October 25, 2005

It's Just a Jump to the Left....

Yesterday's blog sparked several impassioned e-mails defending an eventual Buffy/Angel permanent liason, and I responded with nuclear Spike bombs, and I was in the middle of a spewing vitriolic anti-Angel invective when suddenly I realized....this is SO hella geeky. Even for me. I might as well join the international Scrabble Circuit or try to actually WIN the old Doom Patrol CAN METAL MAN AND CRAZY JANE EVER REALLY BE TOGETHER (aka Do robots have penises?) argument or spend four years and 80 frame by frame viewings drawing myself a working schematic of the Death Star based on what is visible in A New Hope...I am a sad sad, sad, sad person, and I am going now to Wal-Mart to purchase myself a life.

The new life I am purchasing will NOT revolve around Joss Whedon as sun, but it WILL include a passionate love for all his projects. It's just that little jump to the left, you know, the one that bounces you into Crazyland, that we are seeking to avoid. PS: If you recognized the title as being FROM A SONG, that's fine, and if you are currently HUMMING the song to yourself, that's fine, but IF the title compelled you to go upstairs and put on your Dr. Frankenfurter Flunkie costume and begin dancing, you are deep, deep, deep within the borders of Crazyland, and you should put on some jeans and come to Wal-Mart with me. Just saying.

Yesterday Scott and I saw this commercial for a mousetrap that's like a giant version of a roach motel. It's a little circular boxy thing, and mice go in, but mice do not come out. And you cannot SEE the dead mousey. The commercial showed two ceramic windup mouseys, and one went cheerfully into the black box and cheerfully never came out, and one went into a "traditional" mousetrap and was cruelly broken into skittering ceramic smithereens in this horrifying and visible way, and then the narrator of the commercial said, in ominous tones, something like, "Which do YOU want to clean up, missy?" which led to visceral mental images of chipping dried mouse spatter off the floor and toting tiny, shattered corpses to the garbage.

On the surface, it seems like it's a good commercial. But ... it doesn't really explain how the box thing WORKS. Mice go IN, but mice do not come out. WHAT HAPPENS IN THERE? Once you get the traditional mouse-trap visual out of your head, the box gets kind of...ominous. Still in a post-Serenity Whedonistic glow, we first hypothesized that perhaps there is a tiny vortex in there that transports mice to a hell dimension. A tiny vortex that smells like cheese. Or a small tribe of Cannibal Mice, so that you are actually bringing MORE mice into the house to eatthe first mouse. Or maybe there is a vengeful, miniature sadist who, once the mouse is in, stuffs a jester hat on his head and starts bricking up the entrance while cakling about obscure wines. It doesn't bear thinking about, and I am passing on both the new fangled mousetrap AND the traditional mousetrap in favor of the The Classic.

Posted by joshilyn at October 25, 2005 8:55 AM

The Classic leaves mouse (lizard?) PARTS on your PILLOW. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: Amy-GO at October 25, 2005 10:17 AM

For the love of God, Montresor!

Posted by: rams at October 25, 2005 10:32 AM

Well damn. I would've loved to read me some good anti-Angel invective and then you had to go grabbing sanity with both hands and hold on tight. Party pooper!

PS...I only got as far as humming. I am wearing jeans and a sweater and socks with little frolicking dogs on them. I swear.

Posted by: DebR at October 25, 2005 10:44 AM

P.S. He is just BLINKING. He DOES SO gots two eyes.

Posted by: Mir at October 25, 2005 11:00 AM

Your theories on the mouse motel really gave me the creeps-- even more than thinking of strange cat presents on pillows.

The few episodes of Buffy I've seen also give me the creeps (I have a pathetically low creep-out threshold), but would someone please let me know which Buffy season includes the "Spike and Buffy tear the house down scene"? "Joss" has mentioned it so many times I can't stand it and now my ability to get creeped out is overwhelmed by my curiosity.

Posted by: Elizabeth at October 25, 2005 11:03 AM

Look, you can't FULLY appreciate the house unless you see the build up which took ALMOST FIVE YEARS. Five years of foreplay, and then boom, the house went down. *sigh*

BUT that said, the episode is called:

"Smashed" (Season 6, episode 9)

Posted by: joshilyn at October 25, 2005 11:11 AM


Okay, okay. Now that Buffy has been so impassionately recommended, I guess I'll have break down and invest in the whole series.

Posted by: Elizabeth at October 25, 2005 11:36 AM

It's a good thing you went with the good old classic mousetrap, 'cause if the newfangled mousetrap is indeed Whedonistic, y'know what's inside?
A Reever mouse! *shivers*

Posted by: David at October 25, 2005 1:33 PM

I am, in fact, humming the song... and a little embarrassed that I didn't realize you had SUGGESTED the song until you mentioned it. Is it possible I was humming this very song before I got here?

Posted by: Tracy at October 25, 2005 3:50 PM

Ok, I can't think of mouse traps w/o remembering the ill fated mouse in Flowers for Algernon (hello 8th garde English). At least had the chance to live like a king before going crazy and ending up in the yard.
Just a thought...

Posted by: Chris at October 26, 2005 12:05 PM

Until they figure out the whole pesky 'perfect happiness=Angelus' solution, it's gotta be Buffy/Spike. And let me tell you, that doesn't come easily, I cried like a BABY at the end of Season 2.

And have you seen Giles as Dr. F? Um, interesting, to say the least.

Sorry, Buffy still runs my universe LOL.

Posted by: Angel at October 26, 2005 1:05 PM