September 9, 2005

Ex-Pat Cosmopolitan Bathroom

Hi. I am violently ill.

No, I did not eat a bad banger. No, Isaac-the-bartender didn't talk me into trying a spangle-french-Bellini shooter or seven. It is the WAVINESS. Good LORD, but the ocean is very MOVE-Y. This morning I stood out on my little balcony and exhorted the dern thing to PEACE, BE STILL, but it ignored me, even when I offered it my breakfast as a sacrifice. Stupid ocean. The boat tips around and sloshes while all of me stays still except my stomach, which chooses to slosh cheerfully right along with the waves.

After a perfectly miserable morning, I learned you can get injections for sea sickness at the clinic, and as a BONUS, the shots make a person dreamy and pleasant to be around. The injection works FAST, and then suddenly you are cruising along, seeing tigers and singing tuneless little songs that celebrate the beauty of the word marmoset. So that's all right then.

As soon as I had finished with the naseua and its accompanying "praying for death," I began having a FANTASTIC day. Scott and I are now QM2 certified to CHA-CHA. We can do basic cha-cha, and also he can TWIRL me, and also we can do a move called THE NEW YORK. But only if we do these steps in a certain order. We experimented with a little free style cha-cha-ing, and it invariably leads to toe stomping and bonking into other dancers and madness. So we sit near the dance floor, hovering like cha-cha vultures, waiting for the right sort of beat, and then we leap to the floor and do three basic, twirl once, then straight into two sets of THE NEW YORK and bang-oh, tally-ho, Bob is one's uncle, and there we are back at basic. Once back at basic, we lather, we rinse, and we most humbly and obediently repeat. Tomorrow we shall learn to do about three tango moves and then go do them over and over in the exact order we learn them, OH such`good little dance monkeys are we! Hopefully we will also remember our CHA-CHA sequence, and so tomorrow night we can leap onto the floor twice as often and feel VERY pleased with ourselves. IT IS FUN AND ROMANTICAL to ballroom dance, even BADLY.

Tonight we have been invited to have drinks with the Commodore, and I am feeling very posh indeed! I am wearing shoes that are SO excrutiating I think they are ILLEGAL in 14 states but OH lordy, are they pretty? Why, Yes. Yes, they are.

ALSO we took a bridge class, and played bar trivia, and listened to Harrison Ford explain the origin of the planet while watching a ceiling film in the dome of the planetarium and yes, YES, you heard me, they DO have a planetarium on board, as well as Oxford dons offering lectures about modern art and dada--that's tomorrow. Scott is SO happy. OH they have this art auction and we were wandering through just LOOKING and we saw this painting, and Scott said, "Wow -- that guy was so influenced by Chagall he might as well BE Chagall." And then we looked at the signature, and um. It was. IT WAS CHAGALL. They have FOUR of them. FOR SALE. We stood there googling at it like rubes and then noticed a one-eyed woman by PICASSO was loitering all bizarrely profiled right beside it. FOR FREAKIN' SALE. OH man, I am COVETING.

Also on board, Dick Francis. That's pretty cool, too. When I was VERYVERYVERY pregnant with Maisy I went through this DICK FRANCIS thing where I read everything he had ever written. I could read one about one every two days, and nothing else made me happy. NOTHING. Even Jane Austen irritated me. It was DF or bust, DF or nothing, DF or listen to me sit flat-bottomed on the floor with my legs spraddled, wailing "LITTLE FAT PREGNANT IS TIRED! GET IT A BOOK! IT WANTS A BOOK WITH HORSES IN!" Scott, who probably SHOULD have spanked me to death, would instead kindly go get me another DF mystery, and I would shut up for 4 or 5 hours at a time. It was a good system, especially the part where I didn't get deservedly killed.

WHOOPSIE lookit the time. I need to suspend my disbelief and go nibble on dramamine and then put on my twirly-skirted green spangle dress and The Cruel Shoes for the commodore's cocktail party. And THERE'S a sentence I never thought I'd say....

Posted by joshilyn at September 9, 2005 1:11 PM

Sounds like a blast! We need a photo of the CRUEL SHOES.

So have you chatted with Dick Francis yet?

Posted by: Edgy Mama at September 9, 2005 3:11 PM

You know, it's even nice stone cold sober. Wait, lemme at some wine and I'll report back.

Posted by: Kira at September 9, 2005 3:22 PM

Having been abused with sailing as a child, I can recommend a couple-three things if the queasiness comes back:

1. Get out into fresh air. If you're down below, it's a lot more tempting to hurl.

2. Eat something. Don't skip food if you can help it. Same as morning sickness.

3. Look at the horizon if it's the only thing around that's steady (i.e. you're mid-ocean and there's no little island with a palm tree on it. If there is a little island, look at the little island. This works better if you're outside, too).

Okay, and I have been arguing with Cunard on the phone daily since Sunday. They are very sweet but a little bit DENSE. Do you have email onboard? I have a question for you...

Posted by: Cornelia Read at September 9, 2005 6:34 PM

Oh my. I'm glad the nausea abated in time for the cha-cha. Lurching, hurling cha-cha would be bad, indeed.

Posted by: Mir at September 9, 2005 10:38 PM

Oh! Dick Francis!!! I am so jealous! You must go gush and swoon over him for me. I LOOOOOVVVEEEE Dick Francis. And what is it about his books that when you read one, suddenly nothing else will do until you've read (or re-read) every last one of them all over again? They're like dark chocolate M&Ms -- after you've had some, the old milk chocolate ones seem very dull and tasteless for a while.

Plus, his heroes are so yummy, I have to wonder if he's equally wonderful as a person.

Posted by: Shanna Swendson at September 10, 2005 12:49 AM

This all sounds sooooowonderful! Ok, except for the praying for death. But everything else! When I go on a cruise all I do is sit by the pool and drink! Not very GO-ish, I know. But YOU! The cha-cha! The commodore! The planetarium! The artwork! The mingling with celebrated authors! The Cruel Shoes! Joshilyn GO Jackson, you are making me so proud. ;)

Posted by: Amy-GO at September 10, 2005 10:15 AM

My sympathies on the waves--we just got home from a cruise. We had waves courtesy of Hurricane Ophelia and I'm still walking around looking drunk LOL. We also attended 2 art auctions ;)

Have a fabulous time! I'm missing the wonderful food already!

Posted by: Angel at September 10, 2005 12:05 PM

We need to see a photo of you in the Cruel Shoes. And a photo of you and Mr. Husband doing the cha cha. Or the tango. And a photo of you with the Commodore. And with Dick Francis.

Please and thank you.

Hope the motion sickness is gone for good!

Posted by: DebR at September 10, 2005 12:40 PM

Okay, don't take this wrong way... but your post made me OH-SO-HAPPY. Why? B/c I am so prone to motion sickness that sometimes while *I* am driving, I must pull over and make it stoooooppppp. Bleech.

But see, I live with four people--three of whom are LITTLE--who want to go on a cruise. With a mouse. And they'd like me to come along with them. Matter of fact... they won't go without me. And I have been right afraid to go b/c motion sickness is pretty bad on land. [Could you, would in a car? Yes, in a car and on a bus, and in a train, and in a taxi, and on the subway... all bad, bad, bad.] I imagine... it shall be at least equally bad on water.

But, hark? A shot? A fast-acting one? One that makes you dreamy???

Hmmmm... could a pair of mouse ears be in my future?


Hope you're having fun and hope D.F. is wonderful in person!


Posted by: Alicia at September 10, 2005 10:59 PM