October 30, 2005

What It Means

I woke up this morning very "grompy" (as Maisy says), very out of sorts, because I had this horrid dream.

I had (or I was) a siamese twin. I was very angry with my twin. More than angry. In fact, I did not like her as a person. Things had deteriorated so far between us that I was SUEING her for smoking and eating greasy fried eggrolls every day. And I couldn't talk to my lawyer because she was always in the room, obviously. She refused to plug her ears and hum. It was JUST enraging.

I woke up in high dudgeon and have been stomping around ever since...

WELL, a handy interpretation dream engine thing online (which I am sure is very scientific and accurate because I GOOGLED IT and my google search gave me this dream dictionary AND 278 million links to pR0n, so, how much more legit than that can you get?) was pleased to offer me insight.

It says this: "To see twins fighting in your dream, represents a conflict between the opposites of your psyche. One twin signifies emergence of unconscious material and suppressed feelings, while the other twin represents the conscious mind. There is some situation that you are not confronting."

I wonder what that is? I haven't a CLUE what the inner turmoil might be about because I am as self-aware as a log. Regulars will remember I believe that the examined life is not worth living, and if I try to practice good mental health and actually KNOW what is turmoilizing me, I get very bored, and I also don't write.

BUT! Usually I know when something is bothering me, even if I don't care to inspect what the actual bother is... NOW I have apparently moved to a whole new level of zen-crazy, where I am SO non-self-aware that I am in conflict inside and DO NOT EVEN KNOW IT. And yet the one non-porn link I got off my google search INSISTS that I AM HAVING TURMOIL, so clearly, I AM.

If I could figure out what the turmoil IS, I would put the suppressed feelings and the conscious mind in bikinis, fill a vat with melted butter, and let them wrestle it out. I could put the resulting film up on the web for innocent google searchers who simply want a recipe for lobster to find. Because a google search without 278 million unwanted pR0n links is like a dream interprepetation online dictionary that doesn't have ONE DARN THING to say about the meaning of greasy fried eggrolls. And I strongly feel the eggrolls were SIGNIFICANT. Any thoughts on that???

It did have an entry on SMOKING: "To dream that you are smoking, indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in."

Which is POO because I am letting you in RIGHT NOW, aren't I? And even asking your opinion on eggroll symbolism! BAH, look, I am too grompy to be around people even VIRTUALLY, so I am going to quit whining and go back to bed before you all rise up with torches and pitchforks and beat me til I play nice.

Yish. Being in inner turmoil and not knowing it is VERY tiring.

Posted by joshilyn at October 30, 2005 9:52 AM

Or, you could have just eaten something that didn't agree with your brain last night. I had horrible dreams a couple of nights in a row two weeks ago that had me stomping around and being pissed at the world; even to the point of walking up to my husband and asking that he promise me he won't run off to Hollywood and join a cult. Um... yeah. Turns out, when I investigated a little bit more, we had eaten Mexican and margaritas very late (like finishing less than 1/2 hour before bed) both nights. I like to think that the whacked out dreams and grompy came from a late-night mix of tamales and tequila.

Inner turmoil is tiring. So I try not to bother ;-)

Posted by: Beth at October 30, 2005 11:42 AM

I'm going with the "It's something you ate" bandwagon. Ugh, nasty dreams.

Posted by: Cele at October 30, 2005 12:19 PM

Oh! OH! Mr. KotTER!

Remember that whole VOICE discussion? I do believe this is your subconscious weighing in with, "But I caaaaaaaaan't!" with a big whiny (grompy) pout.

But you can, so tell it to put a sock in it.

Posted by: Mir at October 30, 2005 6:45 PM


Oh, sorry. Bad dreams are a problem. Let's see. One side of you is (ahem) NORMAL and wants to do things like eat fried food(and probably misses me a LOT). And then there's your concious side, always forcing the whole physical-fitness-good-nutrition-wheatgrass and buffalo meat-exercise thing. Which makes you a GOOD PERSON, and very SKINNY and BEAUTIFUL, but is somewhat frustrating for the side of you that likes ICE CREAM and LOLLING ABOUT. So. Not that hard to figure out. Krispy Kreme? ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at October 30, 2005 9:03 PM

Maybe it was the internal conflict over hoping to find that lizard and being afraid to find him in pieces (oh, that may explain the siamese part,too, if you had a lizard with too many pieces. An extra head perhaps). Now that he has been found and released into nature, your mind is relaxed enough to worry about it. As far as eggrolls, I don't eat them, they squick me out. Can you say for absolute sure that lizard is not a primary ingredient of eggrolls? Because I can't.

Posted by: Em at October 30, 2005 10:03 PM

ROFL. Clearly the eggrolls means you have something against the Chinese. Did China not buy rights to your book yet?

Posted by: Heather at October 30, 2005 10:23 PM

My dream last night:

Harley Jane Kozak, a really cool woman whose books I love, ["To see an author at work in your dream, signifies that your mind is preoccupied over some literary work that you or your associates is working on.," except she wasn't working on a book so maybe this means I'm not preoccupied ENOUGH with my writing?] was living in Gloversville, New York, which is a very depressing town ["a city in ruins denotes that you are neglecting your social relationships and allowing them to deteriorate."]

Her Ex-Boyfriend ["an old ex-boyfriend ... serves to bring you back to a time where the responsibilities of adulthood (or marriage) didn't interfere with the spontaneity of romance. You need to recapture the excitement, freedom, and vitality of youth that is lacking in your present relationship" well, except that it wasn't MY ex-boyfriend] had come there to try to find her. He was a babe. I have no idea if she ever really had an ex-boyfriend resembling him.

Anyway, so he climbs into the third-story {"specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche. In general, the attic represents your intellect... if your house is broken into...you are feeling violated. It may refer to a particular relationship or current situation in your life. Alternatively, it indicates that some unconscious material is attempting to make itself known."] window of the house he thinks she lives in ["If you are looking in the window, you are doing some soul searching"], but it's the wrong house. Harley lives next door.

It's foggy ["confusion, troubles, scandal, and worries"] and all the houses are gray ["gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant or detached"] and kind of tall and slummy ["deteriorating thoughts and crumbling ideals. You are caught in your negative thinking"], with asphalt shingles ["to see a roof symbolizes a barrier between two states of consciousness. It represents a protection of your consciousness, mentality, and beliefs...an overview of how you see yourself and who you think you are."] .

Sitting in the room just inside the window are two teenage boys ["teenager: you may be struggling for your independence and autonomy." But only if you dream you ARE a teenager]. The boys are watching television ["The program you dream of watching is an objective view of the things that are in your mind." except I couldn't see what they were watching].

The boys were kind of happy to see Harley'd ex-boyfriend, and pretty casual about him crawling in their window. Then their crazed shaved-headed ["baldness symbolizes humility, purity, and personal sacrifice. You are at a stage in your life where you are confident in fully exposing yourself"] father ["suggests that you need to be more self-reliant"] walked into the room and cocked a shotgun ["symbolizes aggression, anger, and potential danger. You may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence." I will skip the Freudian second paragraph].

The father marches Harley's ex-boyfriend down two flights of stairs ["walking down a flight of stairs, represents your repressed thoughts... also refers to setbacks that you will experience in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it suggests that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotions and thoughts. Is there something from your past that you are not acknowledging?"] and into the backseat of a Volvo waiting outside ["If you are in the backseat of the car...you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over.  This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence."]

The shaved-head scary dad with a shotgun drives them both through the rain and into a country road which he has previously rigged with dynamite ["signifies a fast approaching and vast change in your life. You may be harboring aggression that is about to blow up"], whereupon there is a massive explosion [" a loss and displeasure in business...your repressed emotions and rage have come to the surface in a forceful and violent manner."] And the car and both guys are vaporized in a ball of flames ["destruction, passion, desire, illumination, transformation, enlightenment, or anger"].

And then I got woken up.

Okay, and the whole dream happened in third person--I was kind of floating above everyone the entire time ["watching something represents your lack of initiative to take any action. It may also symbolize your neutrality in some situation."]

SO... I'm not working hard enough on my book, have lost the sense of romance/vitality and enthusiasm in my life despite being childish, am letting my friendships rot and deteriorate, am scandal-plagued and depressed, must break and enter into my own intellect because my states of consciousness have walls between them (made of ASPHALT) but even though it's me breaking in I feel VIOLATED, my ideals are crumbling, I'm REALLY pissed off and stuck in the past--not to mention dependent and allowing other people to run my life, have low self-esteem but no objective idea of what's in my own mind, AND (drumroll please...), even though my repressed anger is about to blow everything up into a giant pulverizing flameball, I suffer from a crippling lack of initiative.

Plus I'm such a wimp I can't even admit all of this to myself in my SLEEP... NO, *I* have to make it all omniscient third person narrative because EVEN MY SUBCONSCIOUS CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.


Can I have the sueing my evil greasy-eggroll-eating smoker siamese twin dream instead, next time?

Posted by: Cornelia Read at October 31, 2005 1:01 AM

Okay, wait... it was raining when they drove into the road full of dynamite, and "to see and hear rain falling symbolizes forgiveness and grace."

So I've got THAT going for me.

Posted by: Cornelia Read at October 31, 2005 1:07 AM

Wow, Cornelia, after reading that, I feel so much better about myself. Of course, I've also forgotten what I was going to say. Oh! And Mir SO stole my whole oh-oh-oh-hand-up-in-the-air thing. *sticks out tongue*
So, ya reckon it's got something to do with your book writing? *ducks* And food? Is the whole dream sequence thing involving story characters? And food? Could it be a foreshadowing of the holiday dining season close at hand? And food? Food for thought, eh? *ducks slowly 'cause subconsciously he knows he really oughta get whalloped for those comments*

Posted by: David at October 31, 2005 7:51 AM

You know, of course, what Freud would have to say about the egg roll. But personally I thin Frued had Issues.

Jung would way everything in the dream: the twin, the eggroll, the cigarettes, the lawyer, represents some aspect of you.

Me? I'm in the same ballpark with Amy-GO. I think you went to bed hungry and part of you was craving stuff that's bad for you while the other part of you was telling the grease-craving part "no, noooo, we're going to be thin and healthy and have great shoes even if I have to sue your greasy ass!"

Posted by: DebR at October 31, 2005 8:16 AM

"But personally I thin Frued had Issues"

I also thinK FrEUd had Issues.

Sigh. Need. More. Coffee.

Posted by: DebR at October 31, 2005 8:18 AM

At last! One of the near-useless pieces of information I remember has a purpose!

I recall reading a piece of bad poetry a long time ago (February) called, “Eggrolls”

Perhaps you have a secret fear of bad verse? LOL

Wishing everyone on my blogroll a boo-tiful day! LOL!
Happy Halloween!

Posted by: Marti at October 31, 2005 10:18 AM

Sometimes an eggroll is only an eggroll.

Posted by: rams at October 31, 2005 10:34 AM