September 5, 2005

Don't Mess With The Sussex Police

Forgive how scattered this --- I am sleep deprived and on battery power so have maybe 20 minutes and can't proofread...

The Sussex Police were at Gatwick Airport with Sub. Machine. Guns. I don't even think they were SUB actually. I've only ever seen guns like these in the hands of Arnold Scwarzenegger. These machine guns were longer than me and had big clear plastic cases full of bullets so big they looked like pencils. Not like NUMBER 2 TEST TAKERS either. I mean, fat kingergarden pencils. And over the loudspeaker, this guy who sounded like a refugee from a Terry Gilliam Film kept saying, "STAY BY YOUR LUGGAGE! If we find your luggage unattended, IT! MAY! BE! DESTROYED!"

"England is SCARY!" I said, bug-eyed from an 8 hour overnight flight---and willing to trade my immortal soul for a toothbrush.
"Don't let the Sussex Police hear you..." said Scott.

Also at Gatwick: GODS IN ALABAMA! I went in and the cover LEAPT out at me. It was both on the front table and in a woman's hands---she was book hunting and had picked it up. I practically snatched it from her, hollering. THIS IS MY BOOK! She looked at me like I was a loon (a loon with terrible breath, no less) and I said, NO NO I MEAN, NOT THIS COPY! I MEAN I WROTE IT! And then I stood there giggling at her and googling my fiery red eyeballs out of my head until she bought four copies. REALLY I needed more sleep. And really really she was lovely to me.

We spent yesterday going to every bookshop we could find and meeting booksellers and signing storestock--- EVEN HARROD'S! I AM IN HARROD'S! Along with VERA WANG. Anyway. We did that because thats what makes this trip so tax deducta---er, I mean, special. AND in our copious spare time we toured Kensington Palace (WOW) and walked to the famous Peter Pan statue. I have pictures of all this, but am running on batteries as we forgot to bring those converter plugs... I even have pictures of me holding up my book in HARROD's to show the IR---I mean, my parents. I will have Scott upload them later.OH I do not have pictures of the Sussex Police. You wouldn't either.

It's like 4 am here?? Is it MONDAY? We were so punchy and tired all day yesterday, but giddy with thrill at the same time.

OH in the custooms line thing, We were in front of some weirdo American who apparently travels to London all the time as an ambassador for making-Brits-hate-America.

Him: This your first trip? Business or pleasure.
Me: Scads of each!
Him: Oh. Well. it's okay. I mean, They speak English. It's a good place to be, if you can't be in America.
Me: .....

Later I slipped a note about him to the Sussex Police, so THAT man won't be a worry anymore.

We ate at a PUB, by the way, Because they had beer there. And BANGERS AND MASH!! and MUSHY PEAS! It was grand.

Everyone here says Brilliant the way Americans say Cool. Scott and I plan to take it up when we get home.

Anyperson in America: Blah Blah something cool Blah
Us; Oh, that's brilliant. They say that in London, you know. Where we just went. They say it all the tme and we were there four days and it was brilliant OH OOPS there we go again, see we practically became natives! Want to see our SLIDES?

OH We passed the Victoria and Albert and stood looking at the pitted stone walls. Scott indicated the huge chunks of stone missing and said, World War Two...

He was right. We put our hands into the holes that time has worn smooth and looked the building, imagining what it went through, and yet there it still stood, strong and lovely. It was sobering and amazing and a little like feeling up history.

I love it here.

Posted by joshilyn at September 5, 2005 12:13 AM

Brilliant! I just knew I would love London from your point of view. Cheerio, Tulip!

Posted by: Amy-GO at September 6, 2005 8:23 AM