't want to swim in salt water for the rest of the season. PS -- got my British version of gods on Saturday -- thank you!!! Why did they change Arlene's name?

Posted by: Aimee at December 5, 2005 2:02 PM

Yeah, I had the hots for Henry Winter, too..... and I'm a LOT older than you are. And Julian Cash in "Turtle Moon" and Fr. Emilio in "The Sparrow" - how sick is that? Not only do I have the hots for a fictional character but a fictional character who is a Jesuit priest???

I even wrote a blog about it:

This isn't anything to be proud of..........

Posted by: Kathleen at December 5, 2005 2:06 PM


Posted by: rams at December 5, 2005 3:19 PM

Henry's a sex bomb. Does anybody else really love the name Judy Poovey? I see people in traffic or at the grocery store, and I think "Judy Poovey."

Posted by: laura at December 5, 2005 3:52 PM

We are freakin' TWINS, I tell you. I loved Henry, I loved that whole gorgeous book, even drunken Charles did it for me. Not Bunny, tho. Gotta draw the line SOMEWHERE. And A Little Princess! I fantasized for YEARS that I would wake up in the morning with my room transformed into paradise. And If I tried to walk and read I would most certainly be dead. And I'm totally intimidated about meeting authors...even though I have about a million questions I'd like to ask my favorites. And I've never tried to write a romance novel - but it sure sounds like a good time. TWINS, I tell you! (Except you're a skinny best-selling novelist and I'm ....not. Details!) ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at December 5, 2005 4:18 PM

Oooo...Oooo...Ooooo....I LOVED, LOVED, LOVED, wanted to BE Trixie Belden and had SUCH a crush on Jim Frayne (Wasn't that his last name?) which was my very first crush on a red-headed book character which, now, I am completely and madly in love with Ron Weasley and try hard not to think about the fact that I am, like, 20 years older than he is.

Whew. It feels good to confess.

Posted by: Angela at December 5, 2005 4:52 PM

I read Nancy Drew. I don't remember who I preferred though. Ohh... Tag me. I am on a blog block.

Posted by: Heather at December 5, 2005 5:12 PM

I STILL want to be Trixie. I had a sister like Matt. SHE read Nancy Drew. Actually, I still read my Trixie Beldens occasionally.

The fave writers thing, tho--it rocks to meet your fave authors! They KNOW that you have lived in their books and you are more than a fan, they can see it in your eyes, and it is so cool. Barbara Kingsolver is particularly cool. Working at an independent book & record store cured me of all those nerves--I had to eat dinner with Rick Bragg, and my boss & friends made me sit next to him, too. (we both hated the food!)

OH, you could tag Jenny Crusie (or is she not in our league?)--her blog is almost as funny as yours.

Posted by: dynagirl at December 5, 2005 5:33 PM They didn't change Arlene's name. I'm a doofus, is what. The back cover said "Lena Fleet" and I looked at it in a hurry and didn't really look inside the book (except at Joss's autograph!) and I'd clean forgotten that her Chicago friends called her Lena. short, I ASSuMEd, incorrectly, that the Brits had changed it. Mea culpa.

Posted by: Aimee at December 5, 2005 6:36 PM


Posted by: rams at December 5, 2005 7:00 PM

Hi Chris, my lurker. Thanks for nominating me for tag. But, it's like homework, and I'm not particularly good at homework, so I might need some help.

I love meeting writers as well. Though my most memorable celebrity moment was spitting coffee at Michael Stipe when he asked me to pass the cream at a coffee shop in Athens. He then very calmly asked if I'd pass him a napkin too.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at December 5, 2005 8:13 PM

I'm another big Trixie fan! Matter of fact, I have all of the books stashed under my bed, and I just pulled the box out last week because my 9 yo dd was looking for a new book to read and I thought she might like to try them. She thinks its cool to be reading books I read as a kid, and I think its cool that she wants to and is enjoying the first one! As for books I stole from my mom...the only one that comes to mind is "The Woman's Body" which was some health resource book, but I remember it had this section on the *reproductive system* and fertility and high school, I used to heist it late at night when I was on the phone with my first real boyfriend...and I'd read the darned thing to him...we both learned about ovulation that way and used to try and calculate what days might possibly maybe be safe to try having sex. ROFL We never DID actually try, but we both got quite an education nonetheless.

Posted by: Lisa at December 7, 2005 12:22 AM

You're a nicehead.

Posted by: Jennifer at December 7, 2005 12:22 AM