September 29, 2005

In Which I Perish, but YOU Get Relatively Rich

Hi. I died of a stomach flu yesterday. I WOULD miss you all deep in my heart, but unfortuntely, I threw my heart up at about 3 PM. Along with my liver and several kidneys and all my bones. I am pretty much a deflated, heartless skin sack today.

School is indeed back in session! I declare this to be the first enterovirus of what promises to be an alternately mucus-laden and vomit-y school year. Good grief, but preschoolers are filthy and germy, and they eat chewed gum out of each other's mouths. I HAVE SEEN THEM DO IT. They cross germinate each other and come home SWARMING with multiple diseases, and then they call you MOMMY and have big eyes and smell good and you let them up into your lap like a moron where they entertain themselves by plunging their filthy fingers directly into your nose holes and giggling, "You have Nozrilts! You have Nozrilts!" Even the LAZIEST plagues can hope to get a good spread ratio if they recruit a pre-schooler.

I am going back to my bed of post-pain lolling as I have a signing at a local B and N tonight and need to get myself together (Don't worry, I have been Vomit Free for 20 hours now! Also, I plan to take a refreshing swim in some bleach and then spray eu de Lysol all over me in lieu of perfume before I go. So if you live here in town, COME. It s me and two other local authors--- I do not know WHO or WHOM though. (I am too weak to have good grammar. So shut yer pie holes.) I wonder who or whom they will be?!?!

It is the Barnes and Noble in Marietta at The Ave at West Cobb
(3625 Dallas Hwy SW). I will have LITTLE CHOCOLATES on my table. And FREE gods in Alabama refrigerator magnets! And I SWEAR I won't swap any bodily fluids with you!

Anyway, I am here, practically DEAD, but HERE, because wanted to POP UP THIS LINK for the writers out there. It is a short fic contest with an IMMEDIATE deadline, but a $3,000 prize, so if you HAVE a good story from 400 - 2500 words, go for it. Warning, a VERY l337 DeVVd coded the site. You need to be a 15 year old gameboy junkie with the reflexes of a bat to get the text to SCROLL to the short story info. GOOD LUCK!

REALLY if you have a piece ready, you should enter. 3k is a lot of MOO! That's like 50K in WRITER DOLLARS, which is sort of like DOG YEARS. Because, well, I have short stories I have worked on, on and off, for three years. So, 3k is not that much in the light of three years, but to get writer dollars, you have to figure out how much beer you could have bought with the sum over time, taking into account dollar draft nights, and then multiplying the total by the year the philistines made absinthe illegal.

ALSO, I wanted to pop up this link to Karin Gillespie's blog. She has a great interview up with Melanie Hauser. You remember, our first B4B judge? Wrote Confessions of Super Mom? This one:


Anyway, I enjoyed the interview and thought you might, too. That is all. *expires*

Posted by joshilyn at September 29, 2005 1:56 PM

::::Lysol-filled hugs::::: Hope you're feeling better soon!

Posted by: Angel at September 29, 2005 2:56 PM

Alas, Poor Joss, I knew her well, Horatio.

Actually, no. Come to think of it, I don't know Horatio either. But I am mightly sorry you have shucked off the mortal coil. Any chance that you could send your ghost back to work on finishing all of the "gots to be finished" stuff for Between, Georgia? Cause, if you don't, and we now don't get to read it, we are all going to die as well and hunt you down in the afterlife.

Feel better! Happy signing!

Posted by: Angela at September 29, 2005 2:57 PM

I am so sorry that you are sick. I beat you to it though. I have already been through a round of Zithomax(?). Which sucks, my child is in the 4th grade! Happy book signing and I hope you don't fade away while doing it.

Posted by: Robbie at September 29, 2005 4:53 PM

Did you say vomit? Eewwwwwwww!

Feel better fast! From waaaaay over here in Kansas. :)

Posted by: Amy-GO at September 29, 2005 5:03 PM

For the record...

Philistines=French, and the French made Absinthe illegal in 1915. Mind you they reversed that decision in 2001 and it's legal again, so there's always hope.

Posted by: Mr. Husband at September 29, 2005 5:14 PM

I thought when my kids grew up I would become suddenly germ, what addle delusions.

I have an adorable grandson with deliciously warm hugs and wonderful kisses (often undeliciously slimy kisses.) He is my germ delivery alternative to my own person kid in school. Therefore, I have tried a lemonylimey effervescent remedy - complete with ginger to soothe the tummy. My husband, who works around the other great germ processors of our country - truck drivers, offered me this great remedy.

So our dear Joss, please feel better soon, we need your words for daily sustainence. And to finish General. (Argh, that was so self serving of me.) Happy Book signing.

Posted by: Cele at September 29, 2005 5:23 PM

Remember the Boy in the Plastic Bubble?

I'm thinking they may have been on to something.

Posted by: ben at September 29, 2005 5:47 PM

Hope you get through the signing. Keep stealing the chocolates. Should help. ;) My 3 year old is sick right now.

Posted by: Heather at September 29, 2005 7:23 PM

Dang It! If only I hadn't been so virtuous and work-conscious yesterday, I'd have read your blog and known about last night's signing. Curses. Although I don't think I'd have been brave enough to whisper, "I read your blog," because I've only "known" you SINCE your success & celebrity. :)

Hope you're feeling better. The chocolates should help.

Posted by: MySelf at September 30, 2005 9:37 AM

Oh, I'm sorry, Joshilyn. Yuck.

I just brought my preschooler and first grader into my sister's home. She has two four-month-old babies, and every time my kids touch them, she, rightly, cringes.

Thanks for the link. I'll check it out.

Posted by: Edgy Mama at October 1, 2005 12:39 PM

Oops..missed that one by a day. Sure was a weird site! Hope you feel better soon..Working in a hospital, I pick up most every bug that comes along too. Ain't nothing worse than a stomach bug. ewwwwwwwwww

Posted by: poopie at October 1, 2005 6:28 PM