October 14, 2005

True or False

I am at the literary conference in Myrtle Beach, teaching workshops on characterization and opening lines.
Let's play.

1) There is a LAW in South Carolina that says you can only serve mixed drinks if you pour the alcohol out of the kind of mini-liquor bottles you find on airplanes. They keep trying to overturn this, but the hordcore mini-liquor bottle maker's lobbyists fight it like maaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

2) Mini liquor bottles hold almost two ounces and so drinks in SC knock you down---in fact you can ONLY order Long Island Iced Teas by the pitcher.

3) Today, while teaching the character workshop, I accidentally and OUT LOUD said, "Just write the paragraph---don't worry about making it good. It is going to be bad. All new material you write in 3 minutes is by definition bad, This is stuff you will pull straight out of your butt. Nothing good ever came out of a butt."

4) I had had exactly ZERO of the super-strong SC drinks when I made this statement.

5) I met Lee Child. And Quinn Dalton. And Kimberla Lawson Roby. All of whom I do most sincerely admire.

6) Conferences are Hella Fun.

Posted by joshilyn at October 14, 2005 9:22 PM

True, true, false, false, true, true. Regarding number three: As genteel and Southern as you are, there is now way you could possibly have made this statement out loud. On the blog, yes; out loud, no. Um, unless of course number four proved to be true (heh), but even then I doubt it. If you did, though...LMAO.

Posted by: David at October 14, 2005 10:05 PM

I vote true for all. I used to live in South Carolina... I know... :)

Posted by: Daniel Barkowitz at October 14, 2005 11:51 PM

I also vote for 100% truth. While your southern charm would prevent you from mentioning genitalia, "butt" per se is not off-limits, although I'm certain you were mortified, anyway, when you realized what you'd said. In fact, I'm guessing you needed a drink afterwards. ;)

Posted by: Mir at October 15, 2005 10:09 AM

I grew up in SC. I wasn't old enough to drink tho, so I have no clue on the mini bottles. ;) You are write about the characters tho.

Posted by: Heather at October 15, 2005 11:36 AM

I'm voting 100% true especially if steps one through six fall in to the order of execusion. Not only is it the perfect formula for relaxed foot in mouth therapy, but I think mandatory for an excellent workshop, and notoriety.

Half way through the performance I am giving our pretty southern tulip straight 9.8s thus far. Now to watch her stick the landing.

Posted by: Cele at October 15, 2005 11:37 AM

#3 sounds almost exactly like a conversation I had with a friend a couple of weeks ago. Except the phrase that came out of her mouth was, "Now let's polish that turd!"

I almost swallowed my tongue I was laughing so hard ;-)

Aren't conferences marvelous fun? Especially when you're one of the guests!

Posted by: Beth at October 15, 2005 3:37 PM

Most conferences are pretty boring. But it sounds like you had fun!

Posted by: cj at October 15, 2005 5:01 PM

All true. I love South Carolina and that's just ONE of the reasons. And the "butt" statement sounds like you. Sorry, but it does. So.

Posted by: Amy-GO at October 15, 2005 6:09 PM

Say hey to Mr. C for me, and I hope you have a great time and many Long Island Ice Teas.

I have the flu. I am very jealous.

Posted by: Cornelia Read at October 15, 2005 11:58 PM

Mini bottles are the devil. I turned 21 about a year ago and some of my first legal drinks in a restaurant were so strong I almost puked right there.
I swear we voted to overturn the mini-bottle law but they haven't switched over to open bottles yet :(
I hope the next time you come to our state they have.

Posted by: Cassandra at October 16, 2005 1:18 AM

Having met you at the conference, I vote for true on all four. Besides, that kind of statement (pull it out of your butt) is just regular talk around these parts.

Posted by: Phyllis at October 16, 2005 4:47 PM

Sounds like your conference is much more fun than mine.

Guess whose client wants to be taken our for sushi?

Now guess who hates sushi. Go on, guess.

Big fun down here in Orlando. Can't wait to come home.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at October 16, 2005 4:53 PM

Mr Husband, you could always ask the server very politely and sincerely if you could have your sushi well-done. :-)

Posted by: DebR at October 16, 2005 5:55 PM

Sounds like you had a wonderful time!

Posted by: Dorothy at October 16, 2005 5:59 PM

Mr. Husband and Joshilyn: Double-team Jackson jokes are too much for me, and I have aspirated my own face.

Posted by: Jilly at October 16, 2005 9:32 PM

I thought Long Island Teas were only meant to be drank by the pitcher. I must be mistaken, or someone must have convinced me wrong. This week I heard the country song, "Tequila makes her clothes fall off". Not true, Tequila makes you get married. Ask hubby of 13 1/2 years.... : )

Posted by: Robbie at October 17, 2005 2:45 PM